Drew Afualo Quotes

Fuck being cool and fuck being chill. If the reward for being the coolest girl in the room is a sliver of attention from the world’s most mediocre men then i would happily commit to never being cool and never being chill.

Some people may say I’m being contrarian, but I say better to be contrarian than die a thousand little deaths of disrespect.

because when men are misogynists, they hate all women, full stop. Not just “loud” and “angry” ones. Not just “slutty” ones. Not just “fat” ones. Not just “tall” ones. All of us. And if you identify as a woman in any capacity … that includes you. Every time.

It’s incredibly damaging to treat the question of having children as a foregone conclusion, when instead we should be giving people the freedom to decide if having children makes sense emotionally, financially, and in every other way. After all, it’s also not fair to the children themselves, who deserve to be born to parents who truly want them.

Remember: nothing scares a man more than a woman who knows she does not need him.

I am as loudly pro-choice as anyone can be, but even in those spaces, I have found that the conversation centers more on a woman’s choice of when to have children, not on a woman’s choice to have children at all.

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. —NELSON MANDELA

I once read about a study that stated that men die of suicide more often than women. However, the study actually only accounted for completed suicide attempts. In fact, men are more likely to go through with suicides, whereas women are far more likely to attempt but not actually complete the act (this only applies within the gender binary). The reason why women don't actually end up completing their suicides is because they attempt them in far less violent ways. According to the study, this is because women worry about family members or loved ones finding them and being traumatized by what they see. So they try less violent, and thus less final, ways—and therefore survive more often. Thinking about what an emotional load women carry every day purely because even at the end of their ropes they can't bear the thought of upsetting other people? It breaks my heart. It makes me angry. It strengthens my conviction. Women and femmes are necessary, valid in their emotions, and strong.

I don't think my adolescent brain really understood the difference between wanting to be my mom and wanting to be a mom. It was as I grew older that I had to wrestle with the realization that wanting the former did not necessarily lead to the latter.

Getting to be mean in whatever capacity you most effectively can is a great way to let a lot of that internal rage out. I always compare myself to a venomous snake: in order to be the best version of myself for the world, I must expel my venom. Never feel bad for standing up for yourself or for standing up for others, because it's never in vain, even if it can feel like it at the time. You are worth the respect that you so freely give to others, so if someone refuses to give that to you as a fellow human, then offer it to yourself in the form of advocacy. I hope that people continue to come my way for the courage to truly allow themselves this freedom. I'll always be here to remind you: Being mean is not always required, but sometimes it's necessary. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Support from women is a gift. It’s a resource in which you can find not only community, but empowerment. It’s a place you go to recharge and remind yourself that you are loved, important, and valid in this world. That’s what it always has been for me, and that’s what I always want it to be for all of you.

If the reward for being the “coolest” girl in the room is a sliver of attention from the world’s most mediocre men, then I would happily commit to never being chill. And never being cool. But maybe the “cool girls” got one thing right after all: I wouldn’t be like the other girls—I was going to be much, much worse.

My love for and solidarity with other women and femmes can never be taken away from me. They constantly give me the courage to brave this terrifying, daunting, beautiful, amazing world. When you let go of male validation, you not only take away all of their power, but also have the opportunity to redirect that power to yourself and others. Give yourself the permission to love yourself unconditionally, because there’s nothing more radical in the eyes of the patriarchy than that … and we all know how much I love pissing off terrible men.

My mom responded right away, directly but gently. “I’m going to tell you something that sounds mean,” she began, “but it’s not. You are never gonna look like that.” That was my mom’s style. She would always come down to our level and explain things in ways that were easy to digest. She never spoke to us as if we were stupid, and she never beat around the bush. It’s one of the many reasons I think we are still so close to this day. This was the first time she and I had ever had a conversation about my body, and she was firm. “Not everyone should look the same. Everyone looks different because everyone comes from different families and the reality is that we’re Samoan and you’re a lot bigger than most girls. But that’s not a bad thing. One day you’re gonna love exactly how you look.

If y’all are with a guy who has a problem with you advocating for yourself or for others in times when you witness disrespect or rudeness occurring right in front of you, that’s a red flag. If they ever make you feel crazy or call you inappropriate for sticking up for what’s right, even if it’s in public—run! Ask yourself: Why does this man feel embarrassed when his partner is standing up for herself and for others? You’re not spewing entitlement or expecting more than you’re owed. You’re standing up for those that can’t stand up for themselves, and there is no shame in that heroic action. So if he’s not on your side, well, whose side is he on exactly?

No matter how many women you try to step on to be seen by the world’s most mediocre men, you will never be taller than any man. You will always be one step below. And how can they respect you when they’re always looking down at you?

Women are so intentional in the relationships they build with one another. The love, strength, and encouragement we are capable of giving one another when competition and internalized misogyny cease to disrupt the energetic flow between us are truly magical.

I’ve found that even the most well-intentioned and “woke” men still never seem to understand what domestic labor equity actually looks like. Like the men who take out the trash twice a week and put the toilet seat down maybe every third time they pee and think … what? That they deserve a fucking medal for doing the absolute bare minimum?

Young women get to date who they want while men date who they can but when they get older men marry who they want and women marry who they can.

They’ll see, once and for all, that living your life according to the whims of men is no way to live.

In fact, being able to see how people create loving environments and relationships, despite being targeted and vilified for it, helped me understand how much happier one can be when not conforming to patriarchal expectations. And because members of the LGBTQIA+ community often have to form tight-knit friendships and found-family structures with one another, it's inspired me to invest deeply in my nonromantic relationships. That's what's provided the foundation of feeling like I'd be okay even if I ended up alone, without a romantic relationship, because the friends, family, and community I surround myself with are more than enough. I don't need to let a horrible man into the equation just to feel loved. I am already plenty loved without that.

I've put it into the world as your emotional support guide to help you in your journey toward decentering men. Just think about all the moments you've spent reeling in pent-up emotions like anger, angst, and internalized aggression-after realizing how much of your behavior that day was spent accommodating men. Like my therapist always reminds me, "When your needs are consistently not being met, you end up turning into the person you most fear you may actually be.