“
I'm shocked by anyone who doesn't consider Los Angeles to be anything less than a bozo-saturated hellhole. It is pretty much without question the worst city in America. The reason "Walking in L.A." by Missing Persons was the most accidentally prescient single of 1982 was because of its unfathomable (but wholly accurate) specificity: Los Angeles is the only city in the world where the process of walking on the sidewalk could somehow be a) political and b) humiliating. It is the only community I've ever visited where absolutely everything cliche proved to be completely accurate.
I don't care if 85% of Los Angeles is stupid. I can deal with stupid. My problem is that every stupid person in Los Angeles is also a) unyieldingly narcissistic and b) unyieldingly nice. They have somehow managed to combine raging megalomania with genuine friendliness.
”
”
Chuck Klosterman
“
I bought you something" Willows blurts out.
"You bought...What?"
Willow closes her eyes for a second. She's a little surprised she's going to give it to him after all, but there's no going back now. She has to.
"At the bookstore." She reaches into her bag again, and pushes the package across the table towards him.
Guy takes the book out of the bag slowly, Willow waits for him to look disappointed, to look confused that she would buy him such a battered, old-
"I love it when used books have notes in the margins, it's the best," Guy says as he flips through the pages. "I always imagine who read it before me." He pauses and looks at one of Prospero's speeches. "I have way too much homework to read this now, but you know what? Screw it. I want to know why it's your favorite Shakespeare. Thank you, that was really nice of you. I mean, you really didn't have to."
"But I did anyway," Willow says so quietly she's not even sure hears her.
Hey," Guy frowns for a second. "You didn't write anything in here."
"Oh, I didn't even think...I, well, I wouldn't even know what to write," Willow says shyly.
"Well, maybe you'll think of something later," he says.
Willow watches Guy read the opening. There's no mistaking it. His smile is genuine, and she can't help thinking that if she can't make David look like this, at least she can do it for someone.
”
”
Julia Hoban (Willow)
“
I dare not be myself when I’m in a relationship; I become what the other person expects of me (or what I think the other person expects of me), or I stay apart, alone.
”
”
Thomas d'Ansembourg (Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real)
“
Sometimes you make it sound like I'm a snake-oil salesman."
I grab his arm. "That's not what I meant at all."
"Then what do you mean?" he asks.
"I mean that you're nice," I say.
He laughs. "This again."
"I mean," I say, more fervently, "you're probably the only person I've ever met who's genuinely curious about everyone he meets. And makes them feel interesting and welcome, and like–like they should be confident in what they do. You make them feel like growing corn or making cherry salsa or recommending books is a superpower."
"If you're good at those things," he says, "It is.
”
”
Emily Henry (Funny Story)
“
You can do something nice without posting it on social media.
Give with heart.
Share with authenticity.
And help without the spotlight.
It gets old fast with so many bragging, marketing and showcasing how giving they are. It also creates the perception that these individuals are doing this for their own promotion, marketing, and visibility, over genuinely trying to help another.
There is something beautiful in giving a gift and just doing it to do it and not doing it to brag.
The real honor of a person shines through so much brighter when they are not bragging about how much they do, how much they give and how much they care.
”
”
Loren Weisman
“
He’s patted on the back and praised by men and women alike for voluntarily molding his personality to better fit a woman’s perceived ideal and told in so many words “oh AFC,..I’m so glad you’re not like Other Guys.” You can’t fault the guy. He genuinely believes his Nice Guy personal conviction and everyone applauds him for it.
”
”
Rollo Tomassi (The Rational Male)
“
When you aren’t being true to yourself, it’s impossible to feel confident in your own skin. It’s very uncomfortable to pretend to be something you’re not, and it becomes nearly impossible to live up to your potential because you’re so focused on keeping up the façade. True success comes when you use your talents and your genuine kindness to do work that is aligned with your values and passions. This is how you can leverage all of the best parts of you.
”
”
Fran Hauser (The Myth Of The Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate)
“
And if I was seen as temperamentally cool and collected, measured in how I used my words, Joe was all warmth, a man without inhibitions, happy to share whatever popped into his head. It was an endearing trait, for he genuinely enjoyed people. You could see it as he worked a room, his handsome face always cast in a dazzling smile (and just inches from whomever he was talking to), asking a person where they were from, telling them a story about how much he loved their hometown (“Best calzone I ever tasted”) or how they must know so-and-so (“An absolutely great guy, salt of the earth”), flattering their children (“Anyone ever tell you you’re gorgeous?”) or their mother (“You can’t be a day over forty!”), and then on to the next person, and the next, until he’d touched every soul in the room with a flurry of handshakes, hugs, kisses, backslaps, compliments, and one-liners. Joe’s enthusiasm had its downside. In a town filled with people who liked to hear themselves talk, he had no peer. If a speech was scheduled for fifteen minutes, Joe went for at least a half hour. If it was scheduled for a half hour, there was no telling how long he might talk. His soliloquies during committee hearings were legendary. His lack of a filter periodically got him in trouble, as when during the primaries, he had pronounced me “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” a phrase surely meant as a compliment, but interpreted by some as suggesting that such characteristics in a Black man were noteworthy. As I came to know Joe, though, I found his occasional gaffes to be trivial compared to his strengths. On domestic issues, he was smart, practical, and did his homework. His experience in foreign policy was broad and deep. During his relatively short-lived run in the primaries, he had impressed me with his skill and discipline as a debater and his comfort on a national stage. Most of all, Joe had heart. He’d overcome a bad stutter as a child (which probably explained his vigorous attachment to words) and two brain aneurysms in middle age.
”
”
Barack Obama (A Promised Land)
“
if your kindness is the foundation for your friendship and it’s authentic, that relationship can stand strong. But if that kindness is fake, your relationship will inevitably topple. It all goes back to trust. If you’re inauthentic, people won’t trust you. And without trust, there is no relationship. Research shows that our instincts tell us to ask ourselves two questions when we first meet someone: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?” We look to a person’s genuine warmth and competence to answer these two questions.
”
”
Fran Hauser (The Myth Of The Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate)
“
I don't believe in the concept of marriage. I believe people can get married, but I also believe it's up to them just how many times they get married and divorced. Because people change, we all change. We can never really, truly promise someone fidelity or everlasting love until death, because we are always changing, growing and we genuinely don't know who we'll be ten years from now or who we'll want to be with ten years from now. So what are you gonna keep on doing? Are you going to just kiss everything else in your life goodbye, because you promised to stay loyal to one person? The marriage concept is unrealistic, phantasmic. We are all individuals and we all change, it's the way of nature itself. Weddings are nice things to do, but, I will never judge anyone who gets married and divorced a dozen times, because, you'll never know how many times it'll take before you grow enough to find the actual one for you.
”
”
C. JoyBell C.
“
Three Seagrass sighed. “Vainglorious personal ambition,” she began, ticking off her reasons on her fingers, beginning with the thumb, “genuine curiosity about the former Ambassador’s rise to the highest favor of His Majesty—your station is very nice but it is quite small, Mahit, there is no sensible reason for the Emperor’s attention to have come so firmly upon your predecessor’s shoulders, however nice the shoulders—and, mm.” She paused. The hesitation was dramatic, but Mahit suspected it was also genuine. All the embarrassment that had been lacking in Three Seagrass earlier was now visible in the set of her chin, in how she avoided everyone’s eyes, even those of the corpse. “And, I like aliens.” “You like aliens,” Twelve Azalea exclaimed, delighted, at the same time as Mahit said, “I’m not an alien.” “You’re pretty close,” Three Seagrass said, ignoring Twelve Azalea entirely. “And human enough that I can talk to you, which makes it even better. Now it is absolutely no longer my turn.” Clearly Three Seagrass hadn’t wanted to admit that in front of another member of the Information Ministry, and Mahit could almost imagine why—to like, in the sense of having a preference for, persons who weren’t civilized. It was practically admitting to being uncivilized herself. (Never mind how it was also suggestive. That verb was distressingly flexible. Mahit would think about it later.)
”
”
Arkady Martine (A Memory Called Empire (Teixcalaan, #1))
“
Activists who expressed genuine and reasonable concern for the struggles of trans-identified people would simultaneously dismiss women’s desire for safety, privacy, dignity and fair competition. Unlike those activists, I feel compassion both for people who feel at odds with their sexed bodies, and for the people, mainly women and children, who are harmed when sexual dimorphism is denied. At first I was puzzled that well-educated young women were the most ardent supporters of this new policy of gender self-identification, even though it is very much against their interests. A man may be embarrassed if a female person uses a male changing room; a male in a communal female facility can inspire fear. I came to see it as the rising generation’s ‘luxury belief’ – a creed espoused by members of an elite to enhance their status in each other’s eyes, with the harms experienced by the less fortunate. If you have social and financial capital, you can buy your way out of problems – if a facility you use jeopardises your safety or privacy, you will simply switch. It is poorer and older women who are stuck with the consequences of self-ID in women’s prisons, shelters and refuges, hospital wards and care homes. And some women’s apparent support for self-ID is deceptive, expressed for fear of what open opposition would bring. The few male academics and journalists who write critically on this topic tell me that they get only a fraction of the hate directed at their female peers (and are spared the sexualised insults and rape threats). This dynamic is reinforced by ageism, which is inextricably intertwined with misogyny – including internalised misogyny. I was astonished by the young female reviewer who described my book’s tone as ‘harsh’ and ‘unfortunate’. I wondered if she knew that sexists often say they would have listened to women if only they had stated their demands more nicely and politely, and whether she realised that once she is no longer young and beautiful, the same sorts of things will be said about her, too.
”
”
Helen Joyce (Trans: When Ideology Meets Reality)
“
Making the most of an experience: Living fully is extolled everywhere in popular culture. I have only to turn on the television at random to be assailed with the following messages: “It’s the best a man can get.” “It’s like having an angel by your side.” “Every move is smooth, every word is cool. I never want to lose that feeling.” “You look, they smile. You win, they go home.” What is being sold here? A fantasy of total sensory pleasure, social status, sexual attraction, and the self-image of a winner. As it happens, all these phrases come from the same commercial for razor blades, but living life fully is part of almost any ad campaign. What is left out, however, is the reality of what it actually means to fully experience something. Instead of looking for sensory overload that lasts forever, you’ll find that the experiences need to be engaged at the level of meaning and emotion. Meaning is essential. If this moment truly matters to you, you will experience it fully. Emotion brings in the dimension of bonding or tuning in: An experience that touches your heart makes the meaning that much more personal. Pure physical sensation, social status, sexual attraction, and feeling like a winner are generally superficial, which is why people hunger for them repeatedly. If you spend time with athletes who have won hundreds of games or with sexually active singles who have slept with hundreds of partners, you’ll find out two things very quickly: (1) Numbers don’t count very much. The athlete usually doesn’t feel like a winner deep down; the sexual conqueror doesn’t usually feel deeply attractive or worthy. (2) Each experience brings diminishing returns; the thrill of winning or going to bed becomes less and less exciting and lasts a shorter time. To experience this moment, or any moment, fully means to engage fully. Meeting a stranger can be totally fleeting and meaningless, for example, unless you enter the individual’s world by finding out at least one thing that is meaningful to his or her life and exchange at least one genuine feeling. Tuning in to others is a circular flow: You send yourself out toward people; you receive them as they respond to you. Notice how often you don’t do that. You stand back and insulate yourself, sending out only the most superficial signals and receive little or nothing back. The same circle must be present even when someone else isn’t involved. Consider the way three people might observe the same sunset. The first person is obsessing over a business deal and doesn’t even see the sunset, even though his eyes are registering the photons that fall on their retinas. The second person thinks, “Nice sunset. We haven’t had one in a while.” The third person is an artist who immediately begins a sketch of the scene. The differences among the three are that the first person sent nothing out and received nothing back; the second allowed his awareness to receive the sunset but had no awareness to give back to it—his response was rote; the third person was the only one to complete the circle: He took in the sunset and turned it into a creative response that sent his awareness back out into the world with something to give. If you want to fully experience life, you must close the circle.
”
”
Deepak Chopra (The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life)
“
Pam Dawber understood that her responsibility was to play the straight woman, a cheerful, smiling springboard for Robin to bounce off of. And she was happy to do it for Robin, she said, because he never behaved arrogantly toward her and they genuinely got along. “It was the greatest acting class I’d ever had,” she said. “Because, lucky for me, Robin was such a nice person. He had such a gigantic heart. And I really loved Robin, and Robin really loved me. We just clicked.
”
”
Dave Itzkoff (Robin)
“
But Joelle doesn't do "nice". Nice is too passive for what she is, which is a genuinely sweet and kind and thoughtful person---one of the best I know. I've watched her for over a year and a half pouring her heart and soul into her bakery, treating her customers like members of her own family. She remembers their names, the names of their kids and pets, birthdays, first days of school and work, graduations and weddings.
I've seen her give out pastries and drinks to people on the street near our building. I've seen her offer up her bakery as a hangout for local high school students who want a place to play cards and dominoes. I've seen her give cash out of her pocket to a kid in need.
All because she cares. She doesn't do a single thing that isn't rooted in sincerity.
That's why what she said to me yesterday meant so much. Because despite the stress of our current work setup and how it's caused countless fights between us, she still cares about me. And that means everything---more than she'll ever know.
”
”
Sarah Echavarre Smith (The Boy With the Bookstore)
“
What would a nurturing relationship look or feel like, to you?”
“Caring. More stable. Concern for each other’s wellbeing. Shared goals and values. Still passionate. But comfortable. Genuine. I mean, I love the high of falling in love with someone. But it would be nice if there could be…a safe place to land with that person too. And just be there together.
”
”
Kayley Loring (Attachment Theory (The Brodie Brothers, #2))
“
Research shows that our instincts tell us to ask ourselves two questions when we first meet someone: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?” We look to a person’s genuine warmth and competence to answer these two questions.
”
”
Fran Hauser (The Myth Of The Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate)
“
The 8 Most Likable Personality Traits Be Humble. Don’t brag. Admit mistakes. Embracing your flaws is disarming and people will warm up to you more easily. Be Caring and Unselfish. Genuinely care about others and what they say, think, feel, and do. Listen. Ask follow-up questions. Be nice. Be Positive. Don’t be a downer. Bring positive energy. See the good in situations. Be Enthusiastic. Give your words and expressions life. Put some feeling and energy behind what you say, feel, and do. Be passionate about something. Be Goal-oriented. Have some direction in life. Share your goals with people. People are drawn to ambition. Be Playful. Lighten up and don’t be overly serious or defensive. Be flexible. Go with the flow. Be Honorable. Stand for something. Have integrity. Keep your word. Be Genuine. Be vulnerable and open sometimes. Don’t always hide behind a façade. Authentically express your feelings, passions, and interests.
”
”
Gregory Peart (Small Talk Rules: 65 Lessons I Learned From The Greatest Communicators)
“
Most “nice” people are terribly afraid of judgement. They are afraid of what people will say about them should they stop saying yes to everything or display a change of attitude. Well guess what, people are always going to form an opinion. Do you really think people respect you because you are a very nice person who never says no? Of course not, they most probably make fun of you and tell others how easy it is to manipulate someone like you. In their eyes, you have no respect. They are still forming opinions about you while you are miserable.
When you change, their opinions will change, but they will still have an opinion. They are probably not going to make fun of you and instead complain about how you have changed or become rude just because it is no longer so easy to manipulate you. The criticism will always be there.
If they don’t like your change in attitude, who cares? It’s not like you were treated with genuine respect and dignity earlier. They are going to still have an opinion, albeit a changed one, but at least this time you are actually happy instead of being miserable!
”
”
Anubhav Srivastava (UnLearn: A Practical Guide to Business and Life (What They Don't Want You to Know Book 1))
“
The genuinely charitable person gives generously from a sense that they too will stand in need of charity. Not right now, not over this, but in some other area. They know that self-righteousness is merely the result of a faulty memory, an inability to hold in mind – at moments when one is truly good and totally in the right – how often one has been deeply and definitively in the wrong.
”
”
The School of Life (On Being Nice (The School of Life Library))
“
Acadia.” They had planned to go there together someday; that was why she picked it. She thought if she told him she was going alone to a place they were supposed to go to together, he’d get the hint that something was off. But he didn’t. “You need gear?” he asked. That was when she realized what she really wanted was for him to stop her from going. To say, “No, stay. Hang out with me. Be with me.” She was lonely. Her mother was dead; her sister was a crackpot. Her three best friends were scattered across the country. None of them was married. None of them would understand. Molly judged her for getting married in the first place. Didn’t approve. Mae was too nice, too afraid to step on anyone’s toes. It was impossible to get a genuine response from her. The one person who could give her honest advice was embroiled in an epically stupid affair. She had no advice to give. She was in the position only to receive.
”
”
Rachel Harrison (The Return)
“
Some examples of chips that you can give and/or receive at work include:
• Encouraging words, including authentic praise and the specifics of what was done well.
• Supportive words, including genuine empathy for difficult situations.
• Small talk, including asking personal (but not private) questions about family members, pets, recent personal events, etc.
• Sincere compliments on clothing, professional skills, or business sense.
• Sharing personal (but not private) details from your own life.
• Asking for the other person’s input, opinion, advice.
• Little gifts, like a cup of coffee.
• Thank-you notes. [...]
everyone with whom you interact keeps a chip bankbook on you. All day long you are gaining and losing chips with your direct reports, peers, and higher-ups. They know where you stand with them at any given moment, and you know where they stand with you. . . . One of the most important rules . . . is that we always make it equal in the end— that is, if someone tries to take away our chips, we will find a way to even the score. [...]
To manage your relationships in a savvy manner at work, find out who values what kind of chips, and then stockpile those particular types of chips with others who can help you be more productive and successful.
”
”
Paul Coughlin (No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends)
“
With my high heels that I couldn’t properly walk in on and my dress that was so snug that one wrong move might mean I would moon all of Catering, I felt so unnatural and unlike myself as I stood around awkwardly making sure I introduced myself to everyone, with dry hands this time. To my shock, someone actually came up to me and started a conversation. And not just anyone: he was Seth Rollins (real name Colby Lopez), one of WWE’s biggest stars, one-third of its hottest faction, The Shield, i.e., the Backstreet Boys of wrestling, along with Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose. Colby had a plate of food in one hand and a sheet of paper in another. “Hey, I’m Colby.” “Nice to meet you, I’m Rebecca.” “What’s your story? Why are you here?” he asked, genuinely interested. An avalanche of words fell out of my mouth, and I divulged my whole life story up until that very moment, with my very short dress and my poorly done hair. By the time I was finished, his plate of food was gone. He had an ease about him. A familiar feeling, like we had been friends for years. As if I could tell him anything and everything and he’d understand. He was a megastar and held himself as such but was also personable and down-to-earth. We talked for forty-five minutes until he was summoned to work. “Good talk,” he said calmly and coolly as he walked away. “You too!” I yelled after him, nearly falling over in my high heels, not at all calm. Or cool. I liked it up here. I had even just made a new friend.
”
”
Rebecca Quin (Becky Lynch: The Man: Not Your Average Average Girl)
“
This, I realize, is what I’ve been waiting for for years. The moment when I finally know I’ve won: I got out. I made something of myself. I found a place I belonged. I proved I wasn’t broken while the person who was cruelest to me stayed stuck in crappy little Linfield.
Except that’s not how I feel. Because Jason doesn’t seem stuck, and he certainly isn’t being cruel. He’s here, in this city, in a nice white shirt, being genuinely kind.
”
”
Emily Henry (People We Meet on Vacation)
“
I’m nice to people because kindness can’t be overrated. But I’m not nice to get my way. That’s plainly and simply called ‘manipulation,’ and even the dumbest person will see through that eventually. I, for one, hate suck-ups more than assholes. At least with a jerk, you know what you’re getting. Suck-ups don’t have a genuine bone in their wimpy bodies.
”
”
Sarah Noffke (The Exceptional Sophia Beaufont Omnibus Books 1-12 (Beaufont Boxed Sets Book 2))
“
right.When the man who does the cooking greets you as if he’s genuinely glad that you’ve come to his restaurant, which on the outside looks like a hole-in-the-wall in a crumbling building off a cobbled street, but on the inside is all warmly decorated with red walls and white tablecloths and flickering candlelight; and you are encouraged to work your way slowly through a meal, course by course, with waiters flitting quietly like angels, their presence delicate and unobtrusive when they appear at your side just as you want more wine, or to change the forks and knives (which come from a locked china cupboard’s drawers) as a herald of each new plate of food, which they handle in an unfussy but respectful way as if it were sacred; and when the food is so spectacularly good that it dawns on you slowly that you have died and gone to heaven; and when the wine is cool and soft and works its magic slowly, gently, like the lapping sea—well, you can’t be melancholy at all.You can only be glad that you were born in the first place and are lucky enough to be here on this night, at this table, with this nice person sitting across from you who understands how you feel and is enjoying your company as much as the meal because, for once, the world is full of nothing but people of good will. “Jeremy,
”
”
C.A. Belmond (A Rather Lovely Inheritance (Rather Series Book 1))
“
It was nice to have him back. It made me realize that he was probably the only genuinely nice person in the whole group. Amongst us all he stands out like a good deed in a bad world, as they say.
”
”
Elaine Dundy (The Dud Avocado (New York Review Books Classics))
“
Hey Alexa, I’m really, really sorry for what happened. I promise I never intended for Ronnie, of all people, to find out. Like I said, I was angry with Ali, and I couldn’t help venting to Brie. That was when the other details slipped out. Ronnie walked past and must have overheard. But at the time, neither Brie nor I realized. I’m so sorry I mentioned anything. I had no right to talk about your personal life. I promise I didn’t share the details with anyone else, not even Jake. Also, so that you know, Brie and I don’t care where you lived before you moved to our neighborhood. Neither does Ali. I admire you so much. You’ve been through some really tough situations, but you’ve managed to cope. Plus, you’ve supported Tyler in whatever way you can. You’ve taught me so much about resilience and perseverance, and being strong, even in the worst situations imaginable. You truly are an inspiration, as well as a genuinely nice person. I really hope we can stay friends. Casey
”
”
Katrina Kahler (The New Girl: Book 8 - Rollercoaster)
“
I can’t stand people who seem perfect. They make me feel inadequate. And that’s not a nice way to go through life, is it? Going around making other people feel inadequate. So let’s have none of it. Let’s all aim to be the best but acknowledge that it won’t always happen. Just like gemstones, it’s the flaws, the weaknesses, the imperfections that lend character. A flaw in a gemstone may detract from its value (though not always), but it also proves that it’s genuine.
”
”
Richard Templar (Rules of Life, Expanded Edition, The: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Life (Richard Templar's Rules))
“
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