Connie Zweig Quotes

The Taoists realized that no single concept or value could be considered absolute or superior. If being useful is beneficial, the being useless is also beneficial. The ease with which such opposites may change places is depicted in a Taoist story about a farmer whose horse ran away. His neighbor commiserated only to be told, "Who knows what's good or bad?" It was true. The next day the horse returned, bringing with it a drove of wild horses it had befriended in its wanderings. The neighbor came over again, this time to congratulate the farmer on his windfall. He was met with the same observation: "Who knows what is good or bad?" True this time too; the next day the farmer's son tried to mount one of the wild horses and fell off, breaking his leg. Back came the neighbor, this time with more commiserations, only to encounter for the third time the same response, "Who knows what is good or bad?" And once again the farmer's point was well taken, for the following day soldiers came by commandeering for the army and because of his injury, the son was not drafted. According to the Taoists, yang and yin, light and shadow, useful and useless are all different aspects of the whole, and the minute we choose one side and block out the other, we upset nature's balance. If we are to be whole and follow the way of nature, we must pursue the difficult process of embracing the opposites.

The inner urge that sets us seeking is itself the thing we are looking for. Karlfried Graf Durckheim

In order to protect its own control and sovereignty the ego instinctively puts up a great resistance to the confrontation with the shadow; when it catches a glimpse of the shadow the ego most often reacts with an attempt to eliminate it. Our will is mobilized and we decide. "I just won't be that way any more!" Then comes the final shattering shock, when we discover that, in part at least, this is impossible no matter how we try. For the shadow represents energically charged autonomous patterns of feeling and behavior. Their energy cannot simply be stopped by an act of will. What is needed is rechanneling or transformation.

This being human is a guest-house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out

Hence no progress or growth is possible until the shadow is adequately confronted—and confronting means more than merely knowing about it. It is not until we have truly been shocked into seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we wish or hopefully assume we are, that we can take the first step toward individual reality.

To admit frankly, our capacity for evil hinges on our breaking through our pseudoinnocence. So long as we preserve our one-dimensional thinking, we can cover up our deeds by pleading innocent. This antediluvian escape from conscience is no longer possible. We are responsible for the effect of our actions, and we are also responsible for becoming as aware as we can of these effects.

The “central defect of evil,” says Scott Peck, “is not the sin but the refusal to acknowledge it.”1 What we cannot face will catch us from behind. When we gain the true strength to acknowledge our imperfect moral condition, we are no longer possessed by demons.

The shadow, when it is realized, is the source of renewal; the new and productive impulse cannot come from established values of the ego. When there is an impasse, and sterile time in our lives—despite an adequate ego development—we must look to the dark, hitherto unacceptable side which has been at our conscious disposal….This brings us to the fundamental fact that the shadow is the door to our individuality. In so far as the shadow renders us our first view of the unconscious part of our personality, it represents the first stage toward meeting the Self. There is, in fact, no access to the unconscious and to our own reality but through the shadow. Only when we realize that part of ourselves which we have not hitherto seen or preferred not to see can we proceed to question and find the sources from which it feeds and the basis on which it rests. Hence no progress or growth is possible until the shadow is adequately confronted and confronting means more than merely knowing about it. It is not until we have truly been shocked into seeing ourselves as we really are, instead of as we wish or hopefully assume we are, that we can take the first step toward individual reality.

the shadow is not necessarily always an opponent. In fact, he is exactly like any human being with whom one has to get along, sometimes by giving in, sometimes by resisting, sometimes by giving love—whatever the situation requires. The shadow becomes hostile only when he is ignored or misunderstood.

There are at least five effective pathways for traveling inward to gain insight into the composition of our shadow: (1) soliciting feedback from others as to how they perceive us; (2) uncovering the content of our projections; (3) examining our “slips” of tongue and behavior, and investigating what is really occurring when we are perceived other than we intended to be perceived; (4) considering our humor and our identifications; and (5) studying our dreams, daydreams, and fantasies.

our early personal histories and unmet emotional needs influence our adult spiritual quests and religious desires.

As Gandhi put it, “Those who say that religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion really means.

Eventually, she discovered that she could respect some of his traits without becoming him.

As Ram Dass puts it, “The ego is a tiny room. But the soul can merge into the One.

This is a key task of late life—to recognize early self-concepts and rejected parts, begin to repair them, and cultivate a broader, deeper sense of identity.

We should be as wary of psychologizing political events as we should be of politicizing psychological events.

Although at times it may be frustrating and even painful to hold the tension of your yearning rather than to submerge it, when you align with it you align with the force of evolution itself.

Spiritual Practices In Hindu myth, Hanuman, servant of the god Ram, tells Ram: “When I don’t know who I am, I serve you. When I know who I am, I am you.” Can you see the evolution of your soul through service? How can you be the change you long to see in the world?

Jung has pointed out that bitterness and wisdom form a pair of opposites. “Where there is bitterness, wisdom is lacking, and where wisdom is, there can be no bitterness.” Tears, sorrow, and disappointment are bitter, he says. But wisdom is the comforter in suffering.

we are betrayed in the very same close relationships where primal trust is possible. We can be truly betrayed only where we truly trust—by brothers, lovers, wives, husbands, not by enemies, not by strangers. The greater the love, the greater the betrayal. Trust has in it the seed of betrayal.

And this is what I mean by “aging from the inside out.” If we merely move around our internal furniture, redesigning our roles and maintaining high gear, we do not see through the ego’s charade. Instead, we permit it to continue its endless efforts at control. And this does not carry us deeper into our spiritual center, beyond ego.

Authentic grief is humbling; it causes the ego to face forces that are much greater than it can even imagine and it teaches us how to find gain in loss. With authentic grief, then, our profane wound becomes a sacred wound, permitting us to molt out of the cocoon into a wholly new life. Going through the wound like a gateway, we emerge transformed

Meditation also appears to slow age-related degeneration in our brains. Neurologist Eileen Luders at UCLA looked at the link between age and the volume of the brain’s white matter, which typically shrinks with age. She reported that this decrease was less prominent in meditators as compared to non-meditators. On average, the brains of long-term practitioners appeared to be seven and a half years younger at the age of fifty than the brains of non-meditators.

We all have the opportunity to radically reinvent and reimagine the process of aging for ourselves. And I don’t mean merely doing more or doing differently. I don’t use “reinvention” in the way that many experts do—from the outside in. That’s the topic of most books about aging. Rather, my emphasis is on the internal, less familiar terrain of soul—those subtle yearnings that appear in images and fantasies, the ways we respond or fear to respond to those messengers, and the symbolic meanings we glean from them. As we learn the psychological and spiritual practices in this book, we discover how to orient to our inner worlds, deepen our self-knowledge, and reimagine age for ourselves, eventually shifting from denial to awareness, from self-rejection to self-acceptance, from obligation to flow, from holding on to letting go, from distraction to presence. Even from role to soul. The result: a newfound freedom from the constraints of past roles and identities, an emerging sense of becoming who you were always meant to be, and a profound gratitude for the way that your life unfolded.

Recordemos el cuento del Príncipe y el Dragón. Un matrimonio anciano que desea tener un hijo consulta a una comadrona que les aconseja que antes de dormir arrojen bajo la cama el agua con el que han lavado los platos. A la mañana siguiente descubren bajo la cama una flor con dos capullos, uno blanco y otro negro, y los recogen a ambos. Al cabo de unos meses la comadrona vuelve a ser llama da para asistir al parto. Lo primero que aparece es una lagartija viscosa que la comadrona, con el beneplácito semiconsciente de la madre, arroja por la ventana. Unos instantes después nace un hijo robusto y hermoso al que todos aman. Tanta admiración despierta que llega a prometerse en matrimonio con la hija del rey. Mientras tanto, el Dragón también va creciendo en secreto añorando a su hermano y a su familia, a quienes roba para poder seguir vivo y mantenerse caliente. De este modo, el Dragón termina desarrollando un carácter agrio, malhumorado y rencoroso. Cuando, el día de la boda el príncipe sale del castillo, su carruaje debe detenerse súbitamente porque un gigantesco Dragón le corta el paso revelándole que es su hermano perdido hace tiempo y le pide que le encuentre una novia o, en caso contrario, jamás volverá a ver a su prometida. Entonces, comienza el difícil proceso -que durará varios años- de encontrar una mujer que esté dispuesta a pasar toda una noche con el Dragón en una habitación. El punto crítico del relato reside en la escena en la que el Dragón sale de la oscuridad, declara su procedencia y reclama una muchacha que sea capaz de «amarle» tal como es. Hasta ese momento el Dragón se ha visto condenado a vivir como un criminal y un descastado. Ahora no quiere renunciar a ser como es.

Recordemos el cuento del Príncipe y el Dragón. Un matrimonio anciano que desea tener un hijo consulta a una comadrona que les aconseja que antes de dormir arrojen bajo la cama el agua con la que han lavado los platos. A la mañana siguiente descubren bajo la cama una flor con dos capullos, uno blanco y otro negro, y los recogen a ambos. Al cabo de unos meses la comadrona vuelve a ser llamada para asistir al parto. Lo primero que aparece es una lagartija viscosa que la comadrona, con el beneplácito semiconsciente de la madre, arroja por la ventana. Unos instantes después nace un hijo robusto y hermoso al que todos aman. Tanta admiración despierta que llega a prometerse en matrimonio con la hija del rey. Mientras tanto, el Dragón también va creciendo en secreto añorando a su hermano y a su familia, a quienes roba para poder seguir vivo y mantenerse caliente. De este modo, el Dragón termina desarrollando un carácter agrio, malhumorado y rencoroso. Cuando, el día de la boda el príncipe sale del castillo, su carruaje debe detenerse súbitamente porque un gigantesco Dragón le corta el paso revelándole que es su hermano perdido hace tiempo y le pide que le encuentre una novia o, en caso contrario, jamás volverá a ver a su prometida. Entonces, comienza el difícil proceso -que durará varios años- de encontrar una mujer que esté dispuesta a pasar toda una noche con el Dragón en una habitación. El punto crítico del relato reside en la escena en la que el Dragón sale de la oscuridad, declara su procedencia y reclama una muchacha que sea capaz de «amarle» tal como es. Hasta ese momento el Dragón se ha visto condenado a vivir como un criminal y un descastado. Ahora no quiere renunciar a ser como es.

In therapy, Barbara did the slow, steady work of sorting through her father complex: She recognized how much she was like him and how much she disowned him. Eventually, she discovered that

discovered that she could respect some of his traits without becoming him. And she could be attracted to some

Pure Awareness Meditation This practice from Ram Dass helps us move our identification from the mind and the senses to identify with pure awareness. We can do it as beginners or as advanced

Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from

We are innocent, They are guilty. We tell the truth—inform. They lie—use propaganda. We only defend ourselves. They are aggressors. We have a defense department. They have a war department. Our missiles and weapons are designed to deter. Their weapons are designed for a first strike.

His neighbor commiserated only to be told, “Who knows what’s good or bad?” It was true. The next day the horse returned, bringing with it a drove of wild horses it had befriended in its wanderings. The neighbor came over again, this time to congratulate the farmer on his windfall. He was met with the same observation: “Who knows what is good or bad?” True this time too; the next day the farmer’s son tried to mount one of the wild horses and fell off, breaking his leg. Back came the neighbor, this time with more commiserations, only to encounter for the third time the same response, “Who knows what is good or bad?” And once again the farmer’s point was well taken, for the following day soldiers came by commandeering for the army and because of his injury, the son was not drafted.3

The sad truth is that man’s real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites—day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil. We are not even sure that one will prevail against the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. Life is a battleground. It always has been, and always will be; and if it were not so, existence would come to an end. C. G. JUNG

Any argument can be taken too far, of course, and end in oversimplification. There are those who would say that everything is projection and, therefore, that shadow-work in the inner world, taking responsibility for our own negative feelings, is all that we need do. However, we suggest that there are occasions for outrage that are real, valid reasons for negative feelings. Rape, murder, and genocide justify our rage and justify, too, social action that is liberated by that rage. In our personal relationships, the purpose of shadow-work is not to invalidate the inevitable negative thoughts and feelings that arise; rather, it seeks to shed light on what is projection, which we have a hand in creating and therefore in healing, and what is in the other person that is separate and may call forth a valid negative response.

Doing shadow-work means peering into the dark corners of our minds in which secret shames lie hidden and violent voices are silenced. Doing shadow-work means asking ourselves to examine closely and honestly what it is about a particular individual that irritates us or repels us; what it is about a racial or religious group that horrifies or captivates us; and what it is about a lover that charms us and leads us to idealize him or her. Doing shadow-work means making a gentleman’s agreement with one’s self to engage in an internal conversation that can, at some time down the road, result in an authentic self-acceptance and a real compassion for others.

the shift from role to soul. This phrase was coined by spiritual teacher Ram Dass, a Harvard psychologist who returned from India in the 1960s and became a renowned guide and bestselling author. He describes this shift in identity from the active roles that we have fulfilled during our lives to something deeper, something connected to a spiritual essence that has inherent value and does not depend on our productivity, accomplishments, or self-image. Ram Dass calls this spiritual essence loving awareness. Whether we call it soul, Spirit, Higher Self, or God, when we begin to identify with That, we begin to become who we really are. With this next stage of development, we can unearth the treasures of late life.

W. C. Fields, used to say: “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Only the devious manipulator cannot resist the opportunity to believe the illusion that he is in control, that he can get away with it.

With incest, a timeless taboo that lives in the collective body of humanity is broken. With incest, a household is cursed with a psychic affliction. With incest, a child’s natural erotic warmth and authentic openness turn cold and hidden as shame, like the original fig leaf, covers over a naked vulnerability.

For beginners, you can try mindfulness, guided visualization, transcendental meditation, centering prayer, or a mantra practice from any tradition, such as the Jewish Shema. These practices reduce negative thoughts and enhance concentration and a sense of self-control. Calming

Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small.

It belongs to the depth of the religious spirit to have felt forsaken, even by God.

A spiritual life can’t save you from shadow suffering.

I can only touch upon these things, but I hope that it at least gives you a taste and makes you realize that when you go deeply into the Christian tradition, whether it is your own or not, you will find all these things. They are there. But then you ask, “Why don’t we ever hear of it? Why hasn’t it been developed?” Well, it hasn’t been sufficiently developed yet. But you are there. You have your share to contribute. When you are through with your tradition, it must be different from what you found or else you have failed. It is your responsibility to make your religious tradition, whatever it may be, Christian or otherwise, more truly religious by the time you are through with it. That’s the great challenge we face.

The shadow hides in our secret shames. To uncover the feeling of shame is to discover an arrow pointing straight toward shadow material, toward sexual taboos, bodily defects, emotional regrets—perhaps toward that which we would not dare to do but would secretly love to do. When shameful feelings are tucked away from those we love or even from ourselves, the shadow remains in the dark, out of sight of loving eyes and therefore unavailable for healing. What private thoughts or feelings most embarrass you? What trait do you wish to be rid of? In what ways do you feel unacceptable, dirty, or shamefully different?

In late life, we can pose this question internally no matter what activity we are engaged in, whether we are quietly drinking a cup of tea, sitting in a noisy meeting, cooking a festive family dinner, or running a marathon. Our identity or self-sense at any moment can be rooted in ego or rooted in soul. It’s not what we’re doing but how we’re doing—our state of mind—that makes the difference.

Daniel Berrigan says: “Every step forward also digs the depths to which one can likewise go.” No longer shall we feel that virtues are to be gained merely by leaving behind vices; the distance up the ladder ethically is not to be defined in terms of what we have left behind. Otherwise goodness is no longer good but self-righteous pride in one’s own character. Evil also, if it is not balanced by capacities for good, becomes insipid, banal, gutless, and apathetic. Actually we become more sensitive to both good and evil each day; and this dialectic is essential for our creativity.

Life consists of achieving good not apart from evil but in spite of it.

The shadow cannot be eliminated. It is the ever-present dark brother or sister. Whenever we fail to see where it stands, there is likely to be trouble afoot. For then it is certain to be standing behind us. The adequate question therefore never is: Have I a shadow problem? Have I a negative side? But rather: Where does it happen to be right now? When we cannot see it, it is time to beware! And it is helpful to remember Jung’s formulation that a complex is not pathological per se. It becomes pathological only when we assume that we do not have it; because then it has us.

All too often, people who blame themselves for an absence of intimacy suffer with an intense longing for love and the fantasy that, if only

By re-creating the past, the shadow tries to help us to feel safe, cared for, and loved. It attempts to achieve these ends by re-creating with a lover the primordial unity we felt in early life with a parent. Then we unconsciously transfer responsibility for our survival from our parents to our partners. And we imagine that our partners will love us the way our parents never did, nurturing our deepest needs and fulfilling our deepest desires.

one day, the rejected parent, like the banished soul child, returns in the sound of our own heartbeat, announcing that it’s time for shadow-work. These are the first steps in re-mothering and re-fathering ourselves, separating out our identities from those of our parents, from our inner parents’ voices, and from the larger cultural and archetypal influences. Only then can we provide ourselves as adults with those essential qualities and authentic feelings that we may have missed as children and that will nourish our souls.

To set up what you like against what you dislike,” says the third Zen Patriarch Sengstan, “is the disease of the mind.

All bibles or sacred codes have been the causes of the following errors: That man has two real existing principles: a body & a soul. That energy, called evil, is alone from the body: & that reason, called good, is alone from the soul. That God will torment man in eternity for following his energies. But the following contraries to these are true: Man has no body distinct from his soul; for that called body is a portion of soul discerned by the five senses, the chief inlets of soul in this age. Energy is the only life, and is from the body; and reason is the bound or outward circumference of energy. Energy is eternal delight. WILLIAM BLAKE

, like the archetype of Peter Pan. But, he writes, “we are betrayed in the very same close relationships where primal trust is possible. We can be truly betrayed only where we truly trust—by brothers, lovers, wives, husbands, not by enemies, not by strangers. The greater the love, the greater the betrayal. Trust has in it the seed of betrayal.

MONEY SHADOWS: INHERITANCE, SELF-WORTH, AND GREEDINESS

Ruth, thirty, discovered this link between financial and emotional inheritance when her grandmother left her a large sum of cash.

Because much wealth is inherited, most self-worth is inherited as well, like a family sin. For many, to have financial worth is to have self-worth, regardless of the source of the money.