Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus Quotes

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Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
When a man can listen to a woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement that he needs.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
‎" when men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Because she is afraid of not being supported, she unknowingly pushes away the support she needs.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
we are unique individuals with unique experiences
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Love brings up our unresolved feelings . One day we are feeling loved , and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love . The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner's love .
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
If we are to feel the positive feelings of love, happiness, trust, and gratitude, we periodically also have to feel anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Get the love you deserve and gave your partner the love and support he deserves
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
ان اكبر تحديات الرجل ترجمة كلام المرأة اذا تحدثت و مساندتها بالتفهم والتأييد المناسبين للموقف و لمشاعرها... و اكبر تحديات المرأة تأويل صمت الرجل و مساندته بتقبله و دعمه بان تترك له المساحة التي يحتاج اليها
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
تشعر المرأه بالدعم والمسانده اذا صدق الرجل مشاعرها , ويشعر الرجل بالرعاية والاهتمام اذا وافقته المرأة افكارها
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
المشاركة في مشكلاتك مع شخص آخر تعتبر على سطح الزهرة في الحقيقة علامة حب وثقة وليس عبئا
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
When a woman's wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
حاجات النساء للشعور بالتحسن عن طريق التحدث عن المشكلات أما الرجال عن طريق حل المشكلات
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Advice for a human. 90. But know this. Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Do not fall for categories. Everyone is everything. Every ingredient inside a star is inside you, and every personality that ever existed competes in the theatre of your mind for the main role. 91. You are lucky to be alive. Inhale and take in life's wonders. Never take so much as a single petal of a flower for granted.
Matt Haig (The Humans)
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways—the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
Mental chemistry creates interest, Emotional chemistry Generates Affection, Physical chemistry generates desire, and Spiritual chemistry creates love. A soulmate includes all four...and I will not settle for anything less!
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Wanita senang hatinya bila mempunyai teman yang dapat berbagi kesulitannya. Lelaki senang hatinya bila dapat memecahkan kesulitannya sendirian di guanya.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Remember, if a man needs to pull away like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
شعارهن على سطح الزهرة (الحب هو ألا يكون عليك أن تطلب أبداً ) فهي تفترض أنه اذا كان شريكها يحبها، فسوف يقوم بتقديم دعمه ولن يكون عليها أن تطلب
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. He compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence. Success, achievement, and efficiency are foremost in his life ... A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Treat her in ways you did at the beginning of the relationship.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When she says “I feel like you are not even here,” he says “What do you mean I’m not here? Of course I am here. Don’t you see my body?
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
So men are not from Mars, nor are women from Venus. Men and women are from Africa, the cradle of our evolution, where they evolved together as a single species.
Steven Pinker (The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature)
Men go to their caves .. Women talk
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
When misunderstandings arise, remember that we speak different languages; take the time necessary to translate what your partner really means or wants to say. This definitely takes practice, but it is well worth it.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
Venusians have different values. They value love, communication, beauty, and relationships. They spend a lot of time supporting, helping, and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Where are Angels like you are from?
Amit Kalantri (I Love You Too)
Quite often, when one partner makes a positive change the other will also change. This predictable coincidence is one of those magical things about life.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus instead we are all people. Deal with it.
Shahla Khan (Friends With Benefits: Rethinking Friendship, Dating & Violence)
When the student is ready the teacher appears. When the question is asked then the answer is heard. When we are truly ready to receive then what we need will become available.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
بعد أن تعلم أهل المريخ كيف ينصتون حققوا أعظم اكتشاف مدهش، لقد بدأوا يدركون أن الانصات لزهرية تتحدث عن مشكلات يمكن حقا أن يساعدهم على الخروج من كهوفهم، مثلما هو الحال عند مشاهدة مبارة في التلفزيون أو قراءة الصحف.
John Gray
He has no idea that by just listening with empathy and interest he can be supportive. He does not know that on Venus talking about problems is not an invitation to offer a solution. LIFE
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
كانت أصعب مهمة بالنسبة إلى سوزان هي أن تتدرب على طلب ما تريد، قالت لي "لماذا يجب علي أن أطلب بعد كل ما فعلت من أجله؟!؛ وضحت لها أن تحمليه مسئولية معرفة رغباتها ليس فقط غير واقعي، بل هو سبب جزء كبير من مشكلتها. كانت تحتاج إلى أن تكون مسئولة عن جعل رغباتها تتحقق.
John Gray
أن كل هدية بالنسبة للزهريات تتساوى مع أية هدية أخرى , بغض النظر عن الحجم
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
You cannot, nor should you ever try to, change your partner. That is his or her job. Your job is to change the ways you communicate, react, and respond to your partner.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
The truth is, men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. We are all earthlings whose penises and vaginas came from exactly the same type of fetal tissue. This is why, in addition to penises and vaginas, we also have a wide spectrum of intersex genitals, which medical science is only now slowly coming to accept as 'normal.
Barbara Carrellas (Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century)
Like their Martian ancestors, men pride themselves on being experts, especially when it comes to fixing mechanical things, getting places, or solving problems. These are the times when he needs her loving acceptance the most and not her advice or criticism.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
The success of a relationship is solely dependent on two factors: a man's ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a woman's feelings, and a woman's ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Their (men) sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. They experience fulfillment primarily through success and accomplishment.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Most men are not only hungry to give love but are starving for it. Their biggest problem is that they do not know what they are missing.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
He is stressed by the unsolved problems of his day and finds relief through forgetting them. [...] She, however, wants to find relief by talking about the problems of her day.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
A woman has within herself the ability to spontaneously rise up after she has hit bottom. A man does not have to fix her. She is not broken but just needs his love, patience, and understanding.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license and use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations. Men mistakenly take these expressions literally. Because they misunderstand the intended meaning, they commonly react in an unsupportive manner.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
A man unknowingly hurts his partner by speaking in an uncaring manner and then goes on to explain why she should not be upset. He mistakenly assumes she is resisting the content of his point of view, when really his unloving delivery is what upsets her. Because he does not understand her reaction, he focuses more on explaining the merit of what he is saying instead of correcting the way he is saying it. He has no idea that he is starting an argument; he thinks she is arguing with him. He defends his point of view while she defends herself from his sharpened expressions, which are hurtful to her.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
The words, I love you, are empty without clarification. Women prefer to be told what they can expect. It is measurable like a Weight Watcher’s diet, with extra points at the end of the week if you don’t cheat.
Shannon L. Alder
In the Mars-and-Venus-gendered universe, men want power and women want emotional attachment and connection. On this planet nobody really has the opportunity to know love since it is power and not love that is the order of the day. The privilege of power is at the heart of patriarchal thinking. Girls and boys, men and women who have been taught this way almost always believe love is not important, or if it is, it is never as important as being powerful, dominant, in control, on top-being right. Women who give seemingly selfless adoration and care to the men in their lives appear to be obsessed with 'love,' but in actuality their actions are often a covert way to hold power. Like their male counterparts, they enter relationships speaking the words of love even as their actions indicate that maintaining power and control is their primary agenda.
bell hooks (All About Love: New Visions)
A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman’s primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. This is not the case. To fulfill her sixth primary love need he must remember to reassure her again and again.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
and hold her. Another woman would have instinctively known what Bonnie needed. But as a man, I didn’t know that touching, holding, and listening were so important to her. By recognizing these differences I began to learn a new way of relating to my wife. I would have never believed we could resolve conflict so easily.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
The closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or be bruised.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
To receive support we not only have to teach our partners what we need but we also have to be willing to be supported.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When men and women are single for a long time, the differences are sometimes not as defined.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Ah, patriarchy, where men are from Mars, and women are from 'don't you worry your pretty little head about it.
Anubha Saxena
Men rarely say “I’m sorry” because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing. Women, however, say “I’m sorry” as a way to say “I care about what you are feeling.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When a man neglects to honor a woman’s hurt feelings he invalidates them and increases her hurt. It is hard for him to understand her hurt because he is not as vulnerable to uncaring comments and tones. Consequently, a man may not even realize how much he is hurting his partner and thus provoking her resistance. Similarly, women don’t realize how they are hurtful to men. Unlike a man, when a woman feels challenged the tone of her speech automatically becomes increasingly mistrusting and rejecting. This kind of rejection is more hurtful to a man, especially when he is emotionally involved.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Martians talk about problems for only two reasons: they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice. If a woman is really upset a man assumes she is blaming him. If she seems less upset, then he assumes she is asking for advice.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
You probably know stories of couples who never fight or argue and then suddenly to everyone’s surprise they decide to get a divorce. In many of these cases, the woman has suppressed her negative feelings to avoid having fights. As a result she becomes numb and unable to feel her love. When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies. Avoiding arguments and fights certainly is healthy but not by suppressing feelings.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Love often fails because people instinctively give what they want. Because a woman’s primary love needs are to be cared for, understood, and so forth, she automatically gives her man a lot of caring and understanding. To a man this caring support often feels as though she doesn’t trust him. Being trusted is his primary need, not being cared for. Then, when he doesn’t respond positively to her caring she can’t understand why he doesn’t appreciate her brand of support. He, of course, is giving his own brand of love, which isn’t what she needs. So they are caught in a loop of failing to fulfill each other’s needs.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions. The more talk and exploration, the better they feel. This is the way women operate. To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
The differences and disagreements don’t hurt as much as the ways in which we communicate them. Ideally an argument does not have to be hurtful; instead it can simply be an engaging conversation that expresses our differences and disagreements. (Inevitably all couples will have differences and disagree at times.) But practically speaking most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing. Unknowingly they begin hurting each other; what could have been an innocent argument, easily resolved with mutual understanding and an acceptance of differences, escalates into a battle. They refuse to accept or understand the content of their partner’s point of view because of the way they are being approached. Resolving an argument requires extending or stretching our point of view to include and integrate another point of view. To make this stretch we need to feel appreciated and respected. If our partner’s attitude is unloving, our self-esteem can actually be wounded by taking on their point of view.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
A man commonly feels attacked and blamed by a woman’s feelings, especially when she is upset and talks about problems. Because he doesn’t understand how we are different, he doesn’t readily relate to her need to talk about all of her feelings. He mistakenly assumes she is telling him about her feelings because she thinks he is somehow responsible or to be blamed. Because she is upset and she is talking to him, he assumes she is upset with him. When she complains he hears blame. Many men don’t understand the (Venusian) need to share upset feelings with the people they love.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Martians have a win/lose philosophy—I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose. As long as each Martian took care of himself this formula worked fine. It worked for centuries, but now it needed to be changed. Giving primarily to themselves was no longer as satisfying. Being in love, they wanted the Venusians to win as much as themselves. In most sports today we can see an extension of this Martian competitive code. For example, in tennis I not only want to win but also try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him to return my shots. I enjoy winning even though my friend loses. Most of these Martian attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationships. If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Some couples fight all the time, and gradually their love dies. On the other extreme, some couples suppress their honest feelings in order to avoid conflict and not argue. As a result of suppressing their true feelings they lose touch with their loving feelings as well. One couple is having a war while the other is having a cold war.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Opening the heart results in greater forgiveness and increased motivation to give and receive love and support.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
When men and women are on the verge of arguing, they are generally misunderstanding each other.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
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John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
Men feel frustrated by problems unless they are doing something to solve them. By appreciating him, a woman can help him realize that just by listening he is also helping.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When a man feels accepted it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
the suggestions, strategies, and
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
One of the most difficult challenges in our loving relationships is handling differences and disagreements. Often when couples disagree their discussions can turn into arguments and then without much warning into battles. Suddenly they stop talking in a loving manner and automatically begin hurting each other: blaming, complaining, accusing, demanding, resenting, and doubting.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
woman is like a wave. When she feels loved her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary. After she reaches bottom suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically her wave begins to rise back up.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible. He may feel extremely frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better. One minute she seems happy, and so he believes he is doing a good job and then the next minute she is unhappy. He is shocked because he thought he was doing so well.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
sometimes the best solution for avoiding conflict is to see it coming and lie low for a while. Take a time-out to center yourself so that you can then come together again with greater understanding, acceptance, validation, and approval.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Aman thinks he scores high with a woman when he does something very big for her, like buying her a new car or taking her on a vacation. He assumes he scores less when he does something small, like opening the car door, buying her a flower, or giving her a hug. Based on this kind of score keeping, he believes he will fulfill her best by focusing his time, energy, and attention into doing something large for her. This formula, however, doesn’t work because women keep score differently.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Women are happy when they believe their needs will be met. When a woman is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, or hopeless what she needs most is simple companionship. She needs to feel she is not alone. She needs to feel loved and cherished.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Sunday Times Bestsellar and definitive relationship guide (181 POCHE))
Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
Resist the temptation to explain to her that she is misinterpreting what you said. Once the hurt is there it needs to be heard if it is to be healed. Explanations are helpful only after the hurt is healed with some validation and caring understanding.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and fulfillment. Most men naïvely expect that shine to last forever. But to expect her loving nature to be constant is like expecting the weather never to change and the sun to shine all the time. Life is filled with rhythms—day and night, hot and cold, summer and winter, spring and fall, cloudy and clear. Likewise in a relationship, men and women have their own rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Making some of these changes may at first feel awkward or even manipulative. Many people have the idea that love means “saying it like it is.” This overly direct approach, however, does not take into account the listener’s feelings. One can still be honest and direct about feelings but express them in a way that doesn’t offend or hurt.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
Researchers at the University of Rochester recently pronounced “Men Are from Mars Earth, Women Are from Venus Earth,” concluding: From empathy and sexuality to science inclination and extroversion, statistical analysis of 122 different characteristics involving 13,301 individuals shows that men and women, by and large, do not fall into different groups.
Christian Rudder (Dataclysm: Love, Sex, Race, and Identity--What Our Online Lives Tell Us about Our Offline Selves)
The more intimate we are with someone, the more difficult it is objectively to hear their point of view without reacting to their negative feelings. To protect ourselves from feeling worthy of their disrespect or disapproval automatic defenses come up to resist their point of view. Even if we agree with their point of view, we may stubbornly persist in arguing with them.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
On the other side, men generally have little awareness of how distant they become when they are in the cave. As a man recognizes how withdrawing into his cave may affect women, he can be compassionate when she feels neglected and unimportant. Remembering that women are from Venus helps him to be more understanding and respectful of her reactions and feelings. Without understanding the validity of her reactions, a man commonly defends himself, and they argue. These are five common misunderstandings: 1. When she says “You don’t listen,” he says “What do you mean I don’t listen. I can tell you everything you said.” When a man is in the cave he can record what she is saying with the 5 percent of his mind that is listening. A man reasons that if he is listening with 5 percent, then he is listening. However, what she is asking for is his full undivided attention. 2. When she says “I feel like you are not even here,” he says “What do you mean I’m not here? Of course I am here. Don’t you see my body?” He reasons
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex)
إن ما يؤلم ليس ما نقوله ولكن كيف نقوله. يمكن القيام بتغييرات بسيطة دون التضحية بهويتنا. حين لا يشعر الرجل أنه يحدث أثراً إيجابياً في حياة شخص أخر فإنه من الصعب عليه أن يستمر في الاهتمام بنفسه وبعلاقاته , ومن الصعب أن يكون محفزاً عندما لا يحتاج إليه أحد , وليصبح محفزاً مرة أخرى فإنه يحتاج إلى أن يشعر بأنه مقدر حق قدره وموثوق به ومقبول. أن لا يحتاج أحد إليه يعتبر موتاً بطيئاً للرجل. تحفز النساء ويشعرن بالقوة عندما يشعرون بأنهن معززات. إن أحد أعظم الفروق بين الرجال والنساء هي طريقة تعايشهم مع الضغوط، يصبح الرجال أكثر تركيزاً وانسحاباً , بينما تصبح النساء مثقلات مشوشات عاطفياً. يحتاج الرجال إلى أن يتذكروا أن النساء يتحدثن عن المشكلات ليصبحن أكثر قرباً وليس للحصول على الحلول. إن الوقوع في الحب شيء سحري دائماً, تشعر كأنه أبدي وكأنه سيدوم للأبد. إننا نعتقد بسذاجة أننا مستثنون من المشكلات التي واجهها آباؤنا وأمهاتنا. عندما تفهم الموقف بشكل صحيح فلن يكون ابدا بنفس السوء كما تظن.. لايجب أن تحاول تغيير شخصية شريك حياتك , فتلك شؤونه هو أو هي , وشأنك أنت هو تغيير طرق الاتصال وردود الأفعال والتجاوب معها. الكمال ليس من متطلبات تكوين العلاقات. أن تقدم للرجال نصيحة دون استجداء يعني أن تفترض أنه لا يعرف ماذا يفعل أو أنه لا يستطيع القيام به بنفسه. نحن نفترض مخطئين إذا كان آباؤنا يحبوننا فسيكون رد فعلهم وتصرفهم بأسلوب معين - أسلوب رد فعلنا وتصرفنا إذا كنا نحب شخصا ما. لا يمكن للتفكير وحده أن يؤدي إلى أسلوب جديد للتصرف، لكن بإمكان التصرف أن يؤدي بنا إلى تبني أسلوب جديد للتفكير. إن اكبر تحديات الرجل ترجمة كلام المرأة اذا تحدثت و مساندتها بالتفهم والتأييد المناسبين للموقف و لمشاعرها ... و اكبر تحديات المرأة تأويل صمت الرجل و مساندته بتقبله و دعمه بأن تترك له المساحة التي يحتاج اليها. من الصعب بالنسبة الى الرجل أن ينصت للمرأة عندما تكون هي غير سعيدة أو خائبة الأمل لأنه سيشعر بأنه فاشل. تستطيع المرأة تعلم ان تكون حساسة لمن يستمع اليها عندما تدرك ميله إلى الشعور كما لو انه فاشل عندما يسمع الكثير من المشكلات ... و يلوم الرجل المرأة لكونها لوامة , بينما هي تتحدث ببراءة عن المشكلات. عندما نتوقع من شركاء الحياة أن يشبهونا , فنحن تلقائيا نوحي إليهم بأنهم ليسوا على ما يرام بشخصياتهم الحالية. فإن رسالة مثل "أنت لست جيد بما يكفي" بالتأكيد ليست رسالة ودية , حتى إذا كنت تعتقدها. إنه ليس من الضروري أن تكون العلاقات عبارة عن صراع. إنها تريد التعاطف , و هو يظن أنها تريد حلولا ... إنها تعتقد أنها ترعاه , بينما يشعر هو أنها تتحكم فيه. إنه بالنسبة لها مفخرة إذا تقدم أحد لمساعدتها , إن ذلك يؤدي إلى شعورها بأنها محبوبة و معززة . و لكن تقديم المساعدة لرجل يجعله يشعر بالعجز و الضعف , و ربما عدم الحب. القلق بشأن الغير أحد أساليب النساء في التعبير عن حبهن و اهتمامهن ... و يساند الرجال بعضهم بعضا بعدم القلق أو بالتقليل من مشكلاتهم. عندما تقمع المشاعر السلبية , فالمشاعر الإيجابية كذلك تقمع. كما أن الاتصال هو العنصر الأهم في العلاقة. فإن المجادلات يمكن أن تكون العنصر الأكثر تدميرا , لأنه كلما اقتربنا من بعضنا البعض كان من السهل أن يجرح بعضنا بعضا. يستطيع الرجل أن يتعامل بشكل أفضل مع الاختلافات و الخلافات حين تكون حاجاته العاطفية مشبعة . و لكن حين يكون محروما من الحب الذي يحتاج إليه , يصبح دفاعيا و يبدأ الجانب المظلم منه في البروز , و بطريقة فطرية يسحب سيفه. الرجال ليسوا محفزين غريزيا إلى تقديم الدعم , فهم يحتاجون إلى ان يطلب منهم ذلك مباشرة. عندما شعرت الأقليات بأنها كانت مدعومة أكثر مما مضى , شعرت أيضا بزخم من مشاعر الاستياء و الغضب ... و يحدث الان رد فعل ممائل في بلدان يحصل فيها الناس أخيرا على حريتهم من قادة الحكومات سيئة التعامل. لا يدرك الرجل بأن الشئ القليل بالنسبة إلى المرأة مهم تماما مثل الشئ الكبير.
John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
I had to drive through a very poor and largely Hispanic section of Miami to get to the apartment complex where Casey Martin had died. There were a lot of beautiful women on the sidewalks and at the outdoor cafés, a lot of tough guys and a lot of guys who weren’t tough but trying to look like they were. The streets were alive with what criminally passed for music nowadays, and there were smells of cooking in the air that suggested savory tastes. Small, hole-in-the-wall shops marked one end, and some more upscale stores the other. The dividing line between the two was discernible not just by the stores, but the women. The women and even younger girls at the lower income end seemed softer, friendlier, quicker with a genuine smile. The ones walking into the trendy places were just as pretty, more expensively dressed, but more apt to express scorn than produce a spontaneous smile. The upscale women appeared to be from a different planet. For them, everything was sexist, everything a slight. They were eternal victims, even though the entire world was in their favor. The women at the poor end fell in love, watched out for their men, while the more affluent were stand-offish and demanding, making certain any man “lucky” enough to be with them lived in the right zip code, had the right amount of bling to give them, and above all, had been properly neutered. The balls of their boyfriends and husbands — sometimes they had both — were always in their handbag, somewhere between the trendy lip liner and eye shadow. A kiss from one of the poor girls was a sweet gift, filled with passion and tenderness, even if it could only last a night. A kiss from an uptown girl meant you’d checked off all her right boxes, and she needed to fulfill her duty. Girls without money were from Venus, girls with money were from Mars.
Bobby Underwood (Eight Blonde Dolls (Seth Halliday #3))