Wymack Quotes

I want—I know I shouldn't stay, but I can't—I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose any of you. I don't want to be Nathaniel anymore. I want to be Neil for as long as I can." "Good," Wymack said. "I'd have a hell of a time fitting 'Wesninski' on a jersey." Browning

Then it's time to stop being the worst," Wymack said. "It's time to fly.

Dan gestured past Neil toward the changing room. "What happened?" Neil counted it off on his fingers. "Kevin told them Coach is his father, said he's never going back to Edgar Allan, and called the Ravens out as two-faced assholes. Oh," he said, looking up from his hand, "and he said his injury wasn't an accident. Not in so many words, but it won't take them long to figure out what he meant." Dan gaped. "He what?" "Great," Wymack said. "He's turning into another you. That's just what I needed.

Kevin dragged his stare back to Wymack's face and said, "and my father comes to all of my games. That is enough." On

Andrew smiled around the mouth of his bottle. "Neil is a walking tragedy." "You're a pretty pathetic sob story yourself," Wymack said.

Neil, Wymack called him, even when he looked like this, even with his father's face and his father's eyes and the Moriyamas' number on his face. Neil, Wymack called him, and more than anything Neil wanted it to be true.

Oh, and sorry in advance about the press. In my defense, they started it." "Christ alive," Wymack said. "What did you do this time?

When I said Abby and I would look out for you, I didn't mean you should pick a fight with Riko on national television," Wymack said. "Should I have spelled that out beforehand?" "Probably," Neil said.

Why did you pay for stalls, Coach?" Wymack lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Maybe I knew you'd need them one day.

Just promise me this isn't going to be a problem." "What?" Neil asked. "I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb," Wymack said. When Neil just stared blankly at him, Wymack rubbed his temples as if warding off a headache. "I would pity you, but Andrew's right. I don't get paid enough to get involved in this. Figure it out yourself—on your own time.

Neil glanced at Wymack and chose not to think about Riko. Instead he thought about his homecoming, of Wymack dropping everything to pick him up and Wymack holding him together when he almost broke.

Giving up on Neil now goes against everything we are," Wymack said.

Retreating from a furious older man was so instinctive Neil didn't realize he'd flinched until Wymack froze. Wymack's face went almost dangerously blank and Neil dropped his gaze. He was careful not to look away from Wymack entirely.

You don't even who know I am." "The hell I don't," Wymack said. "You're Neil Josten, nineteen year-old recruit from Millport, Arizona. Born March 31st, five-foot-three, right-handed, stick size three. Starting striker for my Foxes and most improved freshman striker in NCAA Class I Exy. "No," Wymack said, getting louder when Neil started to interrupt. "Look me in the eye and tell me if you think I care who you used to be. Hm?

There was a scuffle and crash in the audience. Neil didn't want to take his eyes off Riko, but it was instinctive to look. Renee was sitting sideways in Andrew's lap, one foot braced against the ground to keep him from shoving her off. She had a hand over his mouth as they both stared up at the stage. Matt had one of Andrew's wrists in both hands. Wymack had the other. The looks on the Foxes' faces ranged from horror to fury.

Neil hit Riko," Matt said. "It was beautiful." "What?" Nicky squawked. "Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again. Or not," he added quickly when Wymack leveled a death glare at him. "You can't blame a guy for dreaming, right, Coach?

God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things." "Oh, Coach. [...] If he [Neil] was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?

He wasn't expecting Wymack's amused huff and dry, "Just promise me this isn't going to be a problem." "What?" Neil asked. "I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb," Wymack said. When Neil just stared blankly at him, Wymack rubbed his temples

Neil looked at Kevin, then Wymack, wondering why no one had told him Andrew had an eidetic memory,

He gave me a contract but I wouldn't sign it. He couldn't make me. This doesn't mean anything. I'm still a Fox." "Of course you are," Wymack said.

Jeez, Coach, what kind of people do you think we are?" Nicky asked. "Do you really want me to answer that?

Betsy Dobson was the last to walk in. Andrew hadn't saved a ticket for her, so Neil assumed Wymack and Abby had invited her. Andrew didn't seem at all surprised to see her but went to her as soon as she was settled.

Instead Wymack snapped his fingers at Neil and jerked his thumb toward the court door. "Tell your pet psycho to knock it off before he cripples someone." "I don't think he'll listen to me," Neil said. "You and I both know he will. Now get.

Up," Wymack said. "We're getting out of here.

Last I checked Andrew didn't like you," Wymack said. "He still doesn't," Neil said,

Rude," Nicky said, sitting up and looking between them. "What did you just say? I can't understand you. That's not fair." "Think about that the next time you use German at my practices," Wymack said. "That's different," Nicky complained. "I only see that look on Neil's face when someone tries to do something nice for him, but we all know Kevin's as bratty as they come. What did you say, Kevin, and do I need to defend Neil's honor or what?

It was too much to take a chance on, but too much to walk away from. It hurt when he [Neil] nodded, but it hurt more to see that tired look settle in Wymack's eyes. It wasn't the pity he thought he could see in Hernandez from time to time, but something familiar that said Wymack understood that it cost to be Neil. He knew what it was like to have to fight to wake up and keep moving every day.

Neil counted it off on his fingers. "Kevin told them Coach is his father, said he's never going back to Edgar Allan, and called the Ravens out as two-faced assholes. Oh," he said, looking up from his hand, "and he said his injury wasn't an accident. Not in so many words, but it won't take them long to figure out what he meant." Dan gaped. "He what?" "Great," Wymack said. "He's turning into another you. That's just what I needed." "At least you can legally take out life insurance on one of them," Nicky said. "Out," Wymack said.

Hopefully hearing about all of this," he jerked his chin as if to indicate Andrew's upcoming departure, "will get him moving, but who knows when it comes to those two? Speaking of unpredictable assholes, when did that happen?" "When did what?" Neil asked. Wymack eyed him. "Forget it.

Jean could have asked him why he bothered, but he’d bitten it back a hundred or a thousand times today already. He knew why, even if he refused to trust it. Men like Wymack didn’t exist. They couldn’t; they shouldn’t.

If you're going to play dealer who do we have in goal second half?" Wymack looked at Andrew. Andrew looked over his shoulder as if checking for a third goalkeeper. There wasn't one, so he quirked an eyebrow at Wymack and dragged his thumb across his smiling mouth.

You flounder when they call you 'friend'; you'd probably have a psychotic break when they freaked out over you.

Wymack smacked Neil's shoulder. "Move it.

They stopped briefly at an Italian restaurant to wolf down chicken and pasta. Wymack grumbled about the bill, but his team knew better than to take him seriously.

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Nathaniel's chin to turn his head. Nathaniel let himself be guided and said nothing while Andrew looked his fill. When Andrew dropped his hand and clenched it in Nathaniel's hoodie, Nathaniel risked looking back at him. There was violence in Andrew's eyes, but at least he hadn't shoved Nathaniel away yet. That had to count for something. "I'm sorry," Nathaniel said. Andrew's fist went back, but he didn't take the swing. Nathaniel knew it wasn't because that was the hand cuffed to Wymack; Andrew's arm actually shook with the effort it took to not knock Nathaniel's head off his neck. Nathaniel said nothing to tip the balance either way. At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff. "Say it again and I will kill you," he said.

[Neil] I'm fine.' It was out before he could stop it. Wymack didn't have to say anything. The look on his face said enough. Neil fixed hid stare on the coffeepot and tried not to fidget. ... 'Neil,' Wymack said, 'between you and me, I don't think you've ever been fine.' Neil didn't have an answer for that, but he didn't need one. Wymack continued his routine...

[...] Neil snagged the keys tossed his way. There were two rings looped together, two keys on one and three on the other. [...] "Thank you," Neil said, clenching his fingers tight enough around them he could feel the teeth digging into his palm. He felt steadier with them in his hand. [...] "Blatant favoritism, Coach," Andrew said. "If you ever went to the court of your own volition, maybe I'd give you a set too," Wymack said. "Since I don't see that happening anytime this lifetime or next, you can shut up and share with Kevin." "Oh, joy, joy," Andrew said. "My excited face begins now.

Retreating from a furious older man was so instinctive Neil didn't realize he'd flinched until Wymack froze. Wymack's face went almost dangerously blank and Neil dropped his gaze. [...] "Look at me," Wymack said. "Right now." Neil dragged his stare up from Wymack's chest to his face. [...] "I want you to understand something," Wymack said. "I am a loud, grouchy old man. I like to yell and throw things. But I don't throw punches unless some punk is dumb enough to try me first. I have never, ever hit someone without provocation, and I'm sure as hell not going to start with you. You hear me?

He didn't want to think about this, didn't want to feel this, so he thought about the Foxes instead. He clung tight to the memory of their unhesitating friendship and their smiles. He pretended the heartbeat pounding a sick pace in his temples was an Exy ball ricocheting off the court walls. He thought of Wymack holding him up in December and Andrew pushing him down against the bedroom floor. The memories made him weak with grief and loss, but they made him stronger, too. He'd come to the Foxhole Court every inch a lie, but his friends made him into someone real. He'd hit the end of his rope before he wanted to and he hadn't accomplished everything he'd hoped to this year, but he'd done more with his life than he'd ever thought possible. That had to be enough. He traced the outline of a key into his bloody, burnt palm with a shaky finger, closed his eyes, and wished Neil Josten goodbye.

How was he supposed to let Wymack lock the door every night with both of them under the same roof? He couldn't possibly sleep here; every time Wymack breathed Neil would wake up and wonder who was after him.

If I could ban some of you from ever opening your mouth in public, I would, but this is out of my hands. Attempt to behave yourselves without sacrificing your confident image. Think you can do that?" "You're no fun, Coach," Nicky said. "I will be a lot less fun if you make us look like fools," Wymack said. "But I'm not as worried about you as I am about our resident punching bag and his smart mouth. Anyone have ideas on how to make Neil look a bit less like a battered wife?

Wymack dragged his thumb along the back of his hand, tracing the path of Kevin's injury. "Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away. So much for family, hm?" "I don't believe in family." "Neither do I." He meant it. Neil finally understood that look Wymack sent him in Millport, that perfect understanding that undid Neil's defenses. Neil searched his face, looking for the story behind that exhaustion. Whatever broke Wymack happened so long ago he wasn't even bitter over it anymore, but he was definitely still cracked if he poured so much time into the Foxhole Court.

Wymack had heart Matt's arrival and he came out of his office to hurl a key ring at Matt's head. [...] "Jesus, Coach, good to see you too. When did we move past a simple hello?" "I could say the same for you, stomping past my open door like that without so much as a by-your-leave," Wymack said. "You looked busy." "I'm always busy. That's never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before.

Neil didn't understand the appeal. When Nicky saw his unimpressed face, he said, "It's not really about the food. It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one," Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. "The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about." "I'm trying to eat here," Wymack said. "Coach doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body," Nicky told Neil. "I don't know what Abby sees in him. He must be really good in—" "Another word and you're on dish duty," Abby said, and Nicky wisely shut up.

Neil stared back at him, suddenly lost. He was fluent in two languages, nearly there in a third, and could string together some useful survival phrases in a half-dozen more. But with the whole truth bared between them Neil didn't have the right words to say. "You should have thrown my file away," Neil said at last. "You should have walked away when I threw your contract back in your face. But you took a chance on me and you brought me here. You saved my life. Three times," Neil said, "you've saved my life. I can't just say 'thank you' for that." "You don't have to," Wymack said. "I brought you here, but you saved yourself. You're the one who decided to stay. You're the one who stopped being afraid long enough to realize you could get a grip here and a foothold there. You found your own way." "If anything," Wymack continued when Neil tried to protest, "I should be thanking you. You told us last night you intended to end the year dead or in federal custody. You could have shut everyone and everything out and worried about yourself this year. Instead you agreed to help Dan fix this team. You're saving the two I thought we couldn't reach, and you're a living example for Kevin to follow. He never used to watch you," Wymack said, "but he's had eyes on you since December trying to figure out how you stand your ground.

I believe we all have the choice to be better than the hands that shaped us. If I have the chance to do right by someone else, then why wouldn’t I take it?’ Wymack gave him a minute to consider that, then said. ‘Talk to me. What’s going on?’ She was a child. She was my baby sister, and I should have protected her, but I- I was just a child, too.

Be here at six o'clock tomorrow morning," Wymack said. "We've got a game to win Friday.

Wymack stalked toward Neil with a snarled, "You idiot.

it’s not a good idea.” “your opinion has been duly noted and dismissed. anything else, or are you going to start signing stuff?” - neil & wymack

Last I checked Andrew didn't like you," Wymack said. "He still doesn't," Neil said, but he didn't bother to explain.

According to Renee only she and Neil knew Andrew was gay. Neil had no idea how Wymack picked up on it.

hi, coach.” “do you have any idea how much i hate coming home and finding you in my apartment?” - andrew & wymack

i hate you.” “breaking news: i don’t care.” - kevin & wymack

All that mattered was that they had a one-twenty flight out of Upstate Regional. First serve was scheduled for seven-thirty, but Wymack wanted them on the ground in Austin two hours early.

there’s no surviving worse driving than that idiot’s. there’s just open casket or closed.” “hey, hey. that’s not fair.” “life isn’t fair, tweedle-dumb. get over it.” - wymack (about & to nicky)

i want you to understand something. i am a loud, grouchy old man. i like to yell and throw things. but i don’t throw punches unless some punk is dumb enough to try me first. i have never, ever hit someone without provocation, and i’m sure as hell not going to start with you. you hear me?” “yes, coach.” “i’m serious. don’t you dare be more afraid of me than you are of andrew.” - wymack & neil

only the best for his rising stars, right?” “i didn’t think wymack recruited rising stars.” “no, the foxes will never amount to anything. try telling dan that, though, and she’ll box your ears.” - andrew & neil

This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be.

Wymack raked the group with a look “I don’t see any guests. Neil’s a fox. He’s not going to get any special treatment just because it’s his first day. Don’t want him thinking this team is anything but dysfunctional or June will be a rude wake-up call.

hey, kevin. hear that? someone really misses you.” “the erc shouldn’t have approved.” “you said he would come for you.” “i didn’t know it would be like this.” “liar,” andrew said, and kevin flinched. “you did know about this. how long? one day, two days, three four five?” “coach told me when it was approved in may.” “may. may, day. mayday. a little curious, kevin day. when were you going to tell me?” “i told him not to,” wymack said. “you picked coach over me? ohhh, my. favoritism, deception, betrayal. how familiar. after all i’ve done for you.” - andrew, kevin & wymack

Neil snagged the keys tossed his way. There were two rings looped together, two keys on one and three on the other. [...] "Thank you," Neil said, clenching his fingers tight enough around them he could feel the teeth digging into his palm. He felt steadier with them in his hand. [...] "Blatant favoritism, Coach," Andrew said. "If you ever went to the court of your own volition, maybe I'd give you a set too," Wymack said. "Since I don't see that happening anytime this lifetime or next, you can shut up and share with Kevin." "Oh, joy, joy," Andrew said. "My excited face begins now.

He should tear Wymack's contract into a thousand pieces and leave. Leaving meant living, but Neil's way of living was survival, nothing more. It was new names and new places and never looking back. It was packing up and going as soon as he started to feel settled. This last year, without his mother at his side, it meant being completely alone and adrift. He didn't know if he was ready for that. He didn't know if he was ready to give up Exy again, either. It was the only thing that made him feel real. Wymack's contract was permission to keep playing and a chance to pretend at being normal a little while longer.

Coach never explained it. Maybe he thought we'd need to grieve our disastrous losses in private. Only the best for his rising stars, right?" "I didn't think Wymack recruited rising stars," Neil said [...]. "No," Andrew agreed. "The Foxes will never amount to anything Try telling Dan that, though, and she'll box your ears.

i need you to keep it from andrew until then. tell me you can see andrew today and not completely freak out.” “andrew will figure it out. he’s not stupid.” “then you have to be the better liar. the erc is looking for a reason to take him away from us, and you know they won’t give him back. then where will you be?” - wymack & kevin

Round one: southeast versus southwest." Wymack picked up his clipboard and skimmed the top page. "Odd-ranked teams play on Thursdays this year, so we've got Fridays. January 12th we're away against University of Texas. Good news is that Austin's just outside the thousand-mile range, which means the board's going to let us fly there.

it’s not my place to ask, and i’m sure as hell not going to tell them.” “why?” “did you think i made the team the way it is because i thought it would be a good publicity stunt? it’s about second chances, neil. second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.” - wymack & neil

Oh," he said, looking up from his hand, "and he said his injury wasn't an accident. Not in so many words, but it won't take them long to figure out what he meant." Dan gaped. "He what?" "Great," Wymack said. "He's turning into another you. That's just what I needed." "At least you can legally take out life insurance on one of them," Nicky said.

where the hell have you been? andrew got back from columbia hours ago. matt called me to say you weren’t with them.” “i took a different route.” “yeah?” wymack gestured at his drenched clothes and sweaty skin. “what’d you do, run here?” “walked,” neil said, and wymack stared at him. neil realized too late wymack was being sarcastic. - wymack & neil

i’m not letting you go back there. nothing says i have to. your contract says you belong to me. he can send us all the money he wants, but you have to sign off on it before it means anything, and you’re not going to. okay? you let me and andrew worry about riko fuck-face. you worry about getting your game and team where they need to be.” - wymack (to kevin)

what are you doing here?” “why were you leaving?” “i asked you first.” “coach already answered that question. we are waiting for you to sign the contract. stop wasting our time.” “no. there are a thousand strikers who’d jump at the chance to play with you. why don’t you bother them?” “we saw their files,” wymack said. “we chose you.” “i won’t play with kevin.” “you will,” kevin said. - neil, kevin & wymack

He reached over and picked a ball out of the bucket, turning it over and over his fingers. "Court," Neil whispered, then gave himself a violent shake. He squeezed the ball until his fingers ached, mentally retracing his steps backward. [...] He took it one step and one mile and one day at a time because anything else was too much for him to handle in his grief. Neil stared at the court in front of him and swallowed once, twice, against the nausea that was crawling up his throat. This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be. Court wasn't for people like him. He'd take what he could learn and enjoy it while he could, but this was a dream he'd have to wake up from eventually. Wanting anything more than that would just make it harder to walk away.

the day kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. he has nothing else. he wasn’t raised to have anything else. do you understand? we cannot lose to the ravens this year. kevin won’t survive it.” “we can’t win against them. we’re the worst team in the nation.” “then it’s time to stop being the worst. it’s time to fly.” “you don’t really think we can.” “if you didn’t think you could, what are you doing here? you wouldn’t have signed the contract if you’d already given up on yourself.” - wymack & neil

wymack came out of his office to hurl a key ring at matt’s head. the jangling got matt’s attention and he turned in time to get smacked on the cheek with the keys. matt snagged the ring as it fell and made a face at his coach. “jesus, coach, good to see you too. when did we move past a simple ‘hello’?” “i could say the same for you, stomping past my open door like that without so much as a by-your-leave.” “you looked busy.” “i’m always busy. that’s never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before.” - matt & wymack

are your parents going to be a problem?” it was too much to take a chance on, but too much to walk away from. it hurt when he nodded, but it hurt more to see that tired look settle in wymack’s eyes. it wasn’t the pity he thought he could see, but something familiar that said wymack understood what it cost to be neil. he knew what it was like to have to fight to wake up and keep moving every day. neil doubted the man could ever really understand, but even that tiny bit was more than he’d ever gotten in his life. neil had to look away. - narrator

Kevin wouldn't really go back," Neil said, disbelieving. "Not after what Riko did." Wymack gave him a pitying look. "Tetsuji never former adopted Kevin. Do you know why? Moriyamas don't believe in outsiders or equals. Tetsuji took Kevin in and took over his training, but he also gave Kevin to Riko - literally. Kevin isn't human to them. He's a project. He's a pet, and it's Riko's name on his leash. The fact he ran away is a miracle. If Tetsuji called tomorrow and told him to come home, Kevin would. He knows what Tetsuji would do to him if he refused. He'd be too afraid to say no." Neil thought he'd be sick. He didn't want to hear anymore of this, he'd already heard to much. He wanted to run until it all started making sense in his head, or at least until the ice left his veins. [...] "What if Coach Moriyama told him to stop playing?" Wymack was quiet for an endless minute, then said, "Kevin only had the strength to leave because Riko destroyed his hand. That was finally one injustice too many. Because of that I'd like to think Kevin would defy Tetsuji, but it's just as likely we'd never see him with a racquet again. But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it." "We can't win against them," Neil said. "We're the worst team in the nation." "Then it's time to stop being the worst," Wymack said. "It's time to fly." "You don't really think we can," Neil said. "If you didn't think you could, what are you doing here? You wouldn't have signed the contract if you'd already given up on yourself.

Why?" Coach Wymack was quiet for a minute. "Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you." Neil had heard Wymack referred to as an idealistic idiot by more than one person, but it was hard to listen to him and not believe that he was sincere. Neil was torn between incredulity and disdain. Why Wymack set himself up for disappointment time and time again, Neil didn't know. Neil would have given up on the Foxes years ago.

come on, i’ll swing you past coach’s place to get your things.” “this is it.” matt looked at neil’s bag, then around the room for suitcases that didn’t exist. he flicked a questioning look at wymack, who shook his head, and turned back on neil. “that’s a joke, right? you should see how much i crammed into my truck — and how much i had to leave behind, and you expect to last a year with one bag? that thing have magical expanding powers i don’t know about or something?” “you get him shopping later this week,” wymack said. “on your time, not mine. i’m sick of seeing him in the same clothes over and over.” - matt, neil & wymack

He didn't want to think about this, didn't want to feel this, so he thought about the Foxes instead. He clung tight to the memory of their unhesitating friendship and their smiles. He pretended the heartbeat pounding a sick pace in his temples was an Exy ball ricocheting off the court walls. He thought of Wymack holding him up in December and Andrew pushing him down against the bedroom floor. The memories made him weak with grief and loss, but they made him stronger, too. He'd come to the Foxhole Court every inch a lie, but his friends made him into someone real. He'd hit the end of his rope before he wanted to and he hadn't accomplished everything he'd hoped to this year, but he'd done more with his life than he'd ever thought possible. That had to be enough. He traced the outline of a key into his bloody, burnt palm with a shaky finger, closed his eyes, and wished Neil Josten goodbye.

When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn't even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. Neil stared at him and through him, heart pounding in his temples. "It's ruined," Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. "It's all ruined." Wymack burst into the room with Nicky on his heels. The sight of so much blood stopped him short for a moment before he strode for Neil. "Is that yours?" "Coach, my gear," Neil said. "It's—" "It's not his." Andrew let go of Neil and went back to his own locker. "He's fine." "Peroxide," Neil said. "Does Abby have any in her office?" When Wymack just looked at him, Neil started for the door to find some himself. Wymack put an arm in his way to stop him. "I need to clean my clothes before the blood sets or I won't have anything to wear tonight." "And I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds and focus on the fact that you are covered in someone or something's blood. Are you okay?" "Andrew already said I'm fine," Neil bit out.

After a moment's debate, Neil shrugged his bag off his shoulder. The thought of leaving it behind made his skin crawl, considering what was hidden inside it, but he didn't trust Andrew's intentions. [...] "Do you have someplace safe I can hide this?" he asked. [...] Wymack looked ad Neil again. "How safe is safe?" Neil had never been an easy read before, but then, he'd never let the situation get so completely out of hand, either. [...] Neil had fumbled his way through his transition to Millport, but he could have cut and run at any time if he didn't like the way things were going. This, he desperately wanted to make work, for however long he could hold onto it. "It's all I have," Neil said [...]. Neil looked down at the key in his palm, at the security Wymack so easily and unquestioningly gave him. Maybe Neil wouldn't get any sleep tonight, and maybe he'd spend the next couple weeks waking up every time Wymack snored a little too loud, but maybe Neil really was okay here for now. "Thank you," he said. "Move along," Wymack said.

Only Andrew saw the strain in Neil's mask. He crossed the room to stand in front of Neil, a silent demand in his stare. Neil wanted to answer that, but he didn't know how. German was the obvious answer because it would afford them a little bit of privacy, but Romero and Jackson didn't understand German. They wouldn't know what he was saying and they would have to react like he was spilling every dark secret. Neil couldn't allow that. He didn't want to leave Andrew with nothing, but what could he possibly say? "Thank you," he finally said. He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the honesty, and the kisses. Hopefully Andrew would figure it out eventually. "You were amazing." He meant it for Andrew's ears only, but Allison was close enough to overhear. She sent Matt a significant look. Neil saw it in his peripheral vision but didn't take his eyes off Andrew to see Matt's reaction. He didn't want to look away, as if by holding Andrew's gaze he could somehow save this moment. Then Wymack was motioning for them to head out and Neil had no choice but to turn his back on his teammates.

As soon as they left, Wymack stood in the aisle to face his team. "All right," he said, then promptly forgot what he was saying when he got a good look at the back of the bus. "Damn it all to hell. Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up ten miles ago." "I don't want to die," Nicky said. Dan tried to pass her laugh off as a cough.