“
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
”
”
Mae West (The Wit and Wisdom of Mae West)
“
It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal.
”
”
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
“
They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends: bitter.
”
”
John Green (An Abundance of Katherines)
“
If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.
”
”
Shannon L. Alder
“
All a woman actually wants is to feel special.
”
”
Matt Dunn (The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook (Ed & Dan, #1))
“
...I feel like a traitor, a phony, a fake. But I am a hypocrite with the best intentions, and I need kissing desperately.
”
”
Coco J. Ginger
“
You know, sometimes you've got to trust the people you love. You've got to trust that if they're good people, they'll make good decisions.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
Ha! Does Agatha know we're coming?"
"It'll be a surprise!" Penny says.
"Surprise!" Baz singsongs. "It's your ex-boyfriend and his boyfriend and that girl you never liked very much!"
”
”
Rainbow Rowell (Wayward Son (Simon Snow, #2))
“
Screw you, Hilo,” she snapped. “I can kill my ex-boyfriends myself.
”
”
Fonda Lee (Jade City (The Green Bone Saga, #1))
“
What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did.
”
”
James Patterson (Fang (Maximum Ride, #6))
“
My feeling is, if a dog is that hard up to break free, let it go. It's like a boyfriend who wants to break up. We all know the old adage "If you set someone free, and he never comes back, then he was never yours." I understand the main fear with setting dogs loose is they could get hit by a car, but so could an ex boyfriend. That's just a chance you have to take.
”
”
Chelsea Handler (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea)
“
Back To December is a song that addresses a first for me. In that I've never apologized in a song before. Whether it be good or bad or an apology. The person I wrote this song about deserves this. This is about a person who was incredible to me- just perfect in a relationship- and I was very careless with him. So, this is a song full of words that I would say to him that he deserves to hear.
I’ve never felt the need to apologize in a song before, but in the last two years I’ve experienced a lot, a lot of different kinds of learning lessons And sometimes you learn a lesson too late and at that point you need to apologize because you were careless. ['Back To December'] is about a person who was incredible to me, just perfect to me in a relationship, and I was really careless with him
I’ve written songs about things like burning my ex boyfriends pictures… I’ve written songs about the times that I’ve been hurt by love. But then one day I woke up and realized that I had hurt somebody… And so I wrote this song to tell him I’m sorry
”
”
Taylor Swift (Taylor Swift - Speak Now Songbook: Piano/Vocal/Guitar)
“
you must wear it like she wears disappointment on her face
you must hide the surprise of tasting other men on your lips
your mother is a woman and women like her cannot be contained.
you find the black tube inside her beauty case, where she keeps
your fathers old prison letters,
you desperately want to look like her
film star beauty, you hold your hand against your throat
your mother was most beautiful when sprawled out on the floor
half naked and bleeding.
you go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick,
somewhere no one can find you
your teeth look brittle against the deep red slickness
you smile like an infant, your mouth is a wound
you look nothing like your mother
you look everything like your mother.
you call your ex boyfriend, sit on the toilet seat and listen to
the phone ring, when he picks up you say his name slow
he says i thought i told you to stop calling me
you lick your lips, you taste like years of being alone.
”
”
Warsan Shire
“
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.
”
”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana (The Use and Misuse of Children)
“
You can always tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be.
”
”
Derek Landy (Death Bringer (Skulduggery Pleasant, #6))
“
Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
”
”
Alexa Chung (It)
“
Friendship is one mind in two bodies."
Right. Until your BFF went out of her mind and after your ex-boyfriend's body.
”
”
Melissa Landers (Alienated (Alienated, #1))
“
Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
When someone loves you, there's nothing they won't do for you. When they stop loving you, there's nothing they will.
”
”
Matt Dunn (The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook (Ed & Dan, #1))
“
You almost ran your ex-boyfriend over with a car, and then left him lying in the literal dirt on the side of the road. It is such a big deal, you absolute queen.
”
”
Erin Sterling (The Ex Hex (The Ex Hex, #1))
“
I bet you Cinderella didn't get along with Prince Charming's friends. Oh sure, the knights and barons probably put up with her on account that she was pretty and had such dainty feet and all, but you should know every duchess and contess in the kingdom hated her guts.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
He reached out and intertwined our hands. Gently urging me forward he whispered, “Have I lost you love?
”
”
Erin Jamison (Better Than 8: Fantasy)
“
Because that's what unfaithfulness is, isn't it? A cancer that's always there in the back of your mind, eating away at the foundations of the relationship.
”
”
Matt Dunn (The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook (Ed & Dan, #1))
“
We linked hands—my ex-boyfriend, my boyfriend, and my former friend-then-enemy-then friend and I—and walked through a door to see if maybe empty carbs were good for something after all.
”
”
Kiersten White (Endlessly (Paranormalcy, #3))
“
My boyfriends have all been as stoical as queen's guards. They'd been patient, committed, and dispassionate, and I'd had to really debase myself to extract any emotion, either grin or grimace, from them.
”
”
Koren Zailckas (Fury: A Memoir)
“
I collect ex-boyfriends -- and more than five, at last count.
”
”
Jasper Fforde (The Big Over Easy (Nursery Crime, #1))
“
It was funny how all the useless knowledge you accumulated when you're in love with someone could sit for years gathering dust in the back of your mind, only to spill out at the slightest reminder.
”
”
Blakney Francis (Someone I Used to Know)
“
Nick as in my former boyfriend Nick. Ex-rat, ex-boyfriend, ex-alive if I ever got hold of him Nick.
”
”
Kim Harrison (Black Magic Sanction (The Hollows, #8))
“
Rose, nothing in this world could make me hate you."
"Not even trying to bring my ex-boyfriend back from the dead?
”
”
Richelle Mead (Spirit Bound (Vampire Academy, #5))
“
I was seventeen all over again, falling into intrigue with the boy who was an exquisite contradiction.
”
”
Blakney Francis (Someone I Used to Know)
“
I don’t think much about guys from the past. I’m glad I knew them, but there’s a reason they didn’t make it into my future.
”
”
Lorraine Zago Rosenthal (Other Words for Love)
“
I know. Life is so unfair. I'm still not going to pee on Karou's ex-boyfriend for you."
"What? I wasn't even going to ask you to." In her most reasonable tone, Zuzana explained explained, "I just want you to pee in a balloon so I can drop it on him.
”
”
Laini Taylor (Days of Blood & Starlight (Daughter of Smoke & Bone, #2))
“
You can always evaluate a man's character by the way he speaks about his ex girlfriends and other women. When entering a new relationship or getting close with a new guy, make sure you take notice of the language he uses when referring to other girls
”
”
Miya Yamanouchi (Embrace Your Sexual Self: A Practical Guide for Women)
“
I see the daring girl rise to the surface. She’s feeling like she can take on the world, conquer anything including an ex-boyfriend.
She’s ready to jump. And I’m ready to catch her.
”
”
M. Leighton (Down to You (The Bad Boys, #1))
“
Beauty has a persuasive power all its own.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
We knew we were doomed. The kiss was a warm acceptance of years of bickering, years of me consuming foods that I found barely edible and Henry tidying up after someone who already thought she had tidied up. When I kissed Henry I wasn't imagining Ex-boyfriend #13; I was picturing Husband #1.
”
”
Lisa Lutz (The Spellmans Strike Again (The Spellmans, #4))
“
There should be a phone service that turns off your phone between midnight and six A.M. every night. And if you want to make a call, you have to pick up the phone and talk to an operator: Put me through to AAA. My car battery's dead. Yes, ma'am. Put me through to Pink Dot. I need vanilla Häagen-Dazs toute de suite! Yes, ma'am. Put me through to my ex-boyfriend... I'm sorry, ma'am, the operator would say. That would be a bad idea. Now you go to bed before you do anything stupid.
”
”
Kim Gruenenfelder (A Total Waste of Makeup (Charlize Edwards, #1))
“
Please tell me you have to pee."
"What? No. No, I do not. Don't even ask."
"Oh, come on. I'd do it myself if I could, but I can't. I'm a girl."
"I know. Life is unfair. I'm still not going to pee on Karou's ex-boyfriend for you."
"What? I wasn't even going to ask you to." In her most reasonable tone, Zuzana explained, "I just want you to pee in a balloon so I can drop it on him."
"Oh." Mik pretended to consider this for approximately one and a half second. "No.
”
”
Laini Taylor (Days of Blood & Starlight (Daughter of Smoke & Bone, #2))
“
me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe.
mom:...
me: i'm kidding about the axe part.
”
”
David Levithan (Will Grayson, Will Grayson)
“
You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?” ~ Morelli
”
”
Janet Evanovich (One for the Money (Stephanie Plum, #1))
“
Because that’s what unfaithfulness is, isn’t it? A cancer that’s always there in the back of your mind, eating away at the foundations of the relationship. It’s happened once, it could happen again, so you’re always looking for telltale signs or symptoms to show that it’s reappeared...
”
”
Matt Dunn (The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook (Ed & Dan, #1))
“
I also think Valkyire’s ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.”
Ravel frowned, “The dead vampire?”
Valkyrie glared at him, “I think he means Fletcher.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Caelen was never my boyfriend.”
“I didn’t mean to-“
“We never talk about Caelen,” Ghastly muttered.”
“I’m really sorry, Valkyrie, Ravel said. “Fletcher’s great. He’s wonderful. I’m sure he’d be delighted to help, and having a teleporter here will certainly solve some problems. We’ll arrange that, we’ll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bringing up the vampire.”
Ghastly shot him a look whispered, “Why do you keep talking about him?”
“I can’t help it,” Ravel whispered back. “Now he’s all I can think about.”
“You realise,” Valkyrie said, “that we can hear you both perfectly well.
”
”
Derek Landy (Kingdom of the Wicked (Skulduggery Pleasant, #7))
“
So unfair, she thought. Her baby was going to grow up, and her husband wasn't.
”
”
Stacy Bierlein (A Vacation on the Island of Ex-Boyfriends)
“
I had a dream that my boyfriend went back to his ex…I woke up and giggled because you don’t pick up a rock after finding a diamond.
”
”
Starley Ard (Dreaming is for lovers)
“
As if finding a guy to solve your problems isn't a contradiction of terms.
”
”
Janette Rallison (How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend)
“
All I'm saying is, where relationships are concerned, don't confuse length with strength.
”
”
Matt Dunn (The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook (Ed & Dan, #1))
“
I smashed all the windows in my ex-boyfriend’s truck.” “You did what?” I couldn’t have heard her correctly. That did not happen in real life. Country songs, yes. Real life, no way.
”
”
Abbi Glines (Misbehaving (Sea Breeze, #6))
“
Amongst all the beautiful women in this world..
There's always an idiot ex-boyfriend, who still expects her love again
”
”
69rascal
“
The phone rang, picked up, and the same male voice announced, “Chris Powers."
"Hey there, Chris. Are you aware it's a felony to make threats over the phone?"
To give Powers his fair due, he got over his shock within a split second. “Try it, asshole. I dare you. My lawyers will have you for lunch.” He clicked off again.
I did what any red-blooded American male would do. I called my big, ex-cop ex-boyfriend.
”
”
Josh Lanyon (The Dark Tide (The Adrien English Mysteries, #5))
“
Everything was fucked up the second I stitched a hole in a wolf’s leg, and then woke up to a naked ex-boyfriend.
”
”
Lisa Kessler (The Lone Wolf's Wish (Sedona Pack #0.5))
“
No one gets through life scot-free. Shit happens. I's how you deal with it that shapes you, not the actual event itself.
”
”
Sarra Manning (Nine Uses for an Ex-Boyfriend)
“
I poured some coffee into a mug that read: “I’m not gay, but my ex-boyfriend is,” compliments of Peyton
”
”
Sandi Lynn (Forever Black (Forever, #1))
“
Naturally, every boyfriend comes with an ex-girlfriend, every business comes with competitors, but it is entirely up to you to decide how much time you spend thinking about them.
”
”
Sophia Amoruso (#GIRLBOSS)
“
The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend?" William asked. The look on William's face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish
”
”
Tate Hallaway (Tall, Dark & Dead (Garnet Lacey, #1))
“
So there we were. Once upon a time, during the storybook version of dating we'd gone through, I'd pretended that it was possible to love her when I only mildly liked her. Now I had no desire to pretend we'd ever be in love, and I liked her madly.
'Can we try to be wise with each other for a very long time?' I asked her.
She laughed. 'You mean, can we share our fuckups and see if we can get any wisdom out of them?'
'Yeah,' I said. 'That would be nice.
”
”
David Levithan (Dash & Lily's Book of Dares (Dash & Lily, #1))
“
But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.
”
”
Rachel Vincent (Reaper (Soul Screamers, #3.5))
“
I've survived beach bunny cheerleaders, a sluthunting , ex-boyfriend, and five years of cross-country camp. I'm not afraid of some throwback to ancient myth with astrocious highlights and a Barbra Streisand nose.
”
”
Tera Lynn Childs (Oh. My. Gods. (Oh. My. Gods., #1))
“
You see her
and ascend into love.
You become enchanted,
a found madman.
In your love,
you lose yourself
and become her.
You were once without her, now
with her.
You still feel her
and descend into love.
You become enraptured,
a lost madman.
In your love,
you lost yourself
and her.
You were once with her, now
without her.
”
”
Kamand Kojouri
“
Do you or do you not like wearing earrings in your mouth that will one day smell like your ex-boyfriend's dick?
”
”
Carrie Fisher (The Best Awful)
“
Gone are the summer days
and my mind along with them.
No longer will I indulge
in hopes of getting you back.
It is hope that makes these chains heavier
and autumnal nights longer.
I will merely serve as a memory to you:
the lover that recited love poems.
I must go now
and I urge you not to look back.
”
”
Kamand Kojouri
“
You’re going to have people who are going to say ‘Oh, you know like, she just writes songs about her ex-boyfriends’ and I think frankly that’s a very sexist angle to take. No one says that about Ed Sheeran. No one says it about Bruno Mars. They’re all writing songs about their exes, their current girlfriends, their love-life, and no one raises a red flag there.
”
”
Taylor Swift
“
He laughed again. “Not boring and not dumb. That’s so much better than your boyfriend who both bored me and was dumb. To be honest I don’t
know what you saw in him.”
“Ex. Ex-boyfriend ” she said. “I swear to God I’m never going to live that down.
”
”
Thea Harrison
“
How? How will it help to tell you that I see his face every time I close my eyes? That I wake up and cry when he's not there? That the memories are so strong I can't separate hers from mine anymore?
”
”
Stephenie Meyer
“
Tony:...but you need something to do about Noah.
Paul: I know, I know. The only problem being that (a) he thinks I'm getting back with my ex-boyfriend, (b) he thinks I'll only hurt him, because (c) I've already hurt him and (d) someone else has already hurt him, which means that I'm hurting him even more. So (e) he doesn't trust me, and in all fairness, (g) every time I see him, I (h) want everything to be right again and I (i) want to kiss him madly. This means that (j) my feelings aren't going away anytime soon, but (k) his feelings don't look likely to budge, either. So either (l) I'm out of luck, (m) I'm out of hope, or (n) there's a way to make it up to him that I'm not thinking of. I could (o) beg, (p) plead, (q) grovel, or (r) give up. But, in order to do that, I would have to sacrifice my (s) pride, (t) reputation, and (u) self-respect, even though (v) I have very little of them left and (w) it probably wouldn't work anyway. As a result, I am (x) lost, (y) clue-free, and (z) wondering if you have any idea whatsoever what I should do.
”
”
David Levithan (Boy Meets Boy)
“
No, we never dated. He’s not an ex-boyfriend. He’s an ex-almost. Maybe that’s all we’d ever be—an incomplete sentence or a book that someone put down halfway through and never picked back up. Finished without an ending.
”
”
Alissa DeRogatis (Call It What You Want)
“
So I could write a story about a girl who was a lot like me, her ex-boyfriend, who was a lot like Satan, witha twitchy eyelid and a penis the size of a worn-down nub of an eraser.
”
”
Jennifer Weiner (Certain Girls (Cannie Shapiro, #2))
“
Every time I thought to, I wrote about you.
”
”
Crystal Woods (Write like no one is reading)
“
There is always at least one person wondering if someone who has never loved them still loves them.
”
”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“
When was the last time you were kissed?" he went on easily. "And I'm not talking about the dry, noncommittal, meaningless kiss you forget about as soon as it's over."
I scrambled out of my stupor long enough to quip, "Like last night's kiss?"
He cocked an eyebrow. "That so? I wonder, then, why you moaned my name after you drifted to sleep."
"I did not!"
"If only I'd had a video recorder. When was the last time you were really kissed?" he repeated.
"You seriously think I'm going to tell you?"
"Your ex?" he guessed.
"And if he was?"
"Was it your ex who taught you to be ashamed and uncomfortable with intimacy? He took from you what he wanted, but never seemed to be around when you wanted something back, isn't that right? What do you want, Britt?" he asked me point-blank.
"Do you really want to pretend like last night never happened?"
"Whatever happened between me and Calvin isn't your business,” I fired back.
"For your information, he was a really great boyfriend. I-I wish I was with him right now!" I exclaimed untruthfully. My careless comment made him flinch, but he recovered quickly.
"Does he love you?"
"What?" I said, flustered.
"If you know him so well, it shouldn't be a hard question. Is he in love with you? Was he ever in love with you?"
I tossed my head back haughtily. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to cut him down because you're-you're jealous of him!"
"You're damn right I'm jealous,” he growled. "When I kiss a girl, I like to know she's thinking about me, not the fool who gave her up.
”
”
Becca Fitzpatrick (Black Ice)
“
..reading your ex's horoscope every week isn't going to help you control his life. No, you need to hide in his bushes, break into his email, or kidnap his dog if you want to effect any real change.
”
”
Jenny Mollen (I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People)
“
When you live with dignity no man will ever take it. Live without it and every boy will steal it.
”
”
Shannon L. Alder
“
They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends; bitter.
”
”
John Green (An Abundance of Katherines)
“
Ha! Does Agatha know we're coming?"
"It'll be a surprise!" Penny says.
"Surprise!" Baz singsongs. "It's your ex-boyfriend and his boyfriend and that girl you never liked very much!">
”
”
Rainbow Rowell (Wayward Son (Simon Snow, #2))
“
I don't know what bothered me more: the ménage a trios invitation or the fact that Little Miss Twig had continued slowly grinding on my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend’s dick like a Black and Decker drill bit whilst he explained
”
”
Tillie Cole (Eternally North (Eternally North, #1))
“
It rather goes without saying that Katherine drank her coffee black. Katherines do, generally. They like their coffee like they like their ex-boyfriends: bitter.
”
”
John Green (An Abundance of Katherines)
“
I would think you’d have better things to do right now than look up the marital status of my ex-boyfriends on the Internet,” Mom had said to him, scathingly.
“I like to keep track of their mating habits,” Dad had smirked.
”
”
Meg Cabot (Underworld (Abandon, #2))
“
Aunt Jewel, I just told you that I have superpowers. That my current boyfriend is an Oracle, and my ex-boyfriend is more or less a wizard. And you want to do a little shopping? I’d hoped you wouldn’t freak out, don’t get me wrong, but I expected some freaking out.
”
”
Rachel Hawkins (Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle, #2))
“
Here it comes, I thought. The first ex-boyfriend had been summoned. Soon the rest would follow. They would file around the table, presenting their deficiencies, telling of their addictions, their cheating hearts... But that didn't happen with Julie. This was because Julie isn't husband-hunting. So she didn't have to interview me for the job.
”
”
Jeffrey Eugenides (Middlesex)
“
These days, though, he was as unpredictable as an alley cat. One minute, he’s purring on
your lap. The next, he’s scowling at you from the window sill, and you’re left wondering if he’s plotting your demise over there, just waiting for you to fall asleep. That’s Will.
”
”
Laura Miller
“
we who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting
as a group
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
frustration
discontent and
torture
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift
your analyst is
in on it
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us
in announcing our
association
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves
but since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make
unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your
disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective
”
”
Phillip Lopate
“
But it's that fucking dress she's wearing. It's low-cut and tight and just...Jesus. Why would she wear a dress like that? Is she doing it just to torture me? I like the idea that maybe she had me in mind when she picked it out. Of course, she might be wearing it because she wants to get attention from other guys.
I look around the wedding suspiciously, trying to see if anyone is looking at her. I don't want to have to punch someone out, but i'll do it if I have to.
”
”
Lauren Barnholdt (Right of Way)
“
And on a personal level,my boyfriend and I love eachother enough,and we have enough respect for each other, that we're bigger than that."
I laughed."Nick and I are not bigger than that.We are very,very small."
Daisy nodded. "And then,of course, there's the fact that I'm prettier than my boyfriend. He may fly higher,but I look better doing it." She turned around backward. "I mean, even in these snow pants,check out my ass.
”
”
Jennifer Echols (The Ex Games)
“
You can't hold on to things just because of the memories. Otherwise, no one would ever move house. Or country. Or chuck a crap boyfriend. Every crap boyfriend has at least one good memory attached to him. But you have to let them go. Otherwise, you're all, 'Oh, but there was that lovely time we walked in the autumn leaves.
”
”
Sophie Kinsella (The Party Crasher)
“
Dennis faced him. They glared at each other again. Neither said a word until Dennis set the glasses down, leaned back against the counter, and folded his arms over his chest. "You're an idiot." "Seems to be a common conclusion. You're not my favourite person right now either.
”
”
Sloan Parker (Take Me Home)
“
I love that I am but one of millions of single girls hitting the road by themselves these days. A hateful little ex-boyfriend once said that a houseful of cats used to be the sign of a terminally single woman, but not it's a house full of souvenirs acquired on foreign adventures. He said it derogatorily: Look at all of this tragic overcompensating in the form of tribal masks and rain sticks. But I say that plane tickets replacing cats might be the best evidence of women's progress as a gender. I'm damn proud of us. Also, since I have both a cat and a lot of foreign souvenirs, I broke up with that dude and went on a really great trip.
”
”
Kristin Newman (What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding)
“
Laughing,I poked him for his embarrassingly accurate imitation of my southern accent.
He continued in my voice, "Then one day my boyfriend was being an ass and I challenged him to a comp.I had to do a front 1080 off a jump just to show him up,and the rest is history."
"I hope so."
"I know so." He kissed my cheek.
I reached back to run my fingers through his long hair. "Right now I want to lie low,have a normal life,and hang out with my boyfriend. I'll meet you in People in a few years."
He chuckled, making my insides sparkle with anticipation. "It's a date.
”
”
Jennifer Echols (The Ex Games)
“
So did I mishear over the communicator, or did you send your girlfriend off on a super-sexy secret mission with her ex-boyfriend?’
‘We’re fighting a war here, Nine, it’s not a joke,’ John replies sternly. After a moment’s awkward pause, a begrudging smile breaks on his face. ‘Also, shut up. It’s not super sexy. What does that even mean?’
‘Wow, you really need my guidance,’ Nine says. He throws his arm around John’s shoulders and leads him towards the house. ‘Come on. I’ll explain what sexy is.’
‘I know what it – ugh, why am I even discussing this with you?’ John shoves Nine in frustration, but Nine just holds on tighter. ‘Get off me, idiot.’
‘Come on, Johnny, you need my affection now more than ever.
”
”
Pittacus Lore (The Revenge of Seven (Lorien Legacies, #5))
“
If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you—your ex-boyfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another two-for-one sale on hand sanitizer—chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer. Not the TV remote.
”
”
Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life)
“
Stephanie, huh?” I ask, when she doesn’t respond. “You go by Steph?” “No. Not Steph.” she says as we cross the street to the familiar green and white Starbucks logo. “My ex-boyfriend called me that so I’m kind of over it.” God, someone actually dated this cranky little midget? Then my eyes skimmed the perky cleavage beneath the tiny tank top. Right. There was that.
”
”
Lauren Layne (Isn't She Lovely (Redemption, #0.5))
“
I'm glad this happened," he said softly.
I hoped it was for real,and I didn't want to talk about it too much and ruin the lovely illusion that we were a couple.
So I said noncommittally, "Me too."
"Because I've been trying to get you back since the seventh grade."
I must have given him a very skeptical look.
He laughed at my expression. "Yeah, I have a funny way of showing it. I know. But you're always on my mind. You're in the front of my mind,on the tip of my tongue. So if someone breaks a beaker in chemistry class, I raise my hand and tell Ms. Abernathy you did it. If somebody brings a copy of Playboy to class, I stuff it in your locker."
"Oh!" I thought back to the January issue. "I wondered where that came from."
"And if Everett Walsh tells the lunch table what a wicked kisser you are and how far he would have gotten with you if his mother hadn't come in-"
I stamped my foot on the floorboard of the SUV."That is so not true! He'd already gotten as far as he was going. He's not that cute, and I had to go home and study for algebra.
"-It drives me insane to the point that I tell him to shut up or I'll make him shut up right there in front of everybody. Because I am supposed to be your boyfriend, and my mother is supposed to hate you,and you're supposed to be making out with me."
Twisted as this declaration was,it was the sweetest thing a boy had ever said to me.I dwelled on the soft lips that had formed the statement,and on the meaning of his words. "Okay." I scooted across the seat and nibbled the very edge of his superhero chin.
"Ah," he gasped, moving both hands from the steering wheel to the seat to brace himself. "I didn't mean now.I meant in general.Your dad will come out of the house and kill me.
”
”
Jennifer Echols (The Ex Games)
“
In going back and thinking about my friendships and hearing about other women's, I see this: Our friends are not our second choices. They are our dates for Friday nights and for ex-boyfriends' weddings. They are the visitors to our hometowns and hospital rooms. They are the first people we tell about any news, whether it's good, terrible, or mundane. They are our plus ones at office parties. They are the people we're raising children with. They are our advocates, who, no matter what, make us feel like we won't fail. They are the people who will struggle with us and who will stay with us. They are who we text when we get home.
”
”
Kayleen Schaefer (Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship)
“
It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night.
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.
Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers.
”
”
Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)
“
His eyes were wild, that muscle in his jaw jumping so fast it had a life of his own. I’d never seen him like that. Pissed, yes. Annoyed, definitely. But not like that. Like he wanted to burn the world down at seeing me hurt. My naïve heart sang, cutting a swath of hope through my lingering panic. Because no one looks at someone like that unless they care, and I realized that I wanted Alex Volkov to care. Very much. I wanted him to care because of me, not because of a promise he’d made to my brother. Talk about a terrible time to come to such a realization. I was a freaking mess, and he’d just beat the living daylights out of my ex-boyfriend. I sucked in a shaky breath and wiped the tears from my face with the backs of my hands. “I will destroy him.” Alex’s words sliced through the air like lethal blades of ice. Goosebumps blossomed on my skin and I shivered, my teeth chattering from the cold. “Everything he has ever touched, everyone he has ever loved. I will ruin them until they’re nothing more than a pile of ashes at your feet.
”
”
Ana Huang (Twisted Love (Twisted, #1))
“
I scowled. “Murphy’s made of muscle. You just can’t see it under the suit and the body armor,” I said. “And she hasn’t gotten lucky with me either.” Ascher stared at me for a second and blinked slowly. “You’re . . . serious, aren’t you?” “We’re complicated,” I said. “Because you’re twitchy?” “And she’s had a couple of divorces. And her ex-boyfriend kind of shot me.” “What?” “I asked him to,” I said hurriedly. “What?
”
”
Jim Butcher (Skin Game (The Dresden Files, #15))
“
Why are you here?" I asked him.
"That's an awfully big question, Anya."
"No, I meant here outside this office. What did you do wrong?"
"Multiple choice," he said. "(a) A few pointed comments I made in Theology. (b) Headmaster wants to have a chat with the new kid about wearing hats in school. (c) My schedule. I'm just too darn smart for my classes. (d) My eyewitness account of the girl who poured lasagna over her boyfriend's head. (e.) Headmaster's leaving her husband and wants to run away with me. (f) None of the above. (g) All of the above."
"Ex-boyfriend," I mumbled.
"Good to know," he said.
”
”
Gabrielle Zevin (All These Things I've Done (Birthright, #1))
“
See, I couldn’t control her. No matter how many times I called her, or screamed at her, or begged her to take me back, or made surprise visits to her place, or did other creepy and irrational ex-boyfriend things, I could never control her emotions or her actions. Ultimately, while she was to blame for how I felt, she was never responsible for how I felt. I was. At some point, after enough tears and alcohol, my thinking began to shift and I began to understand that although she had done something horrible to me and she could be blamed for that, it was now my own responsibility to make myself happy again. She was never going to pop up and fix things for me. I had to fix them for myself. When I took that approach, a few things happened. First, I began to improve myself. I started exercising and spending more time with my friends (whom I had been neglecting). I started deliberately meeting new people. I took a big study-abroad trip and did some volunteer work. And slowly, I started to feel better. I
”
”
Mark Manson (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life)
“
Oooh, and I should check if Fletch is around.”
“Fletch?”
“Kyle Fletcher, but I call him Fletch,” she says absently. “Ex-boyfriend.”
My head swivels toward her. “You’re making plans with your ex-boyfriend?”
“Retract those claws, missy. Fletch is still a good friend of mine.”
I can’t fight my curiosity. “How long were you together?”
“Three years.”
I whistle softly. “And then three and a half more with Sean…You’re a nester, huh?”
“No, I’m not,” she protests.
“Babe, that’s almost seven years of your life spent in a serious relationship. And you’re only twenty-two.”
“Twenty-one. I’m a Christmas baby.”
“For real? Your birthday’s the twenty-fifth?”
“The twenty-fourth. I guess that makes me a Christmas Eve baby. Sorry.”
“You better be sorry. How dare you mislead me like that?
”
”
Elle Kennedy (The Score (Off-Campus, #3))
“
Why did you defect now? Why here? There are other troll tribes and hundreds of cities that aren't at war with your King."
"But only the Trylle have Wendy." Loki's smile returned but his eyes ere pained. "And how could I pass on that?"
"She is married, you know," Finn said. "So it might be a good idea if you stopped trying to flirt with her. She's not interested."
"It's up to her to decide who she's interested in," Loki said, with an edge to his voice. "And it's not exactly like you're following your own advice."
"I am her tracker." Finn sat up in bed, but this time I didn't try to stop him. His eyes were burning. "It's my job to protect her."
"No, Duncan is her tracker." Loki pointed to where Duncan stood in the doorway, staring wide-eyed at their confrontation. "And Wendy's stronger than the both of you combined. You're not protecting her. You're protecting yourself because you're a lovesick ex-boyfriend."
"You think you have everything figured out, but you don't know anything," Finn growled. "If it were up to me I'd have you sent back to the Vittra in a flash."
"But it's not up to you!" I snapped. "It's up to me. And this conversation is over. Finn needs to rest, and you are not helping anything, Loki."
"Sorry," Loki said and rubbed his hands on his pants.
"Why don't you go back to your room?" I asked Loki. "I'll be over to talk to you in a minute."
He nodded and got up. "Feel better," Loki said to Finn, and he actually sounded sincere.
Finn grunted in response, and Loki and Duncan left. I wanted to reach out and touch Finn, comfort him in some way, because I felt like he needed it. Maybe I needed it too.
"Get some sleep," I told Finn, since I could think of nothing better to say to him. I got up, but he reached out and grabbed my wrist.
"Wendy, I don't trust him," he said, referring to Loki.
"I know. But I do."
"Be careful," Finn said simply and let go of me.
”
”
Amanda Hocking (Ascend (Trylle, #3))
“
They hang around, hitting on your friends
or else you never hear from them again.
They call when they’re drunk, or finally get sober,
they’re passing through town and want dinner,
they take your hand across the table, kiss you
when you come back from the bathroom.
They were your loves, your victims,
your good dogs or bad boys, and they’re over
you now. One writes a book in which a woman
who sounds suspiciously like you
is the first to be sadistically dismembered
by a serial killer. They’re getting married
and want you to be the first to know,
or they’ve been fired and need a loan,
their new girlfriend hates you,
they say they don’t miss you but show up
in your dreams, calling to you from the shoe boxes
where they’re buried in rows in your basement.
Some nights you find one floating into bed with you,
propped on an elbow, giving you a look
of fascination, a look that says I can’t believe
I’ve found you. It’s the same way
your current boyfriend gazed at you last night,
before he pulled the plug on the tiny white lights
above the bed, and moved against you in the dark
broken occasionally by the faint restless arcs
of headlights from the freeway’s passing trucks,
the big rigs that travel and travel,
hauling their loads between cities, warehouses,
following the familiar routes of their loneliness.
”
”
Kim Addonizio