Schmidt Funny Quotes

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OKAY. So I was going to the library every Saturday. So what? So what? It's not like I was reading books or anything.
Gary D. Schmidt (Okay for Now)
A comedy isn't about being funny," said Mrs. Baker. "We talked about this before." "A comedy is about character who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. That's how I know." "Suppose you can't see it?" "That's the daring part," said Mrs. Baker.
Gary D. Schmidt (The Wednesday Wars)
Brighton I-don't-know-your-middle-name Waterford, are you asking me to strip?
Tiffany Schmidt (Bright Before Sunrise)
Mrs. Russell made us both sit down with a glass of milk. "And I have a special treat for you," she said. I'm not lying. She really said that. I held my breath because of the last special treat at the Daughertys', but it didn't help, because when Mrs. Russell came back, she came back with a loaf of banana bread. Banana bread! And James said, "How about we have some jam with that?" and Mrs. Russell said, "Jam? Then you wouldn't be able to taste the bananas," and James said, "Ma, I hate bananas," and she said, "But I'm sure that Doug enjoys them," and I said, "I think I'm still full from lunch, so the milk's fine," and then Mrs. Russell picked up the plate with the banana bread on it, and you might not believe this, but she started to laugh and laugh a d laugh, until Mr. Russell came out to the kitchen to see what was so funny and she showed him the banana bread and he said, "I hate bananas," and we all started to laugh until Mrs. Russell said, "I hate bananas too," and you can imagine us all laughing until we were crying and finally Mrs. Russell took the banana bread outside to break it up for the birds-"Let's hope they like bananas"-and then I showed Mr. Russell Aaron Copland's Autobiography: Manuscript Edition, and he stopped laughing.
Gary D. Schmidt (Okay for Now)
Yes, Max is very hot.” “Excuse me?” She laughed. “He’s the knight, and you’re the noble gentleman, silly. You’re both hotties.” Ethan snorted with a laugh. “On with the tour you noble hotty you.” “You’re a funny girl, but also quite hot.” “Thanks.” Ethan
Cheri Schmidt (Fateful (Fateful #1))
But it would not be a fair fight. Barr was as vibrant, smart, funny, and cunning as he had ever been. But Mueller seemed to be a shell of his former self. As he spoke in the meeting, his voice trembled, his hands shook, and he seemed at times confused. To Barr, it was sad to see what had happened to Mueller. But this was not the time for sentimentality for his old colleague and friend. Barr controlled how the report would be released, giving him some ability to sculpt the narrative’s findings, influence how its conclusions would be interpreted and understood, and shape the ultimate outcome for Trump.
Michael S. Schmidt (Donald Trump v. The United States: Inside the Struggle to Stop a President)
Dojhur listened carefully, not interrupting, until the story had finished. “You’re lucky,” he said at last. “At least you knew your parents.” Olifur frowned. “Didn’t you?” Dojhur shook his head, his expression melancholy. “Both died before I was born, I think.” Olifur nodded, then paused, tilting his head to one side as he pondered how such a thing might be possible.
Jenelle Leanne Schmidt (Steal the Morrow)
He had the whitest, smoothest, most hairless ass I'd ever seen on a human being in my life. It looked like two pools of milk on a moonlit night.
Jason Schmidt (A List of Things That Didn't Kill Me: A Memoir)