Rebuilding Trust In A Relationship Quotes

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The most traumatic aspects of all disasters involve the shattering of human connections. And this is especially true for children. Being harmed by the people who are supposed to love you, being abandoned by them, being robbed of the one-on-one relationships that allow you to feel safe and valued and to become humane—these are profoundly destructive experiences. Because humans are inescapably social beings, the worst catastrophes that can befall us inevitably involve relational loss. As a result, recovery from trauma and neglect is also all about relationships—rebuilding trust, regaining confidence, returning to a sense of security and reconnecting to love. Of course, medications can help relieve symptoms and talking to a therapist can be incredibly useful. But healing and recovery are impossible—even with the best medications and therapy in the world—without lasting, caring connections to others.
Bruce D. Perry (The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook)
When you care deeply about someone or something, repairs are worth your investment of time, energy, effort, heart, and resources. Whether it is to repair a broken trust or a damaged relationship, take the initiative to make it right and make it better.
Susan C. Young
Whether it’s your relationship with your spouse or Guru or God, trust is the root. It can only be watered by spending silent time together. Talking is like watering the leaves. When trust dries up, everything you say will be misunderstood and all the sweet talks you have had in the past will only cause pain and tears. They can’t build or rebuild trust.
Shunya
Our relationships should be defined by trust and mutual obligation, grounded in the unchanging love and faithfulness of Christ.
Edwin J. Perez (Restoring the Walls: How to Rebuild and Renew Your Relationship with God)
Even though it may look like the wicked is gaining ground, God is still in control. We need to pray for our nations, pray for others, pray for forgiveness and mercy over people. We need to love no matter who we are talking to, whether they are Atheist, Moslems, Lesbians, Homosexuals or Pagans. We need to love them and share the love of God with them and not judge and see if we can rebuild our broken nations.
Patience Johnson (Why Does an Orderly God Allow Disorder)
Love is not static. We grow dissatisfied and move apart; affection returns and we pull together again. Some people, ignorant of the process, pull away when the good times end and assume the bad times will last forever. These people flee, mope, or drift into affairs. Others see the ups and downs as part of a dynamic process, which, when anticipated and understood, can enrich and revitalize their relationship, even give it an added punch.
Janis Abrahms Spring (After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful)
How to rebuild trust Trust is a tricky thing. It is the foundation of every healthy relationship. It is the security that makes intimacy possible. It can be simultaneously strong and yet very fragile. It takes great effort and time to build, but it can be broken quickly. Almost every relationship has encountered difficulties over broken trust. I would even argue that most difficulties in relationships stem directly from a breach of trust. Strong relationships (especially marriages) require strong trust, so here are a few ways to to build it (or rebuild it).
Dave Willis
Trust at the interpersonal level. Trustworthiness is the foundation of trust. Trust is the emotional bank account between two people that enables them to have a win-win performance agreement. If two people trust each other, based on the trustworthiness of each other, they can then enjoy clear communication, empathy, synergy, and productive interdependency. If one is incompetent, training and development can help. But if one has a character flaw, he or she must make and keep promises to increase internal security, improve skills, and rebuild relationships of trust. Trust—or the lack of it—is at the root of success or failure in relationships and in the bottom-line results of business, industry, education, and government.
Stephen R. Covey (Principle-Centered Leadership)
People who have been wronged by an emotionally immature person may start to think they’re at fault if they continue to feel hurt by what the person did. Emotionally immature people expect you to take them off the hook immediately. If it feels better to blame you for not forgiving them fast enough, that’s what they’ll do. After a rift, many people will make what relationship expert John Gottman calls a repair attempt (1999), apologizing, asking for forgiveness, or making amends in a way that shows a desire to patch things up. But emotionally immature people have a completely unrealistic idea of what forgiveness means. To them, forgiveness should make it like the rift never happened, as though a completely fresh start is possible. They have no awareness of the need for emotional processing or the amount of time it may take to rebuild trust after a major betrayal. They just want things to be normal again. Others’ pain is the only fly in the ointment. Everything would be fine if others would just get past their feelings about the situation.
Lindsay C. Gibson (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents)
leading unbelievers to Christ is a greater cause than insisting on justice in human relationships. Believers are to defer their craving for justice until the last day, trusting God as Jesus did
Andreas J. Köstenberger (God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation)
When Bob started his affair with Laura, he assumed it was wrong to continue living with his wife, Susan, so he found an apartment and moved out. Unsure of where either relationship was heading, he agreed to meet with Susan once a week to keep their connection alive and negotiate practical matters such as taking the dog to the vet, visiting sick relatives, and paying household bills.
Janis Abrahms Spring (After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful)
Trustworthiness at the personal level. Trustworthiness is based on character, what you are as a person, and competence, what you can do. If you have faith in my character but not in my competence, you still wouldn’t trust me. Many good, honest people gradually lose their professional trustworthiness because they allow themselves to become “obsolete” inside their organizations. Without character and competence, we won’t be considered trustworthy, nor will we show much wisdom in our choices and decisions. Without meaningful ongoing professional development, there is little trustworthiness or trust. • Trust at the interpersonal level. Trustworthiness is the foundation of trust. Trust is the emotional bank account between two people that enables them to have a win-win performance agreement. If two people trust each other, based on the trustworthiness of each other, they can then enjoy clear communication, empathy, synergy, and productive interdependency. If one is incompetent, training and development can help. But if one has a character flaw, he or she must make and keep promises to increase internal security, improve skills, and rebuild relationships of trust. Trust—or the lack of it—is at the root of success or failure in relationships and in the bottom-line results of business, industry, education, and government.
Stephen R. Covey (Principle-Centered Leadership)
society. Sins such as adultery, bribery, and betrayal are more like treason than like crime; they damage the social order. Social harmony can be rewoven only by slowly recommitting to relationships and rebuilding trust. The sins of arrogance and pride arise from a perverse desire for status and superiority. The only remedy for them is to humble oneself before others. In other words, people in earlier times inherited a vast moral vocabulary and set of moral tools, developed over centuries and handed down from generation to generation. This was a practical inheritance, like learning how to speak a certain language, which people could use to engage their own moral struggles.
David Brooks (The Road to Character)
Rebuilding is something that is practically difficult than starting over from nothing.
Patience Johnson (Why Does an Orderly God Allow Disorder)
It takes a lot more effort to rebuild trust than to establish it from the start.
Frank Sonnenberg (Listen to Your Conscience: That's Why You Have One)
The next step is that the person who has sinned must repent; that is, she must confess the wrong committed and express a desire to turn from practicing that wrong in the future. If this is done, then Jesus said we are to forgive the person. We are to lift the penalty and receive the individual back into a restored relationship with us. And we begin the process of rebuilding trust. We refuse to allow someone’s misdeed to keep us away from her, and we do not allow our feelings of hurt and disappointment to control our behavior toward her. We forgive her in the same manner that God has forgiven us and in the same manner that we hope she would forgive us if we sinned against her.
Gary Chapman (Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion)
You can't rebuild trust after infidelity with a casual approach but your rigorous honesty and changed behavior can be the greatest catalyst to rekindle your committed relationship.
Dhiraj Kumar Raj (Attracting A Specific Person: How to Use the Law of Attraction to Manifest a Specific Person, Get Back Your Ex and Manifest a Vibrant Relationship.)
of you must fully commit to the process of reconnecting, as outlined in this book. This doesn’t mean that you have to feel certain about your future together, only that you must behave as if you feel certain, while you work on changing the ways you perceive and treat each other. Put your negative feelings aside, commit to each other, demonstrate your commitment by engaging in the trust- and intimacy-building strategies, and then, and only then, see whether you feel more loving, and more loved. If you wait to feel more positive before you act more positively, your relationship won’t last the course.
Janis Abrahms Spring (After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful)
Trusting and entrusting; we will build a strong foundation we simply can’t have a healthy god homering mutually god satisfying marriage without trust. In a fallen world trust is the fine china of a relationship. It is beautiful when it’s there, but its surly delicate and breakable. When trust is broken it can be very hard to repair; it is trust that allows a husband and wife to face all the internal and external threats to their unite love and understanding, it is trust that allows couple to weather the difference and disarrangements that every marriage faces. It is trust allows couple to talk with honest and hope about the most personal and difficult things. There are two sides to trust; first you must do everything you can to proof yourself trustworthy. Second, you must make the decision to entrust yourself into your spouse’s care. What does it look like to engender a marriage where trust thrives? What does it look like rebuild trust when it’s been shattered? What are the characteristics of a relationship where trust is the glue?
Paul Tripp
I have spent the last decade of my life listening to women talk about what they most desire. This is what women tell me they want: I want a minute to take a deep breath. I want rest, peace, passion. I want good food and true, wild, intimate sex. I want relationships with no lies. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be seen, to be loved. I want joy and safety for my children and for everyone else’s children. I want justice for all. I want help, community, and connection. I want to be forgiven, and I want to finally forgive. I want enough money and power to stop feeling afraid. I want to find my purpose down here and live it out fully. I want to look at the news and see less pain, more love. I want to look at the people in my life and really see them and love them. I want to look in the mirror and really see myself and love myself. I want to feel alive. The blueprints of heaven are etched in the deep desires of women. What women want is good. What women want is beautiful. And what women want is dangerous, but not to women. Not to the common good. What women want is a threat to the injustice of the status quo. If we unlocked and unleashed ourselves: Imbalanced relationships would be equalized. Children would be fed. Corrupt governments would topple. Wars would end. Civilizations would be transformed. If women trusted and claimed their desires, the world as we know it would crumble. Perhaps that is precisely what needs to happen so we can rebuild truer, more beautiful lives, relationships, families, and nations in their place.
Glennon Doyle (Untamed)
If the involved spouse protects the identity of the lover or the nature of the relationship, then the betrayed spouse is the outsider in an extramarital triangle. Sharing the details is an act of positive demolition. The involved spouse dismantles the structure that kept the injured spouse outside in the cold and replaces deceit with hope.
Shirley P. Glass (Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity)
Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship, for the simple reason that without trust, the relationship doesn’t actually mean anything. A person could tell you that she loves you, wants to be with you, would give up everything for you, but if you don’t trust her, you get no benefit from those statements. You don’t feel loved until you trust that the love being expressed toward you comes without any special conditions or baggage attached to it. This is what’s so destructive about cheating. It’s not about the sex. It’s about the trust that has been destroyed as a result of the sex. Without trust, the relationship can no longer function. So it’s either rebuild the trust or say your goodbyes. The problem here is that most people who get caught cheating apologize and give the “It will never happen again” spiel and that’s that, as if penises fell into various orifices completely by accident. Many cheatees accept this response at face value, and don’t question the values and fucks given by their partner (pun totally intended); they don’t ask themselves whether those values and fucks make their partner a good person to stay with. They’re so concerned with holding on to their relationship that they fail to recognize that it’s become a black hole consuming their self-respect.
Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Journal)
The process of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex can be challenging. It's hard for both parents to rebuild trust; it's easy for the children to question your motivations; therefore, the situation is costly, not only from lack of money going into a giant pot but also from all the therapy that needs to be done. Yet, despite the money, time, and energy to invest, it's still worth doing.
Lara Carter (Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex: Protect Your Child from a Toxic Parent & Start Healing from Emotional Abuse in Your Relationship | Tips & Tricks for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist)
If we can’t go back to the age of lifetime employment, and the status quo is untenable, it’s time to rebuild the employer-employee relationship. The business world needs a new employment framework that facilitates mutual trust, mutual investment, and mutual benefit. An ideal framework encourages employees to develop their personal networks and act entrepreneurially without becoming mercenary job-hoppers. It allows companies to be dynamic and demanding but discourages them from treating employees like disposable assets.
Reid Hoffman (The Alliance: Managing Talent in the Networked Age)
After a rift, many people will make what relationship expert John Gottman calls a repair attempt (1999), apologizing, asking for forgiveness, or making amends in a way that shows a desire to patch things up. But emotionally immature people have a completely unrealistic idea of what forgiveness means. To them, forgiveness should make it like the rift never happened, as though a completely fresh start is possible. They have no awareness of the need for emotional processing or the amount of time it may take to rebuild trust after a major betrayal. They just want things to be normal again. Others’ pain is the only fly in the ointment. Everything would be fine if others would just get past their feelings about the situation.
Lindsay C. Gibson (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents)
My commitment to you today is not based on momentary feelings, but on a full consideration of all that you bring to this relationship, and all that I need. Although there may be times when we hurt, or even hate, each other, I won’t evaluate our relationship on a day-by-day basis. I’m with you for the long haul. I’ll work to keep my occasional disillusionment or dissatisfaction in perspective, and to accept what I consider your imperfections. You are enough for me.20 I’ll try to be patient. I don’t expect our recovery process to be spontaneous or easy. I join hands with you in working to create a shared sense of our future together, one kept alive with optimism and joy. I am so sorry for hurting you. I love you and welcome you back into my life.
Janis A. Spring (After the Affair, Third Edition: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful)
Rebuilding bodies is one thing… rebuilding trust is quite another.
Alex Paknadel (Redfork)
You don’t feel loved until you trust that the love being expressed toward you comes without any special conditions or baggage attached to it. This is what’s so destructive about cheating. It’s not about the sex. It’s about the trust that has been destroyed as a result of the sex. Without trust, the relationship can no longer function. So it’s either rebuild the trust or say your goodbyes.
Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life)
Restoring Trust in the Relationship If you have been cheated on by a partner, you must understand the earth-shattering effect it can have on the trust in your relationship. The good thing, however, is that trust can be rebuilt. Of course, it will take time to fully trust your partner again after what they did, but it is a possibility. Both of you will have to work as a team to restore the balance in the relationship so that, one day, you both can go back to how you two were when you fell in love. You must also understand that the process of healing will take time. The cheating partner mustn’t expect things to go right between you two overnight or think that one apology is enough to resettle terms in the marriage. Below are some tips to help you two restore the lost faith in the relationship and rebuild the trust.
Rachael Chapman (Healthy Relationships: Overcome Anxiety, Couple Conflicts, Insecurity and Depression without therapy. Stop Jealousy and Negative Thinking. Learn how to have a Happy Relationship with anyone.)
Building trust back in a relationship damaged by sexual integrity issues is a culmination of all the aforementioned things—and then some. It is like building a sculpture out of Legos. Some of the pieces include time, energy, planning, vision, willingness, creativity, persistence, patience, intentionality, hope, failure, and commitment. That’s a lot of Legos! Trust building is an ongoing process that consists of multiple intentional factors divinely pieced together over the course of time with a heart attitude of humility and commitment. In
Stephen Arterburn (Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back)
Like Shelley, in order to change and engage the process of trust building, I, too, needed to come to terms with the truth that God was ultimately the change agent and healer. He is the true trust builder. He is the master architect and artist shaping any sculpture. If both Shelley and I lean on him for our journey of rebuilding our relationship, then neither of us must lean against each other.
Stephen Arterburn (Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back)
Saying “I slept around with a bunch of random people in my 20s and now I’m happily married so it’s fine,” is the same as saying…. “I was addicted to drugs for a decade and now I’m clean, so it’s fine.” I’m glad it turned out well for you but these comments are destructive for the future generations to hear. They gloss over the consequences. I’m happy junkies can get help and become clean, but do we need to add that to conversations with our teens and young adults? “You can always get help later and get clean and turn out just fine!!” Hashtag: There is Life after cocaine! No, we don’t. Why? Because these statements don’t take into account the long term opportunity cost & consequences of your actions. The woman who gives away her body to random men without any legal, spiritual claiming and forever commitment from her partner- LOST a lot. Sure she can stop a decade later and hopefully rebuild her life. But we can’t discount her suffering. The hormonal effects of having multiple partners. The health issues resulting from hormonal birth control. The loss of self esteem and confidence. The questioning of her own worthiness. The changes to her physical and energetic body. The mental anguish of thinking “what’s wrong with me”. The repeated activation of the abandonment wound. Having to grieve “relationships” that never even existed! The loss of trust in masculine energy and MEN! The creation of stories and neural pathways that will take years of inner work! And the changes to her DNA.
Mina Irfan
Betrayal is a silent assassin, tearing apart the fabric of relationships and leaving behind a trail of shattered dreams. In its face, one must find the strength to rise above the hurt, heal the wounds, and rebuild the shattered pieces of trust
Dr. Lucas D. Shallua
For the couple who decide to rebuild their relationship after disclosure of infidelity, re-establishing trust is the major task. This is usually a slow process that takes months to years and requires much work on the part of both partners. My interviews with recovering couples that formed the basis of my book, Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness: Couples Speak on Healing From Sex Addiction, suggested it takes an average of two years for trust to be fully restored. In order to allow a betrayed partner to again develop faith in the addict, he or she must consistently demonstrate honesty, predictability, and dependability.
Jennifer Schneider (Back From Betrayal: Recovering from the Trauma of Infidelity)
Trust is a tricky thing. It is the foundation of every healthy relationship. It is the security that makes intimacy possible. It can be simultaneously strong and yet very fragile. It takes great effort and time to build, but it can be broken quickly. Almost every relationship has encountered difficulties over broken trust. I would even argue that most difficulties in relationships stem directly from a breach of trust. Strong relationships (especially marriages) require strong trust, so here are a few ways to to build it (or rebuild it).
David Willis
Restorative justice assumes that the accused student has admitted fault, which quickly shifts the focus toward the future—what can be done to make things right. Less attention is paid to procedures than to the participants and manifesting an authentic and engaged dialogue. The goals are to have the parties gain a deeper understanding of one another, acknowledge the harm caused by the offense, repair the damage to the extent possible, and strengthen the students’ relationships with each other and with the institution.
David Reed Karp (Little Book of Restorative Justice for Colleges Universities: Repairing Harm and Rebuilding Trust in Response to Student Misconduct)
About the "don't put all your eggs in one basket'' quote and someone saying "but I like this basket!" In a culture that often advises you to have a backup plan just in case your dreams don't work out, it is counterintuitive to put all your eggs in one basket. But in planning for the "just in case" scenario, sometimes you spread yourself too thin and don't put enough energy (eggs) into the one dream (basket) you really want. Too many baskets can water down your efforts and keep you from engaging in any one endeavor. It is often fear that keeps you from committing yourself fully to the thing you want most. Whether it is a relationship, a job, or a business venture, anything worth having is worth giving your all. In the event that you put all your eggs in one basket and that basket is lost, trust that you have the ability and faith to use the wisdom gained to rebuild and start again. You are resilient. And if you have to start over, you can do it.
Valorie Burton (Happy Women Live Better)
Social harmony can be rewoven only by slowly recommitting to relationships and rebuilding trust.
David Brooks (The Road to Character)
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People who have a strong need for approval and have sexual desire, affection, and connection for a partner may cheat. Furthermore, their desire for acceptance might induce individuals to behave in ways that contradict their other emotions. In other words, some individuals cheat not because they want to cheat, but because they need the approval that comes with being seen by others.
Margaret Morton (REBUILDING TRUST AFTER A BETRAYAL: OVERCOMING INFIDELITY AND REBUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFTER A BETRAYAL)
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Christina Petrache