Charlie Sheen Quotes

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

Dealing with jackasses on every front today. Good thing I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (Charlie Sheen Reference)

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

You can't process me with a normal brain.

I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.

You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.

Can't is the cancer of happen

It ain't a party til something gets broken.

I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning!

Four-year-olds are a cross between Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and Stephen Hawking: They don’t seem to learn from their mistakes, are highly unpredictable, but show sparks of pure genius.

Duh, Winning!!!! (hhahaha)

I have Tiger Blood running through my vains.

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy!

I GOT TIGAR BLOOD

I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second, I’m not perfect, and bitching and just delivering the goods at every fucking turn. Because look what I’m dealing with, man — I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets.

Winning

Have you noticed how Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen look nothing alike, and yet they both manage to look exactly like their father, Martin?

I blinked and cured my brain.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, yeah, Charlie Sheen. (How long were you waiting for me to talk about him—be honest?)

Can't is the cancer of happening.

Winning!

The kids I see are lazy. Nobody wants to work. I teach physics. It takes years to master. But all the kids want to dress like Charlie Sheen and make a million dollars before they’re twenty-eight. The only way you can make that kind of money is in law, investment banking, Wall Street. Places where the game is paper profits, something for nothing. But that’s what the kids want to do, these days.

I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin rock star from Mars.

Win everywhere

As their hero, the corporate mafia is planning to do a movie on the life of Moammar Khadafy. They are reported to be considering Charlie Sheen in the lead role.

And then I’d gone and spoiled everything like Charlie Sheen giving a prime time interview, or Elon Musk and Twitter, or Kanye West and . . . you know, every day since 2015.

Best way to not get your heart broken, is pretend you don't have one.

That guy knows his way around firearms like Charlie Sheen knows drugs.

Another young actor in Charlie’s class with me was a guy by the name of Martin Sheen. In one session Marty did a monologue from The Iceman Cometh, and he blew the roof off—I said, this is it, this is a great actor we are witnessing. He was the next James Dean as far as I was concerned. I got to be friends with Marty Sheen, and one day he said to me, “You know what my real name is, don’t you? Estevez.” He was half Spanish and he came from Ohio, out there in the Midwest, where he had a tough upbringing. He was one of ten kids in a working-class family that was always struggling for money. He had tenacity and grit and I could tell he was one of the best people I’d ever know, all grace and humility. I loved him. I still do. Marty Sheen moved in with me in the South Bronx so we could split the rent. We worked together at the Living Theatre in Greenwich Village, where we cleaned toilets and laid down rugs for the sets of the plays they put on.

And I too have been bamboozled by a tyrannical toddler with the ego of Charlie Sheen and the temper of The Hulk. I am constantly so derailed I think my "give a shit" is now permanently broken.

Why the fuck did I know what any of these terms meant, you might wonder? Because my soulless arse did Armani and Balmain campaigns to support a cocaine habit that made Charlie Sheen look like a Boy Scout.

I’m glad I’m not homeless. That may sound as obvious as “I’m glad I don’t have herpes” or “I’m glad I’m not married to Charlie Sheen,” but I thought it every time I encountered a homeless person, some of whom, I knew, were vets like me.

she was a dreadful drunk. On a scale of one to Charlie Sheen, she was a solid Mel Gibson.

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Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

Like Charlie Sheen said, he didn’t pay them for sex, he paid them to go away.

As for Charlie—God, to look at him. The billow of his hair, the sheen on his skin, the ear-to-ear grin. There is a loose joy on that handsome face that I haven’t seen in years, nothing like the controlled, competitive intensity he gets on the lacrosse pitch, or the mask of social ease he dons to act the alpha male around his friends. With a keen pang I suddenly understand what this sense of abandon must mean to him, and how rare such moments have been in Charlie’s safe, predictable, overscheduled existence, all managed and regimented by his hovering parents. It’s not only that Lorelei is a fearful mother, dedicated to warding off accidents and danger at all costs. I know it’s also me, the combination of avoidant and overinvested I bring to the parenting table, always compensating for my own insecurities of various sorts.