Charley Davidson Quotes

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

That took balls." "Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.

Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.

Genius has its limitations. Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.

I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt

I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)

IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER

I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?

DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE. IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE. —T-SHIRT

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?" I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.

You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either.

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt

How would you like your eggs?" I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?

WITH GREAT BREASTS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. —T-SHIRT

My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.” I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?” I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.

If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.--T-SHIRT

I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.

An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I WAS AN ATHEIST UNTIL I REALIZED I WAS GOD. —BUMPER STICKER

I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?

But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally." "And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson." Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken.

Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.

I know karate, and like two other Japanese words - T-SHIRT

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT

SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT

Never trust a man with a penis.

Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.

Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her.... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

Can I jump in your body and make out with my wife through you?” I fought a grin. “It doesn’t really work that way.” “Then can you just make out with my wife and pretend I’m in your body?” “No.” “I can pay. I have money.” “How much we talking?

Holy shit, are you positive?" "As a pregnancy test a month after prom.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you. (BUMPER STICKER)

Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.

She's like a hurricane on crystal meth.

If god is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. --BUMPER STICKER

A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.

There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt

Time to make today my bitch.

While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD.

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed. "Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass. "Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.

Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.

She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake.

Whoever is in charge of making sure I don’t do stupid shit is fired. —T-SHIRT

He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~

I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

No. This has to do with drugs." My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?" She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are." "I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

Oh, my. What a lovely shade of bitch you're wearing today. --T-SHIRT

...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.

A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted.

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.” “That’s strange.” “Why?” “Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.” “That is strange.

Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.” “You do have that effect on people.

He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.

Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker

On a scale of one to stepping on a LEGO, how much pain are you in?

My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie. I'm not good at cocking guns. Really? Did she not know me at all? I texted her back. You can do this. Learn the cock, Cookie. Know the cock. Be the cock.

I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.

What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.

Did you get checked out?” “Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.” “I meant by a doctor.” “No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine." “Oh, and he’s an expert?” “At flirting.

You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.

Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested

if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt)

guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.

I hardly loathe myself. Have you seen my ass?

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)

Make it quick," I said when I picked up. "Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly. Crap. "Men in black are at the office?" "Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy." Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?" After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone." After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.

Oh, my god!" I said, throwing my hands over my eyes and hurtling my body against the counter. "What?" "You're naked." "I'm not naked." "I'm blind." "You're not blind. I'm wearing pants." "Oh." That was embarrassing.

Is that what you think? That I follow you around to keep your ass out of trouble?" "If so, you're not very good at your job." A huge smile spread across his face. "True enough. So what's eating you? Because, sadly, it's not me.

I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you." He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone." "I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.

Hey, wait," I said, pulling back, "you are the son of Satan. Maybe we need a safe word." His grin morphed into something wickedly charming. "Okay, how about, 'Oh, my god, it's so big.'" Laughter burst out of me before I could stop it. Not that it wasn't. "That would be a safe phrase, but okay." I thought about it, then said, "How about 'Is that all you've got?

Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting down?" "Yes." "Two, are you mentally stable?" "More than you'll ever be." Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.

Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies." "I'm a good singer, mom." Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous. I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?" "No," she whispered. "Are you gonna tell her?" "No. It's much funnier this way.

Amber, you could never embarrass me." "Never?" she asked. "Never." "One time, I yelled across the store to Mom and asked her if she wanted the regular or the super-absorbent tampons. I added that, according to the box, the super-absorbent were for those heavy days. Then I asked her to rate her heaviness on a scale of one to ten." "Okay, you could." "Then while we were standing in line, I asked her why she was buying three boxes of Summer's Eve in the middle of winter." I set her at arm's length. "Wow." "I know, right? I had no idea a person could turn so red.

Reyes. Alexander. Farrow," I said. Seconds after I spoke his name, Reyes walked into his bedroom, and I looked across the open space directly from my room into his. He waited for me to continue. "I feel like there's something missing from my bedroom." A dimple appeared at the corner of his mouth. "You don't say." "Any idea what that might be?" He glanced around my room as well, then shrugged. "I can't imagine." "Oh, wait," I said, stepping from my room into his, "wasn't there something here? Like, I don't know, a wall or something?" He looked up. "You could be right. I do seem to remember a barrier of some kind here." "Yep," I said, stepping closer, "I definitely remember a partition separating our apartments." When his only response was a mischievous tilt of his full mouth, I asked, "Where did you put my wall?" He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against his doorframe. "What makes you think I took it?" "It was there this morning." "And that means I took it? Maybe you just misplaced it. Where exactly did you see it last?" I pressed my lips together. "You tore down my wall." The smile he wore could've charmed the panties off a nun. Completely unrepentant, he admitted, "I tore down your wall.