Jeremy Kyle Quotes

You're not a Quaker, Jeremy. I happen to know you put beer on your cornflakes.

Molly is not a Quaker, Jeremy. Quakers don't have tits that big.

She had that caged-animal stir-crazy look in eye that only someone who'd endured too much Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women got.

Why should you and I pay for the lazy sods? They’ve given up looking for a job! Why should we pay for them? While you drag your arse out of bed and put in a shift, they sleep, play video games, watch Jeremy Kyle, eat and shit. And yet you and I have to pay for their very existence!

Actually, perhaps they're just trying to remind themselves where they are. After all, sitting there with Jeremy [Kyle] and his iridescent pupils glistening before them, confronted by a studio audience so ugly they'd make John Merrick spew down the inside of his face-bag, the poor sods could be forgiven for forgetting they were on national television and starting to believe they were somewhere in the bowels of hell instead.

One of the first things to catch your eye on arriving in Rugeley is the obtrusively large red shopfront advertising private detectives. Is your partner cheating? Ask about our tracking service, reads the huge white lettering in the window. The shop also advertises lie-detector tests for hire. This is the paranoid world of The Jeremy Kyle Show writ large. Fidelity and faithfulness have been slowly chipped away by more ephemeral, market-driven principles promising instant gratification. You ditch one lover and take another, just as you might throw away an iPhone and buy a newer model in an emotional flight of fancy. For working-class communities this adds yet another layer of impermanence to an already insecure existence, especially for those men whose sense of masculine inadequacy is reinforced by the lack of any purposeful employment.

Mary and Joseph will be on the ‘Jeremy Kyle Show’ soon.” He snorts. “Asking for a DNA test.

There are thirty-two teeth in the average human mouth, including Wisdom Teeth which - not everyone gets. If you watch Jeremy Kyle you may well disbelieve this fact but it is true.

As I stand, I look at her and recite the names we know, two of which are an uncertainty. “Tim Hoover. Chuck Cosby. Nathan Malone. Jeremy Hoyt. Ben Harris. Tyler Shane. Lawrence Martin. Anthony Smith. Kevin Taylor. Morgan Jones. Kyle Davenport.” She meets my gaze. “Jason Martin. He’s Lawrence’s cousin. He lives in South Carolina these days. Works as a real estate developer there. He was the twelfth.

like a cross between a Jeremy Kyle guest and snoop dog

Jeremy Kyle