“
Holmes," I said, reaching up to touch her hands, to fold them in mine.
"Do you forgive me?"
"You sound like you're making some kind of decision," I said, because she was scaring me a little.
"Do you?"
I paused, thinking. Not long ago, I'd wanted everything from her. For her to be my confidant, my general. My best and only friend. I wanted her to be the other half of me, like we together made a coin. She the king's head to my tails. I loved her like you would the person you'd always wanted to be, and in return I would have followed her anywhere, excused any action, fought to keep her hoisted high on her throne.
When that myth I'd made of her shattered, I didn't know what to do. This last year, any thought I had of her felt wrong. Skewed. How could I understand what had happened, when I had put up so many lenses between my experience of her and the girl herself?
Holmes wasn't a myth, or a king. She was a person. And to have a relationship with a person, you had to treat them like one.
"Can I forgive you a little now?" I asked. "And then a little more tomorrow, and the next day? If there is a next day?"
"Yes," she said, quickly, like it was more than she had asked for. Like I might take it back.
"Provided you don't blow anything up, of course."
"Yes."
"Or try to look in my ears again while I'm sleeping -"
"Yes," she said, laughing. That look on her face, always, like she was surprised to be laughing, like it was something involuntary and slightly shameful, like a sneeze.
”
”