Darby Strickland Quotes

But so many people misunderstand that I will repeat it: the perpetrator of violence is not “out of control.” It is quite the opposite—an oppressor uses violence in order to maintain control.

Oppressors are effective manipulators because they portray themselves as sufferers. For example, they might excuse their behavior by saying that they feel slighted by you, criticized, jealous, under pressure at work, or wounded from another relationship. I want to impress upon you that oppression stems from attitudes and values—not feelings. 7 Oppressors do not do abusive things because they feel bad; rather, they oppress because they have an entitled mentality. 8 Their sense of entitlement does not come from feelings of inferiority or past pain. Rather, oppressors have an inflated sense of themselves that allows them to justify mistreating others so that their demands are met.

Seeking help from God means, in part, remembering who he is and who you are to him. Your oppressor would like you to believe that you are not worthy of Jesus’ love and redemption. Your spouse’s criticism, threats, and mockery are a profound betrayal. You have endured a horrendous kind of tearing down and shaming when the messages you receive from your spouse proclaim your worthlessness. It can be easy to believe the lies when they come from the one closest to you. When you feel unlovable and unworthy, it hard to remember how God sees you. The truth is that when God speaks of you, he rejoices over you. He promises you that “you shall be called by a new name. . . . You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD. . . . You shall no more be termed Forsaken . . . but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her. . . . So shall your God rejoice over you” (Isa. 62: 2–5). Let that sink in for a minute. God says that you are a crown of beauty and that his delight is in you. Bask in the truths of who God says you are. You are precious to him. His voice needs to become louder than the voice of your oppressor.