Becky Bailey Quotes

The beautiful stranger cuddled Cindy, and she rocked the chair slightly as she spoke softly to her. “Suicide is a problem, not a solution. Humans you love would be hurt deeply if you left them. Becky Johnson and her parents would be crushed. Your grandparents in Florida never

The beautiful stranger cuddled Cindy, and she rocked the chair slightly as she spoke softly to her. “Suicide is a problem, not a solution. Humans you love would be hurt deeply if you left them. Becky Johnson and her parents would be crushed. Your grandparents in Florida never forget to mention your name in their evening prayers. I have loved you before and since your first heartbeat. Your father loves you. He will be rightfully proud when I tell him about your brave attempt to protect Pretty Boy.” “You will speak to Daddy?” “I will.” “Please, may I know? Who are you?” “I am your guardian angel, Cindy.

Every conflict presents you with a choice. You can choose to view conflict as an opportunity to teach or as an opportunity to blame and punish.

Your sense of self-esteem does not come from how other people see you, but from how you see other people. If you choose to see what’s missing, lacking, and not good enough, you not only inhibit change from occurring, you also destroy your sense of your own value. Feeling powerless, you are primed to blame others for your discomfort.

What I offer to others, I give to myself.

Cooperation is directly related to the connection we feel with each other. The same is true with children: Strengthen the bond and increase the cooperative spirit. The four goals of I Love You Rituals are attainable for you and your child. You will optimize your child’s brain development, increase his or her learning potential, strengthen your family, and lay the foundation for your child’s emotional wellbeing.

The Power of Perception: No one can make you angry without your permission. The Power of Attention: What you focus on, you get more of. The Power of Free Will: The only person you can make change is yourself. The Power of Unity: Focus on connecting instead of trying to be special. The Power of Love: See the best in one another. The Power of Acceptance: This moment is as it is. The Power of Intention: Conflict is an opportunity to teach.

A school-age child has a huge list of developmental tasks to accomplish. The biggest one is learning the skills that she perceives she will need in adulthood. For some children, these skills are reading, writing, and math. For others, they are learning how to manipulate, con others, steal, or fight. A school-age child must learn from her own mistakes and decide for herself that “I am capable.” She must learn to listen in order to collect information and think logically. She must learn about rules and the consequences of breaking them. She must test her own ideas and values, and see that she can disagree with others and still be loved. School-age children grow in their ability to cooperate during the same years in which they contrast their abilities with those of others. They grapple with the concept of responsibility and strengthen their internal control mechanisms.

Children learn self-discipline in three stages. First, they find the limits by experimenting with them. Second, they retest their findings by repeatedly doing what they were told not to do. In this way, they test whether the limit is firm. If a child senses indecision, he will keep testing until he achieves clarity. To further solidify their findings, children may tease and provoke others, which gives them more information about what is permissible and what is not. Finally, children internalize the limits.

I Love You Rituals are designed to strengthen the bond between an adult and a child and, in turn, reestablish the child’s sense of security. This secure base then frees the child to explore the world with greater willingness and success. It also builds healthy ties between the adult and child, increasing the child’s willingness to be cooperative. Imagine that you are sitting on your couch at home with your spouse. Lately your relationship has been going very well—communication and connection are at an all-time high. If one of you were to get up and the other asked, “Honey, while you are up, would you get me a sandwich?” more than likely the answer would be, “Sure, what would you like?” Now pretend you are on the couch and the relationship is going poorly—so poorly that you wonder why this person is sitting on your couch. Suppose one person gets up and the other asks for something. The likely response would be, “Get it yourself; you have legs.” Cooperation is directly related to the connection we feel with each other. The same is true with children: Strengthen the bond and increase the cooperative spirit.

To help children who whine, add the I Love You Ritual called “Growing Up” (page 99) to your bedtime routine. If we meet the needs of our children on our terms, they have no need to demand attention inappropriately on their terms.

Blanket Volleyball Materials: A towel or baby blanket and a balloon or a soft ball. Preparation and Instructions: Hold two ends of the blanket and have the child hold the other two ends. The Game: Place a ball or balloon in the middle of the blanket. On a signal given by you, you and the child toss the ball into the air and catch it in the blanket. Use visual signals, such as “When I blink my eyes, it means go.” Use auditory signals, such as “1, 2, 3, go!” You may also say that the signal is a word, such as “alligator.” Then you would say, “Always, apple, alligator.” Auditory and word signals help the child learn to listen. To structure this game: Clearly state the goal of the game. “Our goal is to work together to toss the ball and catch it. We can count how many times we are able to do so. Clearly give a signal: “The signal to begin the game will be ‘ready, set, go.’” To ensure that the child waits for the signal and is successful, do not put the ball on the blanket until just before the signal to go.

Cotton Ball Blow Materials: Cotton balls and a table to play on. Preparation and Instructions: Sit across the table from the child, holding the child’s arms with your arms to outline the playing field. Place a cotton ball in the middle of the field. On your signal, both of you will begin to blow. The object of the game is for the child to blow the cotton ball over to your chest and for you to blow the cotton ball over to the child’s chest (or off the table, as the case may be). This is a great game to teach children how to observe the results of a game, instead of focusing only on winning or losing. Important Points to Remember: This is not a competition. The child may attempt to turn it into one. To structure the game to reduce or prevent competition, you may want to do the following: Begin the game by saying, “This game is called ‘Cotton Ball Blow.’ I will give a signal, and we will both blow the cotton ball to see where it goes. You will try to blow it over to me, and I will try to blow it over to you.” Tell the child the signal. “The signal will be ready, set, go. When I say ‘go,’ you and I will begin to blow.” Do not remove your hand from the cotton ball until you say go, so the child always begins on your signal and is successful. If the child comments, “I won, I won,” you can simply say, “You blew the cotton ball over to my side.” Verbally track the results of each blowing encounter. “You blew the cotton ball, and it hit our arms and flipped off the table.” The Big Crash Preparation and Instructions: Pick the child up and swing him or her in the air.

Those of us who enjoy tennis or other forms of play lose ourselves in the activity. In this flow of activity, we find a precious part of ourselves and feel rejuvenated. THE

allow the feelings to overflow and send them a silent blast of love. Now, how do you feel yourself? Probably warm and cozy. You offered your children love and security by wishing them well, and you yourself welled up with love.

Snuggle Time Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I hurry. Sometimes I fuss. And sometimes I worry. All is not lost. Everything is fine. I love you so much. Now it’s snuggle time! Preparation and Instructions: Each day, designate a “snuggle time.” This is a five-minute time-out from the hustle of life. The Game: To make a gentle transition from a busy time to a snuggle time, say the rhyme. This rhyme is the signal for both you and the child to locate each other and settle in together. Snuggle time is the time to hold each other, rock in a chair, or read a book.

We might believe these behaviors are part of the child’s genetic temperament. Temperament is a factor; however, brain research indicates that although nature provides the raw materials for brain development, nurture is the architect. How we interact with our children profoundly shapes their brains. We literally custom design our children’s brains. Many of the behaviors we see can be traced to the original bonding experience between children and their caregivers. As daunting as it may seem, there is hope. Just as children are forgiving, so, too, is the brain—especially in the early years. The brain can be shaped and reshaped by each new experience; like a house that gets dirty, a good cleaning is all it needs. I Love You Rituals are designed to strengthen the bond between an adult and a child and, in turn, reestablish the child’s sense of security. This secure base then frees the child to explore the world with greater willingness and success. It also builds healthy ties between the adult and child, increasing the child’s willingness to be cooperative.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream. Preparation and Instructions: Sit on the floor with your legs crossed. Have the child sit in your lap with his back to your front. Put your arms around the child, holding him snugly. The child is now sitting inside a wonderful, cozy “boat.” The Game: Rock side to side or back and forth as you sing the song. After you sing the song once, say to the child, “Oh, my gosh, a storm is coming. I have to hold you tight so you won’t fall out of the boat.” At this point, begin to roll around from side to side as if the boat were in stormy waters, holding the child closer and closer. Sing the song again in a loud, stormy voice. After you sing the song one time in stormy seas, say, “The storm is over, the sea is calm.” Return to your gentle rocking side to side and back and forth, singing the song once again in a calm, soothing voice. Variations: My grandfather used to play this game with me.* During the storm part, he would say, “Oh no, we have hit a rock. We are going down. I will save you.” Then he would lift me up and put me on his shoulders to save me from drowning in the sea. From here he would carry me to the dinner table or to bed. Snuggle Up Preparation and Instructions: A “safe place” is an alternative to time out.

One guiding truth about life is that what you offer to others, you strengthen within yourself.

In our hurried society, many are finding the mechanics of parenting all they can handle. The joy of parenting is lost. Parents are overwhelmed with the pressures of modern life.

when we offer criticism and blame. When we see what is lacking in others, what they are not doing, and what is wrong with the world, we simultaneously feel lacking.

Street gangs create rituals to fill the emptiness their members feel as a result of the lack of connection in their lives.

Think about watching your children play. They become so engrossed in their actions, you can’t get them to notice you or the call to supper. Pay attention to yourself when you play. For some of us, reading is play. We become deeply drawn into the story, easily staying up to 2:00 A.M., losing track of time.

We can create healthy rituals with our children, or they will form them with others as best they can.

Coffee increases the efficiency of dopamine, which is why some people feel sharper after that first cup.

Their choice to be cooperative is embedded in our relationship with them, not in our manipulative strategies.

The Power of Attention: What you focus on, you get more of. The Power of Love: See the best in one another. The Power of Acceptance: This moment is as it is. The Power of Perception: No one can make you angry without your permission. The Power of Intention: Conflict is an opportunity to teach. The Power of Free Will: The only person you can make change is yourself. The Power of Unity: Focus on connecting instead of trying to be “special.

Affirm to yourself, “What I offer to others, I give to myself.” Do this five times a day for at least one week. Put the saying on your refrigerator as a reminder.

Children who are happy see other children as possible friends. Children who are hurting see other children as competition for scarce resources.

To thrive in the world, we must learn to tolerate a level of uncertainty. Some children react to uncertainty with anxiety.

They teach children to focus on the result and ignore the process. Getting an A on a report card, not learning, is the goal.

Certainly, we can threaten someone into submission; however, you have probably met children who do not respond to threats, removal, loss of privileges, or other forms of control. No matter how much pressure we put on children to behave, it is ultimately their choice to submit their will to us.

Rewards reduce intrinsic motivation in children. In essence, they erase the work ethic.

Judging our children’s actions—” Aren’t you the best one-foot stander alive! Go show Grandma how good you are,”—is different from noticing: “Look at you; you have one foot up like this, and you are holding your hands out to your side.

If a baby sticks her tongue out or makes a noise with her lips, what does the adult do? We imitate; we notice. As the child gets older, noticing decreases and judging increases. An outgoing four year old who says, “Watch me!” is transformed into an anxious eight year old who asks, “Is this OK? Am I doing it right?

On Your Face On your face you have a nose. And way down here you have ten toes. Two eyes that blink, And a head to think. You have a chin and very near, You have two ears to help you hear. Arms go high and arms go low [Arms go low and arms go high] A great big hug to say hello [to say good-bye]. Preparation and Instructions: Sit in front of the child, either on the floor or in two chairs. Remember that your facial expressions need to be exaggerated and filled with delight. “On your face you have a nose.” Touch your child’s nose. “And way down here you have ten toes.” Starting with your hands on the child’s shoulders, slide down the child’s arms and then touch or point to the child’s toes. “Two eyes that blink,” Touch the child on the temples next to his or her eyes. “And a head to think.” With both your hands, gently cradle the sides of the child’s head. “You have a chin and very near,” Touch the child’s chin. “You have two ears to help you hear.” Touch both ear lobes and whisper something short into the child’s ear. Some suggestions are, “I like you,” “I am glad to see you,” “I love you,” “I’m glad you are my granddaughter.” “Arms go high and arms go low [Arms go low and arms go high].” Grasp the child’s wrists and hold the arms high over his or her head; then bring them back down (or vice versa if you are using the variant line).

Family Handshakes Preparation and Instructions: To begin the game, greet the child with a big smile, “Good morning,” and a handshake. The Game: As you hold the child’s hand, tell the child, “We are going to play a handshake game. After I shake your hand, I am going to add another movement to the handshake.” You may give the handshake and then raise your thumb (have the child raise his or her thumb also) and touch thumbs together. Repeat the two-part handshake. Then add another movement to your handshake, perhaps sliding the hands apart. Repeat the handshake: Shake hands, touch thumbs, and slide apart. By now the child will have an idea of the game. Ask the child to add the next movement to the handshake. It may be a high five. Repeat the handshake: Shake hands, touch thumbs, slide apart, and do a high five. Involve the whole family in creating a handshake. Each family member can add a movement. The handshake could then become a special family ritual for saying hello or good-bye. Variations: Instead of doing handshakes, play the game pinky hugs. The game begins with the adult interlocking his or her pinky finger with the pinky finger of the child and announcing, “This is a pinky hug.” Add different “hugs” to the pinky hug as you did in the handshake game. You can use elbow hugs, thumb hugs, and knee hugs. After you add each element, remember to repeat the entire series, always beginning with the pinky hug. My Hand Is Stuck Preparation and Instructions: This game begins by placing your hand on the child and saying, “My hand is stuck.

Greetings Preparation and Instructions: The goal of this game is to be delightful and silly. The Game: When the child arrives home from school, begin by shaking the child’s hand and saying, “It is wonderful to see you.” Then begin to get silly by shaking other body parts. Give a handshake to the child’s foot, commenting, “It is wonderful to meet you, Mr. [or Ms.] foot.” Shake the child’s elbow, knee, pinky finger, earlobe, hair, thumbs, and nose. Any body part will do.

Silly Me Preparation and Instructions: These are delightful interactions with a child that alter the normal sequence of events or offer the element of surprise. The following is but a brief list of possibilities. The type of silly interaction you create is limited only by your imagination. Be playful; see how many different silly interaction games you can create. The Game: Start with the following ideas and make up more. Put the child’s shoes on the wrong feet. Put the child’s shoe (or sock) on the child’s hand; then try to put it on the child’s elbow. Push the child’s nose (belly button, or another body part) and make a silly noise. Comb the child’s knee as if this were the natural and correct way to comb hair. Blow raspberries on the child’s hand, stomach, or other places. Name the noises by saying, “There is an elephant in your hand. See! Right there!” Then blow another raspberry. Blow three “elephant calls” and ask the child, “How many elephants did you hear?” Sometimes the raspberries sound more like ducks quacking. Use your imagination!

Jelly Bean Toes Preparation and Instructions: This is a wonderful game to play while taking off children’s shoes and socks. Sit with the child comfortably in front of you or in a chair. The Game: Grasp one of the child’s feet and begin to feel around inside the shoe. As you come to the toes, say, “I think there are jelly beans in here. I love jelly beans. Yum, Yum!” Proceed to take off the child’s shoes while you continue to talk about jelly beans and how you can’t wait to see them, taste them, and so on. After you get the shoes off, continue the same process with the socks. You may say, “Now I know they are jelly beans. But wait, they are moving. Maybe they are jumping beans instead of jelly beans.” Be sure your facial expressions are exaggerated. Pull off the socks and say with surprise and delight, “Well, they are toes! Wonderful, beautiful, perfect toes!” Pretend to nibble the “jelly beans.” Many children have sand or dirt in their shoes. You may use this time to brush and clean the feet. Yes and No Game Preparation and Instructions: This is a wonderful game to play with a child who is a bit grumpy.

Guess What I Am Writing [Drawing]? Preparation and Instructions: To start this game, have the child turn around so his or her back is available to you as “pretend paper.” The Game: Tell the child, “I am going to write [or draw, depending on the child’s age and reading level] something on your back. See if you can guess what I am writing [drawing].” Make sure that what you write or draw is easy for the child to guess. The goal of the game is to touch the child and enjoy one another. It is not to test the child on spelling or to put the child in a position where he or she may not be successful. You may want to write letters or numbers. In this case, tell the child, “I am going to write a letter on your back. See if you can guess what letter it is.” For younger children, you may want to draw a shape. End the game with a relaxing back rub.

Putting Lotion on the Hurts Materials: You will need a bottle of hand lotion, preferably a bottle with a pump spout. Preparation and Instructions: This is a wonderful game to play with children after they have experienced some pain—either physical, as after a fall off a bike, or emotional, as after the death of a pet. Search the child for boo-boos—old scars or new scratches. The size or intensity of the scar or sore is not relevant. The Game: Begin the game by saying, “I am going to put some lotion on all your hurts. I see one right here. I will be very careful.” Continue looking over the child’s body for hurts. If the hurt is old, lotion can be put directly on the scar. If the hurt is new, be careful to encircle the wound with lotion. Put some lotion on one finger and apply it gently. It is important that you repeat the message, “I will take care of you. No more hurts for you,” as you apply the lotion. Sometimes the child will help you find the sores. While you are putting lotion on one sore, the child is locating the next sore. If this happens, say, “There are so many hurts, and you want me to notice them all. I will find them. I will not forget. See this one here. I am putting lotion all around it.” Sometimes a child will tell you stories of how he or she was hurt. It is important to listen to the child. Variations: A variation of this game is played with Band-Aids. You begin the game with at least two. Ask the child, “Where do these go?” The child will direct you to the spot where the Band-Aid should be placed. If it is a sore, speak to it, saying, “I am glad I found you. This Band-Aid is for you.

Tell Me When I Am at the End Materials: A bottle of hand lotion. Preparation and Instructions: This is a wonderful game to play by itself or in conjunction with the previous activity: putting lotion on the hurts. It is also a delightful way to put sunscreen on a child. The Game: Begin the game by putting lotion on your hands and then rubbing it on the child’s hand and arm. Beginning close to the elbow or shoulder, encircle the child’s arm and slowly pull your hands down the arm in a massaging fashion. Say to the child, “Tell me when I get to the end.” Slowly move down the arm to the hand and down the fingers until you get to the end of the longest finger, occasionally saying, “Am I at the end yet?” You may have to cue the child several times by saying, “Am I at the end yet?” If the child misses the end, simply state, “There it is. I found the end.” Variations: Do the same activity on the child’s legs.

Find the Stickers Materials: Use commercially bought stickers. Children love stickers, which make wonderful, surprise gifts. Preparation and Instructions: Before you see the child, take four or five of the stickers and hide them on your head. At the beginning, make sure the stickers can be easily found. You may want to put one sticker on each earlobe, like earrings, and one sticker on your forehead, under your hair if possible. Be creative! The Game: Begin the game by saying to the child, “I have hidden four stickers on my face. See if you can find them.” As the child begins to look for them, use the skill of tracking. (Tracking is simply saying out loud what the child is doing. It is similar to the radio announcer at a ball game. You may say, “You are looking over by my ears, Aha! You found one. Now you are taking it off very gently and handing it to me.”) As the child hands you the stickers, put one sticker on each finger of one hand as a holding place. From this holding place you are ready to play the game again or to play a variation of the game. Variations: Once the child has located all the stickers, you can begin to play the “sticker-swap game” by saying, “I am going to take this sticker off my thumb and put it on my chin.” You proceed to do so. Then tell the child, “Take the sticker off my chin and put it on your nose.” From this point, you begin a turn-taking game in which you remove the sticker from the child’s face and place it on your face. The child then removes the sticker from your face and puts it on his or her face. Each movement of the sticker is noted out loud. You speak for yourself and for the child, unless the child catches on and begins to speak for himself or herself. Your observations may sound like this: “I am going to take the sticker off your chin and put it on my nose. Now you are taking it off my nose and putting it on your [wait for the child’s selection] ear.” Find

Held in My Arms Preparation and Instructions: This activity is both an interaction and a song. Sing the song to the tune of “Rock-a-Bye Baby.” The Game: While holding your child in your arms, sing the following song: Rock-a-bye baby Held in my arms. Having you near me, I see your charms. When things seem scary, I’ll hold you tight, And whisper, “I love you” all through the night. Variations: Make up different verses. Substitute your child’s name for the word “baby.” Sometimes the song can be serious, and sometimes it can be silly. Have your child help you find rhyming words.

Since what you give to others, you strengthen in yourself, they are gifts you can give yourself.

The bond between parent and child is the child’s primary source of emotional health. It gives your child the capacity to have satisfying relationships the rest of his or her life.