M.e. Thomas Quotes

When you grow up as a girl, it is like there are faint chalk lines traced approximately three inches around your entire body at all times, drawn by society and often religion and family and particularly other women, who somehow feel invested in how you behave, as if your actions reflect directly on all womanhood.

I'm an 'intelligent' sociopath. I don't have problems with drugs, I don't commit crimes, I don't take pleasure in hurting people, and I don't typically have relationship problems. I do have a complete lack of empathy. But I consider that an advantage, most of the time. Do I know the difference between right and wrong, and do I want to be good? Sure. ... A peaceful and orderly world is a more comfortable world for me to live in. So do I avoid breaking the law because it's 'right'? No, I avoid breaking the law because it makes sense.

Ruining people. I love the way the phrase rolls around on my tongue and inside my mouth. Ruining people is delicious. We're all hungry, empaths and sociopaths. We want to consume.

I regularly comment on my desire to exploit my admirers or to kill babies and cute animals, and I don't even need to laugh or smile for people to think I am joking.

But the truth is that if you’ve made a deal with the devil, it’s probably because no one else has offered you more favorable terms.

People always say to be careful not to confuse sex and love, but I think they should be more wary of confusing love and understanding.

Everybody slips up becaues we're not perfect; that's what mercy is for.

One nurse thought I was "brave." I think she was talking about my steely-eyed, grin-and-bear-it kind of attitude. There were no tears, no complaints from me - a total lack of affect. In a victim, it is courage and thus admirable; in a predator, it is a lack of humanity and instills fear.

At a point, there is nothing you can do to make someone love you, nothing you can do to make your love better or lasting, but you want it, search for it, and make every effort to sustain it regardless.

While I don't think sociopaths have any sort of moral urge to do good things, I think they can and do act morally in the context of pursuing their own advantage. A good analogy would be a corporation. There are a lot of corporations that do things that you like, maybe even good things, like produce vaccines or electric cars, although the primary motivation is to make a profit. But just because you are trying to make a profit doesn't mean you can't do it by doing things you like, or that you are good at, or that comport with the way you see the world, or want the world to see you.

I often wish I could just passively watch people without being expected to participate myself, like television.

I can read every word of your soul, become deeply engrossed in the study of it until I've comprehended every nuance and detail. But then when I'm done, I'll discard it as easily as if it were a newspaper, shaking my head at how the ink has stained my fingers gray. My desire to know every layer of you isn't feigned, but interest isn't love, and I make no promises of forever. Perhaps I do every so often, but you have no business believing me.

Some might call it manipulation, but I like to consider it simply using what God gave me. And the word manipulation is so ugly. It’s what people say to disavow their own choices. If they end up never regretting their decision, does that mean that no one has manipulated them?

It was too late, though: I was already too smart for the therapist. Or maybe I was never amenable to therapy. Either way, I wasn't going to change. I had already chosen to view the world as a set of opportunities at winning or losing in a zero-sum game, and I used every encounter to gain information to my advantage.

Is it any wonder then that sociopaths are known as being liars? There is really no other option for them, when to show their true feelings (or lack thereof) or to express their true thoughts would get them extra jail time, cause them to be branded as an antisocial, or any number of other negative consequences, simply because they do not share the same worldview as the majority.

People sometimes say that we lack remorse or guilt like it’s a bad thing. They are sure that remorse and guilt are necessary to being a “good” person.

Dr. Robert Hare, one of the foremost researchers on sociopathy, believes that a sociopath is four times more likely to be at the top of the corporate ladder than in the janitor’s closet, due to the close match between the personality traits of sociopaths and the unusual demands of high-powered jobs.

Everyone has their different tastes in regards to power, just like everyone has their different tastes for food or sex. My bread and butter is feeling like my mind and my ideas are shaping the world around me, which is of course why I bother writing the blog.

precautions are expensive, either in terms of actual costs for safety or opportunity costs for risks that you could have taken but didn’t.

we should not be seduced into thinking that these diagnoses are anything other than summary descriptions of the people in question” and echoes the concern that they are “actually moral judgments masquerading as medical explanations.

Perhaps the most noticeable aspect of my confidence is the way I sustain eye contact. Some people have called it a “predator stare,” and it appears that most sociopaths have it. Sustained eye contact can seem hostile, and so zoo visitors are frequently advised not to stare at gorillas, lest it be taken as a sign of aggression. Most humans seem to think so, too;

failure to conform to social norms. I prefer to define my sociopathy as a set of traits that inform my personality but don’t define me: I am generally free of entangling and irrational emotions, I am strategic and canny, I am intelligent and confident and charming, but I also struggle to react appropriately to other people’s confusing and emotion-driven social cues.

I was taught in church that I am a child of God. I also read the Old Testament. There is a story in Kings where God has forty-two children dismembered by she-bears for insulting the prophet Elisha. It was not much of a stretch to believe that that God was my father.

The best predictor of whether someone will like you is whether they feel you like them.

Of course everything comes at a price—we wouldn’t be doing it if we weren’t getting something from you, often money or power or simply even the enjoyment of your admiration and desire,

Outwardly I was all confidence and openness; inwardly I was spiteful and lonely and unaware of how to relate to the world. I wanted so much to be good but only knew how to appear that way by being bad.

We observe our target and strive to become a facsimile of whatever or whoever that person wants—a good employee or boss or lover. It’s not always the case that the facsimile is malicious or ill intentioned.

It isn't enough that the bad guy is prevented from doing his bad deeds; he must suffer as much as possible. It is as if the existence of evil - or something that can be designated as evil - provides a safe haven for the good to engage in evil. It's a safe space to indulge in inflicting harm, to experience the sublime of suffering.

I do not expect things to go right in the world. I don’t even believe in right. I believe that everything just is. And what is can be quite beautiful.

Asked to choose between having power and giving up power to a “trusted” entity, people often prefer to give it up rather than have the responsibility that comes with that power.

The closest analogue to a sociopath’s love is probably the love of a child: intense, accepting, selfish. And finally, like a child, the sociopath will be extremely loyal. A sociopath will never put you above himself, but if you’re worth it to him he will readily put you above all others. I confirmed this with my friend, that with regard to being friends with a sociopath, “the pros outweigh the cons.” This is not to say that my loved ones do not know who I am; most of them know me intimately and are well aware of the particular attributes that set me apart from them and most of humanity. In fact, many of the people dearest to me are extreme empaths, individuals who—with full knowledge of the tiny blackness of my heart—cannot help but place their soft, fragile hearts in my care. I reciprocate with my own brand of acceptance and devotion.

Joel Bakan, author of The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power argues that if corporations have 'person hood' under the law, then it makes sense to question what kind of people they are. He posits that corporations behave with all the classical signs of sociopathy: they are inherently amoral, they elevate their own interests above all others', and they disregard moral and sometimes legal limits on their behavior in pursuit of their own advancement. Organizations of this type would thrive under the leadership of people who have the same traits: sociopaths.

using that charm and confidence to get people to do things for you that they otherwise wouldn’t? Some might call it manipulation, but I like to consider it simply using what God gave me. And the word manipulation is so ugly. It’s what people say to disavow their own choices. If they end up never regretting their decision, does that mean that no one has manipulated them?

Having a gut instinct that told me how to be a moral person might be evolutionarily handy. On the other hand, emotional moral judgment also enables people to do really horrible things to each other, like lynching or “honor” killings, and justify them by calling them “moral.” Because sociopaths don’t experience morality emotionally, I would argue that we are freed to be more rational and more tolerant. There is something to be said for the impartiality of pure reason—religion-created mass hysteria among the supposedly mentally healthy populace has resulted in much worse damage and carnage in the world than anything sociopaths have caused. (Although I imagine that there may sometimes be sociopaths at the head of it all, whipping up the masses to do their bidding.)

I'm not unhappy, for the most part, although I do think there is a certain emptiness and meaningless that I feel, sort of like a homesickness. People feel homesick when they are not surrounded by familiar things, when they are being seen out of context, when things change too quickly. They are faced with the transitory and delicate nature of life (i.e. their mortality), and with the fact that their secure little existence is basically a lie constructed to soothe their uneasiness about facing the world head on, with all of its unknowns. People don't like looking into the abyss, and for good reason. But a sociopath life means always being aware of the abyss.

My most salient worry would not be how [my future children] would treat the world, but how the world would treat them. Would they be outsiders or outcasts? I would hate for them to feel compelled to go underground, never to find acceptance for who they are, to be regarded as hollow, unfinished people—or even the embodiment of evil.

When you’re bad to people, they’re bad back to you.

I have learned more about people from books, television, and movies than I ever have in real life. I have enjoyed people more that way, too

The gothic vampire is the sociopath writ large, charismatic and sophisticated, a predator walking among us undetected

I have never killed anyone, but I have certainly wanted to. I may have a disorder, but I am not crazy.

people are attracted to the sociopath’s exceptionalism like moths to a flame.

She understands that she is just human, that we are all just human, and that people will fail no matter what sort of code they set for themselves.

What I really crave is to be able to act in whatever way I want without having to worry about the consequences. I typically fight that craving.

Manipulation is where the traits of a sociopath take a distinct turn for the nefarious in a lot of people’s minds, but I don’t see why. It is just fulfilling an exchange. People want a particular thing—to please you, to feel wanted or needed, to be seen as a good person—and manipulation is just a quick and dirty way to get both people something they want. You might call it seduction.

Be greedy when others are fearful and fearful when others are greedy.' Easier said than done for the vast majority of stock traders. ... On every stock trade there is someone who wants to sell and someone who wants to buy, at least at a particular price. ...the person who is selling thinks that she is getting out just in time while the person buying thinks that he is about to make good money. ... The truth is that the market doesn't really reflect some magical perfect valuation of a stock under the efficient market hypothesis. It reflects the mass consensus of how actual individual investors value the stock. It is the sum total of everyone's hopes and fears...

The threat of punishment at home or school only served as a challenge to figure out how to circumvent the consequences when I did what I wanted to do anyway. I didn't fear the punishment, I just saw it as an inconvenience to work around.

The sociopath child’s needs must be acknowledged as legitimate but limited in socially acceptable ways through the use of redirecting the child’s attention to acceptable substitutes until the child can learn to meet his own needs “in a way that is productive rather than destructive.

The truth is that the market doesn’t really reflect some magical perfect valuation of a stock under the efficient market hypothesis. It reflects the mass consensus of how actual individual investors value the stock. It is the sum total of everyone’s hopes and fears about what a company is capable of doing.

Some people balk at saying that “normal” people might actually be in the minority: “How could the psychological world label half or more of us with a diagnosis?!” But so what if the majority of people qualify for a psychological label? Doesn’t that seem equally if not more probable than assuming that half of the people in the world are pretty much interchangeable in terms of brain and emotional functioning?

As I began my period of self-analysis and began investigating what it means to be a sociopath, I realized that though I had brought a lot of suffering on myself and people close to me, there was nothing objectively damning about having these traits. If I could figure out how to direct them in useful and productive directions, I could be true to myself and still live a satisfying life that minimized the harm I did to myself and others.

opposed to diagnosing.

We lawyers are all prestige whores

People like to hear words like pleasure and decadent. They think of Roman orgies or chocolate

I once read an old statue in law school that had two notable exceptions to criminal homosexuality: same-sex relations in prison and in the military...in the absence of females, what is a little dalliance between men?

While my self-image was that of a pagan god, hers was of an avenging angel

Many sociopaths use the shortcut of “anything goes,” or “I am only in it for me.” These sociopaths have decided that the rational way to increase their own benefits in life is to look out only for themselves and ignore the needs or demands of others.

I believe that a lot of the sociopath’s traits such as charm, manipulation, lying, promiscuity, chameleonism, mask wearing, and lack of empathy are largely attributable to a very weak sense of self.

(Sociopaths are highly immune to depression, and this ability to tell ourselves wonderful stories about how attractive, smart, and wily we are, and to believe them, surely helps.) The only situation in which I may feel shame or embarrassment is when I have been outplayed.

sociopaths are perfect for all the dirty work that no one else has the stomach for, such as firing and downsizing.

What is it like being self-aware without a self-construct? Much of my self-awareness is the result of indirect observation of the effects I have on people. I know I exist because I see people acknowledging my existence, just as we know that dark matter exists in the universe not because we can see or measure it directly, but because we can see its effects as its invisible gravity distorts the motion of objects around it. Sociopaths are like dark matter in that we typically keep our influence hidden, albeit in plain sight, but you can certainly see our effects. I watch for people's reactions to me so I am able to understand, "I make people feel scared when I stare at them this way." My awareness of self is made up of a million of these little observations to paint a picture of myself, like a pointillist portrait.

I was never one to be greedy or get caught up in the “principle of the thing.” I wasn’t trying to get him fired to protect future generations of vulnerable young girls. I was trying to get him fired to show him that he was vulnerable, and to me, a helpless little girl.

For a time in my life, my skin crawled and my body ached when I was away from her for any stretch of time: a few hours of not being able to lazily brush my fingers against her skin, a weekend of not feeling her even breath in my presence—unbearable. I felt like she was the first person who really saw me, and that allowed me to trust her in a way that I had never managed to trust a person before.

Simon Baron-Cohen, The Science of Evil; Judith Beck, Cognitive Behavior Therapy; Louis Cozolino, The Making of a Therapist; Kevin Dutton, The Wisdom of Psychopaths; James Fallon, The Psychopath Inside; Peter and Ginger Ross Breggin, Talking Back to Prozac; Robert D. Hare, Without Conscience; Kent Kiehl, The Psychopath Whisperer; Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor, The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table; J. Reid Meloy, The Psychopathic Mind; Dinah Miller, Annette Hanson, and Steven Roy Daviss, Shrink Rap; Daniel Smith, Monkey Mind; Scott Stossel, My Age of Anxiety; Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door; M. E. Thomas, Confessions of a Sociopath; and Robert Whitaker, Mad in America.

Love always finds a way to disappoint. Or I find ways to disappoint love. You can kiss and touch and promise. You can give away all of your Matchbox cars and your metallic pencils, and it's still not enough. At a point, there is nothing you can do to make someone love you, nothing you can do to make your love better or lasting, but you want it, search for it, and make every effort to sustain it regardless.

I know that none of the guys did anything for me, and really, none of the girls either, except P.J. Thomas. Could it be that just one person would be the only one to turn you on? Wouldn’t it be really sad if you couldn’t be with that one person? Suddenly, the meaning of thousands of sad love songs hit me full force. Yes, it would be very sad.

It is as if the existence of evil—or something that can be designated as such—provides a safe haven for the good to engage in evil.

Joel Bakan, author of The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power, argues that if corporations have “personhood” under the law, then it makes sense to question what kind of people they are. He posits that corporations behave with all the classic signs of sociopathy: They are inherently amoral, they elevate their own interests above all others’, and they disregard moral and sometimes legal limits on their behavior in pursuit of their own advancement. Organizations of this type would thrive under the leadership of people who have the same traits: sociopaths.

If you combine a propensity for manipulation, dishonesty, callousness, arrogance, poor impulse control, and the rest of the sociopathic traits, you could end up with a socially dangerous individual or the next big-thinking entrepreneur.

true, worthwhile intelligence is characterized by an innate and superior awareness of surroundings and an ability and desire to learn.

religion-created mass hysteria among the supposedly mentally healthy populace has resulted in much worse damage and carnage in the world than anything sociopaths have caused. (Although I imagine that there may sometimes be sociopaths at the head of it all, whipping up the masses to do their bidding.) This idea is explored in Hannah Arendt’s

thus far experienced relatively few objective (or subjective) negative consequences associated with being highly psychopathic

Despite our bad reputation, sociopaths are categorically known for our exceptional, albeit superficial, charm.

Science cannot progress without reliable and accurate measurement of what it is you are trying to study,

titillation. I

Dr. Hervey Cleckley.

SociopathWorld.com, which

impenetrable. I

Like Pinel, Prichard was unsettled by the ide that delusion was not necessarily the root of bad behavior, and that doing evil could be - in some ways - perfectly rational.

It's been so long since they saw the world the child's eyes that they don't really remember what is normal behavior for children. There're times when they don't understand children, but they also have vague memories of being misunderstood as a child. Careful not to make that same mistake, adults tend to have a greater tolerance or margin of error when it comes to unusual childish behavior. They're much more willing to write off a child obsessed with collecting worms during recess as being a simple variation of the eccentricities of childhood whereas the child's peers would more readily classify that child has an anomalous freak.

I didn't understand then that sex could be something that could give me pleasure. And I didn't undestand it as a way of connecting to people, and therefore gaining a form of power over them. I didn't know that sex was a means to love, and that people will do anything for love.

Sometimes I hear people say that they were "born this way," whatever way that happens to be. To say you are born a sociopath is like saying you were born smart or born tall. Yes, you may have the genetic disposition for intelligence or height, or indeed to speak or walk upright, but the existence of feral children is an important reminder that no one is destined for any outcome at birth, that we rely on the most basic daily interactions, nutrition, culture, education, experiences, and myriad other influences in our development to become who we become.

If there are no rational reasons for our moral choices, why should we continue to make them?

Everyone has their different tastes in regards to power, just like everyone has their different tastes for food or sex.

People sometimes express shock to learn that there is someone out there who is not only actively working against them, but is doing so for no other reason than the enjoyment of flexing their power. In fact, I think that toying with people is something that comes naturally to all of us.

I don’t just manipulate others; I manipulate myself.

I often wish I could just passively watch people without being expected to participate myself.

People are so starved for love that the usual manipulations really do work - the fleeting touches, the vague statements of feeling and devotion, the powerful embraces as passionate in parting as in their initial entanglement. Any soap opera could show you that love is most tantalizing in its evanescence. Its nature is to shift constantly through states of being—condensing into dense beads of sweat on hot skin only to disappear into the air, thick with promises of something more, of something better simply because it has yet to come.

I can read every word of your soul, become deeply engrossed in the study of it until I’ve comprehended every nuance and detail. But then when I’m done, I’ll discard it as easily as if it were a newspaper, shaking my head at how the ink has stained my fingers gray.

Children are being born every day with a genetic predisposition to feel no guilt, no remorse, no empathy.

Approximately half of the specimens demonstrated normal gestational progression, but the other half represented abnormalities, the diagnoses for which were scrawled on yellowed, crinkly note cards — for example, encephalitis for one large-headed baby or ectrodactyly for one with lobsterclaw hands. Babies with no specific diagnosis were labeled, simply, “monster.” Some were double-headed monsters or four-legged monsters, but miscellaneous monsters they were.

It’s easy to question some of the parenting choices my own mother and father made, but I believe they took their newborn monster and did the best they could with her.

It’s through experiences that normal-gened people can be desensitized to things like killing, and sociopathic-gened people can be sensitized to things like being aware of the needs of others.

To a monster the norm is monstrous.

I also think a sociopath child should have a sociopath role model in his life. A fellow sociopath would help the child to know that he is not alone, that he is not a monster, “only a variation.

I would say that, for me, it was in the end a wonderful way to grow up.

You are special. You are very smart, I am sure, but better than that, you think in a way that very few other people think. Your success at utilizing the intellect that you have likely lies in your ability to think outside of the box all the time. This is easy for you because you have never been inside the box—you don’t even know what it looks like. You can see things that no one else can because you have entirely different experiences coloring your clarity of vision.

The truth is many people are just assholes.

I want to live in the light. Right now it’s not safe, though.

Will my friends, employers, or future love interests be able to see past these propensities and judge me solely based on what I have actually done, not just what I am capable of doing? Or will they always be scared that I’m not as under control as I claim to be?

There was a smile, or a hint of a smile, or a memory of a smile on every face I encountered.