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Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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My past is everything I failed to be.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I'd woken up early, and I took a long time getting ready to exist.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it
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Fernando Pessoa
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There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the worldโs existence. All these half-tones of the soulโs consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.
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Fernando Pessoa
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We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It's our own conceptโour own selvesโthat we love.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I've always rejected being understood. To be understood is to prostitute oneself. I prefer to be taken seriously for what I'm not, remaining humanly unknown, with naturalness and all due respect
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I wasnโt meant for reality, but life came and found me.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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In order to understand, I destroyed myself.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I am nothing.
I'll never be anything.
I couldn't want to be something.
Apart from that, I have in me all the dreams in the world.
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Fernando Pessoa
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My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same. Everything interests me, but nothing holds me. I attend to everything, dreaming all the while. [โฆ]. I'm two, and both keep their distance โ Siamese twins that aren't attached.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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My soul is a hidden orchestra; I know not what instruments, what fiddlestrings and harps, drums and tamboura I sound and clash inside myself. All I hear is the symphony.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I feel as if I'm always on the verge of waking up.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I bear the wounds of all the battles I avoided.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I've never done anything but dream. This, and this alone, has been the meaning of my life. My only real concern has been my inner life.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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We worship perfection because we can't have it; if we had it, we would reject it. Perfection is inhuman, because humanity is imperfect.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I suffer from life and from other people. I canโt look at reality face to face. Even the sun discourages and depresses me. Only at night and all alone, withdrawn, forgotten and lost, with no connection to anything real or useful โ only then do I find myself and feel comforted.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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The value of things is not the time they last, but the intensity with which they occur. That is why there are unforgettable moments and unique people!
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Fernando Pessoa
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Nรฃo sou nada.
Nunca serei nada.
Nรฃo posso querer ser nada.
ร parte isso, tenho em mim todos os sonhos do mundo.
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Fernando Pessoa (Tabacaria e Outros Poemas)
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To be great, be whole;
Exclude nothing, exaggerate nothing that is not you.
Be whole in everything. Put all you are
Into the smallest thing you do.
So, in each lake, the moon shines with splendor
Because it blooms up above.
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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If I write what I feel, it's to reduce the fever of feeling. What I confess is unimportant, because everything is unimportant.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Ah, it's my longing for whom I might have been that distracts and torments me!
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Iโve dreamed a lot. Iโm tired now from dreaming but not tired of dreaming. No one tires of dreaming, because to dream is to forget, and forgetting does not weigh on us, it is a dreamless sleep throughout which we remain awake. In dreams I have achieved everything.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Look, there's no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.
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Fernando Pessoa (Collected Later Poems of Alvaro de Campos: 1928-1935)
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To know nothing about yourself is to live. To know yourself badly is to think.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I'm sick of everything, and of the everythingness of everything.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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If after I die, people want to write my biography, there is nothing simpler. They only need two dates: the date of my birth and the date of my death. Between one and another, every day is mine.
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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Everything around me is evaporating. My whole life, my memories, my imagination and its contents, my personality - it's all evaporating. I continuously feel that I was someone else, that I felt something else, that I thought something else. What I'm attending here is a show with another set. And the show I'm attending is myself.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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To have opinions is to sell out to youself. To have no opinions is to exist. To have every opinion is to be a poet.
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Fernando Pessoa (Libro del desasosiego)
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The essence of what I desire is simply this: to sleep away life.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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We all have two lives: The true, the one we dreamed of in childhood And go on dreaming of as adults in a substratum of mist; the false, the one we love when we live with others, the practical, the useful, the one we end up by being put in a coffin.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Life is what we make of it. Travel is the traveler. What we see isn't what we see but what we are.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Friends: not one. Just a few acquaintances who imagine they feel something for me and who might be sorry if a train ran over me and the funeral was on a rainy day.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I don't know what I feel or what I want to feel. I don't know what to think or what I am.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial.
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Fernando Pessoa
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The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.
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Fernando Pessoa
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But I am not perfect in my way of putting things
Because I lack the divine simplicity
Of being only what I appear to be.
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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Iโm losing my taste for everything, including even my taste for finding everything tasteless.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I've always been an ironic dreamer, unfaithful to my inner promises.
Like a complete outsider, a casual observer of whom I thought I was,
I've always enjoyed watching my daydreams go down in defeat.
I was never convinced of what I believed in.
I filled my hands with sand, called it gold, and opened them up to let it slide through.
Words were my only truth.
When the right words were said, all was done; the rest was the sand that had always been.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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We are two abysses - a well staring at the sky.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I carry my awareness of defeat like a banner of victory.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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There are no norms. All people are exceptions to a rule that doesnโt exist.
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Fernando Pessoa
โ
But do we really live? To live without knowing what life is - is that living?
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Life is an experimental journey undertaken involuntarily. It is a journey of the spirit through the material world and, since it is the spirit that travels, it is the spirit that is experienced. That is why there exist contemplative souls who have lived more intensely, more widely, more tumultuously than others who have lived their lives purely externally.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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To be understood is to prostitute oneself
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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Having never discovered qualities in myself that might attract someone else, I could never believe that anyone felt attracted to me.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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And, like the great damned souls, I shall always feel that thinking is worth more than living.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Man shouldnโt be able to see his own face--thereโs nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes.
Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself.
The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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At first I felt dizzy - not with the kind of dizziness that makes the body reel but the kind that's like a dead emptiness in the brain, an instinctive awareness of the void.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Education of the Stoic: The Only Manuscript of the Baron of Teive)
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...the painful intensity of my sensations, even when they're happy ones; the blissful intensity of my sensations, even when they're sad.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Whether or not they exist we are slaves to our gods.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I'm astounded whenever I finish something. Astounded and distressed. My perfectionist instinct should inhibit me from finishing: it should inhibit me from even beginning. But I get distracted and start doing something. What I achieve is not the product of an act of my will but of my will's surrender. I begin because I don't have the strength to think; I finish because I don't have the courage to quit. This book is my cowardice.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Being tired of all illusions and of everything about illusions โ the loss of illusions, the uselessness of having them, the prefatigue of having to have them in order to lose them, the sadness of having had them, the intellectual shame of having had them knowing that they would have to end this way.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I Know, I Alone
I know, I alone
How much it hurts, this heart
With no faith nor law
Nor melody nor thought.
Only I, only I
And none of this can I say
Because feeling is like the sky -
Seen, nothing in it to see.
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Fernando Pessoa
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My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same. Everything interests me, but nothing holds me.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I sometimes think that I enjoy suffering. But the truth is I would prefer something else.
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Fernando Pessoa
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My God, my God, whose performance am I watching? How many people am I? Who am I? What is this space between myself and myself?
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I asked for very little from life, and even this little was denied me. A nearby field, a ray of sunlight, a little bit of calm along with a bit of bread, not to feel oppressed by the knowledge that I exist, not to demand anything from others, and not to have others demand anything from me - this was denied me, like the spare change we might deny a beggar not because we're mean-hearted but because we don't feel like unbuttoning our coat.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I am the escaped one,
After I was born
They locked me up inside me
But I left.
My soul seeks me,
Through hills and valley,
I hope my soul
Never finds me.
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Fernando Pessoa
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But my sadness is comforting
Because itโs right and natural
And because itโs what the soul should feel
When it already thinks it exists
And the hand pick flowers
And the soul takes no notice.
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Fernando Pessoa
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The unnatural and the strange have a perfume of their own
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Fernando Pessoa
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Se te รฉ impossรญvel viver sรณ, nasceste escravo.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Blessed are those who entrust their lives to no one.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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what has happened to us has happened to everyone or only us; if to everyone, then it's no novelty, and if only to us, then it won't be understood.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
โ
ุณูุจูู ุนูุฏ ุขุฎุฑ ูุฐุง ุงูููุงุฑ ู
ุง ุชุจูู ู
ู ุงูุฃู
ุณุ ู
ุง ุณูุชุจูู ู
ู ุงูุบุฏ: ุงูููู ุงูููู
ุ ุงูุฐู ูุง ูุญุตู ููุจูู ุฃุจุฏูุง ุฐุงุชูุ ู
ุฎุชูููุง ุฃุจุฏูุง.
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Fernando Pessoa (ูุณุช ุฐุง ุดุฃู)
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Tudo vale a pena quando a alma nรฃo รฉ pequena
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Fernando Pessoa
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I know nothing and my heart aches
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Fernando Pessoa
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โฆto know how to think with emotions and to feel with intellectโฆ
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I don't mourn the loss of my childhood; I mourn because everything, including (my) childhood, is lost.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Be what I think? But I think of being so many things!
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Fernando Pessoa (Fernando Pessoa and Co.: Selected Poems)
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There are metaphors more real than the people who walk in the street. There are images tucked away in books that live more vividly than many men and women. There are phrases from literary works that have a positively human personality. There are passages from my own writing that chill me with fright, so distinctly do I feel them as people, so sharply outlined do they appear against the walls of my room, at night, in shadows... I've written sentences whose sound, read out loud or silently (impossible to hide their sound), can only be of something that acquired absolute exteriority and a full-fledged soul.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Without madness what is man
But a wholesome beast,
Postponed corpse that begets?
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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To write is to forget. Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life. Music soothes, the visual arts exhilarates, the performing arts (such as acting and dance) entertain. Literature, however, retreats from life by turning in into slumber. The other arts make no such retreatโ some because they use visible and hence vital formulas, others because they live from human life itself.
This isn't the case with literature. Literature simulates life. A novel is a story of what never was, a play is a novel without narration. A poem is the expression of ideas or feelings a language no one uses, because no one talks in verse.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes to where life is not painful; nor is there a port of call where it is possible to forget.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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My boredom with everything has numbed me.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Could it think, the heart would stop beating.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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To live is to be someone else. Feeling is impossible if we feel today as we felt yesterday: to feel today the same thing we felt yesterday is not to feel at all--it's merely to remember today what we felt yesterday, since today we are the living cadaver of yesterday's lost life.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Lord, may the pain be ours, And the weakness that it brings, But at least give us the strength, Of not showing it to anyone!
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Fernando Pessoa (Poems of Fernando Pessoa)
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Every gesture is a revolutionary act.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Today I suddenly experienced an absurd but quite valid sensation. I realized, in an intimate lightning flash, that I am no one. No one, absolutely no one.
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Fernando Pessoa
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And I have the others in me. Even when Iโm far away from them, I am forced to live with them. Even when Iโm all alone, crowds surround me. I have no place to flee to, unless I were to flee from myself.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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What can I expect from myself? My sensation in all their horrible acuity, and a profound awareness of feeling. A sharp mind that only destroys me, and an unusual capacity for dreaming to keep me entertained. A dead will and a reflection that cradles it, like a living child.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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I realize that I was all error and deviation, that I never lived, that I existed only in so far as I filled time with consciousness and thought.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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What Hells and Purgatories and Heavens I have inside of me! But who sees me do anything that disagrees with life--me, so calm and peaceful?
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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To love is to tire of being alone; it is therefore a cowardice, a betrayal of ourselves. (It is exceedingly important that we not love.)
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Fernando Pessoa
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Inch by inch I conquered the inner terrain I was born with. Bit by bit I reclaimed the swamp in which I'd languished. I gave birth to my infinite being, but I had to wrench myself out of me with forceps.
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Fernando Pessoa
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It's been months since I last wrote. I've lived in a state of mental slumber, leading the life of someone else. I've felt, very often, a vicarious happiness. I haven't existed. I've been someone else. I've lived without thinking.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Everything interests me, but nothing holds me.
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Fernando Pessoa
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As I walk, I construct perfect sentences that I cannot remember later at home. I donโt know if the ineffable poetry of those sentences derived from what they were or from their never having been (written).
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Eternal tourists of ourselves, there is no landscape but what we are. We possess nothing, for we donโt even possess ourselves. We have nothing because we are nothing. What hand will I reach out, and to what universe? The universe isnโt mine: itโs me.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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In the ordinary jumble of my literary drawer, I sometimes find texts I wrote ten, fifteen, or even more years ago. And many of them seem to me written by a stranger: I simply do not recognize myself in them. There was a person who wrote them, and it was I. I experienced them, but it was in another life, from which I just woke up, as if from someone else's dream.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Freedom is the possibility of isolation. You are free if you can withdraw from people, not having to seek them out for the sake of money, company, love, glory or curiosity, none of which can thrive in silence and solitude. If you can't live alone, you were born a slave. You may have all the splendours of the mind and the soul, in which case you're a noble slave, or an intelligent servant, but you're not free. And you can't hold this up as your own tragedy, for your birth is a tragedy of Fate alone. Hapless you are, however, if life itself so oppresses you that you're forced to become a slave. Hapless you are if, having been born free, with the capacity to be isolated and self-sufficient, poverty should force you to live with others.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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My soul is a black maelstrom, a great madness spinning about a vacuum, the swirling of a vast ocean around a hole in the void, and in the waters, more like whirlwinds than waters, float images of all I ever saw or heard in the world: houses, faces, books, boxes, snatches of music and fragments of voices, all caught up in a sinister, bottomless whirlpool.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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All Iโve ever done is dream. That, and only that, has been the meaning of my existence. The only thing Iโve ever really cared about is my inner life. My greatest griefs faded to nothing the moment I opened the window onto my inner self and lost myself in watching.
I never tried to be anything other than a dreamer. I never paid any attention to people who told me to go out and live. I belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever I could never be. Anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed to be full of poetry. The only thing I ever loved was pure nothingness.
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Fernando Pessoa
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Masquerades disclose the reality of souls. As long as no one sees who we are, we can tell the most intimate details of our life. I sometimes muse over this sketch of a story about a man afflicted by one of those personal tragedies born of extreme shyness who one day, while wearing a mask I donโt know where, told another mask all the most personal, most secret, most unthinkable things that could be told about his tragic and serene life. And since no outward detail would give him away, he having disguised even his voice, and since he didnโt take careful note of whoever had listened to him, he could enjoy the ample sensation of knowing that somewhere in the world there was someone who knew him as not even his closest and finest friend did. When he walked down the street he would ask himself if this person, or that one, or that person over there might not be the one to whom heโd once, wearing a mask, told his most private life. Thus would be born in him a new interest in each person, since each person might be his only, unknown confidant.
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Fernando Pessoa
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I'm always horrified whenever I finish anything. Horrified and desolate. My instinct for perfection should inhibit me from ever finishing anything; it should in fact inhibit me from ever beginning. But I become distracted and do things. My accomplishments are not the product of my applied will but a giving away of my will. I begin because I don't have the strength to think; I finish because I don't have soul enough to stop things. This book is my cowardice.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Sit still with me in the shade of these green trees, which have no weightier thought than the withering of their leaves when autumn arrives, or the stretching of their many stiff fingers into the cold sky of the passing winter. Sit still with me and meditate on how useless effort is, how alien the will, and on how our very meditation is no more useful than effort, and no more our own than the will. Meditate too on how a life that wants nothing can have no weight in the flux of things, but a life the wants everything can likewise have no weight in the flux of things, since it cannot obtain everything, and to obtain less than everything is not worthy of souls that seek the truth.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Education of the Stoic: The Only Manuscript of the Baron of Teive)
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My hapless peers with their lofty dreams--how I envy and despise them! I'm with the others, the even more hapless, who have no-one but themselves to whom they can tell their dreams and show what would be verses if they wrote them. I'm with those poor slobs who have no books to show, who have no literature beside their own soul, and who are suffocating to death due to the fact that they exist without having taken that mysterious, transcendental exam that makes one eligible to live.
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)
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Today, suddenly, I reached an absurd but unerring conclusion. In a moment of enlightenment, I realized that I'm nobody, absolutely nobody. When the lightning flashed, I saw that what I had thought to be a city was in fact a deserted plain and, in the same sinister light that revealed me to myself, there seemed to be no sky above it. I was robbed of any possibility of having existed before the world. If I was ever reincarnated, I must have done so without myself, without a self to reincarnate.
I am the outskirts of some non-existent town, the long-winded prologue to an unwritten book. I'm nobody, nobody. I don't know how to feel or think or love. I'm a character in a novel as yet unwritten, hovering in the air and undone before I've even existed, amongst the dreams of someone who never quite managed to breathe life into me.
I'm always thinking, always feeling, but my thoughts lack all reason, my emotions all feeling. I'm falling through a trapdoor, through infinite, infinitous space, in a directionless, empty fall. My soul is a black maelstrom, a great madness spinning about a vacuum, the swirling of a vast ocean around a hole in the void, and in the waters, more like whirlwinds than waters, float images of all I ever saw or heard in the world: houses, faces, books, boxes, snatches of music and fragments of voices, all caught up in a sinister, bottomless whirlpool.
And I, I myself, am the centre that exists only because the geometry of the abyss demands it; I am the nothing around which all this spins, I exist so that it can spin, I am a centre that exists only because every circle has one. I, I myself, am the well in which the walls have fallen away to leave only viscous slime. I am the centre of everything surrounded by the great nothing.
And it is as if hell itself were laughing within me but, instead of the human touch of diabolical laughter, there's the mad croak of the dead universe, the circling cadaver of physical space, the end of all worlds drifting blackly in the wind, misshapen, anachronistic, without the God who created it, without God himself who spins in the dark of darks, impossible, unique, everything.
If only I could think! If only I could feel!
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Fernando Pessoa (The Book of Disquiet)