“
I took a shower after dinner and changed into comfortable Christmas Eve pajamas, ready to settle in for a couple of movies on the couch. I remembered all the Christmas Eves throughout my life--the dinners and wrapping presents and midnight mass at my Episcopal church. It all seemed so very long ago.
Walking into the living room, I noticed a stack of beautifully wrapped rectangular boxes next to the tiny evergreen tree, which glowed with little white lights. Boxes that hadn’t been there minutes before.
“What…,” I said. We’d promised we wouldn’t get each other any gifts that year. “What?” I demanded.
Marlboro Man smiled, taking pleasure in the surprise.
“You’re in trouble,” I said, glaring at him as I sat down on the beige Berber carpet next to the tree. “I didn’t get you anything…you told me not to.”
“I know,” he said, sitting down next to me. “But I don’t really want anything…except a backhoe.”
I cracked up. I didn’t even know what a backhoe was.
I ran my hand over the box on the top of the stack. It was wrapped in brown paper and twine--so unadorned, so simple, I imagined that Marlboro Man could have wrapped it himself. Untying the twine, I opened the first package. Inside was a pair of boot-cut jeans. The wide navy elastic waistband was a dead giveaway: they were made especially for pregnancy.
“Oh my,” I said, removing the jeans from the box and laying them out on the floor in front of me. “I love them.”
“I didn’t want you to have to rig your jeans for the next few months,” Marlboro Man said.
I opened the second box, and then the third. By the seventh box, I was the proud owner of a complete maternity wardrobe, which Marlboro Man and his mother had secretly assembled together over the previous couple of weeks. There were maternity jeans and leggings, maternity T-shirts and darling jackets. Maternity pajamas. Maternity sweats. I caressed each garment, smiling as I imagined the time it must have taken for them to put the whole collection together.
“Thank you…,” I began. My nose stung as tears formed in my eyes. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect gift.
Marlboro Man reached for my hand and pulled me over toward him. Our arms enveloped each other as they had on his porch the first time he’d professed his love for me. In the grand scheme of things, so little time had passed since that first night under the stars. But so much had changed. My parents. My belly. My wardrobe. Nothing about my life on this Christmas Eve resembled my life on that night, when I was still blissfully unaware of the brewing thunderstorm in my childhood home and was packing for Chicago…nothing except Marlboro Man, who was the only thing, amidst all the conflict and upheaval, that made any sense to me anymore.
“Are you crying?” he asked.
“No,” I said, my lip quivering.
“Yep, you’re crying,” he said, laughing. It was something he’d gotten used to.
“I’m not crying,” I said, snorting and wiping snot from my nose. “I’m not.”
We didn’t watch movies that night. Instead, he picked me up and carried me to our cozy bedroom, where my tears--a mixture of happiness, melancholy, and holiday nostalgia--would disappear completely.
”
”