Quiz Master Quotes

You're not very deep." You say these cutting words thoughtfully, to yourself, almost as though you're surprised. They hit me somewhere below my ribs. I think of the dictionary app on my phone that I have to use all the time when I'm reading stuff like The Master and Margarita or The Awakening. Or that one time when I missed sophomoric on a vocab quiz. And how I totally don't get why girls love Jane Austen. You're right: I'm not deep. I find myself watching every word I say to you, wondering what they say about me. I look for disappointment in your eyes... I've been walking on eggshells for a week.

I gave them the same advice that had worked for me: Start by stocking your sense memory. Smell everything and attach words to it. Raid your fridge, pantry, medicine cabinet, and spice rack, then quiz yourself on pepper, cardamom, honey, ketchup, pickles, and lavender hand cream. Repeat. Again. Keep going. Sniff flowers and lick rocks. Be like Ann, and introduce odors as you notice them, as you would people entering a room. Also be like Morgan, and look for patterns as you taste, so you can, as he does, “organize small differentiating units into systems.” Master the basics of structure—gauge acid by how you drool, alcohol by its heat, tannin by its dryness, finish by its length, sweetness by its thick softness, body by its weight—and apply it to the wines you try. Actually, apply it to everything you try. Be systematic: Order only Chardonnay for a week and get a feel for its personality, then do the same with Pinot Noir, and Sauvignon Blanc, and Cabernet Franc (the Wine Folly website offers handy CliffsNotes on each one’s flavor profile). Take a moment as you drink to reflect on whether you like it, then think about why. Like Paul Grieco, try to taste the wine for what it is, not what you imagine it should be. Like the Paulée-goers, splurge occasionally. Mix up the everyday bottles with something that’s supposed to be better, and see if you agree. Like Annie, break the rules, do what feels right, and don’t be afraid to experiment.

CAR MASTER

[During the honeymoon at a Catskill resort] A quiz was held during the afternoon, and guests were invited to volunteer. I raised my hand, of course, and became one of the contestants.... I was third in line, and when I rose to field my question in the first round, spontaneous laughter broke out from the audience. They had laughed at no one else. The trouble was that I looked anxious, and when I look anxious I look even more stupid than usual. The reason I was anxious was that I wanted to shine and feared I would not. I knew that I was neither handsome, self-assured, athletic, wealthy, nor sophisticated. The only thing I had going for me was that I was clever and I wanted to show off to Gertruded. And I was afraid of failing and spelling "weigh" "WIEGH." I ignored the laughter as best I could, and tried to concentrate. The master of ceremonies, trying not to grin and failing, said, "Use the word 'pitch' in sentences in such a way to demonstrate five different meanings of the word." (Heaven only knows where he got his questions.) More laughter, as I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. I then said, "John pitched the pitch-covered ball as intensely as though he was fighting a pitched battled, while Mary singing in a high-pitched voice, pitched a tent." The laughter stopped as though someone had pulled a plug out of the socket. The master of ceremonies had me repeat it, counted the pitches, considered them, and pronounced me correct. Naturally by the time the quiz was over, I had won.... I noticed, though, that winning the quiz did not make me popular at the resort. Many people resented having wasted their laughter. The thought apparently was that I had no right to look stupid without being stupid; that, by doing so, I had cheated.

Science should matter to us not only because it helps us to control parts of the world, but also because is shows us things that we will -never- master. [...] Nightly - perhaps after the main news bulletin and before the celebrity quiz - we might observe a moment of silence in order to contemplate the 200 to 400 billion stars in our galaxies and the 3 septillion stars in the universe. [...] majestically unaware of everything we are and consolingly unaffected by all that tears us apart.

Science should matter to us not only because it helps us to control parts of the world, but also because is shows us things that we will -never- master. [...] Nightly - perhaps after the main news bulletin and before the celebrity quiz - we might observe a moment of silence in order to contemplate the 200 to 400 billion stars in our galaxies and the 3 septillion stars in the universe. [...] majestically unaware of everything we are and consolingly unaffected by all that tears us apart.

Vince conjures the gonzo spirit of his small-town Vancouver Island characters and wraps them in the uniquely outrageous beauty and ramshackle cultural norms of the region. His protagonist is just the kind of hilariously rudderless, obsessive, self-absorbed, curmudgeonly, and deftly pure hearted person who settles into those bucolic surroundings. “The Liquor Vicar” is a 20th century-pop-quiz-slap-in-the-face at every turn. It’s way too much fun.” Craig Northey, composer and founding member of west coast Pop masters ‘Odds’.

Once upon a time in a classroom, there were two students and a teacher. One student was exceptionally remarkable and the other wasn’t entirely bright. One day a teacher handed out a quiz with 100 questions, and, to her great surprise, both students got 99 questions correct. “Something must be wrong here,” she thought. Sure enough, the answer to this conundrum was in the 100th question. On the gifted student’s sheet, the answer to the 100th question was, “I don’t know the answer.” And on the not so gifted student’s sheet, the answer was, “I don’t know the answer either.” The moral to this little fable I guess is, don’t cheat.

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