Sylvia Boorstein Quotes

Life is painful, suffering is optional.

Mindfulness meditation doesn't change life. Life remains as fragile and unpredictable as ever. Meditation changes the heart's capacity to accept life as it is. It teaches the heart to be more accommodating, not by beating it into submission, but by making it clear that accommodation is a gratifying choice.

... every single act we do has the potential of causing pain, and every single thing we do has consequences that echo way beyond what we can imagine. It doesn't mean we shouldn't act. It means we should act carefully. Everything matters [p. 41].

The mind is like tofu. It tastes like whatever you marinate it in.

May I meet this moment fully. May I meet it as a friend.

Some of my most precious moments of insight have been those in which I have seen clearly that gratitude is the only possible response." (Sylvia Boorstein, from "You Don't Look Buddhist")

May I feel contented and safe. May I feel protected and pleased. May my physical body support me with strength. May my life unfold smoothly with ease. [p. 71]

Pain is inevitable; lives come with pain. Suffering is not inevitable. If suffering is what happens when we struggle with our experience because of our inability to accept it, then suffering is an optional extra [p. 19].

All losses are sad. The end of an important relationship is also a death. When people fall out of love with each other, or when what seemed like a solid friendship falls into ruin, the hope for a shared future--a hope that provided a context and a purpose to life--is gone. [p. 149]

... you are in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let's pay attention to what is happening. Then we'll figure out what to do. [p. 10]

I want to feel deeply, and whenever I am brokenhearted I emerge more compassionate. I think I allow myself to be brokenhearted more easily, knowing I won't be irrevocably shattered [p. 59]

The Buddha taught complete honesty, with the extra instruction that everything a person says should be truthful and helpful.

Everything is always changing. "There is a cause-and-effect lawfulness that governs all unfolding experience. "What I do matters, but I am not in charge. Suffering results from struggling with what is beyond my control. [pp. 27-28]

... freedom of choice is possible. Life is going to unfold however it does: pleasant or unpleasant, disappointing or thrilling, expected or unexpected, all of the above! What a relief it would be to know that whatever wave comes along, we can ride it out with grace [p. 35].

Becoming aware of fragility, of temporality, of the fact that we will surely all be lost to one another, sooner or later, mandates a clear imperative to be totally kind and loving to each other always [p.119].

... the moment in which the mind acknowledge 'This isn't what I wanted, but it's what I got' is the point at which suffering disappears. Sadness might remain present, but the mind ... is free to console, free to support the mind's acceptance of the situation, free to allow space for new possibilities to come into view. [p. 29]

In the country, I stopped being a person who, in the words of Sylvia Boorstein, startles easily. I grew calmer, but beneath that calm was a deep well of loneliness I hadn't known was there. ... Anxiety was my fuel. When I stopped, it was all waiting for me: fear, anger, grief, despair, and that terrible, terrible loneliness. What was it about? I was hardly alone. I loved my husband and son. I had great friends, colleagues, students. In the quiet, in the extra hours, I was forced to ask the question, and to listen carefully to the answer: I was lonely for myself. [p. 123]

Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn't more complicated that that. It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.

... life is difficult and painful, just by its very nature, not because we're doing it wrong [pp. 17-18].

... change and loss and sadness and grief are the shared lot of all human beings ... we are all making our way from one end of life to the other hoping--for whatever intervals of time we can manage it--to feel safe and content and strong and at ease. [p.40]

Buddha also said that the Dharma, like a bird, needs two wings to fly, and that the wing that balances Wisdom is compassion.

I love the phrase 'I am not afraid!' Maybe it's the best phrase we can say, other than 'I have everything I need.' Maybe they are the same. [p. 14]

Perhaps... these days of less sunlight are opportunities for more contemplative time, more looking deeply to see what can only be seen in the dark.

Heir to your own karma doesn't mean 'You get what you deserve.' I think it means 'You get what you get.' Bad things happen to good people. My happiness depending on my action means, to me, that it depends on my action of choosing compassion--for myself as well as for everyone else--rather than contention. [p.61]

Effort, concentration, and mindfulness are the internal ways in which the mind restores itself from being out of balance and lost in confusion to a condition of ease, clarity, and wisdom NO external action needs to happen. [p. 17]

... the delicacy, the impermanence, the emptiness of mind states. Just like the weather, they blow in and out. Good mood. Bad mood. Tranquil mood. Frazzled mood [p. 105].

The Buddha’s criteria for Wise Speech include—in addition to the obvious expectation that speech be truthful— that it be timely, gentle, motivated by kindness, and helpful.

Don't just do something, sit there!

Speech that compliments is, by definition, free from derision, which clouds the mind with enemies and makes it tense. Kind speech makes the mind feel safe and also glad. [p.74]

The end of health or of vigor is sad. [p. 149]

Anger is often a big problem for people who grew up in families where the overt expression of anger was an everyday occurrence. They have too much opportunity to practice anger and not enough sense of the other possibilities. Rage becomes, for them, the habitual response of the mind to unpleasant situations. ... When people begin to see that anger, like any other mind energy, is just a transient phenomenon and therefore workable, they are very relieved [p. 83].

They were struggling and often in quite a lot of pain and concern, but still, they were all right. I thought to myself as I looked around, 'What we're all doing is we're all managing gracefully.' [p.5]

Sadness isn't a kilesha, a habit pattern evoked by challenge. Sadness sis what the mind feels when it is bereaved or bereft. All the wisdom in the world about the inevitability of change or the lawfulness of does not ease the heaviness in the mind that we feel when we lose someone, or something, we hold dear [p. 148].

Right Understanding means feeling terrible, remembering pain is finite, and taking some solace from that remembering. And, when things are pleasant, even splendidly pleasant, remembering impermanence doesn't diminish the experience--it enhances it [p. 33]

The responses of friendliness, compassion, and appreciation that I felt ...--all situational permutations of basic goodwill--depended on my mind's being relaxed and alert enough to notice both what was happening around me and what was happening as my internal response. [p.50]

Essentially, he taught that it doesn’t make sense to upset ourselves about what is beyond our control. We don’t get a choice about what hand we are dealt in this life. The only choice we have is our attitude about the cards we hold and the finesse with which we play our hand.

I know whether or not I am confused most readily by noticing--being mindful of--my capacity for feeling caring concern. ... when I feel myself in caring connection--encouraging, consoling, or appreciating--I feel the twin pleasures of clarity and goodness. It doesn't matter if the connection I feel is to myself or a person I know or people I don't know or even the whole world. The lively impulse of caring is what counts. [p. 20]

If I can't see around my personal story, I'll have no way to see sit in context: This is one event in a life of events. It is whatever it is, but it is temporal. The pain is terrible, but it won't last. I can manage it. or this joy is incredible, but it won't last. Celebrate it now! [pp. 104-105]

One of the ways we build intimate relationships with other people is by sharing our fears with them, telling them the things that still frighten us. ... "When we begin to appreciate the ways in which people have been frightened in their lives, we can be compassionate toward them, rather than angry [p. 97].

Sadness isn't a kilesha, a habit pattern evoked by challenge. Sadness is what the mind feels when it is bereaved or bereft. All the wisdom in the world about the inevitability of change or the lawfulness of karma does not ease the heaviness in the mind that we feel when we lose someone, or something, we hold dear [p. 148].

... although I knew what issues had been most difficult for me in my life, I may not have known the depth of the feeling I had about them. ... When those stories, with their feelings, returned ... I paid attention to them. What I tell people now it, 'Try to keep your mind hospitable. This needs to visit for a while. Don't be afraid.' [p. 122]

Sometimes I think the only thing worth saying is “I love you.

Safely connected to my life, and reassured of my essential goodness, I feel at ease, at home, really in the most sublime of homes. [p. 58]

It is possible to cultivate a mind so spacious that it can be passionate and awake and responsive and involved and care about things, and noty struggle [p. 23]

... Fear doesn't frighten me as much as it used to. I know it's from clinging, and I know it will pass [p. 29].

Hatred will never cease by hatred, Only love will erase hatred, This is the eternal law.

I think they paid attention to their lives and became wise. For those of us who don’t arrive at wisdom naturally, meditation is one way to get there through practice.

Mindfulness, the aware, balanced acceptance of present experience, is at the heart of what the Buddha taught.

Life is easier without imperatives.

I'd say, "But I'm not happy." And she'd say, "Where is it written that you're supposed to be happy all the time?

Here's a practice idea for right now. Choose one of those sets of phrases. ... Plan on taking some time to say those words over and over, as you would an ardent prayer. Set some time aside for this. (Fifteen minutes would be a good start.) Then sit comfortably. Later on, you can say these phrases walking about or doing chores or even riding your bike--but for now, just sit. That way you can look at the words. "Say each phrase as if you expect it will feel different in your mind--they are slightly different wishes--and feel how each of them echoes in your mind and body. [pp. 72-73]

Being trapped by fear is a form of delusion. Either I can do something or I can't. If I truly can't ... I don't do it. If I truly can, and it wold be a wholesome thing to do, I push myself [p. 39].

Knowing ... that the struggle to create a different current reality is to no avail helps keep the attention present even when experience is painful. ... the same wisdom that keeps the attention alert and present in painful circumstances includes the awareness ... that human beings feel about things, that we lament or yearn or grieve even when we understand that things can't be different. [p. 33]

Mindfulness, the aware, balanced acceptance of present experience, is at the heart of what the Buddha taught. This book is meant to be a basic Buddhist primer, but no one should be daunted. It's easier than you think [p. 4]

I am more able to recognize when my mind has gotten itself into trouble and increasingly eager to mobilize the energy to rescue it. Concentration and mindfulness, as remedies to confusion, are either self-activating ... or at least reasonably available remedies to confusion. [pp. 17-18]

The Buddha said that there are three times that a person should consider the consequences of any action: before, during, and after. “One should reflect thus,” he said. “‘Is what I am about to do . . .’ or ‘Is what I am currently doing . . .’ or ‘Is what I just did . . . for my own well-being and for the benefit of all others?

... if anger arises in the mind in response to an outside event, it's helpful to look for either the saddening or frightening aspect of that event and then take whatever measures we can to address the sadness or the fear. Knowing that negativity or aversion is a transient energy never means to ignore it. It means to see it clearly, always, and work with it wisely [p. 85].

The next-to-last sentence that the Buddha is reported to have spoken as he was dying, before his final sentence of encouragement to his community, was “Transient are all conditioned things.

Because a grumpy mood that seems to come out of the blue is so inexplicable, I think we go around looking for something to feel annoyed about, some external circumstance to dislike in order to discharge that energy. Even

We talked about how feeling a little better made her feel much better,

not doing anything to change experience but rather discovering that experience is bearable.

Being trapped by fear is a form of delusion. Either I can do something or I can’t. If I truly can’t . . . I don’t do it. If I truly can . . . I push myself.” —Sylvia Boorstein

He did not confuse compassion with passivity.

Here is the instruction: Only connect. Wherever you are, right now, pay attention. Forever.

Knowing the truth brings happiness.

I would not ask you to do this practice, to undertake this path of liberation from the habits of suffering mind, unless it were a feasible path.

Everybody manages one way or another; everyone who is alive and reading this book has managed.

We don’t get a choice about what hand we are dealt in this life.

Nan Fink Gefen, a Jewish meditation teacher and author of an introduction to Jewish meditation, identifies three major sources of contemporary Jewish meditation techniques: (1) the Jewish meditative tradition, (2) the creative work of meditation teachers today who use Jewish symbols and images, and (3) the influence of Buddhism today. She remarks that “almost a third of American Buddhists are Jewish by birth. Many of these people have found a spiritual path within Buddhism that they didn’t find within Judaism, but they want to reconnect with their Jewish roots.”7 She does not seem to be bothered by this intrusion, for she adds, “We are pleased to introduce them [i.e, the seekers] to Jewish meditation. As they learn about it, they bring the knowledge and wisdom gained from Buddhism to their practices. Their insights help to shape the direction of Jewish meditation.” In fact, there are those who, like Sylvia Boorstein, a teacher of mindfulness and a practicing psychotherapist, say that one can easily be “a faithful Jew and a passionate Buddhist.”8

Here is an exercise in advanced Right Speech. Starting tomorrow when you wake up, don’t gossip. See what happens if you just give up making comments about anyone not present. Listen carefully to the voice in your mind as it is getting ready to make a comment, and think to yourself, “Why am I saying this?” Awareness of intention is the best clue for knowing whether the remark you are about to make is Right Speech. Is

Mindfulness meditation doesn’t change life. Life remains as fragile and unpredictable as ever. Meditation changes the heart’s capacity to accept life as it is. —Sylvia Boorstein

Often, it is the thought that pain will never end that makes it seem unbearable.

The first is about spiritual living. I think it’s plain. Ordinary people do it, and they don’t even know they are doing it. In the middle of plain lives, with regular joys and griefs, they live with grace and kindness and are happy.

I have become more passionate, not less. When I am delighted, which is often, I am ecstatic. When I am sad, I cry easily. Nothing is a big deal. It’s whatever it is, and then it’s something else.

Don’t you know,” he said to the abbot, “that I am the sort of man who could run you through with this sword in a moment without blinking an eye?” To which the abbot is said to have replied, “And I, sir, am the type of man who could be run through with a sword in a minute without blinking an eye.

My colleague Sylvia Boorstein tells of Phil, a Buddhist practitioner in New York who had worked with loving-kindness practice for years. One evening on a small side street in SoHo, a disheveled man with a scraggly beard and dirty blond hair accosted Phil, pointed a gun at him, and demanded his money. Phil was carrying more than six hundred dollars in his wallet and he handed it all over. The mugger shook his gun and demanded more. Stalling for time, Phil gave him his credit cards and then the whole wallet. Looking dazed and high on some drug, the mugger said, “I’m gonna shoot you.” Phil responded, “No, wait, here’s my watch—it’s an expensive one.” Disoriented, the mugger took the watch, waved the gun, and said again, “I’m gonna shoot you.” Somehow Phil managed to look at him with loving-kindness and said, “You don’t have to shoot me. You did good. Look, you got nearly seven hundred dollars; you got credit cards and an expensive watch. You don’t have to shoot me. You did really good.” The mugger, confused, lowered the gun slowly. “I did good?” he asked. “You did really good. Go and tell your friends, you did good.” Dazed, the mugger wandered off, saying softly to himself, “I did good.” Whenever our goodness is seen, it is a blessing.

And here is the eternal wisdom: There are always challenges. You plan for one thing, and something else often happens. The long view—is this a desirable thing or an undesirable thing?—is rarely immediately apparent. Immediate emotional responses are just that. Noticing them, and reflecting, is always a good idea. And the cause of suffering—always—is struggling with challenge rather than responding with sound judgment and kindness.