Compatible Partner Quotes

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I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a complete failure. But I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive. It's about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types. And then it's about being with a good person. A good person on his own, and a good person with you. Where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy. A good relationship is where things just work. They work because, whatever the list of qualities, whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together.
Deb Caletti (The Secret Life of Prince Charming)
The Romantic vision of marriage stresses the importance of finding the “right” person, which is taken to mean someone in sympathy with the raft of our interests and values. There is no such person over the long term. We are too varied and peculiar. There cannot be lasting congruence. The partner truly best suited to us is not the one who miraculously happens to share every taste but the one who can negotiate differences in taste with intelligence and good grace. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate dissimilarity that is the true marker of the “right” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.
Alain de Botton (The Course of Love)
Be flexible. Be compassionate. Rules can never cure insecurity. Integrity matters. Never try to script what your relationships will look like. Love is abundant. Compatibility matters. You cannot sacrifice your happiness for that of another. Own your own shit. Admit when you fuck up. Forgive when others fuck up. Don't try to find people to stuff into the empty spaces in your life; instead, make spaces for the people in your life. If you need a relationship to complete you, get a dog. It is almost impossible to be loving or compassionate when all you feel is fear of loss. Trust that your partners want to be with you, and that if given the freedom to do anything they please, they will choose to cherish and support you. Most relationship problems can be avoided by good partner selection. Nobody can give you security or self-esteem; you have to build that yourself.
Franklin Veaux (More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory)
Sometimes, a person isn’t looking to increase their lifestyle, status or ego when they fall in love. Sometimes, they just want that special someone that is just like them. The one person that truly understands how they suffer because they have gone through it too. They want to wake up beside someone that knows their trials intimately. They want a teammate that doesn’t say they get it, but someone who knows it, lived it and survived it. They have been looking for that person their entire life because they feel alone and misunderstood. They are tired of people telling them not to care about other people, when that is not who God designed them to be. The depth of their soul can’t be reached by their partner standing at the top looking down. They want to come home to their “own kind”--the person that has run the same dark corridors they have traveled in their mind. They want to build a life with someone that would never break their heart, push them away or give up on them. They don’t want the person that has to win. They want the rescuer that has been to the fearful boundaries of their heart, but knows the way back to life. When they meet this person they will never forget them because they will come into their life with all the fire they possess and never leave their soul.
Shannon L. Alder
Picture your ideal love relationship. Does it involve perfect compatibility—no disagreements, no compromises, no hard work? Please think again. In every relationship, issues arise. Try to see them from a growth mindset: Problems can be a vehicle for developing greater understanding and intimacy. Allow your partner to air his or her differences, listen carefully, and discuss them in a patient and caring manner. You may be surprised
Carol S. Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
We seem normal only to those who don't know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on an early dinner date would be; "And how are you crazy?" The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. Whenever casual relationships threaten to reveal our flaws, we blame our partners and call it a day. As for our friends, they don't care enough to do the hard work of enlightening us. One of the privileges of being on our own is therefore the sincere impression that we are really quite easy to live with. We make mistakes, too, because are so lonely. No one can be in an optimal state of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be wholly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to be appropriately picky; otherwise, we risk loving no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us that fate. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for. The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn't exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently - the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the "not overly wrong" person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition. Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not "normal." We should learn to accommodate ourselves to "wrongness", striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and our partners.
Alain de Botton
As a rabbi, I’ve spent long hours counseling people I’ve married, and in each case I like to talk with the couple about not only compatibility and love, but also their relationship with money. If you and your partner are not in the same financial mind-frame, then chances are your marriage won’t work. You can’t be an army of one when you are married. Financial problems are the number one cause of divorce.
Celso Cukierkorn (Secrets of Jewish Wealth Revealed!)
Such individuals marry on an infatuation binge without seriously considering character, compatibility, life goals, family desires, spiritual health, and other important concerns. Then when the infatuation fades and the relationship requires work, one or both partners suddenly discover that they were “mistaken.” This person must not be their soul mate after all; otherwise, it wouldn’t be so much work.
Gary L. Thomas (The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?)
Being "married for a mission" can revitalize a lot of marriages in which the partners think they suffer from a lack of compatibility; my suspicion is that many of these couples actually suffer from a lack of purpose.
Gary L. Thomas (A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is about More Than Just Staying Together?)
No matter your goal or level, I highly recommend finding a compatible training partner and a coach. They will hold you accountable on days when your motivation is low. A coach will help you work through challenges and make adjustments to your training program.
Shalane Flanagan (Rise and Run: Recipes, Rituals and Runs to Fuel Your Day: A Cookbook)
The choice of a partner is the single most important decision most people will ever make about their businesses. The essential elements of a successful partnership are: a good fit between the partners’ personalities, similar values, the ability to be a team player, compatible goals and clear expectations, and mutual trust and respect.
David Gage (The Partnership Charter)
We expect a great deal of each other - that our partner should be sexually appealing as well as a stable companion; an intellectual equal who will also be a good parent; someone with whom we are completely compatible, sharing a similar outlook, attitudes, values and pursuits who will remain solvent and never be boring - the perfect complement to how we imagine ourselves, or, more usually, would like to.
Kate Figes (Couples: The Truth)
I think people that are too similar... they don’t mix well. Are used to think soulmates were two of the same. Are used to think I was supposed to look for somebody that was just like me. I don’t believe in soulmates anymore and I’m not looking for anything. But if I did believe in them, I believe your soulmate with somebody who had all the things you didn’t, that needed all the things you had. Not somebody who’s suffering from the same stuff you are.
Taylor Jenkins Reid (Daisy Jones & The Six)
Kafuku hadn’t understood why she felt the need to sleep with other men. And he still didn’t. Their relationship as a married couple and as life partners had been excellent from the beginning. When time permitted, they talked with passion and honesty about a wide variety of subjects, and tried to trust one another. He had thought they were a most compatible pair, both spiritually and sexually. Others in their circle also regarded them as an ideal match
Haruki Murakami (Men Without Women)
The more I try to understand one very peculiar aspect of women, it seems clear to me that apart from the beauty or the sensuous state that women command over men, there is an inferiority, lesser known to the masses which is more of agony and pain - a resultant effort of the continuous mood swings and the frequent natural cycles that buoy them, it is in this state that women function and calibrate on this basis in selecting a life partner and not the usual histrionics that men take effort in pleasing them!” 
Ramana Pemmaraju
If love is to be defined as a genuine concern for the well-being of another person, then it must surely be deemed compatible with granting permission for an often harassed and rather browbeaten husband to step off the elevator on the eighteenth floor in order to enjoy ten minutes of rejuvenating cunnilingus with a near stranger. Otherwise it may seem that what we are dealing with is not really love at all but rather a kind of small-minded and hypocritical possessiveness, a desire to make one’s partner happy if, but only if, that happiness involves oneself.
Alain de Botton (The Course of Love)
Be flexible. Be compassionate. Rules can never cure insecurity. Integrity matters. Never try to script what your relationships will look like. Love is abundant. Compatibility matters. You cannot sacrifice your happiness for that of another. Own your own shit. Admit when you fuck up. Forgive when others fuck up. Don't try to find people to stuff into the empty spaces in your life; instead, make spaces for the people in your life. If you need a relationship to complete you, get a dog. It is almost impossible to be loving or compassionate when all you feel is fear of loss. Trust that your partners want to be with you, and that if given the freedom to do anything they please, they will choose to cherish and support you. Most relationship problems can be avoided by good partner selection. Nobody can give you security or self-esteem; you have to build that yourself. And if you remember nothing else from this book, remember this: Love more and be awesome.
Franklin Veaux (More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials))
breaking things off, convinced that our partner’s psychological issues are making things impossible, or that we’re not as compatible as we’d believed. Either of these might conceivably be true in certain cases; people are sometimes guilty of spectacularly bad choices in love, and in other domains as well. But more often, the real problem is just that the other person is one other person. In other words, the cause of your difficulties isn’t that your partner is especially flawed, or that the two of you are especially incompatible, but that you’re finally noticing all the ways in which your partner is (inevitably) finite, and thus deeply disappointing by comparison with the world of your fantasy, where the limiting rules of reality don’t apply. The point that Bergson made about the future—that it’s more appealing than the present because you get to indulge in all your hopes for it, even if they contradict each other—is no less true of fantasy romantic partners, who can easily exhibit a range of characteristics that simply couldn’t coexist in one person in the real world. It’s common, for example, to enter a relationship unconsciously hoping that your partner will provide both an unlimited sense of stability and an unlimited sense of excitement—and then, when that’s not what transpires, to assume that the problem is your partner and that these qualities might coexist in someone else, whom you should therefore set off to find. The reality is that the demands are contradictory. The qualities that make someone a dependable source of excitement are generally the opposite of those that make him or her a dependable source of stability. Seeking both in one real human isn’t much less absurd than dreaming of a partner who’s both six and five feet tall. And not only should you settle; ideally, you should settle in a way that makes it harder to back out, such as moving in together, or getting married, or having a child. The great irony of all our efforts to avoid facing finitude—to carry on believing that it might be possible not to have to choose between mutually exclusive options—is that when people finally do choose, in a relatively irreversible way, they’re usually much happier as a result.
Oliver Burkeman (Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals)
A little deeper was a fear of falling in love without reservation, of committing herself to someone who might then be snatched from her. Or simply leave her. But if you never really fall in love, you can never really miss it. (She did not dwell on this sentiment, dimly aware that it did not ring quite true.) Also, if she never really fell in love with someone, she could never really betray him, as in her heart of hearts she felt that her mother had betrayed her long-dead father. She still missed him terribly. With Ken it seemed to be different. Or had her expectations been gradually compromised over the years? Unlike many other men she could think of, when challenged or stressed Ken displayed a gentler, more compassionate side. His tendency to compromise and his skill in scientific politics were part of the accoutrements of his job; but underneath she felt she had glimpsed something solid. She respected him for the way he had integrated science into the whole of his life, and for the courageous support for science that he had tried to inculcate into two administrations. They had, as discreetly as possible, been staying together, more or less, in her small apartment at Argus. Their conversations were a joy, with ideas flying back and forth like shuttlecocks. Sometimes they responded to each other’s uncompleted thoughts with almost perfect foreknowledge. He was a considerate and inventive lover. And anyway, she liked his pheromones. She was sometimes amazed at what she was able to do and say in his presence, because of their love. She came to admire him so much that his love for her affected her own self-esteem: She liked herself better because of him. And since he clearly felt the same, there was a kind of infinite regress of love and respect underlying their relationship. At least, that was how she described it to herself. In the presence of so many of her friends, she had felt an undercurrent of loneliness. With Ken, it was gone. She was comfortable describing to him her reveries, snatches of memories, childhood embarrassments. And he was not merely interested but fascinated. He would question her for hours about her childhood. His questions were always direct, sometimes probing, but without exception gentle. She began to understand why lovers talk baby talk to one another. There was no other socially acceptable circumstance in which the children inside her were permitted to come out. If the one-year-old, the five-year-old, the twelve-year-old, and the twenty-year-old all find compatible personalities in the beloved, there is a real chance to keep all of these sub-personas happy. Love ends their long loneliness. Perhaps the depth of love can be calibrated by the number of different selves that are actively involved in a given relationship. With her previous partners, it seemed, at most one of these selves was able to find a compatible opposite number; the other personas were grumpy hangers-on.
Carl Sagan (Contact)
A third assumption: a commitment to monogamy is an admirable consequence of love, stemming from a deep-seated generosity and an intimate interest in the other’s flourishing and well-being. A call for monogamy is a sure indication that one partner has the other’s best interests at heart. To Rabih’s new way of thinking, it seems anything but kind or considerate to insist that a spouse return to his room alone to watch CNN and eat yet another club sandwich while perched on the edge of his bed, when he has perhaps only a few more decades of life left on the planet, an increasingly dishevelled physique, an at best intermittent track record with the opposite sex, and a young woman from California standing before him who sincerely wishes to remove her dress in his honour. If love is to be defined as a genuine concern for the well-being of another person, then it must surely be deemed compatible with granting permission for an often harassed and rather browbeaten husband to step off the elevator on the eighteenth floor, in order to enjoy ten minutes of rejuvenating cunnilingus with a near-stranger. Otherwise it may seem that what we are dealing with is not really love at all but rather a kind of small-minded and hypocritical possessiveness, a desire to make one’s partner happy if, but only if, that happiness involves oneself. It’s past midnight already, yet Rabih is just hitting his stride, knowing there might be objections but sidestepping them nimbly and, in the process, acquiring an ever more brittle sense of self-righteousness. A fourth assumption: monogamy is the natural state of love. A sane person can only ever want to love one other person. Monogamy is the bellwether of emotional health. Is there not, wonders Rabih, an infantile idealism in our wish to find everything in one other being – someone who will be simultaneously a best friend, a lover, a co-parent, a co-chauffeur and a business partner? What a recipe for disappointment and resentment in this notion, upon which millions of otherwise perfectly good marriages regularly founder. What could be more natural than to feel an occasional desire for another person? How can anyone be expected to grow up in hedonistic, liberated circles, experience the sweat and excitement of nightclubs and summer parks, listen to music full of longing and lust and then, immediately upon signing a piece of paper, renounce all outside sexual interest, not in the name of any particular god or higher commandment but merely from an unexplored supposition that it must be very wrong? Is there not instead something inhuman, indeed ‘wrong’, in failing to be tempted, in failing to realize just how short of time we all are and therefore with what urgent curiosity we should want to explore the unique fleshly individuality of more than one of our contemporaries? To moralize against adultery is to deny the legitimacy of a range of sensory high points – Rabih thinks of Lauren’s shoulder blades – in their own way just as worthy of reverence as more acceptable attractions such as the last moments of ‘Hey Jude’ or the ceilings of the Alhambra Palace. Isn’t the rejection of adulterous possibilities tantamount to an infidelity towards the richness of life itself? To turn the equation on its head: would it be rational to trust anyone who wasn’t, under certain circumstances, really pretty interested in being unfaithful?
Alain de Botton (The Course of Love)
Most of the people are nice to live with, but not to do business with!
Amit Kalantri
In a mindful relationship, the partners are together because they want to be. The single thing that determines the quality of that relationship is the two of them - their compatibility, theirs plans. If they are secure in that connection, everything else is irrelevant. Nobody can “steal” anybody away, nobody need worry about wandering attentions.   Jealousy
Simeon Lindstrom (When Life Gives You Lemons - Squeeze 'em Dry)
We must learn to judge potential partners by the content of their character and the compatibility of temperament and life purpose, not by the chemical reaction of hormones and physical attraction, and not by the superficial value system of the European.
Nana Kwaku Opare (Rule Book And User Guide For Healthy Living: Common Sense For Black Folks Who Are Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired)
Another significant factor in sexual attraction is scent. Th e other person’s smell— that is, his or her natural body scent mixed with the lingering smells of the day— plays a major role in drawing people together and finding optimal partners. Some people report that they know right away from his or her smell that a person is the one for them, and of course conversely some conclude that his or her body odor is a “deal-breaker.” (For a discussion of pheromones, see Chapter 3.) Psychologist Rachel Herz, author of the book Th e Scent of Desire: Discovering Our Enigmatic Sense of Smell (2007), states that “body odor is an external manifestation of the immune system and smells we think are attractive come from people who are most genetically compatible with us” (quoted in Svoboda, 2008). Interestingly, from what we discussed above about symmetry, men and women whose body odors are judged to be sexy by others are also more likely to have symmetrical faces. So, it seems that finding a person with a pleasing body odor is essential. People who want to find out their partners’ true scent can go fragrance-free for a few days. Th ey may worry about their own scent, and some people may indeed not like it, but there will always be persons who will be attracted to their natural body odor (Fisher, 2009; Herz, 2007; Martins et al. 2005; Moalem, 2009; Svoboda, 2009).
Bryan Strong (Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary America)
The astrological signs are divided into four elements: water, earth, air, and fire. the weather complement one another, interfere with one another, fight, or get together. Hence there's what we call love compatibility between the signs. And what signs belong to every element? Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces are fabricated from water; Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn, of the earth; Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius, of the air; and Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, fire. Look at the love compatibility between the signs and find out who would be your ideal partner
Love compatibility of zodiac signs
Conclusion: Adulthood at Last, Ready or Not We have seen in this chapter that the feeling of being in-between is a common part of being an emerging adult. Entering adulthood is no longer as definite and clear-cut as getting married. On the contrary, the road to young adulthood is circuitous, and the end of it usually does not come until the late twenties. Young people reach adulthood not because of a single event, but as a consequence of the gradual process of becoming self-sufficient and learning to stand alone. As they gradually take responsibility for themselves, make independent decisions, and pay their own way through life, the feeling grows in them that they have become adults. However, they view this achievement with mixed emotions. The independence of emerging adulthood is welcome, and they take pride in being able to take care of themselves without relying on their parents’ assistance. Nevertheless, the responsibilities of adulthood can be onerous and stressful, and emerging adults sometimes look back with nostalgia on a childhood and adolescence that seem easier in some ways than their lives now. Claims that most emerging adults experience a “quarterlife crisis”35 in their twenties may be exaggerated; life satisfaction and well-being go up from adolescence to emerging adulthood, for most people. But even if it is not exactly a “crisis,” emerging adulthood is experienced as a time of new and not always welcome responsibilities, a time of not just exhilarating independence and exploration but stress and anxiety as well. Despite the difficulties that come along with managing their own lives, most emerging adults look forward to a future they believe is filled with promise. Whether their lives now are moving along nicely or appear to be going nowhere, they almost unanimously believe that eventually they will be able to create for themselves the kind of life they want. They will find their soul mate, or at least a loving and compatible marriage partner. They will find that dream job, or at least a job that will be enjoyable and meaningful. Eventually this happy vision of the future will be tested against reality, and for many of them the result will be a jarring collision that will force them to readjust their expectations. But during emerging adulthood everything still seems possible. Nearly everyone still believes their dreams will prevail, whatever perils the world may hold for others. Are they too optimistic? Oh yes, at least from the perspective of their elders, who know all too well the likely fate of youthful dreams. Yet is important to understand their optimism as a source of strength, as a psychological resource they will need to draw upon during a stage of life that is often difficult. Given their high expectations for life, they are almost certain to fall short, but it is their self-belief that allows them to get up again after they have been knocked down, even multiple times. They may be optimistic, but the belief that they will ultimately succeed in their pursuit of happiness gives them the confidence and energy to make it through the stresses and uncertainty of the emerging adult years. NOTES Preface to the Second Edition 1.
Jeffrey Jensen Arnett (Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties)
Oh no. Warren Theodore Fordham the Fourth is the guy everyone in Saintsville decided I’d marry just because we dated for a year. I can’t even call him an ex-fiancé because he never asked me to marry him. It was just assumed. And I suppose outwardly we looked compatible enough. I was good, biddable life-partner material who needed a strong, capable man to take care of her
Nadia Lee (Mister Fake Fiance)
Being in a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship doesn’t require a soul mate. It’s more important that we be mentally, physically, and spiritually compatible with our partners, and that we learn
Tyler Henry (Between Two Worlds: Lessons from the Other Side)
The companion we choose before choosing our human companion is what will determine the outcome. We choose either the ego or spirit as our initial companion. Both will be campaigning for our vote. The ego uses every trick it knows. It seduces with talk of our deservedness. Then it ignites our fear that we are actually worthless and should do all we can to hide this fact. It is the mother of all liars and will try and terrify us into accepting its guidance. Spiritual love and the ego are not compatible mates. If one is winning, the other will be losing. There are irreconcilable differences.
Donna Goddard (Love's Longing)
Judge leaned back in the passenger seat of Michaels’ truck, content as could be. They’d stayed at the cabin an entire week, after Judge fully convinced Michaels’ Lieutenants that they needed the time together. They learned more of each other, physically, but especially emotionally. They were compatible on so many levels. Both men as simple as the days. Relationships were scary and took work, but Judge believed theirs would come easily. Why he’d had such negative thoughts in the beginning was a mystery to him. He knew Michaels loved him, really loved him. Nothing was guaranteed, life didn’t promise tomorrow. Michaels was a cop, he had a dangerous job, so Judge would have to learn to trust in his partner’s instincts and believe in him. Believe he knew what he was doing and he’d come home to him every night. They
A.E. Via (Don't Judge (Nothing Special, #4))
Karzai stands in relation to the Afghanistan War as Ngo Dinh Diem stands in relation to the Vietnam War: His credentials as a nationalist untainted by corruption but with a Western orientation made him in Washington’s eyes a seemingly ideal partner. In the 1950s, the Eisenhower administration had sought to use President Diem as its agent in creating a Republic of Vietnam compatible with U.S. national security interests. In the 2000s, the Bush administration sought to use Karzai for similar purposes. Much to their subsequent consternation, U.S. military and civilian officials soon enough discovered, as they had four decades earlier with Diem, that Karzai had a mind of his own.
Andrew J. Bacevich
A God-ordained life partner is compatible but suitable for your soul and purpose in life!
Sparkles A. Summers (Blissful Marital Ship: Inspirational Christian Dating for a Marriage Purpose - Preparations for Marriage)
attack can save your marriage. On the subject of compatibility, I often wonder sometimes, too, if maybe those seventeen years that separate me from Felipe work to our advantage. He always insists that he’s a far better partner to me now than he ever could have been to anybody twenty years ago, and I certainly appreciate (and need) his maturity. Or maybe we’re just extra careful with each other because the age difference stands as a reminder of our relationship’s innate mortality.
Elizabeth Gilbert (Committed: A Love Story)
If You Don’t Have a Partner If you are single but want to learn how to seduce a partner or really relax into and enjoy sex, you can learn and practice all of this on your own with a SomaticaⓇ coach. In individual sessions, the coach connects with you erotically and emotionally within boundaries, so that you can practice in real-time and receive clear, honest feedback. If you want to learn how to be a better lover, your coach will teach you a wide variety of Hottest Sexual Movies that will likely please a very broad spectrum of people you want to date. You will also learn how to offer a wide variety of erotic experiences while attuning to and reading your partner’s non-verbal cues. This way, you know which ones excite
Danielle Harel (Coming Together: Embracing your Core Desires for Sexual Fulfillment and Long-Term Compatibility)
One of the hardest things about givers is that they find it hard to receive. Sometimes we ask ourselves why good people are unlucky when it comes to relationships. It is because they give a lot and hardly receive. It is sometimes harder for givers to be compatible with their partners. They often give more, with no capacity to receive much. In the end, a man or woman feels like the giver is in control of the relationship, and nobody wants to be with a controller.
ThandazoPerfectKhumalo
It’s worth mentioning that obsessions often take the form of questions (OCD used to be known as the “doubting disease”), typically “what if” questions. Some examples include: ● “What if my partner loves me more than I love him/her?” ● “What if this is not the right person for me?” ● “What if I am stuck in the wrong relationship?” ● “What if I made a mistake in getting together with my partner?” ● “What if there’s some with whom I would be more compatible?” ● “What if I’m attracted to someone else?” ● “What if I am leading my partner on?” ● “What if I am secretly a cheater?” ● “What if I hurt my partner by staying together?” ● “What if my partner is not as smart as I am?” ● “What if that other person is more attractive than my partner?” ● “What if I am deluding myself and/or my partner?
Hugh and Sophia Evans (Is She the One? Living with ROCD When You’re Married: Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Why it Doesn’t Have to Wreak Havoc on Your Relationship)
common obsessions in ROCD are: ● Wondering if the relationship is “right” ● Wondering if one’s partner is “the one” ● Wondering if one is less “in love” than their partner ● Fearing not being really attracted to one’s partner ● Feeling anxious about whether or not there’s compatibility between the two ● Fearing that one might be missing out on someone better ● Worrying incessantly about hurting one’s partner by staying in the relationship ●        Fearing that they truly must want to be with another person if they find anybody else good-looking or attractive ● Fixating on perceived flaws or defects in one’s partner ● Worrying about one’s partner’s appearance, intelligence, and overall personality ● Comparing one’s partner to other people ● Feeling terrified of commitment and the possibility of a long-term relationship
Hugh and Sophia Evans (Is She the One? Living with ROCD When You’re Married: Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Why it Doesn’t Have to Wreak Havoc on Your Relationship)
You should totally write Valentine's Day cards. 'To my chemically compatible partner. Hope we enjoy a mutual interest together on this fine day.
Tellulah Darling (My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy, #1))
For long-term compatibility, INTPs need a partner who allows them to functional authentically as INTPs, including granting them sufficient freedom of action and expression. They seek a partner with similar intellectual interests and capacities, or what David Keirsey has called a “mindmate.” When paired with a mindmate, INTPs feel that, at any given moment, there is potential for a meaningful exploration of ideas with their partner. INTPs may be especially drawn to those with knowledge and interests overlapping with their own, making way for a sort of co-exploration of truth.
A.J. Drenth (The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning)
The next step is to start expressing your needs. Most anxious people easily fall into the trap that relationship books—and society at large—set for them. They feel that they are too demanding and needy and so they try to accommodate their partner’s need for distance and boundaries (if they’re involved with someone avoidant). It’s simply more socially acceptable to maintain a cool, self-sufficient façade. So they hide their wishes and mask their discontent. In actuality, you are missing out when you do so, because by expressing those needs you achieve two goals. First, you are being your authentic self, which has been found to contribute to our general feelings of happiness and fulfillment, and being happy and fulfilled is probably one of the most attractive traits you can offer a partner. Second and no less important, once you are your authentic self, if your partner is incapable of meeting your genuine needs, you can determine that early on. Not everyone has relationship needs compatible with your own, and that’s fine. Let them find someone else who wants to be kept at arm’s length, and you can go about finding someone who will make you happy.
Amir Levine (Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love)
Examples of ROCD’s manifestations include: - Wondering if one is truly compatible with one’s partner - Wondering if one might be missing out on a relationship with someone who they would be more compatible with - Wondering if one is leading one’s partner on - Wondering if one’s partner is more “in love” than oneself - Wondering if one is truly attracted to one’s partner - Perceiving mild negative feelings, such as irritation with one’s partner, as a sign that the relationship isn’t right - Comparing one’s relationship to those of one’s peers, or to those found in movies, TV, and books - Obsessively comparing one’s partner to other people - Nitpicking the personality or appearance of one’s partner, or questioning their intelligence There are of course many more manifestations, but this should provide a decent overview
Hugh and Sophia Evans (Is She the One? Living with ROCD When You’re Married: Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Why it Doesn’t Have to Wreak Havoc on Your Relationship)
Instead of fixating on discovering the perfect partner, concentrate on becoming the ideal partner yourself. By dedicating yourself to personal growth and improvement, you naturally align with the person who enters your life as a compatible match.
Dr. Lucas D. Shallua
I am often intrigued by the coupling between pet and human. What was it about this particular cat? Why a mouse and not a gerbil? What did this puppy do that stopped you in your tracks and made you say, “Come home with me”? Unlike choosing a human partner, pet owners aren’t usually set up by well-meaning friends. They haven’t filled out a detailed online survey that ascertains compatibility. Rather they rely on instant attraction and trust a gut feeling, an intangible instinct that more often then not ends up being exactly right.
Nick Trout (Love Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles)
British sociologist Anthony Giddens observed that part of the strain of modernity results from our becoming “disembedded” from the traditional institutions of church, neighborhood, marriage, community, and gender. In its stead has been left an intensely personal, day-to-day, moment-to-moment appraisal of the self: its moods, desires, thoughts, and aspirations. This self-appraising project requires constant monitoring. How much or how little to engage with others—with friends, with romantic partners? Do they satisfy our ambition of self-actualization? “Personal growth,” writes Giddens in Modernity and Self-Identity: Self and Society in the Late Modern Age, “depends on conquering emotional blocks and tensions that prevent us from understanding ourselves as we really are.” Social psychologist Eli Finkel’s observation of what is required for a successful marriage today also mirrors Giddens’s observation: “Success typically requires not only compatibility but also deep insight into each other’s core essence, the sort of insight that helps us know what type of support is most beneficial under which circumstances.” I say, ditto parenting adult children.
Joshua Coleman (Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict)
Revolutions begin with the mutual discovery of the ideologues and the Jacobins: the first happy to have discovered compatible souls, the second to have found flunkies. On accession to power, the first become apparatchiks, thrilled with their ability to control events. This brief phase culminates in their murder by their former partners. The ideologues, in their brief illusion of authority, are happy to invent new names for themselves (Citizen, Comrade) and for every other thing under the sun (his-her-we-they-them); they are let free to run through the big-box store of culture effacing and changing the labels, that is, controlling speech. The penalty for opposition, as we see, appears almost on the instant. First the expression of opinion is characterized as dissent, then is calumniated, and dissent (now called aggression) is reidentified as lack of active assent. Those seeking to avoid, first, discord, then censure and the loss of income, quickly find they have nowhere to hide and must choose active endorsement of ideas repulsive to them or blacklisting. After the inevitable Night of the Long Knives, the threat of blacklisting is upgraded to the certainty of imprisonment or death.
David Mamet (Recessional: The Death of Free Speech and the Cost of a Free Lunch)
Unless you want to bypass the whole issue and pop a pill (which many times doesn’t even work), it is essential that the sex you are having is arousing for you. A much more sustainable way is to figure out and communicate your Core Desires and guide your partner towards your Hottest Sexual Movie. Alex came to us complaining that he could not stay hard during sex with new women he would date. He would get really excited at the thought of having sex with them, however, when the time came, he was unable to get an erection. His biggest complaints were that the women he was dating were very passive. He had to make the first move, the second move, and on and on. It turned out the feeling he wanted to have was being seduced.
Danielle Harel (Coming Together: Embracing your Core Desires for Sexual Fulfillment and Long-Term Compatibility)
Shift from mediocrity to excellence. Mediocrity and Excellence are like jealous suitors fighting for a partner and competing to please him/her, to the extent they do all they can to reproduce in sets of twins. Mediocrity gives birth to Irrelevance and Obscurity, whilst Excellence breeds Relevance and Significance. These sets of twins cannot inhabit the same life, only one compatible pair can co-exist.
Archibald Marwizi (Making Success Deliberate)
Different kinds of books had different smells, too, from the cheap newspapery tang of an airport bookstore thriller, to the classy, sweet-gloss scent of a coffee-table tome. He allowed his mind to wander. Perhaps people choose books like they choose other people. Wasn’t there a theory that people chose their life partners, their husbands and wives, largely on smell? If you liked their smell, then your immune systems were compatible and your children would be healthier, or something like that.
Dan Eaton (The Secret Gospel)
Th growth mindset says all of these things can be developed. All- you, your partner, and the relationship - are capable of growth and change. In the fixed mindset, the ideal is instant, perfect, and perpetual compatibility. Like it was meant to be. Like riding off into the sunset. Like ‘they lived happily ever after.
Carol S. Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
It wasn’t enough. Not anymore. There had to be more to life than being put in the job that was most satisfying for you, living in the home that made you most comfortable, visiting the friends with whom you never fell out because it was impossible to disagree with them, marrying the partner who was totally compatible with you in every way, being happy in everything because happiness was compulsory. …
Ian McDonald (Out on Blue Six)
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If you already know that you don't want to make these changes, but you don't want to lose your partner, I really understand this dilemma. You've tried and tried to make it work, but it just keeps getting worse. In the heat of the moment judgements are hurled, ultimatums are made, insults are exchanged, trust and safety are eroded... it's a painful mess. In extreme cases such as these, it probably means you need to face the fact you and your partner are not compatible anymore.
Jessica Fern (Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships)