“
It's up to the artist to use language that can be understood, not hide it in some private code. Most of these jokers don't even want to use language you and I know or can learn . . . they would rather sneer at us and be smug, because we 'fail' to see what they are driving at. If indeed they are driving at anything--obscurity is usually the refuge of incompetence.
”
”
Robert A. Heinlein (Stranger in a Strange Land)
“
If communication cannot achieve consensus, we must live with the broken pieces of unfulfilled expectations and recognize the failure of dialogue, trust, and reciprocity. In the meantime, let us identify the cracks and breaches in the blurred mirror of the past and build a new canvas of hope and clarity. ("Poste Restante")
”
”
Erik Pevernagie
“
It's the strangest thing about being human: to know so much, to communicate so much, and yet always to fall so drastically short of clarity, to be, in the end, so isolate and inadequate. Even when people try to say things, they say them poorly or obliquely, or they outright lie, sometimes because they're lying to you, but as often because they're lying to themselves.
”
”
Claire Messud (The Woman Upstairs)
“
A story always sounds clear enough at a distance, but the nearer you get to the scene of events the vaguer it becomes.
”
”
George Orwell (Shooting an Elephant)
“
There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.
Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief - WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?
People don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it.
We are drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe. Their ability to make us feel like we belong, to make us feel special, safe and not alone is part of what gives them the ability to inspire us.
For values or guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. It’s not “integrity,” it’s “always do the right thing.” It’s not “innovation,” it’s “look at the problem from a different angle.” Articulating our values as verbs gives us a clear idea - we have a clear idea of how to act in any situation.
Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders—in that order.
Leading is not the same as being the leader. Being the leader means you hold the highest rank, either by earning it, good fortune or navigating internal politics. Leading, however, means that others willingly follow you—not because they have to, not because they are paid to, but because they want to.
You don’t hire for skills, you hire for attitude. You can always teach skills.
Great companies don’t hire skilled people and motivate them, they hire already motivated people and inspire them. People are either motivated or they are not. Unless you give motivated people something to believe in, something bigger than their job to work toward, they will motivate themselves to find a new job and you’ll be stuck with whoever’s left.
Trust is maintained when values and beliefs are actively managed. If companies do not actively work to keep clarity, discipline and consistency in balance, then trust starts to break down.
All organizations start with WHY, but only the great ones keep their WHY clear year after year.
”
”
Simon Sinek (Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action)
“
Once you can communicate with yourself, you'll be able to communicate outwardly with more clarity. The way in is the way out.
”
”
Thich Nhat Hanh (The Art of Communicating)
“
It's the strangest thing about being human: to know so much, to communicate so much, and yet always to fall so drastically short of clarity, to be, in the end, so isolate and inadequate.
”
”
Claire Messud (The Woman Upstairs)
“
God’s warriors don’t avoid conflict. They fight through it with communication and a positive outlook.
”
”
Shannon L. Alder
“
When you meet a dark angel don't you ever for one minute believe they are bad because they have faced the worst demons and lived to guide you through yours. It really isn't an easy job they have been asked to do, but then neither was standing on the front line during the war in heaven.
”
”
Shannon L. Alder
“
I've always admired people who give accurate directions, and the tribe is small.
”
”
Pat Conroy (South of Broad)
“
So what do you do when you are stuck?
The first thing I do when I am stuck is pray. But I’m not talking about a quick, Help me Lord, Sunday’s a comin’ prayer. When I get stuck I get up from my desk to head for my closet. Literally. If I‘m at the office I go over to a corner that I have deemed my closet away from home. I get on my knees and remind God that this was not my idea, it was His…
None of this is new information to God…
Then I ask God to show me if there is something He wants to say to prepare me for what He wants me to communicate to our congregation. I surrender my ideas, my outline and my topic. Then I just stay in that quiet place until God quiets my heart…
Many times I will have a breakthrough thought or idea that brings clarity to my message. . .
Like you, I am simply a mouthpiece. Getting stuck is one way God keeps me ever conscious of that fact.
”
”
Andy Stanley (Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication)
“
Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality, and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability, It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It's a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.
How much anger is too much? Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet. It is willful and disobedient. It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy. It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment. Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness. It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility. If it is poison, it is also the antidote. The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination. Angry women burn brighter than the sun.
In the coming years, we will hear, again, that anger is a destructive force, to be controlled. Watch carefully, because not everyone is asked to do this in equal measure. Women, especially, will be told to set our anger aside in favor of a kinder, gentler approach to change. This is a false juxtaposition. Reenvisioned, anger can be the most feminine of virtues: compassionate, fierce, wise, and powerful. The women I admire most—those who have looked to themselves and the limitations and adversities that come with our bodies and the expectations that come with them—have all found ways to transform their anger into meaningful change. In them, anger has moved from debilitation to liberation.
Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.
”
”
Soraya Chemaly (Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger)
“
The Five C's of Coaching:
1- Clarity
2- Communication
3- Collaboration
4- Commitment
5- Culture
”
”
Farshad Asl
“
Clarity of thought is a must for brevity in speech.
”
”
Somali K. Chakrabarti (Lei: A wreath for your soul)
“
The buyer is always tuned in to one radio station: WIIFM (What's In It For Me). The rest is filtered out as noise.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
Stories connect us at a human level that factual statements and logical arguments can't possibly match.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
She looked down a slope, needing to squint for the sunlight, onto a vast sprawl of houses which had grown up all together, like a well-tended crop, from the dull brown earth; and she thought of the time she’d opened a transistor radio to replace a battery and seen her first printed circuit. The ordered swirl of houses and streets, from this high angle, sprang at her now with the same unexpected, astonishing clarity as the circuit card had. Though she knew even less about radios than about Southern Californians, there were to both outward patterns a hieroglyphic sense of concealed meaning, of an intent to communicate. There’d seemed no limit to what the printed circuit could have told her (if she had tried to find out); so in her first minute of San Narciso, a revelation also trembled just past the threshold of her understanding.
”
”
Thomas Pynchon (The Crying of Lot 49)
“
When a person feels appreciated for their infinite and absolute value, you can then communicate about any issue and you will have their cooperation and respect.
”
”
Kimberly Giles (Choosing Clarity: The Path to Fearlessness)
“
Communication without clarity is noise. Speak with purpose and you’ll propel your audience to take massive action towards a journey of self-improvement.
”
”
Farshad Asl
“
Your audience is waiting for your stories. They have memory slots tailor-made to light up and remember you.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
Talk is only a pretext for other, subtler forms of communication. When the latter are inoperative speech becomes dead. If two people are intent upon communicating with one another it doesn’t matter in the least how bewildering the talk becomes. People who insist upon clarity and logic often fail in making themselves understood. They are always-searching for a more perfect transmitter, deluded by the supposition that the mind is the only instrument for the exchange of thought. When one really begin to talk one delivers himself. Words are thrown about recklessly, not counted like pennies. One doesn’t care about grammatical or factual errors, contradictions, lies and so on. One talks. If you are talking to some one who knows how to listen he understands perfectly, even though the words make no sense. When this kind of talk gets under way a marriage takes place, no matter whether you are talking to a man or a woman. Men talking with other men have as much need of this sort of marriage as women talking with women have. Married couples seldom enjoy this kind of talk, for reasons which are only too obvious.
”
”
Henry Miller (Sexus (The Rosy Crucifixion, #1))
“
Like the butterfly, you will also go through stages of change, rebirth, and new beginnings for transformation and renewal. Use these changes to create a clarity of purpose for a personal renaissance. Break out of your comfort zone, shed old layers, and stretch in your potential to become your best self. Be free of outdated limitations, experience rebirth and take flight.
”
”
Susan C. Young
“
Clarity trumps context.
”
”
A.D. Aliwat (In Limbo)
“
Well, there would be no sound
if we shout on the background.
”
”
Ana Claudia Antunes (The Tao of Physical and Spiritual)
“
Clarity is a sign of intellectual energy.
”
”
Phil Cooke (One Big Thing: Discovering What You Were Born to Do)
“
One of the greatest responsibilities of an organization’s leadership is to communicate with unwavering clarity the values on which the organization has been built.
”
”
Vern Dosch
“
Your network is the new professional safety net.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
The best speakers are voracious readers. Reading is like priming the pump. If we only rely on our own imagined creativity and genius, we will soon be out of material and out of work. Creativity is really at its peak when we are stimulated by the thoughts and work of others.
”
”
Ken Davis (Secrets of Dynamic Communications: Prepare with Focus, Deliver with Clarity, Speak with Power)
“
I love the alien in people, god I love the wildness, the wit, the lightning of the Other mind. A kind of sex-in-the-head, you know it's a rather Victorian affliction. Something to do with communication. I have had moments of communication with people, often totally unsuitable people, which had a truly unholy intensity... A sort of orgasmic meaningfulness and clarity, you know, all the old romantic stuff - two strangers stop and suddenly exchange glimpses of reality before moving on into the mists.
”
”
James Tiptree Jr.
“
Advertising is far more than just a communications industry. It's a problem-solving industry that also teaches you about life, how it encourages you to focus your thinking and produce something of genuine value. Why? Because that will make the advertising task so much easier. You're not equipped with a unique set of insights and experiences across a broad range of markets, allowing you to bring clarity and inspiration to anything you wish to produce.
”
”
John Hegarty (Hegarty on Advertising)
“
It’s the strangest thing about being human: to know so much, to communicate so much, and yet always to fall so drastically short of clarity, to be, in the end, so isolate and inadequate. Even when people try to say things, they say them poorly, or obliquely, or they outright lie, sometimes because they’re lying to you, but as often because they’re lying to themselves.
”
”
Claire Messud (The Woman Upstairs)
“
But you can see it, Harriet, a look in his eyes, an alertness, as if somewhere behind the disease, behind the scar tissue, behind the fog of disassociation, Bernard is all there, he's just lost his ability to communicate. Like somebody turned off his volume. You're certain he can see everything that is transpiring with crystal clarity, and he can't do a goddamn thing about it.
”
”
Jonathan Evison (This Is Your Life, Harriet Chance!)
“
Be clear! Be clear! Be clear!” Clarity does not come easily. When we train to be expositors, we probably spend three or four years in seminary. While that training prepares us to be theologians, it sometimes gets in our way as communicators. Theological jargon, abstract thinking, or scholars’ questions become part of the intellectual baggage that hinders preachers from speaking clearly to ordinary men and women.
”
”
Haddon W. Robinson (Biblical Preaching: The Development and Delivery of Expository Messages)
“
[George] Steiner makes two other points worth mentioning about the consequences of language abuse: as usable words are lost, experience becomes cruder and less communicable. And with the loss of the subtlety, clarity, and reliability of language, we become more vulnerable to crude exercises of power.
”
”
Marilyn Chandler McEntyre (Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies)
“
Having and authentic voice means that:
- We can openly share competence as well as problems and vulnerability.
- We can warm things up and calm them down.
- We can listen and ask questions that allow us to truly know the other person and to gather information about anything that may affect us.
- We can say what we think and feel, state differences, and allow the other person to do the same.
- We can define our values, convictions, principles, and priorities, and do our best to act in accordance with them.
- We can define what we feel entitled to in a relationship, and we can clarify the limits of what we will tolerate or accept in another’s behavior.
- We can leave (meaning that we can financially and emotionally support ourselves), if necessary.
”
”
Harriet Lerner (The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate)
“
He was becoming something the world had never seen before - a dream animal - living at least partially within a secret universe of his own creation and sharing that secret universe in his head with other, similar heads. Symbolic communication had begun. Man had escaped out of the eternal present of the animal world into a knowledge of past and future. The unseen gods, the powers behind the world of phenomenal appearance, began to stalk through his dreams.
”
”
Loren Eiseley
“
Proper pronunciation is essential for clarity in effective communication. By aiming to be clear in your speech, you'll build self-confidence and credibility.
”
”
Adriana Vandelinde
“
honesty + natural bond + laughter and joy + genuine mutual support + revitalizing interactions + authentic communication = empowering friendships
”
”
Yung Pueblo (Clarity & Connection (The Inward Trilogy))
“
Clear and honest communication will solve a plethora of problems in your life. Speak up.
”
”
Robin S. Baker
“
While active listening is crucial for optimal communication, we are faced with a dilemma which can perplex even the sincerest and engaged of individuals.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Being grounded in your lifelong culture and your personal perspective, you are comfortable with the way you see things and may believe it is the best and only way.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Create and communicate absolute clarity of purpose.
”
”
Omer Soker (The Future of Associations)
“
Clarity leads to attention and attention leads to results.
”
”
Henry Cloud (Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge)
“
One thought fixed upon the mind will be better than 50 thoughts flittering across the ear.
”
”
Charles Haddon Spurgeon (Lectures to My Students)
“
conflict worsens when two people fall into defensive reactions. then there is no real communication happening, only trauma arguing with trauma.
”
”
Yung Pueblo (Clarity & Connection (The Inward Trilogy))
“
base your relationship on clear communication and voluntary commitments, not expectations
”
”
Yung Pueblo (Clarity & Connection (The Inward Trilogy))
“
Nobody cares about you, your brand, or your company. You're irrelevant...until proven otherwise.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
A memory dart is your shorthand verbal business card. It is your identity implanted directly into the memory of your listener.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
What we offer needs to be a clear and obvious fit for our customers. We need to help others envision exactly what they're buying - in concrete terms.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
Many words do not compensate for less articulation.
”
”
Darrell Haemer
“
It is generally believed that nearly 40 percent of your first impression will be set from the tone of your voice. Your vocal thermometer can be more impactful than the actual words you use.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Think of the communication that takes place in your own life on a continuous basis—at home, at work, with friends, and beyond. When you actively listen to people, you enhance communication.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Active listening is not only a matter of making yourself available to hear someone talk, but it is showing the sender, physically, that you are receiving and understanding their message on all levels.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
If you want to appear more confident—speak slowly, articulately, clearly, and deliberately. Communicating with clarity will not only help you build more confidence in yourself, but it will inspire respect from others.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Being: 8 Ways to Optimize Your Presence & Essence for Positive Impact (The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #1))
“
Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.
”
”
Jim Rohn
“
control creates tension, but trust leaves space for individuality and opens the door to vulnerability. calm communication, clear commitments, and the willingness to support each other’s happiness make the union stronger.
”
”
Yung Pueblo (Clarity & Connection (The Inward Trilogy))
“
Authentic Leaders are not afraid to show emotion and vulnerability as they share in the challenges with their team. Developing a solid foundation of trust with open and honest communication is critical to authentic leadership.
”
”
Farshad Asl (The "No Excuses" Mindset: A Life of Purpose, Passion, and Clarity)
“
Our cultural lens is so much a part of us that we are not even aware of how obvious it is to others. Like the nose on your face, you may forget that it is there, but everyone else sees it. I can’t look at you and not see your nose.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
If you're going to err, err on the side of simplicity...assume that you have a very brief time to make an impression, and that you'll be allocated a tiny amount of memory space in overloaded and preoccupied brains of your audience.
”
”
Steve Woodruff (Clarity Wins: Get Heard. Get Referred.)
“
What crucial conversations need to be readdressed in your personal and professional relationships in order for you to gain peace, clarity, and resolution? Create the space in your life to readdress what needs to be given hope for healing.
”
”
Susan C. Young
“
Leaders instill courage in the hearts of those who follow. This rarely happens through words alone. It generally requires action. It goes back to what we said earlier: Somebody has to go first. By going first, the leader furnishes confidence to those who follow.
As a next generation leader, you will be called upon to go first. That will require courage. But in stepping out you will give the gift of courage to those who are watching.
What do I believe is impossible to do in my field, but if it could be done would fundamentally change my business?
What has been done is safe. But to attempt a solution to a problem that plagues an entire industry - in my case, the local church - requires courage.
Unsolved problems are gateways to the future. To those who have the courage to ask the question and the tenacity to hang on until they discover or create an answer belongs the future.
Don’t allow the many good opportunities to divert your attention from the one opportunity that has the greatest potential. Learn to say no. There will always be more opportunities than there is time to pursue them.
Leaders worth following are willing to face and embrace current reality regardless of how discouraging or embarrassing it might be.
It is impossible to generate sustained growth or progress if your plan for the future is not rooted in reality.
Be willing to face the truth regardless of how painful it might be. If fear causes you to retreat from your dreams, you will never give the world anything new.
it is impossible to lead without a dream. When leaders are no longer willing to dream, it is only a short time before followers are unwilling to follow.
Will I allow my fear to bind me to mediocrity?
Uncertainty is a permanent part of the leadership landscape. It never goes away.
Where there is no uncertainty, there is no longer the need for leadership. The greater the uncertainty, the greater the need for leadership. Your capacity as a leader will be determined by how well you learn to deal with uncertainty.
My enemy is not uncertainty. It is not even my responsibility to remove the uncertainty. It is my responsibility to bring clarity into the midst of the uncertainty.
As leaders we can afford to be uncertain, but we cannot afford to be unclear. People will follow you in spite of a few bad decisions. People will not follow you if you are unclear in your instruction. As a leader you must develop the elusive skill of leading confidently and purposefully onto uncertain terrain.
Next generation leaders must fear a lack of clarity more than a lack of accuracy. The individual in your organization who communicates the clearest vision will often be perceived as the leader. Clarity is perceived as leadership.
Uncertainty exposes a lack of knowledge. Pretending exposes a lack of character. Express your uncertainty with confidence.
You will never maximize your potential in any area without coaching. It is impossible.
Self-evaluation is helpful, but evaluation from someone else is essential. You need a leadership coach.
Great leaders are great learners. God, in His wisdom, has placed men and women around us with the experience and discernment we often lack.
Experience alone doesn’t make you better at anything. Evaluated experience is what enables you to improve your performance.
As a leader, what you don’t know can hurt you. What you don’t know about yourself can put a lid on your leadership. You owe it to yourself and to those who have chosen to follow you to open the doors to evaluation. Engage a coach.
Success doesn’t make anything of consequence easier. Success just raises the stakes. Success brings with it the unanticipated pressure of maintaining success. The more successful you are as a leader, the more difficult this becomes. There is far more pressure at the top of an organization than you might imagine.
”
”
Andy Stanley
“
There is a curious idea among unscientific men that in scientific writing there is a common plateau of perfectionism. Nothing could be more untrue. The reports of biologists are the measure, not of the science, but of the men themselves. There are as few scientific giants as any other kind. In some reports it is impossible, because of inept expression, to relate the descriptions to the living animals. In some papers collecting places are so mixed or ignored that the animals mentioned cannot be found at all. The same conditioning forces itself into specification as it does into any other kind of observation, and the same faults of carelessness will be found in scientific reports as in the witness chair of a criminal court. It has seemed sometimes that the little men in scientific work assumed the awe-fullness of a priesthood to hide their deficiencies, as the witch-doctor does with his stilts and high masks, as the priesthoods of all cults have, with secret or unfamiliar languages and symbols. It is usually found that only the little stuffy men object to what is called "popularization", by which they mean writing with a clarity understandable to one not familiar with the tricks and codes of the cult. We have not known a single great scientist who could not discourse freely and interestingly with a child. Can it be that the haters of clarity have nothing to say, have observed nothing, have no clear picture of even their own fields? A dull man seems to be a dull man no matter what his field, and of course it is the right of a dull scientist to protect himself with feathers and robes, emblems and degrees, as do other dull men who are potentates and grand imperial rulers of lodges of dull men.
”
”
John Steinbeck (The Log from the Sea of Cortez)
“
Communication is a form of currency. And how you choose to use it—the speed at which you understand things, your clarity of thought, and your ability to deliver a strong message, so the audience has no doubt who is leading the show—can boost or burn your business.
”
”
Ronnie Screwvala (DREAM WITH YOUR EYES OPEN: AN ENTREPRENEURIAL JOURNEY)
“
An ambivert navigates the introvert/extrovert spectrum with ease since they do not fit directly into either category. Since neither label applies to them, they are social chameleons who adapt to their environment to maximize their interaction and optimize their results.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
UN-Impressives
• Lying.
• Bragging.
• Gossiping.
• Cursing and using foul language.
• Making self-deprecating comments.
• Regularly expressing worry and anxiety.
• Criticizing and condemning people and situations.
• Demonstrating a lack of emotional intelligence or compassion.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Issues or fears of confrontation tend to showcase unhealthy and unprofessional communication. If you are trusting someone to tell you all the good, bad and ugly, but they only give you the good out of their fears and confrontational issues… the bad and the ugly can grow worse and worse quickly.
”
”
Loren Weisman
“
Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality, and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It's a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.
”
”
Soraya Chemaly (Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger)
“
Your encounters will be more successful when you slow down, pay attention, and become more mindfully aware of the world around you. Heightening your awareness in your social, situational, contextual, orientational, and cultural scenarios will improve your agility as you adapt to new social settings.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
Your thoughts become your attitudes, which become your actions, which become your behavior, which become your habits, which become your lifestyle, and inevitably determine your outcomes. Utilize this circular truth by using positive thoughts to create positive outcomes. It is a choice you get to make every day. Choose wisely.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
4 Steps for Understanding Each Other
1. Identify your beliefs and core values; ask how they determine your behaviors and habits.
2. Realize with whom you are interacting and try to identify how their values are explaining their behavior.
3. Assume positive intent.
4. Seek ways to adapt your behavior to help bridge the cultural gap.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
We will judge others based on their behaviors with little to no understanding or regard for their beliefs or values—standards we may not know, nor typically see. When we do this, things can be taken completely out of context because we are assessing their behavior against our expectations, which are produced from our own personal value system.
”
”
Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
“
In the United States and other Anglo-Saxon cultures, people are trained (mostly subconsciously) to communicate as literally and explicitly as possible. Good communication is all about clarity and explicitness, and accountability for accurate transmission of the message is placed firmly on the communicator: “If you don’t understand, it’s my fault.
”
”
Erin Meyer (The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business)
“
Ambiverts typically . . .
• Can process information both internally and externally. They need time to contemplate on their own, but consider the opinions and wisdom from people whom they trust when making a decision.
• Love to engage and interact enthusiastically with others, however, they also enjoy calm and profound communication.
• Seek to balance between their personal time and social time, they value each greatly.
• Are able to move from one situation to the next with confidence, flexibility, and anticipation.
“Not everyone is going to like us or understand us. And that is okay. It may have nothing to do with us personally; but rather more about who they are and how they relate to the world.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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For one, there is a heavy price just in terms of human dynamics. The fact is, motivation and cooperation deteriorate when there is a lack of purpose. You can train leaders in communication and teamwork and conduct 360 feedback reports until you are blue in the face, but if a team does not have clarity of goals and roles, problems will fester and multiply.
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Greg McKeown (Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less)
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To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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The Physical Language of Listening
Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . .
• Make eye contact.
• Nod your head; confirm.
• Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention.
• Lean forward.
• Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity.
• Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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What we feel and how we feel is far more important than what we think and how we think. Feeling is the stuff of which our consciousness is made, the atmosphere in which all our thinking and all our conduct is bathed. All the motives which govern and drive our lives are emotional. Love and hate, anger and fear, curiosity and joy are the springs of all that is most noble and most detestable in the history of men and nations.
The opening sentence of a sermon is an opportunity. A good introduction arrests me. It handcuffs me and drags me before the sermon, where I stand and hear a Word that makes me both tremble and rejoice. The best sermon introductions also engage the listener immediately. It’s a rare sermon, however, that suffers because of a good introduction.
Mysteries beg for answers. People’s natural curiosity will entice them to stay tuned until the puzzle is solved. Any sentence that points out incongruity, contradiction, paradox, or irony will do.
Talk about what people care about. Begin writing an introduction by asking, “Will my listeners care about this?” (Not, “Why should they care about this?”)
Stepping into the pulpit calmly and scanning the congregation to the count of five can have a remarkable effect on preacher and congregation alike. It is as if you are saying, “I’m about to preach the Word of God. I want all of you settled. I’m not going to begin, in fact, until I have your complete attention.”
No sermon is ready for preaching, not ready for writing out, until we can express its theme in a short, pregnant sentence as clear as crystal. The getting of that sentence is the hardest, most exacting, and most fruitful labor of study.
We tend to use generalities for compelling reasons. Specifics often take research and extra thought, precious commodities to a pastor. Generalities are safe. We can’t help but use generalities when we can’t remember details of a story or when we want anonymity for someone. Still, the more specific their language, the better speakers communicate.
I used to balk at spending a large amount of time on a story, because I wanted to get to the point. Now I realize the story gets the point across better than my declarative statements.
Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. Limits—that is, form—challenge the mind, forcing creativity.
Needless words weaken our offense. Listening to some speakers, you have to sift hundreds of gallons of water to get one speck of gold.
If the sermon is so complicated that it needs a summary, its problems run deeper than the conclusion. The last sentence of a sermon already has authority; when the last sentence is Scripture, this is even more true.
No matter what our tone or approach, we are wise to craft the conclusion carefully. In fact, given the crisis and opportunity that the conclusion presents—remember, it will likely be people’s lasting memory of the message—it’s probably a good practice to write out the conclusion, regardless of how much of the rest of the sermon is written.
It is you who preaches Christ. And you will preach Christ a little differently than any other preacher. Not to do so is to deny your God-given uniqueness.
Aim for clarity first. Beauty and eloquence should be added to make things even more clear, not more impressive.
I’ll have not praise nor time for those who suppose that writing comes by some divine gift, some madness, some overflow of feeling. I’m especially grim on Christians who enter the field blithely unprepared and literarily innocent of any hard work—as though the substance of their message forgives the failure of its form.
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Mark Galli (Preaching that Connects)
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Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time?
• Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say.
• We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions.
• Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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It's far more rewarding than hard. It's rewarding to set a goal and reach it. It's rewarding to know that you're communicating in a language that makes sense to others. It's rewarding to help someone understand something in a way they hadn't before. It's rewarding to see positive changes from the insights you gather. It's rewarding to know that something is good. It's rewarding to give the gifts of clarity, realistic expectations, and clear direction. It's rewarding to make this world a little clearer. It's rewarding to make sense of the messes you face.
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Abby Covert (How to Make Sense of Any Mess)
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UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener
• Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do.
• Allowing your emotional reactions to take over.
• Interrupting the person talking.
• Replying before you hear all the facts.
• Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.
• Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next.
• Getting defensive or being over-eager.
• One-upmanship—feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share.
• Imposing an unsolicited opinion.
• Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening.
These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . .
1. The Sensual Plane: You’re aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it.
2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel.
3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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Why It Matters: Clarity Reduces Friction AWeber conducted a study to determine what kinds of email subject lines performed best. They tested 20 subject lines, sent to a list of over 45,000 subscribers and found that clear subject lines out performed catchy ones by 366 percent. Overall, maintaining clarity is a good policy for any experience, and the principle holds true for confirmation emails from the subject line, to the CTAs and everything in between. Be clear with your new subscribers (potential customers) about how you’ll communicate with them, what they’ve subscribed to and what value you hope to add with your email communications.
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Anonymous
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Introverts typically . . .
• Process information internally. It is normal for them to continuously contemplate, generate, circulate, evaluate, question, and conclude.
• Are rejuvenated and energized by rest, relaxation, and down-time.
• Need time to process and adapt to a new situation or setting, otherwise it is draining.
• Tend to be practical, simple, and neutral in their clothing, furnishings, offices, and surroundings.
• Choose their friends carefully and focus on quality, not quantity. They enjoy the company of people who have similar interests and intellect.
• May resist change if they are not given enough notice to plan, prepare, and execute. Sudden change creates stress and overwhelm.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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DISTINCTIVENESS is the quality that causes a brand expression to stand out from competing messages. If it doesn’t stand out, the game is over. Distinctiveness often requires boldness, innovation, surprise, and clarity, not to mention courage on the part of the company. Is it clear enough and unique enough to pass the swap test? RELEVANCE asks whether a brand expression is appropriate for its goals. Does it pass the hand test? Does it grow naturally from the DNA of the brand? These are good questions, because it’s possible to be attention-getting without being relevant, like a girly calendar issued by an auto parts company. MEMORABILITY is the quality that allows people to recall the brand or brand expression when they need to. Testing for memorability is difficult, because memory proves itself over time. But testing can often reveal the presence of its drivers, such as emotion, surprise, distinctiveness, and relevance. EXTENDIBILITY measures how well a given brand expression will work across media, across cultural boundaries, and across message types. In other words, does it have legs? Can it be extended into a series if necessary? It’s surprisingly easy to create a one-off, single-use piece of communication that paints you into a corner. DEPTH is the ability to communicate with audiences on a number of levels. People, even those in the same brand tribe, connect to ideas in different ways. Some are drawn to information, others to style, and still others to emotion. There are many levels of depth, and skilled communicators are able to create connections at most of them.
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Marty Neumeier (The Brand Gap)
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14 Ways to Become an Incredible Listener
1. Be present and provide your undivided attention.
2. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
3. Listen attentively and respond appropriately.
4. Minimize or eliminate distractions.
5. Focus your attention and energy with singleness of purpose on what the other person is saying.
6. Quiet your mind and suspend your thoughts to make room in your head to hear what is said—in the moment!
7. Ask questions and demonstrate empathy.
8. Use your body language and nonverbal cues constructively and pay attention to theirs.
9. Follow the rhythm of their speech; hear their tone.
10. Repeat and summarize what you have heard them say to confirm understanding.
11. Be open-minded and non-defensive.
12. Respond rather than react.
13. Be respectful, calm, and positive.
14. Try to resolve conflicts, not win them.
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))
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have to give it, especially if that engagement seems emotionally charged. When you decide not to dignify an irrational communication with a response, it’s about preserving your personal dignity and mental clarity. Just because someone throws the ball doesn’t mean you have to catch it. Think of it this way: How would you feel if you sent someone an emotionally charged email but never received a response? You’d initially be confused. First, you’d double-check your Sent folder to make sure it went through. Then you’d start obsessing over the audible “ding” of your incoming messages, thinking it might be their response. Finally, you’d begin wondering if they even got your electronic tirade, somehow found a way to block your emails, or what else they might be doing that was more important than sending you a reply. In the end, you’d feel embarrassed, your pride deflated, and the fire you had to engage in keyboard karate would burn out. That’s the power of not reacting. When faced with a situation in which you’re being provoked, take a moment to let your emotions pass, and then ask yourself, “Do I really need to respond?” Assess the situation from a logical vantage point—rather than an emotional one—and base your decisions on what will ultimately benefit you in the long run. This mental strategy, however, isn’t solely for dealing with insults or slander. It’s just as effective when trying to handle people who constantly want your time and attention. Sometimes you simply don’t have it to give. Or giving it will distract you from things that are more important. When it comes to time allocation, it’s good to separate the signals from the noise. If everything in your life is important, then nothing is.
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Evy Poumpouras (Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly)
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A great lawyer listens first, speaks second, and always thinks strategically."
"Effective lawyering is less about winning arguments and more about crafting solutions that stand the test of justice."
"The power of a lawyer lies in their ability to turn complexity into clarity."
"A true lawyer is an advocate for the truth, not just for their client."
"Lawyering is the art of persuasion, guided by reason and grounded in integrity."
"A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows how to apply it wisely and ethically."
"The essence of lawyering is not just in knowing the law, but in understanding people."
"A lawyer's greatest skill is turning conflict into resolution with words that heal, not hurt."
"Lawyering requires the courage to stand firm in principle and the flexibility to adapt in practice."
"To be a lawyer is to be a guardian of justice, ensuring fairness prevails over power.
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Vorng Panha
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Leadership is about having clear & grand vision, taking initiatives, possessing courage to question the status quo, ability to set large goals, consistently inspire self & others towards those goals, being self motivated and capability to motivate others, being spirited & strong to surmount any obstacle on the path, humility & openness to listen and learn from others, strength to stand for what he believes is right, while being flexible enough to revisit & review his beliefs, ability to organize & shift paradigms of his own & others, ability to attract, retain, develop & work with bigger leaders than himself, ability to trust others & being trust worthy , to think big & not petty, being above self, kind & giving, ability to sacrifice for others and to be bereft of insecurities & suspicion, ability to take risks, learn from both success & failure, being able to forget & forgive mistakes and mishaps of others, being focused, patient & persistent, to possess an amazing ability to be simple & easy to understand, to communicate & express with clarity and above all, being human.
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Krishna Saagar
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Don’t Wait: Have All the Talks This is for single people and couples. Ask questions right from the beginning. Build a culture of open and direct communication from the start. This will make it easier to have these conversations years later—if you get there. But always ask, “What are you looking for?” Right from the beginning. And then check in with your partner about how the relationship is going for them. For some reason, people have developed intense anxiety and fear around being the one to have “the Talk.” Defining or redefining the relationship is actually an important factor of relational health. You’re not being too needy for wanting to make sure yours and your new partner’s goals are aligned. Rest assured, seeking clarity and alignment of goals doesn’t make you excessively demanding. On the contrary, it’s a crucial skill that reflects bravery, intellect, and emotional maturity. If your partner struggles to receive or respond to your communication, it’s important to remember that their difficulties are not a reflection of you. Their resistance is not a Stop sign or an indicator that you’re wrong or bad. It’s merely an expression of difference. Keep talking.
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Todd Baratz (How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind: Forget the Fairy Tale and Get Real)
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The message. This was the leap of faith Vittoria was still struggling to accept. Had God actually communicated with the camerlengo? Vittoria’s gut said no, and yet hers was the science of entanglement physics—the study of interconnectedness. She witnessed miraculous communications every day—twin sea-turtle eggs separated and placed in labs thousands of miles apart hatching at the same instant . . . acres of jellyfish pulsating in perfect rhythm as if of a single mind. There are invisible lines of communication everywhere, she thought. But between God and man? Vittoria wished her father were there to give her faith. He had once explained divine communication to her in scientific terms, and he had made her believe. She still remembered the day she had seen him praying and asked him, “Father, why do you bother to pray? God cannot answer you.” Leonardo Vetra had looked up from his meditations with a paternal smile. “My daughter the skeptic. So you don’t believe God speaks to man? Let me put it in your language.” He took a model of the human brain down from a shelf and set it in front of her. “As you probably know, Vittoria, human beings normally use a very small percentage of their brain power. However, if you put them in emotionally charged situations—like physical trauma, extreme joy or fear, deep meditation—all of a sudden their neurons start firing like crazy, resulting in massively enhanced mental clarity.” “So what?” Vittoria said. “Just because you think clearly doesn’t mean you talk to God.” “Aha!” Vetra exclaimed. “And yet remarkable solutions to seemingly impossible problems often occur in these moments of clarity. It’s what gurus call higher consciousness. Biologists call it altered states. Psychologists call it super-sentience.” He paused. “And Christians call it answered prayer.” Smiling broadly, he added, “Sometimes, divine revelation simply means adjusting your brain to hear what your heart already knows.” Now, as she dashed down, headlong into the dark, Vittoria sensed perhaps her father was right. Was it so hard to believe that the camerlengo’s trauma had put his mind in a state where he had simply “realized” the antimatter’s location? Each of us is a God, Buddha had said. Each of us knows all. We need only open our minds to hear our own wisdom.
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Dan Brown (Angels & Demons (Robert Langdon, #1))
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Speaking multiple languages equips you with effective communication skills, enabling you to express yourself with clarity, precision, and cultural sensitivity.
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Pep Talk Radio (LinguaVerse: A Journey through Language Realms)
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there is nothing wrong with knowing what your needs are in a relationship, but they are better met when they are clearly communicated and when they match up with what someone is willing to do for you out of their own desire to support you. when partners make commitments to each other of their own volition, they create space for harmony to flow abundantly in the relationship.
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Yung Pueblo (Clarity & Connection (The Inward Trilogy))
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seeing knowledge from the perspective of the one who has to communicate it to someone else.
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Peter Hollins (How to Teach Anything: Break Down Complex Topics and Explain with Clarity, While Keeping Engagement and Motivation (Learning how to Learn Book 5))
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Segment of Throat Center. Includes jaws, lower face and mouth. Positive aspects: All forms of energetic expression originate from the lower segments and are allowed to pass freely and fully. Lots of creative ideas and good communication skills, with their expressions unblocked. Can express how you feel, what you want and how you want things to be. Flexibility of voice, singing, shouting, laughing, moaning, facing, giggling. Negative: It can be restricted, even pushed back as much as water in a hose. We can swallow our power and pride, we can stifle our expression, we can "choke" our own words. By muffling self-expression in accordance with the wishes of our parents we may have learnt this. Physical Negative Aspects. Problems regarding exhaustion, digestion and weight. Tension of neck and head in the shoulders and the back. Very common colds, sore throats and infections. Center segment of visualization. 3rd Eye, 6th Chakra. Concentration, the mind and will's strong powers. Imagination, intuition, and perceptions that determine how you and the world around you see yourself. Your eyes are deep self-reflection. The subconscious mind gets imprinted with visions and symbols. Positive aspects: Clarity, vitality, sparkle, insight and the intimacy opportunity. Strong connection with one's self and inner guide. Spiritual open-mindedness. You are approaching a sacred sense. Negotiating. Achievement compulsive. Controlling behavior, denying reality, repetitive thinking and internal dialogues. Forgetting. One hides the partially closed eyes behind them. A tired, lifeless low-energy quality or partial commitment to a passionless cause; lack of direction. A distracted focus that represents a failed purpose. Physical negative aspects: problems with eyes and vision, headaches. Crown Center or (brow segment). Once you unlock, you feel the soul's seat and the world door; cosmic harmony. A vision, or purpose, and inner knowledge, shine forth. To fully realize its potential, this center needs energy from the breath and other centers. A continuous passage from the head to the toe. Aspects which are positive. Beyond this corporeal world into unbridled states of ecstasy. Link of something that is visible and invisible. Extremely clear. A deep sense of wholeness. Negative scores. Undeveloped sense of wholeness and a fundamental confidence. So much logic and analysis. Constantly active and distrustful of one's intuitive powers. Physical negative aspects: Unbalanced hemispheres in the brain. Thyroid, parathyroid, genital, and muscle ailments.
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Adrian Satyam (Energy Healing: 6 in 1: Medicine for Body, Mind and Spirit. An extraordinary guide to Chakra and Quantum Healing, Kundalini and Third Eye Awakening, Reiki and Meditation and Mindfulness.)
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Stop for a Moment One of the most basic and crucial things to do, which most people aren’t doing in conversations, is to PAUSE before replying. A short pause (2-5 seconds) after a person stops talking is a very smart and savvy thing to do. When you pause, you accomplish three goals at the same time. First of all, you avoid the risk of interrupting if the person is just taking a breath before continuing. The second benefit is that you show the other person that you’re taking careful consideration by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The last benefit is that you actually hear the other person better. The words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what they are really saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a great person to talk to. Ask for Clarification
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Ian Tuhovsky (Communication Skills Training: A Practical Guide to Improving Your Social Intelligence, Presentation, Persuasion and Public Speaking)
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being good at explaining is about learning skills but also about being sure to keep sharpening them. I still keep my lists of things to check to hand and hopefully this is one you can use too. 1. SIMPLICITY Is this the simplest way I can say this? 2. ESSENTIAL DETAIL What detail is essential to this explanation? 3. COMPLEXITY Are there elements of this subject I don’t understand? 4. EFFICIENCY Is this the most succinct way I can say this? 5. PRECISION Am I saying exactly what I want to communicate? 6. CONTEXT Why does this matter to the people I’m addressing? 7. NO DISTRACTIONS Are there verbal, written or visual distractions? 8. ENGAGING Are there moments when attention could waver? 9. USEFUL Have I answered the questions that people have? 10. CLARITY OF PURPOSE Above all else, what am I trying to explain?
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Ros Atkins (The Art of Explanation)
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In cross-cultural communication a further step must be taken, the Christian teacher must re-apply revealed absolutes to persons living in a culture that is not the teacher’s own. The demands of this task highlight the importance of his being clear on what is absolute in the biblical presentation of the will and work of God and what is a culturally-relative application of it. Engaging in the task may help him toward clarity at this point by making him more alert than before to the presence in Scripture of culturally-conditioned applications of truth, which have to be adjusted according to the cultural variable.
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R.C. Sproul (Explaining Biblical Inerrancy: The Chicago Statements on Biblical Inerrancy, Hermeneutics, and Application with Official ICBI Commentary)
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Principle: The more we are able to differentiate between our strategies and needs, the more clarity and choice we have.
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Oren Jay Sofer (Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication)
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PRACTICE: Letting Go and Meeting Your Needs Think of a situation in the last few weeks in which a need wasn’t met. For this exercise, it’s essential that you choose something that is low on the scale of difficulty in order to learn the skill of shifting your attention between the personal and universal aspects of a need. If you choose something that is too hard (think “water in the desert”), the emotional pain will likely hinder your learning. Identify a key need in the situation. Inquire, “What matters about this to me? What do I want?” Listen inwardly, and then ask again, “If I had that, then what would I have?” Keep asking until you feel a settled clarity about the need or value for which you long. Place your attention on the personal aspect of this need: the fact that it hasn’t been met. You can say silently to yourself, “My need for _________ wasn’t met.” Notice how it feels to experience the need as a lack, something personal and unfulfilled. Next, let go of the situation, the circumstances, and see if you can shift your attention to the need itself. Focus on the inherent value of this need as a universal aspect of being human. You can say silently to yourself, “I deeply value _________” or, “Just as I long for _________, so do all people need _________.” Can you sense the beauty and dignity of this need? Can you experience its fullness, independent of whether or not it is satisfied?
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Oren Jay Sofer (Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication)
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PRACTICE: Letting Go and Meeting Your Needs Think of a situation in the last few weeks in which a need wasn’t met. For this exercise, it’s essential that you choose something that is low on the scale of difficulty in order to learn the skill of shifting your attention between the personal and universal aspects of a need. If you choose something that is too hard (think “water in the desert”), the emotional pain will likely hinder your learning. Identify a key need in the situation. Inquire, “What matters about this to me? What do I want?” Listen inwardly, and then ask again, “If I had that, then what would I have?” Keep asking until you feel a settled clarity about the need or value for which you long. Place your attention on the personal aspect of this need: the fact that it hasn’t been met. You can say silently to yourself, “My need for _________ wasn’t met.” Notice how it feels to experience the need as a lack, something personal and unfulfilled. Next, let go of the situation, the circumstances, and see if you can shift your attention to the need itself. Focus on the inherent value of this need as a universal aspect of being human. You can say silently to yourself, “I deeply value _________” or, “Just as I long for _________, so do all people need _________.” Can you sense the beauty and dignity of this need? Can you experience its fullness, independent of whether or not it is satisfied? If you have trouble sensing the universal aspect of the need, try to remember (or imagine) a time when the need was met. Remember how it feels to have the need fulfilled. Then try to shift your attention to the universal aspect of this need as something you would want for all people.
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Oren Jay Sofer (Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication)