Charlie Sheen Quotes

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

Dealing with jackasses on every front today. Good thing I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (Charlie Sheen Reference)

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

You can't process me with a normal brain.

I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.

You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.

Can't is the cancer of happen

It ain't a party til something gets broken.

You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning!

I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

Duh, Winning!!!! (hhahaha)

Four-year-olds are a cross between Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and Stephen Hawking: They don’t seem to learn from their mistakes, are highly unpredictable, but show sparks of pure genius.

I have Tiger Blood running through my vains.

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy!

I GOT TIGAR BLOOD

I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second, I’m not perfect, and bitching and just delivering the goods at every fucking turn. Because look what I’m dealing with, man — I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets.

Winning

Have you noticed how Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen look nothing alike, and yet they both manage to look exactly like their father, Martin?

I blinked and cured my brain.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, yeah, Charlie Sheen. (How long were you waiting for me to talk about him—be honest?)

Can't is the cancer of happening.

Winning!

The kids I see are lazy. Nobody wants to work. I teach physics. It takes years to master. But all the kids want to dress like Charlie Sheen and make a million dollars before they’re twenty-eight. The only way you can make that kind of money is in law, investment banking, Wall Street. Places where the game is paper profits, something for nothing. But that’s what the kids want to do, these days.

I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin rock star from Mars.

Win everywhere

And then I’d gone and spoiled everything like Charlie Sheen giving a prime time interview, or Elon Musk and Twitter, or Kanye West and . . . you know, every day since 2015.

As their hero, the corporate mafia is planning to do a movie on the life of Moammar Khadafy. They are reported to be considering Charlie Sheen in the lead role.

Best way to not get your heart broken, is pretend you don't have one.

And I too have been bamboozled by a tyrannical toddler with the ego of Charlie Sheen and the temper of The Hulk. I am constantly so derailed I think my "give a shit" is now permanently broken.

I’m glad I’m not homeless. That may sound as obvious as “I’m glad I don’t have herpes” or “I’m glad I’m not married to Charlie Sheen,” but I thought it every time I encountered a homeless person, some of whom, I knew, were vets like me.

she was a dreadful drunk. On a scale of one to Charlie Sheen, she was a solid Mel Gibson.

Why the fuck did I know what any of these terms meant, you might wonder? Because my soulless arse did Armani and Balmain campaigns to support a cocaine habit that made Charlie Sheen look like a Boy Scout.

That guy knows his way around firearms like Charlie Sheen knows drugs.

Like Charlie Sheen said, he didn’t pay them for sex, he paid them to go away.