Disorder In The Courts Funny Quotes

Settlement (Ephraim Margolin, San Francisco) Such news of an amicable settlement having made this court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory. The clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floor of said office. Judge Wins Reelection While Pleading Insanity [Huffington Post, Chicago, Nov.

The reason some people do not experience God in their life is the same reason that we do not notice that something is going wrong with our marriage untill we arrive in a divorce court or that something is wrong with our child until we got a phone call from the police station . Simply put....Because we do not pay attention

COUNSEL The California Constitution requires that we use English, and to the extent that we don’t use proper English, it’s a violation of the California Constitution. It’s in Article III. JUDGE

THE COURT I don’t like what your attorney has done in the use of his peremptory challenges. I think what he did was illegal, and quite frankly, I think it was immoral. But that does not mean he is not a capable attorney. Felony

BAILIFF Juror [who is Asian] says she does not speak English. THE COURT [who is Asian] That’ll be denied. COUNSEL I request to voir-dire her. THE COURT That’ll be denied. The Asians pull that all the time. Bad

THE COURT I’m going to get some coffee. You guys can keep arguing. It doesn’t have an effect on me.

ORDER: Defendant’s motion to prohibit the District Attorney from committing prosecutorial misconduct is denied. Judicial

DEFENSE COUNSEL And then the defense? THE COURT It’s the Court’s practice to start with the prosecution, and I would ask the D.A. to voir-dire the jury ad seriatim. DEFENSE COUNSEL Would you run that by me again? THE COURT Ad seriatim. DEFENSE COUNSEL I’m sorry. All at once? One at a time? THE COURT That means one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten . . . DEFENSE COUNSEL One through twelve? THE COURT Yes, in that order, not bouncing around, ad seriatim. And that means, when he’s done, you can ask your questions ad seriatim. DEFENSE COUNSEL I’d prefer to ask them ad nauseam, if you don’t mind. What

THE COURT Never forget, Counsel, this is a court of redundancy. COUNSEL Your Honor, I will always never forget this is a court of redundancy. Your Honor, I will always never forget this is a court of redundancy. Tasteless

fear the day when technology overlaps with our humanity. The world will consist of a generation of idiots. ALBERT EINSTEIN

Lord Westbury, it is said, rebuffed a barrister’s reliance upon an earlier opinion of his by stating, “I can only say that I am amazed that a man of my intelligence should have been guilty of giving such an opinion.” IN KING V. CENTRAL BANK, 18 CAL.3D 840, 850 (1977) (MOSK CONCURRING)

Not a Chance (George Schraer, San Diego) COUNSEL Judge, would this be a good time for a break? THE COURT We’ll take a short recess. [whereupon, a recess was taken] THE COURT You may continue. COUNSEL Thank you. The court reporter indicated that I was going a little too fast before and asked me to reread my argument, so I’ll start from the beginning, if I may. THE COURT I overrule my court reporter.