Anne Lister Quotes

Monday 29 January 1821 [Halifax] I love and only love the fairer sex and thus beloved by them in turn, my heart revolts from any love but theirs.

Saturday 12 July 1823 [Halifax] Could not sleep last night. Dozing, hot & disturbed ... a violent longing for a female companion came over me. Never remember feeling it so painfully before ... It was absolute pain to me.

O books! books! I owe you much. Ye are my spirit’s oil without which, its own friction against itself would wear it out.

[I know my own heart and understand my fellow man. But I am made unlike anyone I have ever met. I dare to say I am like no one in the whole world.]

If there is chemistry, and the mind and body are working as one, it's nirvana. It's like a well-written symphony or, better yet, perfect... sheet music." "Sheet music?" "Yeah, music between the sheets.

Were I fit for another world, how gladly would I go there.

Friday 22 June 1821 [Halifax] I owe a good deal to this journal. By unburdening my mind on paper I feel, as it were, in some degree to get rid of it; it seems made over to a friend that hears it patiently, keeps it faithfully, and by never forgetting anything, is always ready to compare the past & present and thus to cheer & edify the future.

What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.

Am certainly attentive to her but cautiously, without any impropriety that could be laid hold of. Yet my manners are certainly peculiar, not all masculine but rather softly gentleman-like. I know how to please girls.

Hey, dick head," he yelled with hands on his hips. "Don't even think of coming back here and telling me you shook anything more than her hand!

Nothing good is ever easy, Annie. Remember that.

Burnt… Mr Montagu’s farewell verses that no trace of any man’s admiration may remain. It is not meet for me. I love, & only love, the fairer sex & thus beloved by them in turn, my heart revolts from any other love than theirs.

I am very low. The tears gush as I write but, thank God, I generally feel relief from thus unburdening my mind on paper... Oh, how my heart longs after a companion & how I often wish for an establishment of my own, but I may then be too old to attach anyone & my life shall have passed in that dreary solitude I so ill endure.

How sweet the thought that there is (still) another & better & happier world than this.

There is one thing that I wish for. There is one thing without which my happiness in this world seems impossible. I was not born to live alone. I must have the object with me & in loving & being loved, I could be happy.

It’s not the circumstances surrounding how we came in to this world that matters. It’s what we do with our life while alive, and the men we become by the time we leave it.

I'm not sure I can explain it. I have all this raw emotion inside for you and sometimes I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm afraid if I let it out it will be too overwhelming for you and for me.

 “If you spend too much time thinking about doing something, you won't ever have enough time to experience it – or feel it.  And feeling is the best part of anything.  That's how we know we're alive.

Give your doubts to me, Lincoln, and I promise to be there for you,” Aaron breathed into Lincoln’s partially opened mouth. “I’ll be your strength, if you let me.

Life has few guarantees, Annie. But one thing I know for certain, I will never stop loving you as long as I can still draw breathe into my lungs.

I have taken my fate into my own hands, believe nothing till I tell it to you myself. I know well enough what all of the world will think, but all the world may be wrong

It is the intellectual part of us that makes a bargain and that has no sex, or ought to have none.

I’m always alright.

[...] your courage is weak rather than your principal strong

At parting, shook hands with her and she gave me a rose. I said I should keep it for the sake of the place where it grew. She had before said she should be happy to introduce me some time to Lady Eleanor.

Yes, I am with someone,” Lincoln mumbled, a nervous smile lifted one side of his lips. “What’s her name?” Lauren pushed. “Aaron,” Lincoln answered. “Is she Erin with an E?” Lauren asked as she busily wrote notes into a pad she held. “No, it’s Aaron with a dick.

Speaking of the Staveleys (Mrs Staveley, too), said no talent could make up for such bad manners. Bold, boisterous, vulgar, & Mrs Staveley slatternly, strangely singular… Met her walking one day in the town with her hands under her petticoat & she pulled out 2 great muffins.

Somehow I relapse too often into a feeling of imperfect satisfaction with her… she wants tenderness in her manner towards me. She is too commonplace. Her sensibility seems rather weakness of nerve than the strength of affection. She thinks a good deal of her appearance & dress & has not had time to think much of taking care of mine yet. She is subject to a feeling of shame about me, such as at Scarbro’. I fancy she would sometimes rather be without me. She too much makes me feel the necessity of cutting a good figure in society & that, if I was in the background, she would not be the one to help me forward. She is not exactly the woman of all hours for me. She suits me best at night. In bed she is excellent.

I want to be covered, head-to-toe with nothing but you, Lace. Forever.

You and I together could be dangerous.” “Combustible, maybe,” she said. “But I doubt dangerous.

You promised me forever, Flynn Beckett. I want my forever.

    The best advice I can give you is live your truth.  Be who you were born to be, and to hell with anyone who believes differently. 

It doesn’t matter either way to me what anyone thinks. It’s not their life... it’s mine, and I’ll live it the way that makes me happy.

Right there,” he said. “That’s what I’m talking about.” Lacey shook her head. “I’m not following.” “I’ve never felt anything this powerful,” he whispered. “You make me feel things I have no right to feel.

… I was a great pickle, ’scaped my maid & got away among the workpeople. When my mother thought I was safe, I was running out in an evening. Saw curious scenes, bad women, etc …’ (Saturday 13th November 1824. Paris)

Tucked away in the English countryside, amid rigid social structures, landed nobility with their stiff upper lips and equally stiff rules about decorum, at a time when the Bennett sisters were worrying about balls, emerged Anne Lister, often called the first modern lesbian. Though "emerged" seems like a rather tame word. Burst. Exploded. Smashed her way double-fisted into a world of men, ran their businesses, and stole their wives. Whatever. Anne Lister arrived.

As Anne grew, so did her ambition to travel. Her dream destinations became further flung and more exotic. It did not satisfy her to leave England for a week or two; throughout her adult life she spent months at a time away from home, including periods of residence in Paris. Having also explored Italy, Belgium, Holland and Switzerland, in the summer of 1833 Scandinavia and the Baltics were in Anne’s sights. After months of indecision, she finally ‘determined to go north’ on 17th July that year, resolving to end her journey in Denmark.

I love you so much, Coop,” Jayson said.  “I don't know what to do with everything I feel inside.” Cooper tipped his head, loving the warmth of Jayson's breath on his face; his neck.  “Give it all to me, Jay; every last bit of love you have and I will treasure it – like I treasure you.

Capable, clever and with a natural gift for land and estate management, Anne had been the natural choice to take on the huge task of running Shibden. Not only had she impressed Uncle James with her abilities to deal with the renewal of leases and misbehaving tenants, he also knew that she would never marry and therefore the estate would not be broken up. In their conversations together, Anne had left him under no illusion that her emotional and sexual feelings for other women precluded the possibility of her ever entering into a marriage with a man, in which she stood to lose all that was hers. It was another four decades, on the passing of the Married Women’s Property Act in 1870 (thirty years after Anne’s death), before women would be able to keep hold of and inherit property following marriage. So, remarkable as it may seem to us now, it was Anne Lister’s lesbian sexuality (then with no name or legal recognition), which played a crucial role in helping her to keep control of her wealth at a time when it was thought that it was impossible for a woman to do so. That Uncle James, in 1826, seemed to understand and recognise this is even more extraordinary.

Some people want to judge others for anything they conceive as being unconventional—or different, and what we're trying to say is, love is a blessing no matter what the dynamic.  It shouldn't matter where the source or the gender of that love comes from.  It just is what it is, and it's beautiful.

Lacey’s hand wiggled between their bodies and gripped the hard length of his erection through his shorts. He flinched from her touch and broke their kiss. “I can think of a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this with you,” he said, his voice rough and strained. “And I’m feeling one, big reason why you should.

Monday 7 May [Halifax] Foolish fancying about Caroline Greenwood, meeting her on Skircoat Moor, taking her into a shed there is there & being connected with her. Supposing myself in men’s clothes & having a penis, tho’ nothing more. All this is very bad. Let me try to make a great exertion & get the better of this lazyness [sic] in a morning – the root of all evil… Now I will try & turn over a new leaf & waste no more time in bed or any way else that I can help. May God’s help attend this resolution.

Thursday 8 February [Halifax] Came upstairs at 11 a.m. Spent my time from then till 3, writing to M— very affectionately, more so than I remember to have done for long… Wrote the following crypt, ‘I can live upon hope, forget that we grow older, & love you as warmly as ever. Yes, Mary, you cannot doubt the love of one who has waited for you so long & patiently. You can give me all of happiness I care for &, prest to the heart which I believe my own, caressed & treasured there, I will indeed be constant & never, from that moment, feel a wish or thought for any other than my wife. You shall have every smile & every breath of tenderness. “One shall our union & our interests be” & every wish that love inspires & every kiss & every dear feeling of delight shall only make me more securely & entirely yours.’ Then, after hoping to see her in York next winter & at Steph’s2 before the end of the summer, I further wrote in crypt as follows, ‘I do not like to be too long estranged from you sometimes, for, Mary, there is a nameless tie in that soft intercourse which blends us into one & makes me feel that you are mine. There is no feeling like it. There is no pledge which gives such sweet possession.’ Monday 12 February [Halifax] Letter… from Anne Belcombe (Petergate, York)… nothing but news & concluded, ‘from your ever sincere, affectionate, Anne Belcombe.’ The seal, Cupid in a boat guided by a star. ‘Si je te perds, je suis perdu.’3 Such letters as these will keep up much love on my part. I shall not think much about her but get out of the scrape as well as I can, sorry & remorseful to have been in it at all. Heaven forgive me, & may M— never know it.

Then immediately came Mrs Barlow to go out again. She jumped on the window seat to see if it rained. I locked the door as usual, then lifted her down and placed her on my knee. By & by she said, ‘Is the door fast?’ I, forgetting, got up to see, then took her again on my knee & there she sat till four & threequarters, when Mlle de Sans sent to ask if I could receive. [I] told the maid I was sorry, I could not, I had got so bad a headache. The fact was I was heated & in a state not fit to see anyone. I had kissed & pressed Mrs Barlow on my knee till I had had a complete fit of passion. My knees & thighs shook, my breathing & everything told her what was the matter. She said she did me no good.

Friday 22 December [Langton] From 3 to 4, walked with Anne Belcombe in the East Balk field. In the evening, Mrs Milne played. Hung over her at the instrument. Afterwards, sat next to her & paid her marked attention… Came upstairs at 10.40. Near ½ hour in Mrs Milne’s room. Near an hour with Anne Belcombe. She told me of my attention to Mrs Milne & that I had taken no notice of her or Miss Vallance & that she was sure Miss Vallance had observed it & felt as she did. Said I could not help it. Mrs Milne was fascinating. Then went half an hour to Miss Vallance. Got out of her that she had observed me to Mrs Milne & was a little jealous. Anne then came to my room, having expected me again in hers, & staid almost till I got into bed. Her love for me gets quite as evident as I could wish.

That doesn’t explain how you got the notes,

I've kept this part of myself hidden since junior high. I want to be whole, Danni; with the love of both a man and a woman. Maybe to some that makes me a freak, but to me that feels normal.

Then, let yourself go, Danni, and take what you want. Give yourself over to it and just feel.

Damn! If she had any idea what her bare toes did to me, she'd never take off her shoes again.

She loves you,” Ryan said. “Part of loving you is being able to accept and love all of your different pieces – even the piece that needs to love men. Do your best to ignore the negative, because no mater what you do it will always be there. Focus on the positive. That's all you can do.

It is,” Ryan said. “I find it fascinating to see Alex become Zander and Dagger … well, he just morphs into this other crazy person that I find sexy as fucking hell.

You're both in love with Alex and you still love each other,” Jayson said. “That should be celebrated, not mourned.

Dagger’s smile was easy, relaxed, sated. “Forever,” Dagger whispered. “Can you give me that?” Ryan leaned forward and caught Dagger’s mouth, deeply tasting him. “Forever and then some,” Ryan said. “Just like this.

When he turned around, Dagger was already on his way up the stairs to the bedroom – their bedroom. Ryan smiled to himself, thinking for a moment how far they had come together, how much they had grown, and how happy he was with his life. He truly was where he wanted to be.

He was home.

Ryan watched it all from a distance, seeing a man known for his enormous stage ego and rock swagger show another side of himself. Ryan found it hard not to get emotional. This visit was supposed to be all about revealing themselves to the other and exploring what they found together. But the man Ryan was discovering was better than he imagined, more human and real, with an endless amount of compassion.

Your past wasn’t a lie,” he said. “What you felt then was real – in that moment, but as we age, we evolve. We discover new things about ourselves, preferences, and so on. It’s all part of defining who we are – who we were meant to be. I think that’s what’s happening to you.

It had been the first kiss of his life and it hadn’t been with a girl – it was with a boy.

Dagger watched the man turn around and his breath caught at the gorgeous man standing before him.

He watched the man run his long fingers through the thick bangs covering his forehead, then deep blue eyes captured Dagger’s and his anger was all but forgotten.

Dagger was annoying and beginning to inch across that imaginary line of pissing Ryan off.

Dagger was looking at him: predatory, like he wanted to eat Ryan alive.

That’s where I get my inspiration,” Dagger said. “I’m surrounded on a daily basis with a constant supply of dysfunction, hate, love – you name it. I’ve either lived it, dreamed it, or watched someone else be consumed by it. Let’s just say, I don’t have to go far to be inspired.

If you spend too much time thinking about doing something, you won’t ever have enough time to experience it or feel it. And feeling is the best part of anything. That’s how we know we’re alive.

You’re gay, but you talk about screwing countless women, many at the same time,” Ryan said. “Wouldn’t that make you bi?” “I don’t like labels,” Dagger said. “Sex is sex. I can get off with women, but I prefer being with a man, and the only emotional connections I’ve ever felt are with men. I think that makes me very gay.

But since their initial meeting, Ryan had developed a more focused interest in Dagger, gone out of his way to find news bits on Dagger’s shows – his whereabouts,

The sex with Beth was adequate but no matter how hard they tried, what they shared in bed never seemed to escalate into the fiery hot category.

That’s because you’re falling for me, Ry, but don’t worry. I’ll catch you long before you hit the floor.

In his entire life, he’d never had to question his feelings or attractions and lately it seemed he was doing that at least once a day. Since puberty, he’d only thought of being with girls and once he hit high school, he wanted them in his bed. He always had a close circle of male friends, even had a gay friend in college, but never once had he spent a single second of time questioning the specifics of those friendships or if he wanted there to be more – possibly something physical. Until Dagger.

You liked it,” Tommy said. “You liked it as much as I did, and now you’re gonna pretend it didn’t happen?” Ryan held Tommy’s gaze, noticing the pained look in his eyes, and he nodded. “Yeah, I am.

Tommy gravitated to a new bunch of friends, a few Ryan suspected were gay, just like Tommy, and Ryan began to work through a quick succession of girlfriends none of them lasting more than a few months’ time – and not a single one of them could kiss him like Tommy. That was a fact Ryan did not intend to share with anyone. Ever.

There was something a little twisted about an ex-girlfriend giving her blessing for him to pursue a curiosity with a man. Why was it everyone around him seemed to possess more wisdom about his life then he did?

He kept replaying his conversation with Beth in his head. She had seriously thought he might be bi-curious. How could that be? He’d never once had a male fantasy or even so much as looked at another guy that way. Until Dagger.

If he didn’t at least take a closer look at this, he’d spend the rest of his days wondering: what if.

He should have been repulsed, angry, even disgusted by his actions, but he wasn’t. Scared shitless, yes, but fear was healthy, wasn’t it?

Every nerve ending in his body was on fire. Being with Dagger was the best adrenaline rush he’d ever experienced. It made him feel alive.

For the first time in over a decade, Dagger was thinking he might want this to be more than physical, and that was something he doubted Ryan would ever want with him.

Dagger, don’t,” Ryan said. “I’ll come.” Dagger licked at Ryan’s lips, his hips rocking against Ryan. “Don’t worry, Ry. I love come.

Ahhh, I'm close – so close,” Chase said with labored breaths. He looked over his shoulder again; seeking Alex's mouth. Their tongues met in the middle, flicking against the other; lips lightly brushing but not making full contact. Each new breath was a rush of hot air over their flushed faces. “Say my name again,” Alex panted. “Shit! I can't hold off,” Chase said. “Say it,” Alex pleaded. “Fucckkkkk! Alex, Alex, fucking Alex – please, don't stop! I'm coming!” Alex felt Chase's release from the inside out and rode that wave of bliss with him. It was never ending, consuming him

along the searing path toward this new euphoria. His bones were melting and the air was being sucked right from his lungs. How could this be survivable? Who knew this level of orgasm could be achieved?

He quickly reached for his lyric book and started writing. You sing to me through laughter. I see it dancing in your eyes. Pieces of you fall onto me. Like raindrops from the sky. I am imperfect. So many broken pieces.

My scars run deep. Take what you want. I am all that you need. I am imperfect. Cut me open and watch me bleed. Tears for you. I am imperfect. When you are so perfect. To me.

Before Ryan’s eye’s, Dagger morphed into the rock star he was known to be. Gone were the soft tones and textures of his personality he shared with Ryan when they were alone. Those traits were replaced with a persona based on raw sexuality and swagger.

This felt like being stalked as prey, and he hated that his relationship with Dagger was being exploited for the entertainment of total strangers. This was more like cruel and unusual punishment, and for what crime – having the nerve to fall in love with a rock star?

How about we move forward from here, first day of forever, and no one from our past is relevant to what we have together.

Never fear my touch, Ry,” he said. “I will love you with everything I am.

Dagger smiled down at him and tipped his hips forward, then started to hum softly the melody to the Black Ice classic, “Everything I Am.” He dropped down to his elbows, pressed his chest to Ryan’s, and left a gentle kiss on his lips. Then he started singing in a husky, whispered tone that made Ryan tremble. Under me. Over me. You make me high. Love me.

Take me. Deep inside. And I will love you. With everything I am. Emotion stung at Ryan’s eyes. His chest felt tight and the lump in his throat was difficult to swallow around. No one had ever sung for him – and certainly not a solo performance like this, while naked in bed. If he doubted his feelings for Dagger before this serenade, none remained. Dagger was intricately woven around every cell fiber of his being, all the way to deepest recesses of his soul.

I was searching for someone I could love and be loved by – deeply. I was visualizing a man like you,

Besides, I’ve got other things on my mind now and it’s doubtful I’d able to concentrate on music.” “Other things, like me eating a banana?” “Other things, like you eating my banana.

Are you going to fuck me now?” he asked. Ryan shook his head, then lowered to kiss Dagger. “I’m not going to fuck you, Dagger. I’m going to love you.

This won’t be easy, and there will always be those who want to hate us for loving each other.

You’ll need to dig deep for the strength to push beyond those moments you feel animosity or hostility from total strangers and hold what we have and the feelings we have for one another, close to your heart.

You're destroying me,” Chase whispered. “If you like my finger, imagine how good my cock would feel in there.” Alex thrust his cock up, running it along the entire hot length of Chase's.

An invisible burden had been lifted from the deepest parts of his soul. How could that not change a person? For the first time in his life, he felt comfortable in his own skin. He felt freed. Even the word free rang too simplistically to express what he truly felt inside.

You sing to me through laughter. I see it dancing in your eyes. Pieces of you fall onto me. Like raindrops from the sky. I am imperfect. So many broken pieces. My scars run deep. Take what you want. I am all that you need. I am imperfect. Cut me open. Watch me bleed. Tears for you.

I am imperfect. When you are so perfect. To me.

It was more powerful than any drug Chase had experienced. His entire body began to respond to this closeness, tingling and vibrating; aching for another kiss or touch from Alex. One move from Alex is all it would take and the fuse would be lit for Chase and he'd have to act upon the urge. Again. Going against what Danni wanted for them, but nonetheless following his heart.

Look at me,” Chase said. “I need to see you.” A second later, the sea-green of Alex's eyes grabbed a hold of Chase and there it was again; the emotional connection between them going far deeper than the physical. The intimacy of that moment so pure and powerful, Chase wondered if he'd survive. His breath caught in his throat at the sudden rush of realization. This wasn't fucking; it was making love, and judging by the look on Alex's face, he knew it, too.

Since we found Mrs Lister’s body in the pool.