Memoirs Of A Dutiful Daughter Quotes

Be loved, be admired, be necessary; be somebody.

…but all day long I would be training myself to think, to understand, to criticize, to know myself; I was seeking for the absolute truth: this preoccupation did not exactly encourage polite conversation.

all success cloaks a surrender

لقد كان وحيداً، وكان حرًا

I was very fond of Lagneau’s phrase: “I have no comfort but in my absolute despair.

إن اللذة تبقى قذرة إذا لم تصهر بنار العاطفة

أكثر ما كان يجذبني إليه ضحكته: فكأنما سقط، من غير انتظار، على كوكب ليس هو كوكبه، فأخذ يكتشف طرافته العجيبة. و حين كانت ضحكته تنفجر، كان كل شيء يبدو لي جديداً، أخاذاً، رائعاً.

لقد كنت أشعر برضى غامر أن أعرف أني خارج القانون

Alone: for the first time I understood the terrible significance of that word. Alone without a witness, without anyone to speak to, without refuge. The breath in my body, the blood in my veins, all this hurly-burly in my head existed for nobody.

Les livres que j'aimais devinrent une Bible où je puisais des conseils et des secours.

The books I liked became a Bible from which I drew advice and support; I copied out long passages from them; I memorized new canticles and new litanies, psalms, proverbs, and prophecies, and I sanctified every incident in my life by the recital of these sacred texts. My emotions, my tears, and my hopes were no less sincere on account of that; the words and the cadences, the lines and the verses were not aids to make believe: but they rescued from silent oblivion all those intimate adventures of the spirit that I couldn’t speak to anyone about; they created a kind of communion between myself and those twin souls which existed somewhere out of reach; instead of living out my small private existence, I was participating in a great spiritual epic.

وكنت أبكي لأن هذا كان جميلًا إلى هذا الحد، ولأنه كان لا مجديًا

Literature took the place in my life that had once been occupied by religion: it absorbed me entirely, and transfigured my life.

At night I would climb the steps to the Sacre-Coeur, and I would watch Paris, that futile oasis, scintillating in the wilderness of space. I would weep, because it was so beautiful, and because it was so useless.

في الريف كنت أحس هناك وجود الله أكثر مما كنت أحسه في باريس. و كنت كلما التصقت بالأرض كلماازددت قرباً منه، و كانت كل نزهة صلاة له. كان يخيل إلي أنه على نحو ما بحاجة إلى عينيّ لتكون للأشجار ألوانها. و حرارة الشمس، و رطوبةالندى، أنى لذهن مجرد أن يحسهما إلا عبر جسدي؟ لقد جعل هذه الأرض للبشر، و جعل البشر ليشهدوا بمحاسنها. و حين كنت أجتاز في الصباح الحواجز لأوغل في الغابات فإنما هو الذي كان يناديني، و كان ينظر إلي بفرح و أنا أنظر إلى هذا العالم الذي خلقه لأراه.

لم تفتح لي الفلسفة السماء ولم ترسني في الأرض.

It was easier for me to think of a world without a creator than of a creator burdened with all the contradictions in the world.

تعلمت ألم الوجود، لقد نُفيت من جنة الطفولة و لم أجد مكاناً بين الكبار .

كم هو كليّ حضور الإنسان،وكم هو جذري غيابه.

All those minds that are interested in finding out the truth communicate with each other across the distances of space and time. I, too, was taking part in the effort which humanity makes to know.

In fact, the sickness I was suffering from was that I had been driven out of the paradise of childhood and had not found my place in the world of adults. I had set myself up in the absolute in order to gaze down upon this world which was rejecting me; now, if I wanted to act, to write a book, to express myself, I would have to go back down there: but my contempt had annihilated it, and I could see nothing but emptiness. The fact is that I had not yet put my hand to the plow. Love, action, literary work: all I did was to roll these ideas round in my head; I was fighting in an abstract fashion against abstract possibilities, and I had come to the conclusion that reality was of the most pitiful insignificance. I was hoping to hold fast to something, and misled by the violence of this indefinite desire, I was confusing it with the desire for the infinite.

Literature takes its revenge on reality by making it the slave of fiction.

البشر ليسوا أرواحاً وانما هم أجساد فريسة الحاجة ملقاة في مغامرة قاسية

الكاتب يخون يأسه بمجرد أن يكتب عنه كتاباً

لو لم يكن هناك ما يحتاج إلي المكافحة ما كان الأدب شيئاً عظيماً

The fear of death never left me; I couldn't get used to the thought; I would still sometimes shake and weep with terror. By contrast, the fact of existence here and now sometimes took on a glorious splendour.

On the evenings when my parents held parties, the drawing-room mirrors multiplied to infinity the scintillations of a crystal chandelier. Mama would take her seat at the grand piano to accompany a lady dressed in a cloud of tulle who played the violin and a cousin who performed on a cello. I would crack between my teeth the candied shell of an artificial fruit, and a burst of light would illuminate my palate with a taste of blackcurrant or pineapple: all the colours, all the lights were mine, the gauzy scarves, the diamonds, the laces; I held the whole party in my mouth.

Mais le pire, quand on habite une prison sans barreaux, c'est qu'on n'a pas même conscience des écrans qui bouchent l'horizon; j'errais à travers un épais brouillard, et je le croyais transparent. Les choses qui m'échappaient, je n'en entrevoyais même pas la présence.

I was no longer a vacant mind, an abstracted gaze, but the turbulent fragrance of the waving grain, the intimate smell of the heather moors, the dense heat of noon or the shiver of twilight; I was heavy; yet I was as vapour in the blue airs of summer and knew no bounds.

لقد كافحنا معاً ضد القدر الوَحِل الذي كان يترصدنا ولقد فكرت طويلاً بأني اشتريت بموتها حريتي

I told myself that as long as there were books I could be sure of being happy.

Peut-être vas-tu me trouver ridicule, mais je me mépriserais de n'oser l'être jamais.

إنه لن يزرع أصوله في أي أرض ولن يربك نفسه بأي شيء يمتلكه: وليس ذلك لكي يظل علي استعداد من غير جدوي بل من أجل أن يظل شاهداً علي كل شيء -سيمون عن سارتر

He would talk and talk and talk; the twilight would fill with cigarette smoke and shimmering words would tremble in the blue coils of air...

هذا المسرح من الظّلال السّوداء, وسط غرفةٍ مضاءة من الّليل. وكان نظري يتيه من واجهة إلى واجهة فأقول لنفسي, وأنا منفعلة بدفء المساء " سوفَ أعيش قريباً كما أريد

لقد كانت الظّواهر تخدعني, وكان العالم الذي لقّنوني إيّاه مغشوشاً كلّه ومزيّفاً .

Why shouldn't a mystical theology be possible? 'I want to touch God or become God,' I declared in my journal. All through that year I abandoned myself intermittently to these deliriums.

I didn't know the first thing about the people around me, but that didn't matter: I was in a new world; and I had the feelings that at last I had put my finger on the secret of freedom.

One afternoon Clairaut came over to me with a book in his hand: “Mademoiselle de Beauvoir,” he began, in an inquisitorial tone, “what do you make of Brochard who is of the opinion that Aristotle’s God would be able to experience sexual pleasure?” Herbaud cast him a disdainful look: “I should hope so, for his sake,” he haughtily replied.

The thing I understood least of all was that knowledge led to despair and damnation. Our spiritual mentor had not said that those bad books had given a false picture of life: if that had been the case, he could easily have exposed their falsehood; the tragedy of the little girl whom he had failed to bring to salvation was that she had made a premature discovery of the true nature of reality. Well, anyhow, I thought, I shall discover it myself one day, and it isn’t going to kill me: the idea that there was a certain age when knowledge of the truth could prove fatal I found offensive to common sense.

The secret of happiness and the very height of artistic achievement is to be like everybody else, yet to be like no one on earth.

يقول: هو الذي فتح لي الطريق وها هو ذا الآن متخلف تتقاذفه الرياح من غير أن يستطيع أن يلحق بي : "أضيفي الي ذلك أن الريح إذا رافقت التعب تحمل دائماً علي البكاء

Suddenly I was struck motionless: I was living through the first chapter of a novel in which I was the heroine; she was still almost a child, but we, too, were growing up.

If I were to share Jaques' existence I would find it hard to hold my own against him, for already I found his nihilism contagious.

I was convinced that I would be, that I was already, one in a million.

She compensated for this sense of inferiority by making fun of everything. I did not notice it then, but she never made fun of my faults, only of my virtues;

وللمرّة الأاولى في حياتي أخذني الشّعور بأنّ الخير لا ينسجم مع الحقيقة

كنت أودّ أن أُخضع الرّجال للقوانين نفسها التي تخضع لها النّساء

I was still keenly aware as in my childhood of the inexplicable nature of my presence here on earth; where had I come from here; where was I going? I often thought about these things with a kind of stupefied horror and used to fill my diary with long self-communings

بدأتُ أرى في اعتزالي علامة تميّز, لا علامة عار. ولم أفكر في أن أموت بسبب ذلك. واتحدت بمؤلفة الكتاب عبر بطلة روايتها : ذاتَ يوم , ستبلّل فتاةٌ مراهقة , فتاةٌ نسخة عنّي -ستبلّل بدموعها رواية أرويها فيها قصّتي الخاصّة.

Soon I was weeping---for the reservists who put their entire lives on hold when called to duty, for the military mothers who had to keep their families together all alone, for the parents, spouses, sons, and daughters who were beset with worry, for Mike, and for the soldiers who would never come home. I only meant to buy a shower curtain, and now, quite unexpectedly, right when I least wanted it, months of pent-up loneliness, fear, and frustration were pouring out in an endless churn of hot, silent tears.

If I had rediscovered in Heaven, amplified to infinity, the monstrous alliance of fragility and implacability, of caprice and artificial necessity which had oppressed me since my birth, rather than worship Him I would have chosen damnation.

Wenigstens eine kleine Weile lang mußte ich, jedem Anspruch entrückt, in Frieden mit mir selbst sprechen können, ohne daß irgendjemand mich dabei unterbrach.

But I know my only defense is to answer, “I think it because it is true,” thereby eliminating my subjectivity;

ان من البدهي أنني في اللحظات التي كنتُ أحبه فيها أشد الحب كان هناك فيما بيننا خلاف عميق لن أتغلب عليه الا اذا عدت عن ماهيتي أو أنني كنت آنذاك أثور علي الحب

I had to call the past to life, and illuminate every corner of the five continents, descend to the centre of the earth and make the circuit of the moon and stars

In the afternoons I would sit out on the balcony outside the dining-room; there, level with the tops of the trees that shaded the boulevard Raspail, I would watch the passers-by.

La scrittura esige virtù scoraggianti, sforzi, pazienza; è un'attività solitaria in cui il pubblico esiste solo come speranza.

any reproach made by my mother, and even her slightest frown was a threat to my security: without her approval, I no longer felt I had any right to live.

I've no personality,' I would tell myself. My curiosity embraced everything; I believed in an absolute truth, in the need for moral law; my thoughts adapted themselves to their objects; if occasionally one of them took me by surprise, it was because it reflected something that was surprising. I preferred good to evil and despised that which should be despised. I could find no trace of my own subjectivity. I had wanted myself to be boundless, and I had become as shapeless as the infinite. The paradox was that I became aware of this deficiency at the very moment when I discovered my individuality; my universal aspiration had seemed to me until then to exist in its own right; but now it had become a character trait: 'Simone is interested in everything.' I found myself limited by my refusal to be limited.

La stupidità ci faceva ridere, era uno dei nostri grandi motivi di spasso, ma aveva anche qualcosa di spaventevole. Se avesse prevalso, non avremmo più avuto il diritto di pensare, di prendere in giro, di provare veri desideri, veri piaceri. Bisognava combatterla o rinunciare a vivere.

One night I summoned God, if He really existed, to show Himself to me. He didn't, and I never addressed another word to Him. In my heart of hearts I was very glad He didn't exist. I should have hated it if what was going on here below had had to end up in eternity.

Jaques was only what he was; but from a distance he became something more, became everything to me, everything I did not possess. It was to him I owed pains and pleasures whose violence alone saved me from the deserts of boredom in which I found myself bogged down.

No descubrí la negra magia de las palabras hasta que me mordieron en el corazón.

No veía ninguna razón para reconocerle a mi compañero derechos que él no me concedía.

The facts of religion were convincing only to those who were already convinced.

Однажды он процитировал мне, с характерной для него улыбкой, полной таинственного смысла, слова Гёте в переводе Кокто: "Я люблю тебя - какое это имеет отношение к тебе?

I was too much of an extremist to be able to live under the eye of God and at the same time say both yes and no to life

but there was one book in which I believed I had caught a glimpse of my future self: Little Women, by Louisa M. Alcott.

ثم ان حظاً كبيراً يوهب الآن لي : انني لم أكن وحدي فجأة تجاه المستقبل وقد كان الرجال الذين عرفتهم حتي الآن وتعلقت بهم-كجاك وهيربو- من غير نوعي: متحللين غير مستقرين وكأن قدراً مشؤوماً يلاحقهم وكان من المستحيل أن أتعاطي معهم دون تحفظ. أما سارتر فكان يستجيب أتم الاستجابة لرغبات أعوامي الخمسة عشر: كان الانسان الصنو الذي أجد فيه جميع رغباتي وقد بلغت حالة التوهج. وسوف أتمكن من أن أقاسمه كل شيء دائماً.وحين تركت سارتر في مطلع آب كنت أعلم أنه لن يخرج من حياتي بعد أبداً

كنتُ دائماً ما أحب وسائل الإتصال. وقد ذكرت على دفتر صديقتي أن تسليتي المفضّلة هي القراءة والحديث. وقد كنتُ ثرثارة. فكنتُ أروي أو أحاول أن أروي كلّ شيء يكون قد لفت نظري في أثناء النّهار. وكنتُ أخشى الّليل والنسيان , وقد كان يمزّقني أن أترك للصمت ما كنت قد رأيته وأحسسته وأحببته . وقد كنت أتمنى إذ يهزّني ضوء القمر أن يكون معي قلم وورق وأن أحُسِن استعمالها.

Я не была феминисткой - в том смысле, что не интересовалась политикой: мне было наплевать на право голоса. Но в моем понимании мужчины и женщины - в одинаковой степени личности; я предъявляла им одинаковые требования и хотела для них одинаковых прав.

Gozar de las cosas bellas le basta; acepta el lujo y la vida fácil, le gusta la felicidad. Yo necesito una vida devoradora. Necesito obrar, gastarme, realizarme, necesito un fin que alcanzar, dificultades que vencer, una obra que cumplir. No estoy hecha para el lujo. Nunca podrá satisfacerme lo que le satisface.

Por otra parte, yo era extremista: quería todo o nada. Si amaba sería para toda la vida y me daría entera con mi cuerpo, mi corazón, mi cabeza y mi pasado. Me negaba a picotear emociones, voluptuosidades ajenas a esa idea. A decir verdad no tuve oportunidad de probar la solidez de esos principios, pues ningún seductor trató de conmoverlos.

Am învățat, de asemenea, că pentru a pătrunde taina lucrurilor trebuie, înainte de toate, să te dăruiești lor.

La bella storia che era la mia vita diventava falsa a mano a mano che me la raccontavo

I pensieri vanno e vengono a loro piacere, nella nostra testa. Non lo si fa apposta a credere a ciò che si crede.

Mi ero voluta senza limiti ed ero informe come l'infinito

Avevo perduto la sicurezza dell'infanzia; in cambio non avevo guadagnato niente.

Magari mi troverai ridicola, ma mi disprezzerei se non osassi esserlo mai

Je me passerais bien, comme vous pouvez le penser, de toutes ces distractions; c'est si assommant de s'amuser quand on n'en sent à aucun degré le besoin.

Avevo torto di pretendere che la vita si conformasse a un ideale stabilito in anticipo; stava a me mostrami all'altezza di ciò ch'essa mi portava.

I would sometimes tell myself, fearfully but proudly, that I was mad: it's a very short step between utter loneliness and madness.

I loved being loved: the bleakness of my future terrified me.

It was rather frightening: she came and went unconcernedly in my life, and all my happiness, my very existence, lay in her hands.

Das schimmste aber, wenn man ein Gefängnis aus unsichtbaren Mauern bewohnt, ist, dass man sich der Schranken nicht bewusst wird, die den Horizont versperren.

Tinha caprichos, desobedecia simplesmente pelo prazer de não obedecer. Nas fotografias de família, eu mostro a língua, viro as costas e em torno de mim os outros riem. Essas pequenas vitórias animavam-se a não considerar insuperáveis as regras, os ritos, a rotina; constituem as raízes de certo otimismo que devia sobreviver a todos os processos de adestramento.

Гораздо больше, чем отвлеченные политические и социальные вопросы, меня интересовало то, что касалось меня непосредственно: понятие нравственности, моя внутренняя жизнь, мои взаимоотношения с Богом. Над этим-то я и начала размышлять.

I couldn't have accepted a man whose thoughts and work were an Enigma to me; love would be a justification not a limitation. the picture I can't it up in my mind was a very steep climb in which my partner, a little more agile and stronger than myself, would help me from one stage to the next. I was grasping rather than generous. if I had to drag someone along beside me, I should have been consumed with impatience. a life in common would have to favour, and not stand in the way of, my fundamental aim, which was to conquer the world. the man destined to be mine would be neither inferior nor different, nor outrageously superior; someone who would guarantee my existence without taking away my powers of self-determination.

Membre d’une espèce privilégiée, bénéficiant au départ d’une avance considérable, si dans l’absolu un homme ne valait pas plus que moi, je jugerais que, relativement, il valait moins : pour le reconnaître comme mon égal, il fallait qu’il me dépassât.

Pure, mi vergogno di lamentarmi. Quando si è avuta questa grande cosa che sento dentro di me, inalterabile, si può sopportare tutto il resto. L'essenza della mia gioia non è alla mercè delle circostanze esterne, per raggiungerla occorrerebbe una difficoltà proveniente direttamente da lui o da me stessa.

Feci presto a imparare a leggere.Tuttavia il mio pensiero si fermò a metà strada. Vedevo nell'immagine grafica l'esatto duplicato del suono che ad essa corrispondeva:emanavano insieme dalla cosa che esprimevano, e pertanto il loro rapporto non aveva nulla di arbitrario. La comprensione del segno non portò con se quella della convenzione.

Place Saint-Sulpice, la main dans la main de ma tante Marguerite qui ne savait pas très bien me parler, je me suis demandé soudain: "Comment me voit-elle?" et j'éprouvai un sentiment aigu de supériorité : car je connaissais mon for intérieur, et elle l'ignorait; trompée par les apparences, elle ne doutait pas, voyant mon corps inachevé, qu'au-dedans de moi rien ne manquait; je me promis, lorsque je serais grande, de ne pas oublier qu'on est à cinq ans un individu complet.

Adesso cercavo di sdoppiarmi per osservarmi, per spiarmi; nel mio diario dialogavo con me stessa. Entrai in un mondo che mi stordì per la sua novità. Appresi ciò che separa la tristezza dalla malinconia, l'aridità dalla serenità; appresi le esitazioni e i deliri del sentimento, lo splendore delle grandi rinunce e i mormorii sotterranei della speranza. Mi esaltavo, come nelle serate in cui contemplavo il cielo cangiante dietro le montagne azzurre; io ero il paesaggio e lo sguardo: non esistevo che in me stessa e per me stessa.

Lo que sobre todo me atrajo de la filosofía fue que suponía que iba derecha a lo esencial. Nunca me habían gustado los detalles, veía el sentido global de las cosas más que sus singularidades y prefería comprender a ver; yo siempre había deseado conocerlo todo; la filosofía me permitiría alcanzar ese deseo, pues apuntaba a la totalidad de lo real; se instalaba en seguida en su corazón y me revelaba en vez de un decepcionante torbellino de hechos o de leyes empíricas un orden, una razón, una necesidad. Ciencias, literatura, todas las otras disciplinas me parecieron parientes pobres.

L'attore elude i terrori della creazione, poiché gli si offre bell'e fatto un universo immaginario nel quale ha un posto riservato; si mette in carne e ossa di fronte a un pubblico di carne ed ossa; ridotto alla parte dello specchio, questo gli rimanda docilmente la sua immagine; sulla scena egli è sovrano ed esiste realmente: si sente veramente sovrano. Mio padre provava un piacere tutto particolare a truccarsi: attaccandosi parrucca e favoriti si faceva sparire, ed evitava in tal modo qualunque confronto. Né signore né plebeo, questa indeterminatezza diventava plasticità; avendo radicalmente cessato d'essere, egli diventava chiunque: li sorpassava tutti.

The Russians had long historical ties to Serbia, which we largely ignored. Trying to bring Georgia and Ukraine into NATO was truly overreaching. The roots of the Russian Empire trace back to Kiev in the ninth century, so that was an especially monumental provocation. Were the Europeans, much less the Americans, willing to send their sons and daughters to defend Ukraine or Georgia? Hardly. So NATO expansion was a political act, not a carefully considered military commitment, thus undermining the purpose of the alliance and recklessly ignoring what the Russians considered their own vital national interests. Similarly, Putin’s hatred of the Treaty on Conventional Armed Forces in Europe (limiting the number and location of Russian and NATO nonnuclear military forces in Europe) was understandable.

Non regnavo più sul mondo; le facciate delle case, gli sguardi indifferenti dei passanti mi esiliavano. Fu per questa ragione che il mio amore per la campagna prese dei colori mistici. Arrivata a Meyrignac, i muri crollavano, l'orizzonte si allontanava. Mi perdevo nell'infinito pur restando me stessa. Sentivo sulle palpebre il calore del sole che brilla per tutti, ma che lì, in quell'istante, non accarezzava che me. Il vento volteggiava intorno ai pioppi: veniva da altri posti, da dovunque, scuoteva lo spazio, e io turbinavo immobile fino ai confini della terra. Quando nel cielo si levava la luna, io comunicavo con le lontane città, con i deserti, i mari, i villaggi che in quel momento si bagnavano nella sua luce. Non ero più una coscienza vacante, uno sguardo astratto, ma l'odore ondoso dei campi di grano, l'odore intimo delle brughiere, il calore spesso del mezzogiorno, o il fremito dei crepuscoli: avevo peso, e tuttavia evaporavo nell'azzurro, non avevo più confini.

A menudo me he interrogado sobre la razón y el sentido de mis rabietas. Creo que se explican en parte por una vitalidad fogosa y por un extremismo al cual nunca he renunciado del todo. Llevaba mis repugnancias hasta el vómito, mis deseos hasta la obsesión; un abismo separaba las cosas que me gustaban de las que no me gustaban. No podía aceptar con indiferencia la caída que me precipitaba de la plenitud al vacío, de la beatitud al horror; si la consideraba fatal, me resignaba; nunca me enojé contra un objeto. Pero me negaba a ceder a esa fuerza impalpable: las palabras; lo que me sublevaba es que una frase lanzada al descuido: "Debes hacerlo... no debes hacerlo", arruinara en un instante mis empresas y mis alegrías. Lo arbitrario de las órdenes y de las prohibiciones contra las que chocaba denunciaba su inconsistencia; ayer pelé un durazno: ¿por qué no esa ciruela?, ¿por qué dejar mis juegos justo en este minuto? En todas partes encontraba obligaciones, en ninguna parte su necesidad. En el corazón de la ley que me abrumaba con el implacable rigor de las piedras, yo entreveía una ausencia vertiginosa: me sumergía en ese abismo, la boca desgarrada por gritos. Aferrándome al suelo, pataleando, oponía mi peso de carne al aéreo poder que me tiranizaba; lo obligaba a materializarse; me encerraban en un cuarto oscuro entre escobas y plumeros; entonces podía golpear con los pies y las manos en muros verdaderos, en vez de debatirme contra inasibles voluntades. Yo sabía que esa lucha era vana; desde el momento en que mamá me había sacado de las manos la ciruela sangrienta, en que Louise había guardado en su bolsa mi pala y mis moldes, yo estaba vencida; pero no me rendía. Cumplía el trabajo de la derrota. Mis sobresaltos, las lágrimas que me cegaban, quebraban el tiempo, borraban el espacio, abolían a la vez el objeto de mi deseo y los obstáculos que me separaban de él. Me hundía en la noche de la impotencia; ya nada quedaba salvo mi presencia desnuda y ella explotaba en largos aullidos.

A menudo me he interrogado sobre la razón y el sentido de mis rabietas. Creo que se explican en parte por una vitalidad fogosa y por un extremismo al cual nunca he renunciado del todo. Llevaba mis repugnancias hasta el vómito, mis deseos hasta la obsesión; un abismo separaba las cosas que me gustaban de las que no me gustaban. No podía aceptar con indiferencia la caída que me precipitaba de la plenitud al vacío, de la beatitud al horror; si la consideraba fatal, me resignaba; nunca me enojé contra un objeto. Pero me negaba a ceder a esa fuerza impalpable: las palabras; lo que me sublevaba es que una frase lanzada al descuido: "Debes hacerlo... no debes hacerlo", arruinara en un instante mis empresas y mis alegrías. Lo arbitrario de las órdenes y de las prohibiciones contra las que chocaba denunciaba su inconsistencia; ayer pelé un durazno: ¿por qué no esa ciruela?, ¿por qué dejar mis juegos justo en este minuto? En todas partes encontraba obligaciones, en ninguna parte su necesidad. En el corazón de la ley que me abrumaba con el implacable rigor de las piedras, yo entreveía una ausencia vertiginosa: me sumergía en ese abismo, la boca desgarrada por gritos. Aferrándome al suelo, pataleando, oponía mi peso de carne al aéreo poder que me tiranizaba; lo obligaba a materializarse; me encerraban en un cuarto oscuro entre escobas y plumeros; entonces podía golpear con los pies y las manos en muros verdaderos, en vez de debatirme contra inasibles voluntades. Yo sabía que esa lucha era vana; desde el momento en que mamá me había sacado de las manos la ciruela sangrienta, en que Louise había guardado en su bolsa mi pala y mis moldes, yo estaba vencida; pero no me rendía. Cumplía el trabajo de la derrota. Mis sobresaltos, las lágrimas que me cegaban, quebraban el tiempo, borraban el espacio, abolían a la vez el objeto de mi deseo y los obstáculos que me separaban de él. Me hundía en la noche de la impotencia; ya nada quedaba salvo mi presencia desnuda y ella explotaba en largos aullidos.