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When I told the local Yablokites I wanted to join the party, they gave me suspicious looks and asked why I would want to do that. "You have a job, right? You are a real lawyer, right?" This pissed me off. Everything was chaotic and nobody was doing anything practical. I was keen to get things done, preferably right now. They told me that first I would need to go through a standard admission process: become a supporter, then a candidate for party membership, collect favorable references, and wait a year. Then they would accept me.
Most people joined Yabloko because they admired its leader, Grigory Yavlinsky. I did not share the depth of those feelings. If during my enthusiasm for Yeltsin I could not stand Yavlinsky and saw him as someone who was taking votes away from Yeltsin, my attitude toward him now became more nuanced and I began to consider him a decent, honest politician. The former Communist Party bureaucrats who had surreptitiously sidled over from their Soviet offices into the offices of the Russian Federation were thieves, but he was a man with values. He stood up for his ideology and, overall, the Yabloko party acted consistently. It was nervous about doing anything decisive and preferred to conduct intellectual discussions, but at least its members believed what they were saying.
I gradually detected that the unanimous admiration of Yavlinsky was so strong it sometimes tipped over into a leadership cult. The party leaders and he himself were unchallengeable, and the hierarchy within the party was strictly observed. Hence, they were wary of newcomers, in case someone daring came along and tried to take over the party! They looked askance at me because I didn't fit their image of a standard political activist. I took a shower in the mornings and I had a job. I must have been asked a hundred times why, when they had little or no money, I was staying with them. I still can't shake this off. People still suspect there's a catch. After all, if you have a good education and a good job, why would you be fighting against Putin? Why are you doing your investigations? Perhaps you're getting leaks from competing towers of the Kremlin, or perhaps you're a Kremlin stooge yourself. Or a stooge of the West. All my life people have been inventing conspiracy theories about me to somehow explain my interest in politics. If nowadays I find it amusing, back then it was annoying. The fact that Yabloko found me so baffling indicated they had no faith in their own strength.
I went into politics to fight against people who are wrecking my country, are incapable of improving our lives, and act solely in their own interests. I intended to win.
I found campaigns absorbing. After getting involved as an election observer, I noticed two things: first, my legal experience was going to come in very handy; and, second, I could see what was going on in the campaigns far better than the average party lawyer. The main motivation, though, was that this was real legal work. When I started my studies, this is exactly what I pictured working as a lawyer would be: a courtroom, a judge sternly calling everyone to order. I am defending my client, waving papers in the air, arguing, conclusively proving things, and at that moment I am only too aware that I'm fighting the bad guys. It may sound corny, but it's true: I wanted my efforts to make the world a better place.
My company, building offices in Moscow, offered no such opportunities. I shuddered at the thought that my whole life might be spent helping certain people make an extra couple of million dollars. Slowly, I began distancing myself from corporate work. I didn't dump it right away, because even after I was admitted to Yabloko, I remained a volunteer for a long time and received no salary. When I did start receiving one, it was $300 a month, though I didn't always get paid...I had a family to support, so I continued working as a lawyer.
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