Daniil Kharms Quotes

I am interested only in "nonsense"; only in that which makes no practical sense. I am interested in life only in its absurd manifestations.

I was most happy when pen and paper were taken from me and I was forbidden from doing anything. I had no anxiety about doing nothing by my own fault, my conscience was clear, and I was happy. This was when I was in prison.

One must write poetry in such as way that if one threw the poem in a window, the pane would break.

There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn’t have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn’t talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn’t even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn’t have anything. So we don’t even know who we’re talking about. It’s better that we don’t talk about him any more.

I've become painfully stale of late and have ceased to resemble a human being.

Меня интересует только «чушь», только то, что не имеет никакого практического смысла. Меня интересует только жизнь в своем нелепом проявлении...

these verses have become a thing and one can take them off the page and throw them at a window, and the window would break. That's what words can do!

It’s hard to say something about Pushkin to a person who doesn’t know anything about him. Pushkin is a great poet. Napoleon is not as great as Pushkin. Bismarck compared to Pushkin is a nobody. And the Alexanders, First, Second and Third, are just little kids compared to Pushkin. In fact, compared to Pushkin, all people are little kids, except Gogol. Compared to him, Pushkin is a little kid. And so, instead of writing about Pushkin, I would rather write about Gogol. Although, Gogol is so great that not a thing can be written about him, so I'll write about Pushkin after all. Yet, after Gogol, it’s a shame to have to write about Pushkin. But you can’t write anything about Gogol. So I’d rather not write anything about anyone.

Pushkin loved to throw rocks. As soon as he saw a rock, he would throw it. Sometimes he became so excited that he stood, all red in the face, waving his arms, throwing rocks, simply something awful. Pushkin had four sons, all idiots. One didn't even know how to sit in a chair and fell off all the time. Pushkin himself also sat on a chair rather badly. It was simply killing: they sat at the table; at one end, Pushkin kept falling off his chair continually, and at the other end, his son. Simply enough to make one split one's sides with laughter.

So, once Petrakov wanted to go to sleep but, lying down, missed the bed. He hit the floor so hard he lay there unable to get up. So Petrakov mustered his remaining strength and got on his hands and knees. But his strength abandoned him and he fell on his stomach again, and he just lies there. Petrakov lay on the floor about five hours. At first he just lay there, but then he fell asleep. Sleep refreshed Petrakov’s strength. He woke up invigorated, got up, walked around the room and cautiously lay down on the bed. “Well,” he thought, “now I’ll get some sleep.” But now he’s not feeling very sleepy. So Petrakov keeps turning in his bed and can’t fall asleep. And that’s it, more or less.

One short man said: "I would give anything if only I were even a tiny bit taller." He barely said it when he saw a lady magician standing in front of him. "What do you want?" says the magician. But the short man just stands there so frightened he can't even speak. "Well?" says the magician. The short man just stands there and says nothing. The magician vanishes. Then the short man started crying and biting his nails. First he chewed off all the nails on his fingers, and then on his toes. Reader! Think this fable over and it will make you somewhat uncomfortable.

Nu mă interesează decât ,decât ceea ce nu are nici un sens practic.Viaţa mă interesează numai în manifestarea ei absurdă.

You see,” I said, “in my opinion, there are no believers or non-believers. There are only those who want to believe and those who do not want to believe.” “So those who do not want to believe already believe in something?” said Sakerdon Mikhailovich. “And those who want to believe already believe in nothing?

Полезно е човек да знае само толкова, колкото му се полага. За пример мога да дам следния случай: един човек знаеше малко повече, а друг - малко по-малко от онова, което им се полагаше да знаят. И какво? Онзи, който знаеше малко по-малко, забогатя, а другият, който знаеше малко повече, цял живот живя само заможно.

--How I Was Visited By Messengers-- Something clicked in the clock on the wall, and I was visited by messengers. at first, I did not realize that I was visited by messengers. instead, I thought that something was wrong with the clock. but then I saw that the clock worked just fine, and probably told the correct time. then I noticed that there was a draft in the room. and then it shocked me: what kind of thing could, at the same time, cause a clock to click and a draft to start in the room? I sat down on a chair next to the divan and looked at the clock, thinking about that. the big hand was on the number nine, and the little one on the four, therefore, it was a quarter till four. there was a calendar on the wall below the clock, and its leafs were flipping, as if there was a strong wind in my room. my heart was beating very fast and I was so scared it almost made me collapse. "i should have some water," I said. on the table next to me was a pitcher with water. I reached out and took the pitcher. "water should help," I said and looked at the water. it was then that I realized that I had been visited by messengers, and that I could not tell them apart from the water. I was scared to drink the water, because I could, by accident, drink a messenger. what does that mean? nothing. one can only drink liquids. could the messengers be liquid? no. then, I can drink the water, there is nothing to be afraid of. but I couldn't find the water. I walked around the room and looked for the water. I tried putting a belt in my mouth, but it was not the water. I put the calendar in my mouth -- that also was not the water. I gave up looking for the water and started to look for the messengers. but how could I find them? what do they look like? I remembered that I could not distinguish them from the water, therefore, they must look like water. but what does water look like? I was standing and thinking. I do not know for how long I stood and thought, but suddenly I came to. "there is the water," I thought. but that wasn't the water and instead I got an itch in my ear. I looked under the cupboard and under the bed, hoping that there I might find the water or the messengers. but under the cupboard, in a pile of dust, I found a little ball, half eaten by a dog, and under the bed I found some pieces of glass. under the chair I found a half-eaten steak, I ate it and it made me feel better. it wasn't drafty anymore, the clock was ticking steadily, telling the time: a quarter till four. "well, this means the messengers are gone," I said quietly and started to get dressed, since I had a visit to make. -August 22, 1937

Madeleine, you’ve grown too cold to lie alone beneath a bush a youth bows down over you with a face as hot as Tibet. The pilot has grown old along the way. He waves his hands—but doesn’t fly he moves his legs—but doesn’t go waves once or twice and falls then lies for years without decay Poor Madeleine grieves a braid she weaves. and chases idle dreams away.

Iar pe Andriusa l-am omorat pur si simplu din inertie, asa ca nu-mi gasesc nici o vina in asta.

Acum, modul nostru de viata inca nu s-a stabilizat. Inca nu exista eroul obisnuit. Si daca exista, inca nu-l observa ochiul. Si daca ochiul il observa, nu-l remarca ceilalti.

That’s where the fish first started swimming don’t tell me you didn’t see the bee fly out you saved yourself perhaps from wasps or from the lashes of her strong plaits or having upon her legs leaned back your head were tender were all of a sudden ardent were again tender now sensitive to caresses now dull now a red-muzzled horse now a corpse now daydreaming pressed against a fence now wringing your hands at a distance.

ata ca stau pe scaun. Iar scaunul sta pe dusumea. Iar dusumeaua este incastrata in cladire. Iar cladirea sta pe pamant. Iar pamantul se intinde in toate partile, si la stanga, si la dreapta, si inainte, si inapoi. Si unde se termina?

Iata ca stau pe scaun. Iar scaunul sta pe dusumea. Iar dusumeaua este incastrata in cladire. Iar cladirea sta pe pamant. Iar pamantul se intinde in toate partile, si la stanga, si la dreapta, si inainte, si inapoi. Si unde se termina?

Ghimmelkumov căuta o idee interioară,ca să se afunde în ea toată viaţa.E plăcut să fii într-un punct ca şi nebun.Peste tot şi în toate un asemenea om îşi vede punctul.Totul îi dă apă la moară.Totul are o importanţă uriaşă pentru orice punct.

Fara sa ma laud, pot spune ca, atunci cand Volodea m-a pocnit peste ureche si m-a scuipat in frunte, asa de tare l-am insfacat, ca n-o sa mai uite vreodata. De-abia dupa aceea l-am batut cu primusul, iar cu fierul de calcat l-am batut de-abia seara.

Atunci cel cu mustatile lungi se ia de cel cu mutra albastra, vrand sa afle cum se poate sa pui caciulile pe capetele oamenilor, dar sa nu-i vezi. Iar cel cu mutra albastra refuza sa-i dea explicatii mustaciosului, clatina din cap si rade cu gura lui albastra.

Преди да дойда при теб, ще почукам на прозореца. Ще ме видиш на прозореца си. После ще престъпя прага и ти ще ме видиш на вратата. После ще вляза у вас и ти ще ме познаеш. И ще вляза в теб, но никой, освен теб, няма да ме види и няма да ме познае. Ще ме видиш на прозореца си. Ще ме видиш на прага.

Eu spun "Intra". El intra si zice: "Buna ziua! Ce bine ca v-am gasit acasa!" Iar eu - trosc! Peste bot, iar apoi il lovesc si cu cizma intre picioare. Musafirul meu cade pe spate din pricina durerii teribile. Iar eu il pocnesc cu tocul cizmei peste ochi! Pasamite, n-are rost sa umbli fleaura cand nu te-a chemat nimeni!

Однажды по дорожке Я шел к себе домой. Смотрю и вижу: кошки Сидят ко мне спиной. Я крикнул:- Эй, вы, кошки! Пойдемте-ка со мной, Пойдемте по дорожке, Пойдемте-ка домой. Скорей пойдемте, кошки, А я вам на обед Из лука и картошки Устрою винегрет. - Ах, нет!- сказали кошки.- Останемся мы тут! Уселись на дорожке И дальше не идут

Natasa a avut doua bomboane. Apoi a mancat o bomboana si i-a mai ramas una. Natasa a pus bomboana pe masa, in fata ei, si a inceput sa planga. Natasa plange, dar cu coada ochiului se uita sa vada daca n-a aparut si a doua bomboana. Cea de-a doua bomboana n-a aparut. Natasa s-a mirat, dar n-a spus nimic si s-a dus in camera ei sa creasca.

Меня интересует только «чушь»; только то, что не имеет никакого практического смысла. Меня интересует жизнь только в своем нелепом проявлении. Геройство, пафос, удаль, мораль, гигиеничность, нравственность, умиление и азарт — ненавистные для меня слова и чувства. Но я вполне понимаю и уважаю: восторг и восхищение, вдохновение и отчаяние, страсть и сдержанность, распутство и целомудрие, печаль и горе, радость и смех.

A short lightning flash of white snow flew into the woods frightening the animals there a hare hops around the bird-cherry there a bobcat lies in wait for an underwater mouse puffed out its muzzle raised its tasseled tail mangy beast of prey to you woodpeckers and rabbits are as scrambled eggs to us only the oak stands paying no attention to anyone itself just recently fallen from the sky the pain not yet abated the branches had not drawn apart not a reproach nor an answer did I deserve oh my spurs seize me chop me and beat me right in the back right in the back oh he’s fast I thought I see before me the torah but no the lun a tic the lunatic of my words one thing I won’t repeat will not repeat my whole life through this is ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen my attentive audience that leap the leap from the heights of treesongers down on to the boards of stone the tables of stone tables of oh giant Numbers.

Kalugin fell asleep and had a dream: He’s sitting in some bushes and a policeman is walking by. Kalugin woke up, scratched around his mouth, and fell asleep again, and again he had a dream: He’s walking by the bushes, and in the bushes sits a policeman, hiding. Kalugin woke up, placed a newspaper under his head to keep his drool from drowning the pillow, and fell asleep again. And again he had a dream: He’s sitting in the bushes and a policeman is walking by. Kalugin woke up, changed the newspaper, lay down and fell asleep. And when he fell asleep he had the dream again: He’s walking by the bushes and in the bushes sits a policeman. Kalugin woke up and decided not to go to sleep again, but he fell asleep right away and had a dream: He’s sitting behind the policeman and a bush is walking by. Kalugin screamed and thrashed in his bed, but now he couldn’t wake up. Kalugin slept four days and four nights in a row, and on the fifth day he woke up so skinny that he had to tie his boots to his legs with twine so they wouldn’t slip off. They didn’t recognize him at the bakery where he always bought millet bread and they slipped him half-rye. The sanitary commission, making its rounds from apartment to apartment, set eyes on Kalugin and, deeming him unsanitary, ordered the co-op management to throw him out with the trash. Kalugin was folded in half and they threw him out, like trash.

Она: Вы любите пиво? Я: Нет, я больше люблю водку. Она: Я тоже люблю водку. Я: Вы любите водку? Как это хорошо! Я хотел бы когда-нибудь с вами вместе выпить. Она: И я тоже хотела бы выпить с вами водки. Я: Простите, можно вас спросить об одной вещи? Она (сильно покраснев): Конечно спрашивайте. Я: Хорошо, я спрошу вас. Вы верите в Бога? Она (удивленно): В Бога? Да, конечно. Я: А что вы скажете, если нам сейчас купить водки и пойти ко мне. Я живу тут рядом. Она (задорно): Ну что ж, я согласна! Я: Тогда идемте.

-Finns det någonting på jorden, som skulle kunna ha betydelse och som till och med skulle kunna förändra händelseförloppet inte bara på jorden utan också i andra världar? frågade jag min lärare. -Det finns det, svarade min lärare. -Och vad är då detta? frågade jag. -Det är..., började min lärare men tystnade plötsligt. Jag stod och väntade spänt på hans svar. Men han teg. Och jag stod och teg. Och han teg. Och jag stod och teg. Och han teg. Vi står bägge och tiger. O la la! Vi står bägge och tiger. O le le! Ja, ja, vi står bägge och tiger!