Al Anon Quotes

Your best days are ahead of you. The movie starts when the guy gets sober and puts his life back together; it doesn't end there.

We've been there and come back. When you fall in the pit, people are supposed to help you up. But you have to get up on your own. We'll take your arms, but you have to get your legs underneath you and stand.

Just as others pray daily, you should think to yourself daily about what you can do to be closer to this Ideal Image. Think: "What can I do today to make my life better?" "What can I do to become more like my Ideal Image?

While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.

They got drunk and high on a regular basis, but this is a vestige of youth that you either quit while you're young or you become an addict if you don't die. If you are the Old Guy In The Punk House, move out. You have a substance abuse problem.

I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.

Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.” Peter Marshall

Al-Anon’s Three Cs: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it.

In attempting to protect ourselves, we let our personalities slip away until we were emotionally numb. Struggling

If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor. AL-ANON

I was dating the same man over and over again, expecting a different relationship. Where's the sanity in that!?

Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I’m trying to control someone else or whether I’m simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable—agrees with what I’ve said or takes my advice—then I know I’ve lost my focus.

We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging. If we do judge-no matter how great the injury or how premeditated-we are at fault. Following this train of thought to its logical conclusion, we see that we can forgive only ourselves. In doing so, we also forgive the person whose action we have resented.

I’ve learned I can take care of myself, and what I can’t do, God will do for me. —Al-Anon member

daily visual reminder of the depths drink sunk him to, so Mrs. O. had gone around with her nose bent over flat against her left cheek—Bud O.’d tagged her with a left cross—until U.H.I.D. referred her to Al-Anon, which

I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only by admitting my dependence on a Power which is great and good beyond anything I can imagine or understand. I want to use this help in making all my decisions. Even though my little human mind cannot figure out what the outcome will be, I am confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good. “Thank God I am not dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God’s help, I will now step aside and let Him take over.

At many meetings, you will be able to sit there with a cup of coffee and a handful of cookies. How much better do you want your life? You haven't been treated this well since kindergarten. Cookies, coffee, and the story of The Little Junkie That Could. The only thing better would be if it came with a nap.

We have a right to expect more from life than mere survival.

We are powerless over another’s alcoholism. We didn’t cause the disease. We can’t control it. And we can’t cure it.

the non-drinking person in a relationship with an alcoholic got just as out of control, was in just as much pain, and needed just as much healing as the alcoholic. Al-Anon

We’re so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

By seeing the person as separate from the disease, by detaching, we can stop being hurt by groundless insults or angered by outrageous lies.

Me atrevería a decir que Anon, que escribió tantos poemas sin firmarlos, era una mujer.

If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor.

can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact

The way out is to surrender, and then to become, gradually, a co-creator of life. This is where the spiritual aspect of recovery comes into play as a powerful aid. Attendance at and working 12 Step recovery programs such as Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, ACA/ACoA, CoDA, and Overeaters Anonymous and others are helpful. Other spiritual paths may also be helpful.

When I can’t find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference. Whenever I work the Steps, I tell my Higher Power that I am willing to heal, to find a solution, to feel better. The energy that would have been dumped into worry, tears, and obsession can be turned into positive action. “We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.

The process of turning our life and will over to the care of God in Step Three begins by working the rest of the Steps and it involves more than giving up our defects. It involves giving God our assets, too.

She just has to get out of her own way." I've heard the expression countless times—from my brief forays into Al-Anon to Grace—but it's only now that I hear it, as Grace would say. I'm my own worst enemy. It's great to recognize the problem. How to stop doing it is the biggie.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon (ODAT), Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation.

Humility, the state of being humble, is often misunderstood; it is not a state of weakness, but of strength. It does not mean inferiority, resignation or submission; these imply that we are still resisting our need for help. When we are humble, we are totally willing to accept God's help, knowing that without it we cannot progress further. In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. We are learning to recognize humility in others; we are attracted to them and we learn from them.

If you go to an Al-Anon meeting, you’ll probably hear someone say “Don’t JADE!” The term “JADE” stands for “justify, argue, defend, explain.” When you try to defend yourself against a false accusation, you legitimize it by even acknowledging it. The only way to respond to these tactics is to stand up and walk away.

You will learn about A.A. and Al-Anon in the Red Road to Wellbriety but you will also learn about Talking Circles, Helping Spirits, the sweat lodge, the Medicine Wheel, sacred dances, smudging rituals, and praying with the eagle feather.  You will hear men and women of many tribes and traditions illustrating the diversity of how they came to live sober, meaningful lives. The

Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear. “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Amazingly, parents of these children have learned to lead more comfortable, more productive lives by becoming active, enthusiastic, participating, long-term members of Al-Anon. And subsequently their children have often dramatically recovered from the above situations. But this happened only after the parents got out of the way, stopped putting energy into the problem, stopped “helping” their children, stopped doing what wasn’t working and became willing to try something different.

I had invited God to come into my life but I had no idea how I thought things should be or how often I would close the door to God and let my will run wild. But with each struggle I have with God, I learn more about His beauty, love and patience. He isn't so far removed from me now. He's become my best friend. I still say, "No God, this time I think you're wrong. I won't." And God waits until my whole being realizes that I'm incapable of doing it alone, that His way is the best way. He has miraculously given me the strength and courage to face life as it is. I have His help and guidance to weather the storms and enjoy the beauty I had not seen before.

When I first stopped trying to fix other people, I turned my attention to 'curing' myself. I was in a hurry to get this healing process over. I wanted immediate recovery from the effects of growing up in a family riddled with alcoholism and from being married to an alcoholic. I looked forward to the day I would graduate from Al-Anon and get on with my life. As year two and year three passed, I was still in the program. I began to despair as the character defects I had worked so long to overcome came back to haunt me, particularly during times of stress and during periods when I didn't attend meetings. I have severe arthritis in my joints. To cope with my condition, I have to assess my body each day and patiently respond to its needs. Some days I need a warm bath to get going in the morning. On other days I apply a medicated rub to the painful areas. Yet other days some light stretching and exercise help to loosen me up. I'ave accepted that my arthritis will never go away. It's a condition I manage daily with consistent, on-going care. One day I made a connection between my medical condition and my struggle with recovery. I began to look at myself as having 'arthritis of the personality,' requiring patient, continuous care to keep me from 'stiffening' into old habits and attitudes. This care includes attending meetings, reading Al-Anon literature, calling my sponsor, and engaging in service. Now, as long as I practice patience, recovery is a manageable and adventurous process instead of an arduously sought end point.

I can’t control the rollercoaster At a recent meeting, the speaker said that life was a rollercoaster ride, and that we should expect to have ups and downs. That resonated with me. With an alcoholic wife and two kids experimenting with drugs, I’ve often felt like my life was careening out of control. But the times that I’ve felt worse were when I tried to control others. It was as if I reached over and grabbed their rollercoaster and got thrown around as it went through its motions. I can’t control that rollercoaster any more than I can stop or slow a real-life ride. It’s hard enough to deal with my own ride. I don’t need to take on someone else’s ride as well. I try to remember that when I see a loved one experiencing their ups and downs, I must resist the urge to grab on and try to control their ride, or go along on the ride with them. If I refrain from trying to control, my own ride becomes a little slower and a little straighter. I can’t make anyone else’s well-being more important to me than it is to them. By Rick, California

Taking control of the situation There are a great many parents—as I’ve learned by attending endless parent support group meetings— who had the same high hopes for their families as I. If you’re such a parent, then you probably know that it isn’t just the child who can be out of control, but also the parent. Possibly you are also aware that continuous reacting on your part is useless as well as extremely hazardous to your health and well-being. The most ruinous thing you can do is to allow the situation to continue on its present destructive course. Here are some simple steps you can take to deactivate the negativity so rampant in your family dynamics. Please note that it takes courage and determination to carry this off successfully. Cut off all funds to the addict. Holding onto the purse strings with an iron fist will have immediate results, as well as repercussions. (Keep an eye on family valuables. In fact, lock them away.) Cut off all privileges accorded to your addicts— such as use of the family car or having their friends in your house. Carry out all threats you make. The fastest way to lose credibility with addicted children is to become a “softie” at the last minute. Refuse to rescue your addicts when they get into legal jams. Don’t pay their fines or their bail. Get yourself into a support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or Tough Love as fast as you can. Attempt to get your addicted kids into rehabs. If they’re underage you can sign them in. Adult admission is done on a voluntary basis, so you may be out of luck. Drugs erase any trace of conscience. Be aware that many of today’s drugged youths will think nothing of injuring or even murdering their parents for money. If you suspect that your child could resort to this level of violence, get in touch with the police. If you’re a single parent there will be one voice, but if you’re married there’ll be two. It’s important to merge those two voices so that a single, clear message reaches the addict. If you can work with your partner as a team to institute these simple steps when dealing with the addict, you’ll have done yourself and your family a great service. If, however, you entertain the notion that you were responsible for your child’s addictions in the first place, chances are you won’t be effective in enforcing these guidelines. That’s what the next chapter is all about. Note 1. Drug abuse and alcoholism are officially listed in The International Classification of Diseases, 4th edition, 9th revision, the World Health Organization’s directory on diseases.

direction, we needn’t take it any more personally than we would take

It’s time to stop waiting for others to take care of me. The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me. “Gradually I accepted the fact that my ‘if only’ wishes were not about to come true. But I also learned that I could be happy even if they didn’t.

Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves.

We lose the battles. We lose the wars. We lose our selves—our lives. Borrowing a tidbit from Al-Anon: You didn’t cause it; you can’t control it; and you can’t cure it. So stop trying! We become utterly frustrated when we try to do the impossible. And we usually prevent the possible from happening. I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing, or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about that situation, the person, or me. My controlling blocks God’s power. It blocks other people’s ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events. Control is an illusion. It doesn’t work. We cannot control alcoholism. We cannot control anyone’s compulsive behaviors—overeating, sexual, gambling—or any of their behaviors. We cannot (and have no business trying to) control anyone’s emotions, mind, or choices. We cannot control the outcome of events. We cannot control life. Some of us can barely control ourselves. People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right. It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER. We cannot change people. Any attempts to control them are a delusion as well as an illusion. People will either resist our efforts or redouble their efforts to prove we can’t control them. They may temporarily adapt to our demands, but the moment we turn our backs they will return to their natural state. Furthermore, people will punish us for making them do something they don’t want to do, or be something they don’t want to be. No amount of control will effect a permanent or desirable change in another person. We can sometimes do things that increase the probability that people will want to change, but we can’t even guarantee or control that.

don’t know the motives or circumstances that cause another’s behavior. I do know that when I hold onto resentment and blame, I occupy my spirit with bitterness. Today I will find a more nurturing way to fill myself up. “You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.

We may serve as the enabler, rescuing the alcoholic from unpleasant consequences of his or her own making. Or we may play the victim, unwillingly stepping in and covering for the alcoholic who is too drunk or hung over to fulfill job or family responsibilities. Perhaps we find that our role has been to take the blame whenever anything goes wrong, even when we weren’t remotely involved. Others provide

All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.

detach with love Some family members practice detaching with love, a concept promoted by Al-Anon,

Your dad says you have a boyfriend,” she says and smiles. I nod. “Matthew,” I tell her. She doesn’t deserve the details. “The one with the tattoos,” she says. “He’s very handsome.” “He’s good and kind,” I correct. Then I smile, because thinking of him brings it out in me. “And handsome.” “Do you love him?” she asks. I nod my head. “As much as I know about love,” I say. “If I have to say yes or no, I say yes. But I’m not completely sure what that means.” “I’m sorry we made you doubt yourself so much. You’re worth so much more.” She swipes a hand beneath her nose. “We were terrible examples.” “I don’t trust him with my heart,” I admit. “I’m terrified to love him.” “Afraid he’ll turn on you?” she asks. “Or that he’ll walk away?” “Or that he’ll love me till the end of time,” I say. That’s just as scary, because I don’t know what to do with it. “You should look into some Al-Anon meetings,” she says. “They’re for families of addicts.” “Okay,” I say. She taps my leg. “For you,” she says. “Not for me.” She lights a new cigarette. I raise my brow at her. She laughs. “I’ve never felt quite so exposed. It’s a new and scary feeling. So, forgive me my vices. I’ll quit when I get through this.” “Okay.” I understand. I think. “Don’t be afraid to let him love you, Sky,” she says quietly. “I was afraid to let your dad love me. I didn’t think I deserved it, after the things I did when I was drinking. So I shut him out. Let Matthew in. Let him love you. Take it all in and let it seep into your bones. Don’t let it go. If he breaks your heart, at least you’ll know you still have one. Don’t die inside, like me. Let love in. Let it surround you and keep you on your feet when you can’t go anymore. Let. Love. In.

You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life . . .” Jane Seymour

Making amends isn’t just saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ It means responding differently from our new understanding.

We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives.

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal

We cannot climb up a rope that is attached only to our own belt.” William Ernest Hocking

I had such a low opinion of myself.

know

Sure, you love him. . . but is it time to love yourself MORE!?

People-Pleasing Is a Form of Assholery” Whitney wrote, produced and starred in Whitney, which aired on NBC from 2011 to 2013: “I was so apologetic and afraid of people not liking me, that . . . [I] slowed down the writing process and confused employees. In the room, people would pitch jokes, and I would just say ‘yes’ to all of them, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’d have to go later and change them, and then—all of a sudden—the script comes out and their jokes aren’t there, and they feel betrayed and lied to. “When I first went in to Al-Anon [support group for addiction] I heard someone say, ‘People-pleasing is a form of assholery,’ which I just loved, because you’re not pleasing anybody. You’re just making them resentful because you’re being disingenuous, and you’re also not giving them the dignity of their own experience and [assuming] they can’t handle the truth. It’s patronizing.” TF: After this conversation with Whitney I reread Lying by Sam Harris. The types of “white lies” Whitney describes can be hugely destructive, and Sam makes a compelling case for stopping the use of a wide spectrum of half-truths.

Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.” Henry David Thoreau

After a while, I saw that my fears had little to do with the alcoholic. Instead, they indicated that I needed to work my program.

Now they are free to enjoy the fruits of their positive efforts and to reap the consequences of their more destructive behavior. Regardless of what they choose to do about it, by minding our own business and getting out of the way, we allow others to be themselves. Meanwhile, we free ourselves from all kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry. Thus, we, too, have the opportunity to face ourselves.

And chief among those limitations is the fact that we cannot cure ourselves. By accepting that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, we begin to achieve the humility that is necessary for change to take place. In Step Seven, we put that acceptance to work. We take action.

As we become willing, (78) we search for positive aspects in every situation and find gifts hidden in even the most trying times. Gradually, and at first imperceptibly, our outlook shifts until the world actually appears brighter and more inviting. In time, situations that would have given rise to any number of negative attitudes pass almost unnoticed.

It makes no more sense to berate ourselves for being short on patience than it does to berate ourselves because teddy bears are in short supply in our toy store. By looking at and accepting ourselves as we truly are, we can make decisions about who we choose to become.

many of us find it difficult even to begin this self-focused process because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others, especially the alcoholic.

our behavior is motivated by fear. Not only is it harmful to a relationship to hover anxiously or suspiciously over a loved one night and day, it is also extremely self-destructive.

Each of us is worthy of love, and each of us is doubly blessed when we are able to dig down past our grievances and resentments, no matter how justified we may feel in harboring them, and find within ourselves the recognition of that part of the other person that is and always will be lovable.

But if we set all self-justification aside and keep the focus strictly on ourselves, we must admit that we were responsible for causing harm.

Canceling plans and staying home to avoid the consequences of “defying” the alcoholic is another form of self-abandonment and has nothing to do with love.

But by doing so, we have opened a door for help and stepped out of the way. We can only deepen our commitment every time we surrender anew.

But it is only the beginning of a lifelong process of spiritual renewal and growth.

the thoughts and concerns that waste our time and energy because we cannot resolve them by ourselves. And we let God take care of them.

When looking toward the future, we imagine the worst, becoming so busy worrying or trying to protect ourselves that we neglect to enjoy ourselves along the way.

After a lifetime of self-sufficiency, most of us need to be reminded that there are limits to what we can achieve without help.

As Shakespeare suggested, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Consciously or otherwise, our attitudes affect the way we perceive everything that happens in our lives, so that the life we experience often has more to do with the way we interpret what happens than with the events themselves.

We, too, deserve love.

We are the only ones who will ever really know. If we wish to be free from the terrible, suffocating weight of guilt, we must take whatever action is necessary to make amends for the harm we have caused. Only then will we find real relief.

Let Go and Let God.” This slogan gives us permission to replace stress, worry, and suffering with serenity and faith.

Only when we finally stop, take stock of what our efforts have produced, and admit that we have been pursuing an illusion, can we turn in a direction that will actually meet our needs. Likewise, when we let go of the illusion of power over alcohol and over other people, we move in a more positive, productive, and rewarding direction. We move toward hope.

Instead of feeling drained, overwhelmed, and stressed by the circumstances we encounter, we begin to feel empowered and capable of coping

Learning to detach often begins by learning to take a moment before reacting to alcoholic behavior. In that moment we can ask ourselves, “Is this behavior coming from the person or the disease

we forgive when we acknowledge our common humanity with everyone, even the person we feel the most entitled to condemn.

Rehearsing and re-rehearsing old injuries robs us of all that is precious. Shame never liberated a single spirit. And self-righteousness never softened a heart.

It takes time and practice to master detachment. Beginning the process is important, even if we do it badly at first and must later make amends.

Resentment will do nothing except tear us apart inside. No one ever found serenity through hatred. No one ever truly recovered from the effects of alcoholism by harboring anger or fear, or by holding on to grudges. Hostility keeps us tied to the abuses of the past. Even if the alcoholic is long gone from our lives or has refrained from drinking for many years, we, too, need to learn to detach. We need to step back from the memories of alcoholic behavior that continue to haunt us. We begin to detach when we identify the disease of alcoholism as the cause of the behavior and recognize that our ongoing struggle with unpleasant memories is an effect of that disease. We, too, must find within us compassion for the alcoholic who suffered from this terrible illness.

Instead of hanging on for dear life, we “Let Go and Let God.

Changing such self-defeating attitudes is essential to recovery, but we have to be honest with ourselves. There is no value in pretending to have a sunny outlook when we really perceive a situation to be painful or frightening, or when we feel the world is a gloomy place. We are seeking genuine change, not denial. And the first step in changing our negative attitudes is becoming aware of them, a process that rarely happens overnight.

we can stop trying to play God and accept the very real possibility that the people and events in our lives are part of the greater vision of a Higher Power. In doing so, it becomes easier to accept the things we cannot change.

Serenity may be the most precious gift we receive because it allows us to know that our lives are in the care of a Power greater than ourselves and therefore, even in the midst of chaos, there is hope. (82)

What is the purpose of our recovery? If we are truly in pursuit of serenity, of healing, of a sense of inner peace that will help us to deal with and possibly even enjoy whatever life brings, we must improve the way we interact with others. This doesn’t mean that we close our eyes to the unacceptable or tolerate the intolerable.

By showing us how to make peace with the past, the Steps help us learn to live in the reality of the present. We begin to take care of ourselves, even to challenge ourselves. We come to forgive ourselves as well as others—and ultimately to love more profoundly than ever before. But

After a while, we try to understand the Steps in greater depth. Hoping to grasp their wisdom, we read about them, think about them, write about them, talk about them, and listen to what others have learned from their explorations.

Even if we come under criticism from those outside our program, we cannot afford to be lured into controversy. Just as we learn to stop reacting to an alcoholic’s provocation, we need not react to anyone’s opinions or prodding or be tempted to adopt a defensive or aggressive position.

Vindictiveness, vengeance, resentment, blame, and hard-heartedness do us far more harm than anyone else.

Our recovery from the effects of alcoholism allows us to become more fully the men and women we are capable of being. As we grow, we learn to choose behavior that we can feel good about.

We learn to speak for ourselves, but never presume to speak for anyone else. We respect the privacy of others and acknowledge their right to have their own ideas and grow at their own pace. Likewise, we acknowledge and fulfill our own right to do the same.

to stop focusing so intently on what those around us say, do, and feel, and instead to put the focus on ourselves.

Of course, this experience will eventually pass and the feelings will depart, but in the meantime we need to treat ourselves with extra tenderness.

Prayer and meditation take many different forms, but they all have a common goal—to put us in better and more conscious touch with the God of our understanding, the proven source of strength, love, and hope in our lives.

So it is only natural that we would want to take whatever actions we can to consciously improve our relationship with the God of our understanding.

Let It Begin with Me” is a way to change the things we can—especially our own attitudes—instead of waiting for everyone else to change to suit us.