Sterling Archer Quotes

They say stress is the silent killer. But poison darts are also pretty damn quiet.

For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god; Bloody Mary full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails; pray for me now, that the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

A how-to book?! A book can’t teach someone how to be equal parts deadly and sexy! That’s like asking a cobra to write a book about how to be a cobra!

No, it’s not [a book] Lana. It’s an allegorical novella about Stalinism by George Orwell, and spoiler alert, IT SUCKS.

A cutout is just a go-between, who goes between (I just got that) two intelligence agents.

Oh, and also, we’re out of here, so tell your girlfriend to get her coat: I would, but I don’t speak bridge-and-tunnel.

I have not trained in fencing (or vaginal hygiene), so if I am forced to use a sword in combat, I just swing it around like a baseball bat while screaming, at the top of my lungs: “There can be only one!” Which, if done correctly, is surprisingly effective. After

Poison sucks. I’m

In fact, to the best of my knowledge, the only things he ever read growing up were pornographic comic books (we used to call them “Tijuana bibles,” but I’m sure that’s no longer considered polite, what with all these immigrants driving around everywhere in their lowriders, listening to raps and shooting all the jobs).