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I've done things I know are wrong. There are times when I feel like I've suffered for those things, that I've paid back for my mistakes in spades. But then there are times when I look around me, at the life I have today, and think I'm getting away with murder. It's something a lot of us who come from hard places go through, and maybe we feel a certain amount of survivor's guilt for it. I never imagined I'd be where I am today. There's a line in Fade to Black, the concert film we did for The Black Album, where I say, 'I sometimes step back and see myself from the outside and say, who is that guy?' Over time I've worked to get more clarity about my past and present and to unify my outside shell and soul, but it's ongoing. Inside, there's still part of me that expects to wake up tomorrow in my bedroom in apartment 5C in Marcy, slide on my gear, run down the pissy stairway, and hit the block, one eye over my shoulder. (P277)
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