“
To avoid beautiful thoughts turning into suffering, she developed a method: when
something positive to do with Ralf Hart came into her head - and this could be the fire
and the wine, an idea she would like to discuss with him, or simply the pleasurable
longing involved in wanting to know when he would come back - Maria would stop what she was doing, smile up at the sky and give thanks for being alive and to be expecting nothing from the man she loved.
On the other hand, if her heart began to complain about his absence or about things she shouldn't have said while they were together,
she would say to herself:
'Oh, so you want to think about that, do you? All right, then, you do what you like, while I get on with more important things.'
She would continue to read or, if she was out, she would focus her attention on everything around her: colours, people, sounds - especially sounds, the sound of her own footsteps, of the pages turning, of cars, of fragments of conversations, and the unfortunate
thought would eventually go away.
”
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