Weird Barbie Quotes

Do vampyres play chess? Were there vampyre dorks? How about Barbie-like vampyre cheerleaders? Did any vampyres play in the band? Were there vampyre Emos with their guy-wearing-girl’s-pants weirdness and those awful bangs that cover half their faces? Or were they all those freaky Goth kids who didn’t like to bathe much? Was I going to turn into a Goth kid? Or worse, an Emo? I didn’t particularly like wearing black, at least not exclusively, and I wasn’t feeling a sudden and unfortunate aversion to soap and water, nor did I have an obsessive desire to change my hairstyle and wear too much eyeliner.

As a kid, he would have given just about anything to touch a naked Barbie, but he'd never been lucky enough to get within ogling distance. Now that he was afforded a good look at her, he discovered she had a scrawny ass and her knees made weird crunching sounds.

Honestly, I'd rather be anywhere else. Even home, where my dad begins almost every conversation with, "You should lose the black clothes and wear something with color." Puh-lease. Like I want to look like every Barbie clone in Hell High, a.k.a. Oklahoma's insignificant Haloway High School. Ironically, Dad doesn't appreciate the bright blue streaks in my originally blond/now-dyed-black hair. Go figure. That's color, right?

One day the Barbie without a head convinced Donny and Marie to put pink and blue Life pegs through the holes in their hands. The Barbies pretended the pegs were hits of acid and got the Osmonds to think they could fly.

But there was one girl who had a big influence over me. Barbie. I worshipped Barbie. In fact, I would say Barbie was my twelve-inch plastic life coach. She had it all, a camper, a dune buggy, even a dream house. Part of why it was a dream house to me was that she was the only one who lived there. Her boyfriend, Ken, came to visit when she--er, I decided. She had a sports car and would bounce from job to job as she--er, I saw fit.Barbie owned zero floral baby-making dresses. I craved that indepence. And her weird-ass boobs? So what? She still reached the steering wheel of her royal blue sports car. Some people thought that the fact that her feet were fucked and she couldn't stand was a problem. But to me, it meant she was free. Free from standing at a stove, or a washing machine, or with a baby hanging off her hip. She has no hip. She has no hips. Plus, she didn't have to walk; she drove her convertible everywhere. God, I loved Barbie. She was free in every way I knew how to define freedom.

It didn’t at all struck her as weird the into hadn’t come from Beast.

CHAPTER 1   Mon, Jan. 18, 1993   I got back home from Grandpa's house yesterday.  It was a really long plane ride, but I slept a lot, so that's why I'm writing now and not yesterday.  Mom and Dad said I had to go back to school today, and I'm really mad about that.  I had to go to school at Grandpa's too, because I was there for so long. So when I went to school this morning and talked to the principal to get me back in, they told me something that really made me upset.  Remember how they moved me to 4th grade when I was at Grandpa's?  Well, they put me back in 3rd!  I did so good when I was in 4th grade, but now I have to go backwards!  I'm not stupid!  It's not fair!  I don't want to start over!  I think Dad was really mad about it, but I don't know why, he doesn't have to go back to 3rd grade. Well, I still went to school today, even though I was really mad.  It was the same teacher I had before I went to Grandpa's, Miss Florence.  She was happy to see me, and I was too, because she's really nice, but I felt sad that I wasn't still in 4th grade.  I missed the friends I had here, but I miss my friends at the other school too.  I don't know, I felt really weird today. But today something cool happened... I remembered that I've been writing in you for a whole year now!  It's like you're my friend... a secret friend!  I can tell you anything I want, and nobody tries to find out what I say! I want to give you a name.  I want to call you............. “Barbie.”  Is that okay?  I know there are Barbie dolls, but all I do is dress them up, they just like to play pretend. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Barbie!

So here’s the dealio; I was trying to think of what I could get for your birthday that would mean something, not just the usual Barbie crap. And I was thinking—you and me are Indian. Your mom’s not, but we are. And I’ve always liked Indian symbols. Know what a symbol is?” She shook her head. “Shit that stands for shit. So let’s see if I remember this right.” Sitting on the bed, he plucked the bird card out of her hand, turning it around in his fingers. “Okay, this guy is magic. He’ll protect you from bad spells and other kinds of weirdness you might not even be aware of.” Carefully he unwound the wire ties that attached the small charm to its plastic card and placed the bird on her bedside table. Then he picked up the teddy bear. “This fierce animal is a protector.” She laughed. “No, really. It may not look like it, but appearances can be deceiving. This dude is a fearless spirit. And with that fearless spirit, he signals bravery to those who require it.” He freed the bear from the card and set it on the table next to the bird. “All right. Now the fish. This one might be the best of all. It gives you the power to resist other people’s magic. How cool is that?” She thought

I’m never going to live this down. No Barbie or some weird shit, baby, or I’ll do something worse to you.