“
Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before.
”
”
Shel Silverstein
“
She's as nutty as squirrel poo.
”
”
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
“
I have a friend who's an artist and has sometimes taken a view which I don't agree with very well. He'll hold up a flower and say "look how beautiful it is," and I'll agree. Then he says "I as an artist can see how beautiful this is but you as a scientist take this all apart and it becomes a dull thing," and I think that he's kind of nutty. First of all, the beauty that he sees is available to other people and to me too, I believe. Although I may not be quite as refined aesthetically as he is ... I can appreciate the beauty of a flower. At the same time, I see much more about the flower than he sees. I could imagine the cells in there, the complicated actions inside, which also have a beauty. I mean it's not just beauty at this dimension, at one centimeter; there's also beauty at smaller dimensions, the inner structure, also the processes. The fact that the colors in the flower evolved in order to attract insects to pollinate it is interesting; it means that insects can see the color. It adds a question: does this aesthetic sense also exist in the lower forms? Why is it aesthetic? All kinds of interesting questions which the science knowledge only adds to the excitement, the mystery and the awe of a flower. It only adds. I don't understand how it subtracts.
”
”
Richard P. Feynman (The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman)
“
You're kidding," Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?"
"No," Claire said, "but I'm pretty sure you won't like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So...?"
"Right. I've been missing Nutty McFang anyway."
"Stop making up names for him."
"What about Count Crackula?"
"Just stop.
”
”
Rachel Caine (Last Breath (The Morganville Vampires, #11))
“
Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine.
”
”
James Joyce (Ulysses)
“
He had a peanut the shape of a peanut on his back too and so was nutty through and through.
”
”
Molly Arbuthnott (Peanut the Hamster)
“
Friends are the fruitcake of life - some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet.
”
”
Jon Ronson
“
Right. I’ve been missing Nutty McFang anyway.”
“Stop making up names for him.”
“What about Count Crackula?”
“Just stop.
”
”
Rachel Caine (Last Breath (The Morganville Vampires, #11))
“
Minds that have withered into psychosis are far more terrifying than any character of fiction.
”
”
Christian Baloga
“
It's not that I feel that school is a good idea gone wrong, but a wrong idea from the word go. It's a nutty notion that we can have a place where nothing but learning happens, cut off from the rest of life.
”
”
John C. Holt
“
Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain....details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss.
”
”
Jeaniene Frost (One Grave at a Time (Night Huntress, #6))
“
He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
”
”
David Sedaris
“
We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.
”
”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“
Everything was so nutty with Loretta, all her reactions. She used tantrums like most people used sedatives
”
”
Damon Suede (Hot Head (Head, #1))
“
Because the world has gone nutty and art always paints the spirit of its times
”
”
Robert A. Heinlein (Stranger in a Strange Land)
“
that's as nutty as squirrel turds
”
”
P.C. Cast (Awakened (House of Night, #8))
“
The soft aroma of old worn cotton from a linen chest, the lingering smell of tobacco on an angora sweater; Jergen's hand lotion, sauteed green peppers and onions; the sweet, nutty smell of peanut butter and bananas, the oaken smell of good bourbon. A combination of lily of the valley, cedar, vanilla, and somewhere, the lingering of old rose. These smells are older than any thought. Mama, Teensy, Neecie, and Caro, each one of them had an individual scent, to be sure. But this is the Gumbo of their scents. This is the Gumbo Ya-Ya. This is the internal vial of perfume I carry with me everywhere I go.
”
”
Rebecca Wells (Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood)
“
Brian told Mom we needed to keep Maureen away from those nutty Pentecostals, but Mom said we all came to religion in our own individual ways and we each need to respect the religious practices of others, seeing as it was up to every human being to find his or her own way to heaven.
”
”
Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle)
“
I don't know which is more nutty. All this stuff I do outside of work, or the stuff I do all week.
”
”
Monica Ali (Untold Story)
“
Dads are like chocolate chip cookies; they may have chips or be totally nutty, but they are sweet and make the world a better place, especially for their children.
”
”
Hillary Lytle
“
I have a friend who's an artist, and he sometimes takes a view which I don't agree with. He'll hold up a flower and say, "Look how beautiful it is," and I'll agree. But then he'll say, "I, as an artist, can see how beautiful a flower is. But you, as a scientist, take it all apart and it becomes dull." I think he's kind of nutty. [...] There are all kinds of interesting questions that come from a knowledge of science, which only adds to the excitement and mystery and awe of a flower. It only adds. I don't understand how it subtracts.
”
”
Richard P. Feynman
“
You can't switch sides!" I glare at him in fury.
"I was never on your side," retorts Lorcan. "Your side is the nutty side.
”
”
Sophie Kinsella (Wedding Night)
“
So you really could die. Your godmother is right, you know. You are mad as a hatter. Nutty as a fruitcake.” “Crazy like a fox,” I said.
”
”
Jim Butcher (Grave Peril (The Dresden Files, #3))
“
started wondering if other people’s families are as nutty as mine. Or is mine extra nutty? Like, chunky-peanut-butter nutty?
”
”
Publishers Lunch (Buzz Books 2014: Spring/Summer: Exclusive Excerpts From 40 Top New Titles)
“
Just you, Lily. Give me your hand," he said, taking one of his off the wheel and glancing quickly at me."
"Why?" I asked suspiciously.
"Because I want to arm wrestle. Because I want to hold it, you nutty broad. Why do you think?" I reached out and grabbed his hand and he squeezed mine gently.
”
”
N.M. Silber (Legal Briefs (Lawyers in Love, #3))
“
I make them feel like they’re still part of life, part of some grand nutty scheme instead of alone with their diseases, which, most of the time and especially in the Clinic, don’t hardly exist at all. With me, they feel they’re still part of the human race.
”
”
Samuel Shem (The House of God)
“
In the natural sciences, some checks exist on the prolonged acceptance of nutty ideas, which do not hold up well under experimental and observational tests and cannot readily be shown to give rise to useful working technologies. But in economics and the other social studies, nutty ideas may hang around for centuries. Today, leading presidential candidates and tens of millions of voters in the USA embrace ideas that might have been drawn from a 17th-century book on the theory and practice of mercantilism, and multitudes of politicians and ordinary people espouse notions that Adam Smith, David Ricardo, and others exploded more than two centuries ago. In these realms, nearly everyone simply believes whatever he feels good about believing.
”
”
Robert Higgs
“
There's a crazy lady living in your head. I hope you'll be comforted to hear that you're not alone. Most of us have an invisible inner terrible someone who says all sorts of nutty stuff that has no basis in truth.
”
”
Cheryl Strayed (Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar)
“
I want more with you. I can’t promise you what that is or where it will go, but it’s more than just physical. I’m attracted to everything about you – you’re smart, honest, funny, brave, a little nutty – and you make me smile for no reason. There’s no denying I want you in my bed. I think you’ve caught on to that part by now. But I want this, too. I’m tired of looking back. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to live in the moment.
”
”
Vi Keeland (Bossman)
“
Try some curry powder next time. It has a much better flavor than tyranny. Less nutty.
”
”
Brandon Sanderson (The Sunlit Man)
“
If you sincerely desire a truly well-rounded education, you must study the extremists, the obscure and "nutty." You need the balance! Your poor brain is already being impregnated with middle-of-the-road crap, twenty-four hours a day, no matter what. Network TV, newspapers, radio, magazines at the supermarket... even if you never watch, read, listen, or leave your house, even if you are deaf and blind, the telepathic pressure alone of the uncountable normals surrounding you will insure that you are automatically well-grounded in consensus reality.
”
”
Ivan Stang (High Weirdness by Mail: A Directory of the Fringe-Mad Prophets, Crackpots, Kooks & True Visionaries)
“
If I say it, will you say it too?" I asked, swallowing hard, even though my mouth was dry. I willed him silently not to joke around or say anything that could hurt me.
"Yes, but I need to hear you say it first," he answered with a voice filled with tension.
"What are you, four? Why can't we just say it at the same time?" I asked, panicking.
"Because that's stupid. And when I was four, I said it by licking your Fruit Roll-Up. Why can't you just say it? Don't you trust me?"
"Why do you always get to decide who does what? I let you lift, and I wiped!"
"You're comparing us declaring our love for each other to wiping a baby's ass?!"
"Ah Ha! You said it!" I announced victoriously.
"I did not! I was saying it generally! That's different than saying it!"
"You said 'declaring our love'!"
"That's different than saying 'I love you'!"
"Ah ha!" I cried again.
"Oh Jesus H. Christ! Who's the one who's four?! Will you just say it, woman?!"
"Fine! I love you, you asshole!"
"I love you too, you nutty broad!
”
”
N.M. Silber (Legal Briefs (Lawyers in Love, #3))
“
There’s so much to do…but…priorities. “He’s coming here for me and I haven’t shaved my legs in three days!” I haul ass toward the stairs in the back, taking out one of the tables as I go. Behind me I hear Logan mutter, “American women are nutty.
”
”
Emma Chase (Royally Screwed (Royally, #1))
“
ANNA [After a pause dreamily.] Funny! I do feel sort of nutty, to-night. I feel old. CHRIS [Mystified. ] Old? ANNA Sure like I'd been living a long, long time out here in the fog. [Frowning perplexedly.] I don't know how to tell you yust what I mean.
”
”
Eugene O'Neill (Plays by Eugene O'Neill)
“
...Remember that nutty little story I told you about the first time I ever went overseas for my junior year abroad at Green Bay, and I stepped onto the airstrip in Madrid to be obscurely disheartened that Spain, too, had trees. Of course Spain has trees! you jeers. I was embarrassed; of course I knew, in a way, it had trees, but with the sky and the ground and the people walking around--well, it just didn't seem that different.
”
”
Lionel Shriver (We Need to Talk About Kevin)
“
Breakfast! My favorite meal- and you can be so creative. I think of bowls of sparkling berries and fresh cream, baskets of Popovers and freshly squeezed orange juice, thick country bacon, hot maple syrup, panckes and French toast - even the nutty flavor of Irish oatmeal with brown sugar and cream. Breaksfast is the place I splurge with calories, then I spend the rest of the day getting them off! I love to use my prettiest table settings - crocheted placemats with lace-edged napkins and old hammered silver. And whether you are inside in front of a fire, candles burning brightly on a wintery day - or outside on a patio enjoying the morning sun - whether you are having a group of friends and family, a quiet little brunch for two, or an even quieter little brunch just for yourself, breakfast can set the mood and pace of the whole day.
And Sunday is my day. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the hectic happenings of the weeks and months and we forget to take time out to relax. So one Sunday morning I decided to do things differently - now it's gotten to be a sort of ritual! This is what I do: at around 8:30 am I pull myself from my warm cocoon, fluff up the pillows and blankets and put some classical music on the stereo. Then I'm off to the kitchen, where I very calmly (so as not to wake myself up too much!) prepare my breakfast, seomthing extra nice - last week I had fresh pineapple slices wrapped in bacon and broiled, a warm croissant, hot chocolate with marshmallows and orange juice. I put it all on a tray with a cloth napkin, my book-of-the-moment and the "Travel" section of the Boston Globe and take it back to bed with me. There I spend the next two hours reading, eating and dreaming while the snowflakes swirl through the treetops outside my bedroom window. The inspiring music of Back or Vivaldi adds an exquisite elegance to the otherwise unruly scene, and I am in heaven. I found time to get in touch with myself and my life and i think this just might be a necessity! Please try it for yourself, and someone you love.
”
”
Susan Branch (Days from the Heart of the Home)
“
He was beautiful. A little nutty, but beautiful. Thankfully, I liked nuts.
”
”
Renae Kaye (Loving Jay (Loving You, #1))
“
♪♫ no one’s gonna play this on the radio ♫♪ Billy Joel
So why’s he wasting his time? Because he loves the music, that’s why. And he’s not wasting his time is he? He’s following his dream, doing what he loves. Perhaps if more of us followed our dreams – really followed our own dreams, not someone else’s nutty ideology - the world might be a nicer place to reside in.
”
”
Karl Wiggins (Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe)
“
The very fact that you can even wonder if you’re going crazy means you very likely aren’t crazy. Real nuts don’t question their own nuttiness. They think they’re the only normal ones. That’s why they’re nuts.
”
”
Jayne Ann Krentz (Absolutely, Positively)
“
Saddened that I, a smart, semi-funny, nutty, loyal, good woman, could feel so negative about myself under all the smiling and humor, I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. The way I felt about my appearance was bad. Really freakin' bad.
”
”
Samantha Young (Before Jamaica Lane (On Dublin Street, #3))
“
i have a friend who’s an artist and he’s sometimes taken a view which i don’t agree with very well. he’ll hold up a flower and say, “look how beautiful it is,” and i’ll agree, i think. and he says - “you see, i as an artist can see how beautiful this is, but you as a scientist, oh, take this all apart and it becomes a dull thing.” and i think that he’s kind of nutty. first of all, the beauty that he sees is available to other people and to me, too, i believe, although i might not be quite as refined aesthetically as he is; but i can appreciate the beauty of a flower. at the same time i see much more about the flower than he sees. i can imagine the cells in there, the complicated actions inside which also have a beauty. i mean it’s not just beauty at this dimension of one centimeter, there is also beauty at a smaller dimension, the inner structure. also the processes, the fact that the colors in the flower evolved in order to attract insects to pollinate it is interesting - it means that insects can see the color. it adds a question: does this aesthetic sense also exist in the lower forms? why is it aesthetic? all kinds of interesting questions which shows that a science knowledge only adds to the excitement and mystery and the awe of a flower. it only adds; i don’t understand how it subtracts..
”
”
Richard P. Feynman
“
Taste every time you cook, and take nothing for granted--not even your own palate, for it can change. Mine has.... Since doing time on a salt-free diet, I approach a plain baked potato reverently. Maybe I've been missing the truth--the nutty, delicate earthiness of a perfect baked potato. Salt only masks it. In a fancy mood, I heighten it with caviar; in a plain mood, I just give it several grinds of fresh black pepper.
”
”
James Beard
“
After slipping the condom on, he rolled on top of her, shoved her hair out of her face and held it while he got lost in those sea green eyes that, in a darkened room, shined bright.
He wanted her. And it wasn’t just the sex. He wanted the whole nutty package.
”
”
Adrienne Giordano (A Just Deception (Private Protectors, #3))
“
The old junky has found a vein... blood blossoms in the dropper like a Chinese flower... he push home the heroin and the boy who jacked off fifty years ago shine immaculate through the ravaged flesh, fill the outhouse with the sweet nutty smell of young male lust.
”
”
William S. Burroughs (Naked Lunch: The Restored Text)
“
You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.
”
”
Nicki Elson (Hans & Greta: a Twisted Fairy Tale Novella)
“
Bullfrak," Miranda said. "It's for power. If you're pretending this is about something else, even to yourself, then frak you, you delusional murdering excuse for a nutty professor.
”
”
Gwenda Bond (Blackwood)
“
The concern of a democracy is that no honest man shall feel uncomfortable, I don’t care who he is, or how nutty he is.
”
”
E.B. White (E.B. White on Dogs)
“
I was recently asked what it takes to become a writer. Three things, I answered: first, one must cultivate incompetence at almost every other form of profitable work. This must be accompanied, second, by a haughty contempt for all the forms of work that one has established that one cannot do. To these two must be joined, third, the nuttiness to believe that other people can be made to care about your opinions and views and be charmed by the way you state them. Incompetence, contempt, lunacy--once you have these in place, you are set to go.
”
”
Joseph Epstein
“
Coffee is a lot like people. In many ways, it’s deceiving. The sweetness that you smell as it brews is more often than not a fallacy. The scent of a dark roasted coffee bean promises you rich flavors with hints of chocolate and hazelnut, but if you’re not used to coffee’s deceptiveness, you’re left with a bitter aftertaste dangling at the back of your throat. To those of us who are used to it- we’ve grown a fondness for that bitter taste. It’s complex. It’s teasing. It reminds us that most things in life are not consistently sweet with every sip. One morning, your coffee might brew mild with just a flirtation of nutty undertones, And the next morning, it might be pelting you in the face with those same nuts, leaving little stinging marks with each sip. It’s moody. It’s not easy to perfect. But when you get the perfect brew, it’s rewarding. And that same perfection is not guaranteed tomorrow just because you managed it today.
”
”
Katana Collins (Soul Stripper (Soul Stripper, #1))
“
All my other current friends were "intellectuals"––Chad the Nietzschean anthropologist, Carlo Marx and his nutty surrealist low-voiced serious staring talk, Old Bull Lee and his critical anti-everything drawl––or else they were slinking criminals like Elmer Hassel, with that hip sneer; Jane Lee the same, sprawled on the Oriental cover of her couch, sniffing at the New Yorker. But Dean's intelligence was every bit as formal and shining and complete, without the tedious intellectualness. And his "criminality" was not something that sulked and sneered; it was a wild yea-saying overburst of American joy; it was Western, the west wind, an ode from the Plains, something new, long prophesied, long a-coming. Besides, all my New York friends were in the negative, nightmare position of putting down society and giving their tired bookish or political or psychoanalytical reasons, but Dean just raced in society, eager for bread and love; he didn't care one way or the other.
”
”
Jack Kerouac (On the Road)
“
I stop arguing because I’m too busy watching a pretty girl drive my truck. At least one thing went right today. In a pretty blue dress that shows off her curves, Jess Canning handled my nutty family like a champ. If I was ever gonna trust a woman again, she’d be the top seed of the tournament.
”
”
Sarina Bowen (Good Boy (WAGs, #1))
“
It is a way of saying you must not live too much in your head. It is a way of reminding you to stay in your emotions, no matter how nutty they are; it is a way of saying, also, that craziness has value.
”
”
Alice Walker (By the Light of My Father's Smile)
“
I had to go out and drink a little because I was going nutty writing this stuff. You can’t imagine what a turmoil is in my head, how much I want to say, and how little is coming out. My head is bursting.
”
”
Anaïs Nin (A Literate Passion: Letters of Anais Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953)
“
This was not a question but a command. I took a bite. It was good. Chewy, nutty, sweet. My mouth was full, so I covered it with my hand as I spoke. “I think this will definitely put your patients in a good mood.
”
”
Alex Michaelides (The Silent Patient)
“
The effect of education on political attitudes is complicated,
for democratic society. The self-professed aim of modern education
is to "liberate" people from prejudices and traditional forms
of authority. Educated people are said not to obey authority
blindly, but rather learn to think for themselves. Even if this
doesn't happen on a mass basis, people can be taught to see their
own self-interest more clearly, and over a longer time horizon.
Education also makes people demand more of themselves and for
themselves; in other words, they acquire a certain sense of dignity
which they want to have respected by their fellow citizens and by
the state. In a traditional peasant society, it is possible for a local
landlord (or, for that matter, a communist commissar) to recruit
peasants to kill other peasants and dispossess them of their land.
They do so not because it is in their interest, but because they are
used to obeying authority. Urban professionals in developed countries, on the other hand, can be recruited to a lot of nutty
causes like liquid diets and marathon running, but they tend not
to volunteer for private armies or death squads simply because
someone in a uniform tells them to do so
”
”
Francis Fukuyama (The End of History and the Last Man)
“
I am not trying to be funny, it is just that you're a joke.
”
”
Fakeer Ishavardas
“
This is a great country, in no small part because it is the best country ever devised in which to be a public crank. Never has a nation so dedicated itself to the proposition that not only should people hold nutty ideas, but they should cultivate them, treasure them, shine them up, and put them right up there on the mantelpiece. This is still the best country ever in which to peddle complete public lunacy. In fact, it’s the only country to enshrine that right in its founding documents.
”
”
Charles P. Pierce (Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free)
“
Chicken stock for saltiness. White wine for acidity. Butter for creaminess. Parmigiano-Reggiano for nuttiness. A pinch of saffron for earthiness and color. And the licorice powder? That's to add an unexpected hint of sweetness.
Perfectly balanced.
”
”
Katrina Kwan (Knives, Seasoning, & A Dash of Love)
“
Mind you, I'm a fine one to talke. I mean, I killed myself and just look at me now: I'm a qualified pilot, I can escape from a cockpit in five metres of water and I'm halfway up a mountain with a nutty gymnast who wants to chuck herself off the edge.
”
”
Steve Voake (The Dreamwalker's Child)
“
Unless you're playing Who's Hiding the Ecstasy?, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it. I've got plans." Don't married people know that the last thing a single person wants to do on a Friday night is play a nutty game of Yahtzee? I'd rather take a bubble bath with my father.
”
”
Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)
“
He is the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met, I'm so mad about him I don't know what to do with myself. Honestly, I don't. I keep telling myself this is nutty, this can't be happening, but then he does something else, something so sweet and thoughtful that it knocks me over again.
”
”
J.P. Monninger (The Map That Leads to You)
“
But let’s face it: Understanding me—I mean, really understanding me and my nutty life—isn’t so easy. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find people I can trust. The truth is, I don’t know who I can trust. So mostly I don’t trust anybody. Except my mom, Jules. (Most of the time, anyway.)
”
”
James Patterson (Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life - Free Preview: The First 20 Chapters)
“
Gabriel Edward Mackie, born with soulful maturity and an intrinsic sense of empathy, gazed at life through a poetic contemplative lens relishing the plangent sounds of the wind dancing through the trees during a thunderstorm, inhaling the nutty scent of roasted peanuts at the ballpark, and firmly believing that if he stretched his arms high enough, he could touch his dreams. Driven by his keen curiosity, ability to find a silver lining in the darkest cloud, and vision, he spent boundless energy revering nature’s rarities like the spidery veins in between rose petals and a heron’s powder down feathers.
”
”
JoDee Neathery (A Kind of Hush)
“
It was the best omelet Adrienne had ever eaten. Perfectly cooked so that the eggs were soft and buttery. Filled with sautéed onions and mushrooms and melted Camembert cheese. There were three roasted cherry tomatoes on the plate, skins splitting, oozing juice. Nutty wheat toast. Thatch had brought butter and jam to the table. The butter was served like a tiny cheesecake on a small pedestal under a glass dome. The jam was apricot, homemade, served from a Ball jar.
”
”
Elin Hilderbrand (The Blue Bistro)
“
My lyrics are a big pile of contradictions. They split down the middle between very sincere opinions and feelings that I have and sarcastic and hopefully humorous rebuttals towards cliché' bohemian ideals that have been exhausted for years. I mean it seems like there are only two options for songwriters - either they are sad, tragic visionaries like Morrisey or Michael Stipe or Robert Smith or there's the goofy, nutty white boy - hey let's party and forget about everything people like Van Halen or all that other heavy metal crap. I mean I like to be passionate and sincere, but I also like to have fun and act like a dork.
”
”
Kurt Cobain (Journals)
“
Every time it starts to get cool, I mean in the middle of autim, I start gettin nutty ideas like I was thinkin about what was forein and diffrent, like for exsample how I'd like to turn into a swallow and get away and fly to countrys where it gets hot, or be an ant so's I could get deep into a cave and eat the stuff I stored away durin the summer or be a snake like what they got in the zoO, the ones they keep lockt up in glass cages thats heated so's they don't get stiff from the cold, which is what happens to poor human beans who cant buy no close cause the price is to high, and cant keep warm cause theys no keroseen, no coal, no wood, no fule oil and besides theys no loot, cause when you go around with bocoo bread you can go into any bar and get some sneaky pete that can be real warmin, even tho it aint good to overdo it cause if you overdos it it gets to be a bad habbit and bad habbits is bad for your body just like they is for youre selfrespeck, and when you start goin downhill cause your actin bad in everythin, they aint nobody or nothin can stop you from endin up a stinkin piece of human garbidge and they never gone give you a hand to haul you up outen the dirty muck you rollin around in, not even if you was a eaglE when you was young and could fly up and over the highest hills, but when you get old you like a highflyin bomber thats lost its moral engines and fall down outen the sky. I jes hope what I been writin down hear do somebody some good so he take a good look at how he livin and he dont be sorry when it too late and everythin is gone down the drain cause it his own fault. -- Caser Bruto, What I Would Like to Be If I Wasn't What I Am (Chapter: "A St. Bernard Dog")
”
”
Julio Cortázar (Hopscotch)
“
Okay. And you'll, uh, make sure he doesn't hurt anybody when he's, you know, nutty and out of his mind with blood lust?" For the next ten years?
Liam winced (well, he blinked), but Sophie soldiered on. "My queen, I have experience in these matters. Guarding young vampires--I--all will be as you wish."
Yeah, right. That'd be a fucking first.
”
”
MaryJanice Davidson (Undead and Unpopular (Undead, #5))
“
Jennifer Lynch: "My father deeply loved both of his parents, but he also despised all that
goodness, the white picket fence and all that. He has a romantic idea of
that stuff, but he also hated it because he wanted to smoke cigarettes
and live the art life, and they went to church and everything was perfect
and quiet and good. It made him a little nutty.
”
”
David Lynch (Room to Dream)
“
I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me.
”
”
Fakeer Ishavardas
“
Nutty people don't rat on you. Nice, friendly, ordinary next-door neighbor types--they would rat on you and think nothing of it.
”
”
John Bellairs (The Curse of the Blue Figurine)
“
Soap looked pale. Sophronia hadn’t thought that possible. Normally her Soap was dark as Christmas cake and just as full of nutty goodness. He seemed flat and empty now.
”
”
Gail Carriger (Waistcoats & Weaponry (Finishing School, #3))
“
If a single nutty or dangerous vision comes to be sufficiently widely shared, demagogues may be able to ride it to power.
”
”
Christopher H. Achen (Democracy for Realists: Why Elections Do Not Produce Responsive Government (Princeton Studies in Political Behavior Book 1))
“
Plan A to Terminate Errors and Random Nuttiness—PATTERN.
”
”
Molly MacRae (Spinning in Her Grave (A Haunted Yarn Shop Mystery #3))
“
The world depends on so many different species, each a nutty experiment
”
”
Richard Powers (The Overstory)
“
He’s as nutty as a vegan T-bone. And Roy has definitely been to Disneyworld once too often. What of it?
”
”
David Mitchell (Ghostwritten)
“
If they'd thought a bit more about biological evolution and spent less time cooking up nutty theories they might have uncovered a few simple truths.
”
”
Cormac McCarthy (Stella Maris (The Passenger, #2))
“
Carefree Scamps, you see, know the inevitability of their fate. If they can’t identify this, then they’re off-track. Rag, Tag & Bobtail don’t know their destiny, or perhaps they just accept it for what it is. But those who feel they may have been born on the Wrong Planet are masters of their own fate, even though they often come across their inevitable future on the very road they took to escape it. If this is you, and I think it is - otherwise you wouldn’t have read so far into this nutty book - then I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you as a Scamp.
”
”
Karl Wiggins (Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe)
“
Investigation unearthed political divides as arbitrary and re-earthed our home as one place; a shimmering disco bauble spinning over a cosmic after-party, a baby blue Vote For Life button on a dark velvet lapel, a nutty chocolate miracle wrapped in crinkly cerulean prayer rolling around in God’s glovebox – immense, impossible, unbelievable, alone. Our only spot in eternity. Our home.
”
”
Kanan Gill (Acts of God)
“
When he was four years old, his father had brought him home a tin box from the penitentiary. It was orange and had a picture of some peanut brittle on the outside of it and green letters that said, “A NUTTY SURPRISE!” When Enoch had opened it, a coiled piece of steel had sprung out at him and broken off the ends of his two front teeth. His life was full of so many happenings like that that it would seem he should have been more sensitive to his times of danger.
”
”
Flannery O'Connor (The Complete Stories)
“
There is one hour in his life when we see a flash of utter physical action on Christ's part, an hour when this most curious of men must have experienced the sheer joyous exuberance of a young mammal in full flight: when he lets himself go and flings over the first money changer's table in the Temple at Jerusalem, coins flying, doves thrashing into the air, oxen bellowing, sheep yowling, the money changer going head-over-teakettle, all heads turning, what the...? You don't think Christ got a shot of utter childlike physical glee at that moment? Too late to stop now, his rage rushing to his head, his veiny carpenter's-son wiry arms and hard feet milling as he whizzes through the Temple overturning tables, smashing birdcages, probably popping a furious money-changer here and there with a quick left jab or a well-placed Divine Right Elbow to the money-lending teeth, whipping his scourge of cords against the billboard-size flank of an ox, men scrambling to get out of the way, to grab some of the flying coins, to get a punch in on this nutty rube causing all the ruckus...
In all this holy rage and chaos, don't you think there was a little absolute boyish mindless physical jittery joy in the guy?
”
”
Brian Doyle (Credo: Essays on Grace, Altar Boys, Bees, Kneeling, Saints, the Mass, Priests, Strong Women, Epiphanies, a Wake, and the Haun)
“
Finally, he smiled, and although his smile was bumpy because some of his teeth were jagged and broken, it was a warming, infectious smile that was reflected in his eyes. It made her smile widely in return. She felt as if the room had been lit up. He held out his arms, and she went across the room to him, almost running. She buried her face in his shirt, her nose wrinkling up as the scent of his cologne mixed with the nutty, sourish smell of camphor that filled the room. He put his arms around her, but gently, so that there was space between his forearms and her back, holding her as if she was to fragile to hug properly. Awkwardly, he patted her light, bushy aureole of dark brown hair, repeating: "Good girl. Fine daughter.
”
”
Helen Oyeyemi (The Icarus Girl)
“
dont get me wrong oblivion
I never loved you kiddo
you that was always sticking around
spoiling me for everyone else
telling me how it would make
you nutty if I didnt let you
go the distance
and I gave you my breasts to feel
didnt I
and my mouth to kiss
O I was too good to you oblivion old kid thats all
and when I might have told you
to go ahead and croak yourselflike
you was always threatning you are
are going to do
I didnt
I said go on you inter-
est me
I let you hang around
and whimper
and Ive been getting mine
Listen
theres a fellow I love like I never love anyone else thats six
foot two tall with a face like any girl would die to kiss and a skin
like a little kittens
thats asked me to go to Murrays tonight with him and see the cab-
aret and dance you know
well
if he asks me to take another Im going to and if he asks me to take
another after that Im going to do that and if he puts me into a taxi
and tells the driver to take her easy and steer for the morning Im
going to let him and if he starts in right away putting it to me in
the cab
Im not going to whisper
Oblivion
do you get me
not that Im tired of automats and Childss and handling out ribbon to
old ladies that aint got three teeth and being followed home by pimps
and stewed guys and sleeping lonely in a whitewashed room three thou-
sand below Zero oh no
I could stand that
but its that Im O Gawd how tired
of seeing the white face of you and
feeling the old hands of you and
being teased and jollied about you
and being prayed and implored and
bribed and threatened
to give you my beautiful white body
kiddo
thats why
”
”
E.E. Cummings
“
Mr. Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls,'" he's saying, bending over to gaze down into the deli case. His breath is fogging the glass. I'm watching it suddenly. Watching him. "'He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart-'"
"'Liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes,'" I say, and I'm sure I sound a little stunned. I'm not used to boys coming into the deli to quote some of my favorite modernist literature. Even I can't resist that. A boy like him, who, from the first moment, seems to love the things I love.
”
”
Phoebe North (Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love)
“
In the Old Testament, a person in grief tore his robe and didn’t run out to Kohl’s to get a new one to go to church. Women cut their hair. Men shaved their beards. There was weeping and wailing. For a whole year, nobody expected you to look or be the way you were. How wonderful! But in our nutty society, the person who “keeps it together,” who’s “so brave,” and who “looks so great — you’d never know,” that’s who is applauded. Grief is not the opposite of faith. Mourning is not the opposite of hope. I believe that well-meaning Christians can try to hurry us out of our mourning because we make them uncomfortable. The Bible does not say to cheer up the bereaved, but rather to “mourn with those who mourn.” Christ does not say we grieve because we are deficient in faith, but rather, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted [not rushed]” (Matthew 5:4).
”
”
Jennifer Saake (Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss)
“
Chilled Honeydew and Toasted Almond Milk Soup • MAKES 4 SERVINGS • THIS REFRESHING SUMMER SOUP HAS a delightful sweetness and stunning pale green hue from the melon, enhanced with a little honey and balanced with lime juice. It gets a lightly nutty taste and creamy body from almond milk, which can be made easily as written here, with toasted almonds, a step I think is well worth it, but for a shortcut, you can also use store-bought. Coconut or cashew milk would work nicely too. The garnish of sweet-tart green grapes and floral, fresh basil ribbons adds a beautiful crown of flavor and texture.
”
”
Ellie Krieger (You Have It Made: Delicious, Healthy, Do-Ahead Meals)
“
Every sip reminded her of him. Dark, occasionally bitter and abrasive on the first note, but with each new taste a surprise opened of split pines, a little nuttiness, and a tender vein sweetness winding deep within. Emma didn’t want to stop drinking it, but she feared what would happen when it was gone.
”
”
Ellen Mint (Mistletoe Latte)
“
good news is that we’re all doomed, and you can give up any sense of control. Resistance is futile. Many things are going to get worse and weaker, especially democracy and the muscles in your upper arms. Most deteriorating conditions, though, will have to do with your family, the family in which you were raised and your current one. A number of the best people will have died, badly, while the worst thrive. The younger middle-aged people struggle with the same financial, substance, and marital crises that their parents did, and the older middle-aged people are, like me, no longer even late-middle-aged. We’re early old age, with failing memories, hearing loss, and gum disease. And also, while I hate to sound pessimistic, there are also new, tiny, defenseless people who are probably doomed, too, to the mental ruin of ceaseless striving. What most of us live by and for is the love of family—blood family, where the damage occurred, and chosen, where a bunch of really nutty people fight back together. But both kinds of families can be as hard and hollow as bone, as mystical and common, as dead and alive, as promising and depleted. And by the same token, only redeeming familial love can save you from this crucible, along with nature and clean sheets. A
”
”
Anne Lamott (Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace)
“
Business was doing well, because all the locals knew that dishes made from the flowers that grew around the apple tree in the Waverley garden could affect the eater in curious ways. The biscuits with lilac jelly, the lavender tea cookies, and the tea cakes made with nasturtium mayonnaise the Ladies Aid ordered for their meetings once a month gave them the ability to keep secrets. The fried dandelion buds over marigold-petal rice, stuffed pumpkin blossoms, and rose-hip soup ensured that your company would notice only the beauty of your home and never the flaws. Anise hyssop honey butter on toast, angelica candy, and cupcakes with crystallized pansies made children thoughtful. Honeysuckle wine served on the Fourth of July gave you the ability to see in the dark. The nutty flavor of the dip made from hyacinth bulbs made you feel moody and think of the past, and the salads made with chicory and mint had you believing that something good was about to happen, whether it was true or not.
”
”
Sarah Addison Allen (Garden Spells (Waverley Family, #1))
“
She was back in three minutes just to tell me that she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t get a little nutty from time to time, but she felt she was past the pill period, and then she headed back toward the beach, a lissome broad in her mirrored sunglasses, walking on good legs, and she was far younger than her years, yet old as the sea she approached.
”
”
John D. MacDonald (The Deep Blue Good-By)
“
I carry an invisible box of jerseys with me that say "Team Ian" on the front. My goal is to convince everyone I meet to become my fan and prove it by putting on my "Team Ian" jersey. If they do, then for at least ten minutes I feel like I've won their approval and love. If I have a run of people who don't put it on, I can fall into a rut I have visited so often I should have it decorated and furnished. For me, life is like one long job interview in which I'm trying to impress everyone I meet enough to hire me. The routine is exhausting, mostly for everyone else.
I confessed this nutty practice to my spiritual director. He smiled, put his arm around my shoulder, and said, "I never trust a man without a limp.
”
”
Ian Morgan Cron (Jesus, My Father, The CIA, and Me: A Memoir. . . of Sorts)
“
Sometimes your gaze alone scares me. Sometimes I've never seen you before. I no longer know what you're doing here, in this popular seaside resort, in this dull, crowded season, where you are even more alone than in your regional capital.
The better to kill you, perhaps, or to drive you away, I don't know. I sometimes manage to feel I've never seen you before. That I don't know you, to the point of horror. That I have no idea why you're here, what you want from me, or what will become of you. Becoming is the only subject we never, ever broach.
You must not know what you're doing here either, with this woman who is already old, mad with writing.
Maybe this is just normal, maybe it's the same all over; it's nothing, you came simply because you were desperate, as you are every day of your life. And also during certain summers at certain times of day or night when the sun quits the sky and slips into the sea, every evening, always, you cannot help wanting to die. This I know.
I see the two of us lost in similar natures. I can sometimes be overwhelmed by tenderness for the kind of people we are. Unstable, they say, a bit nutty. 'People who never go to the movies, or the theater, or parties.' Leftists are like that, you know, they have no clue how to enjoy life. Cannes makes them sick and so do the grand hotels of Morocco. Movies and theaters, it's all the same.
”
”
Marguerite Duras (Yann Andrea Steiner)
“
Acornology
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a kingdom of acorns, nestled at the foot of a grand old oak tree. Since the citizens of this kingdom were modern, fully Westernized acorns, they went about their life with a purposeful energy; and since they were mid-life baby-boomer acorns, they engaged in a lot of self-help courses. There were seminars called “Getting All You Can out of Your Shell” and “Who Would You Be Without Your Nutty Story?” There were woundedness and recovery groups for acorns who had been bruised in their fall from the tree. There were spas for oiling and polishing those shells and various acornopathic therapies to enhance longevity and well-being.
One day in the midst of this kingdom there suddenly appeared a knotty little stranger, apparently dropped out of the blue by a passing bird. He was capless and dirty, making an immediate negative impression on his fellow acorns. And to make things worse, crouched beneath the mighty oak tree, he stammered out a wild tale. Pointing up at the tree, he said, “We … are … that!”
Delusional thinking, obviously, the other acorns concluded, but they continued to engage him in conversation: “So tell us, how do we … become that tree?” “Well,” said he, pointing downward, “it has something to do with going into the ground … and cracking open the shell.”
“Insane!” they responded. “Totally morbid! Why then we wouldn’t be acorns anymore.
”
”
Jacob Needleman (Lost Christianity)
“
A villain. The enemy. Sandor watched Sophie tug on her eyelashes—her nervous habit, back in full force. “Nothing is going to happen,” he promised, tucking her blond hair behind her ear with a surprisingly gentle touch for a seven-foot-tall goblin warrior. It definitely helped having Sandor back at her side—especially after almost losing him during the battle on Mount Everest. And Sandor wasn’t the only goblin at Foxfire anymore. Each of the six wings in the main campus building had been assigned its own patrol, with two additional squadrons keeping watch over the sprawling grounds. The Council had also added security throughout the Lost Cities. They had to. The ogres were still threatening war. And in the three weeks since Sophie and her friends had returned from hiding with the Black Swan, the Neverseen had scorched the main gate of the Sanctuary and broken into the registry in Atlantis. Sophie could guess what the rebels had hoped to gain from the elves’ secret animal preserve—they obviously didn’t know that she’d convinced the Council to set the precious alicorns free. But the registry attack remained a mystery. The Councillors kept careful records on every elf ever born, and no one would tell her if any files had been altered or stolen. A bubble popped on Sophie’s head, and Sandor caught the box of Prattles that had been hovering inside. “If you’re going to eat these, I should check them first,” he told her. Sandor’s wide, flat nose scented no toxins in the nutty candy, but he insisted on examining the pin before handing them over. Every box of Prattles came with a special collectible inside, and in the past, the Black
”
”
Shannon Messenger (Lodestar (Keeper of the Lost Cities, #5))
“
If you weren’t an android,” Rick interrupted, “if I could legally marry you, I would.”
Rachael said, “Or we could live in sin, except that I’m not alive.”
“Legally you’re not. But really you are. Biologically. You’re not made out of transistorized circuits like a false animal; you’re an organic entity.” And in two years, he thought, you’ll wear out and die. Because we never solved the problem of cell replacement, as you pointed out. So I guess it doesn’t matter anyhow.
This is my end, he said to himself. As a bounty hunter. After the Batys there won’t be any more. Not after this, tonight.
“You look so sad,” Rachael said.
Putting his hand out, he touched her cheek.
“You’re not going to be able to hunt androids any longer,” she said calmly. “So don’t look sad. Please.”
He stared at her.
“No bounty hunter ever has gone on,” Rachael said. “After being with me. Except one. A very cynical man. Phil Resch. And he’s nutty; he works out in left field on his own.”
“I see,” Rick said. He felt numb. Completely. Throughout his entire body.
“But this trip we’re taking,” Rachael said, “won’t be wasted, because you’re going to meet a wonderful, spiritual man.
”
”
Philip K. Dick (Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?)
“
A t magic hour, when the sun has gone but the light has not, armies of flying foxes unhinge themselves from the Banyan trees in the old graveyard and drift across the city like smoke. When the bats leave, the crows come home.
Not all the din of their homecoming fills the silence left by the sparrows that have gone missing, and the old white-backed vultures, custodians of the dead for more than a hundred
million years, that have been wiped out. The vultures died of diclofenac poisoning. Diclofenac, cow-aspirin, given to cattle
as a muscle relaxant, to ease pain and increase the production of milk, works – worked – like nerve gas on white-backed vultures. Each chemically relaxed, milk-producing cow or
buffalo that died became poisoned vulture-bait. As cattle turned into better dairy machines, as the city ate more ice cream, butterscotch-crunch, nutty-buddy and chocolatechip, as it drank more mango milkshake, vultures’ necks
began to droop as though they were tired and simply couldn’t stay awake. Silver beards of saliva dripped from their beaks, and one by one they tumbled off their branches, dead.
Not many noticed the passing of the friendly old birds. There was so much else to look forward to.
”
”
Arundhati Roy (The Ministry of Utmost Happiness)
“
There are not many secure hospitals that can boast someone who thought he was Napoleon, but St. Cerebellum’s could field three—not to mention a handful of serial killers whose names inexplicably yet conveniently rhymed with their crimes. Notorious cannibal “Peter the Eater” was incarcerated here, as were “Sasha the Slasher” and “Mr. Browner the Serial Drowner.” But the undisputed king of rhyme-inspired serial murder was Isle of Man resident Maximilian Marx, who went under the uniquely tongue-twisting epithet “Mad Max Marx, the Masked Manxman Axman.” Deirdre Blott tried to top Max’s clear superiority by changing her name so as to become “Nutty Nora Newsome, the Knife-Wielding Weird Widow from Waddersdon,” but no one was impressed, and she was ostracized by the other patients for being such a terrible show-off.
”
”
Jasper Fforde (The Fourth Bear (Nursery Crime, #2))
“
You do this pronoun shift. You may not even be aware of it. If it’s a ‘bold idea,’ it’s ‘ours.’ If it’s a ‘nutty idea,’ it’s ‘yours.’” “Grammar Nazi. Would it be enough to say I want to be president to . . .” “I’m listening.” Randy said, “I was about to say, ‘To give something back,’ but it sounds so pathetic. What it really boils down to is, I’d like to be in charge for just five minutes. Balance the books. Get us out of debt. Be nice to our friends, tell our enemies to fuck off. Clean up the air and water. Throw corporate crooks in the clink. Put the dignity back in government. Fix things. What else . . .? Can’t have Arabs blowing up our buildings, certainly, but I now know that we don’t need to be sending armies everywhere. Among other things, it’s expensive. . ..” “I’m sorry, were you talking? I went to sleep after ‘balance the books.
”
”
Christopher Buckley (Boomsday)
“
... If I am correct...
... the secret to this sauce is
honey
and
balsamic vinegar
."
"Got it one, sir! Both ingredients have a mild sweetness that adds a layer of richness to the dish. The tartness of the vinegar ties it all together, ensuring the sweetness isn't too cloying and giving the overall dish a clean, pure aftertaste.
The guide told me that Hokkaido bears really love their honey...
... so I tried all kinds of methods to add it to my recipe!"
"Is that how he gave his sauce a rich, clean flavor powerful enough to cause the Gifting? Unbelievable! That's our Master Yukihira!"
Something doesn't add up. A little honey and vinegar can't be enough to create that level of aftertaste. There has to be something else to it. But what?
"...?!
I got it! I know what you did! You caramelized the honey!"
CARAMELIZATION
Sugars oxidize when heated, giving them a golden brown color and a nutty flavor.
Any food that contains sugar can be caramelized, making caramelization an important technique in everything from French cooking to dessert making.
"I started out by heating the honey until it was good and caramelized. Then I added some balsamic vinegar to stretch it and give it a little thickness. Once that was done, I poured it over some diced onions and garlic that I'd sautéed in another pan, added some schisandra berries and then let it simmer.
After it had reduced, I poured bear stock over it and seasoned it with a little salt...
The result was a deep, rich sauce perfect for emphasizing the natural punch of my Bear-Meat Menchi Katsu!"
"Oho! You musta come up with that idea while I was relaxing with my cup o' chai! Not bad, Yukihira-chin! Not bad at all! Don'tcha think?"
"Y-yes, sir..."
Plus, there is no debating how well honey pairs well with bear meat. The Chinese have long considered bear paws a great delicacy...
... because of the common belief that the mellow sweetness of the honey soaks into a bear's paw as it sticks it into beehives and licks the honey off of it.
What a splendid idea pairing honey with bear meat, each accentuating the other...
... then using caramelization and balsamic vinegar to mellow it to just the right level.
It's a masterful example of using both flavor subtraction and enhancement in the same dish!
”
”
Yūto Tsukuda (食戟のソーマ 22 [Shokugeki no Souma 22] (Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma, #22))
“
The menu is spectacular. Passed hors d'oeuvres include caramelized shallot tartlets topped with Gorgonzola, cubes of crispy pork belly skewered with fresh fig, espresso cups of chilled corn soup topped with spicy popcorn, mini arepas filled with rare skirt steak and chimichurri and pickle onions, and prawn dumplings with a mango serrano salsa. There is a raw bar set up with three kinds of oysters, and a raclette station where we have a whole wheel of the nutty cheese being melted to order, with baby potatoes, chunks of garlic sausage, spears of fresh fennel, lightly pickled Brussels sprouts, and hunks of sourdough bread to pour it over. When we head up for dinner, we will start with a classic Dover sole amandine with a featherlight spinach flan, followed by a choice of seared veal chops or duck breast, both served with creamy polenta, roasted mushrooms, and lacinato kale. Next is a light salad of butter lettuce with a sharp lemon Dijon vinaigrette, then a cheese course with each table receiving a platter of five cheeses with dried fruits and nuts and three kinds of bread, followed by the panna cottas. Then the cake, and coffee and sweets. And at midnight, chorizo tamales served with scrambled eggs, waffle sticks with chicken fingers and spicy maple butter, candied bacon strips, sausage biscuit sandwiches, and vanilla Greek yogurt parfaits with granola and berries on the "breakfast" buffet, plus cheeseburger sliders, mini Chicago hot dogs, little Chinese take-out containers of pork fried rice and spicy sesame noodles, a macaroni-and-cheese bar, and little stuffed pizzas on the "snack food" buffet. There will also be tiny four-ounce milk bottles filled with either vanilla malted milk shakes, root beer floats made with hard root beer, Bloody Marys, or mimosas.
”
”
Stacey Ballis (Wedding Girl)
“
There is an art to the business of making sandwiches which it is given to few ever to find the time to explore in depth. It is a simple task, but the opportunities for satisfaction are many and profound: choosing the right bread for instance. The Sandwich Maker had spent many months in daily consultation and experiment with Grarp the baker and eventually they had between them created a loaf of exactly the consistency that was dense enough to slice thinly and neatly, while still being light, moist and having that fine nutty flavour which best enhanced the savour of roast Perfectly Normal Beast flesh.
There was also the geometry of the slice to be refined: the precise relationships between the width and height of the slice and also its thickness which would give the proper sense of bulk and weight to the finished sandwich: here again, lightness was a virtue, but so too were firmness, generosity and that promise of succulence and savour that is the hallmark of a truly intense sandwich experience.
The proper tools, of course, were crucial, and many were the days that the Sandwich Maker, when not engaged with the Baker at his oven, would spend with Strinder the Tool Maker, weighing and balancing knives, taking them to the forge and back again. Suppleness, strength, keenness of edge, length and balance were all enthusiastically debated, theories put forward, tested, refined, and many was the evening when the Sandwich Maker and the Tool Maker could be seen silhouetted against the light of the setting sun and the Tool Maker’s forge making slow sweeping movements through the air trying one knife after another, comparing the weight of this one with the balance of another, the suppleness of a third and the handle binding of a fourth.
Three knives altogether were required. First there was the knife for the slicing of the bread: a firm, authoritative blade which imposed a clear and defining will on a loaf. Then there was the butter-spreading knife, which was a whippy little number but still with a firm backbone to it. Early versions had been a little too whippy, but now the combination of flexibility with a core of strength was exactly right to achieve the maximum smoothness and grace of spread.
The chief amongst the knives, of course, was the carving knife. This was the knife that would not merely impose its will on the medium through which it moved, as did the bread knife; it must work with it, be guided by the grain of the meat, to achieve slices of the most exquisite consistency and translucency, that would slide away in filmy folds from the main hunk of meat. The Sandwich Maker would then flip each sheet with a smooth flick of the wrist on to the beautifully proportioned lower bread slice, trim it with four deft strokes and then at last perform the magic that the children of the village so longed to gather round and watch with rapt attention and wonder. With just four more dexterous flips of the knife he would assemble the trimmings into a perfectly fitting jigsaw of pieces on top of the primary slice. For every sandwich the size and shape of the trimmings were different, but the Sandwich Maker would always effortlessly and without hesitation assemble them into a pattern which fitted perfectly. A second layer of meat and a second layer of trimmings, and the main act of creation would be accomplished.
”
”
Douglas Adams (Mostly Harmless (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #5))