Anxiety And Panic Attacks Quotes

No amount of me trying to explain myself was doing any good. I didn't even know what was going on inside of me, so how could I have explained it to them?

Panic attacks are a lot like being drunk in some ways, you lose self-control. You cry for seemingly no reason. You deal with the hangover long into the next day.

in my experience, the words “now just calm down” almost inevitably have the opposite effect on the person you are speaking to.

Today I wore a pair of faded old jeans and a plain grey baggy shirt. I hadn't even taken a shower, and I did not put on an ounce of makeup. I grabbed a worn out black oversized jacket to cover myself with even though it is warm outside. I have made conscious decisions lately to look like less of what I felt a male would want to see. I want to disappear.

Certain temperaments respond to anxiety by pulling inward. Their instincts tell them ' Don't go out to meet the world - you'll have a panic attack. Inside is where safety is.

The sky was so blue I couldn’t look at it because it made me sad, swelling tears in my eyes and they dripped quietly on the floor as I got on with my day. I tried to keep my focus, ticked off the to-do list, did my chores. Packed orders, wrote emails, paid bills and rewrote stories, but the panic kept growing, exploding in my chest. Tears falling on the desk tick tick tick me not making a sound and some days I just don't know what to do. Where to go or who to see and I try to be gentle, soft and kind, but anxiety eats you up and I just want to be fine.

Intimidated, old traumas triggered, and fearing for my safety, I did what I felt I needed to do.

And then it happens. The panic. It's slow at first, creeping through the cracks in my thoughts until everything starts to feel heavy. It builds; it becomes something physical that clutches at my insides and squeezes out the air and the blood.

Watching someone have a panic attack was like looking in the eyes of someone trapped behind glass, drowning right in front of you.

Many women latch onto language from popular psychology, such as "panic attack," when often they are instead experiencing sensory overwhelm.

Here are three separate but similar things: shyness, introversion and social anxiety. You can have one, two or all three of these things simultaneously. A lot of the time people thing they're all the same thing, but that's just not true. Extroverts can be shy, introverts can be bold, and a condition like anxiety can strike whatever kind of social animal you are. Lots of people are shy. Shy is normal. A bit of anxiety is normal. Throw the two together, add some brain-signal error - a NO ENTRY sign on the neural highway from my brain to my mouth perhaps, though no one really knows - and you have me.

It is not a single crime when a child is photographed while sexually assaulted (raped.) It is a life time crime that should have life time punishments attached to it. If the surviving child is, more often than not, going to suffer for life for the crime(s) committed against them, shouldn't the pedophiles suffer just as long? If it often takes decades for survivors to come to terms with exactly how much damage was caused to them, why are there time limits for prosecution?

Being stress and anxiety free is a human preset, I just show you how to 'flick the switch' to off. Permanent stress and anxiety recovery is possible quickly and simply despite what many are told.

Panic attacks are crazy beasts. They don’t care what you think you’re ready for. They don’t care what you want. They just take control, and then you suffer.

Ever been in a spelling bee as a kid? That snowy second after the announcement of the word as you sift your brain to see if you can spell it? It was like that, the blank panic.

I tried deep breathing, but seemed to lose contact with myself between each breath, so that the next one was always an emergency. I began to feel faint.

No one had ever wanted me. And for some reason I didn't even want me anymore. I wished I could have stepped out of my body and given it back, like you do with a shirt that doesn't fit properly.

The story of my birth that my mother told me went like this: "When you were coming out I wasn't ready yet and neither was the nurse. The nurse tried to push you back in, but I shit on the table and when you came out, you landed in my shit." If there ever was a way to sum things up, the story of my birth was it.

God, the only thing worse than having a panic attack was trying to have one in secret while someone else was watching.

John was still making comments regarding violent things that he shouldn't, but I hoped he was just being a big mouth. Nobody was going to listen to me anyway.

One aspect of DID is the PTSD suffered by some of the alters. PTSD is similar to Panic Attacks in that once turned on, the anxiety is fed into a vicious cycle.

I started crying because this would all disappear including me and no one seemed to realise it. Did no one feel what I was feeling.

If only you could command your brain to actually do that. It would be cool to have some kind of remote control to switch off your thoughts. Thoughts off, Siri. Or, more positive thoughts, Siri. Forget about this thought, Siri. if only.

He told me that if I hung up, he'd do it. He would commit suicide. He told me that if I called the cops he would kill every single one of them and I knew that he had the potential and the means to do it

The worst part about anxiety attacks, is that you’re aware it’s irrational and sometimes unexplainable, but knowing that gives no aid what so ever. In most cases, it deepens the anxiety as you realise “if I know it’s irrational, why can’t I stop it… Oh god I can’t stop it” you begin to believe you are no longer in control of your mind. That. That is fear.

I ’ve often felt separate from other human beings. I have my moments of togetherness with others; I love all sentient beings with my heart and am wildly fortunate to have friends I can talk to, share joy and despair with; we loyally have each other’s back. I wordlessly communicate with other musicians, sometimes plumbing great depths. But I’m awkward with other people, sometimes even my closest friends. My mind wanders, seeing others hold hands in a circle, from my separate place. My earliest memories are rooted in an underlying sense that something’s wrong with me, that everyone else is clued into a group consciousness from which I’m excluded. Like something in me is broken. As time passes I become more comfortable with this strange sense of being apart, but it never leaves, and on occasion, I go through phases of intense and debilitating anxiety. Gnarly fucking panic attacks. Perhaps it is a form of self-loathing, that I’m often unable to find comfort in community. Am I the only one who’s fucked up like this? Can I get a witness?

The temptation to worry is also the invitation to pray. You must choose the later if God is your Master.

When you’re very anxious, you end up trapped in your head all the time— the prison without walls. Your

It's okay to panic. It's okay to be scared and to have no clue what you're doing. As long as you keep going. As long as you keep fighting.

YOU NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING HIGH ANXIETY.

And then it happens. The panic. It's slow at first, creeping through the cracks in my thoughts until everything starts to feel heavy. It builds; it becomes something physical that clutches at my insides and squeezes out the air and the blood.

You know, having a panic attack feels like you're collapsing, like your organs are rebelling against you, and that you'd throw them up. It's like you're on a swing ride in an amusement park. At first, you're there waiting for things to happen, and for gravity to mess up with you. After a while of waiting, it starts working, and slowly you're reaching a frightening height. And it's not like you have phobia, but you certainly feel things as your chest starts tightening, you think it’d explode. Then, it's swinging and you just want to scream or jump or whatever, but you can't do that. You're tied and scared and there is no way you'd reach a solid ground.

Yesterday it was sun outside. The sky was blue and people were lying under blooming cherry trees in the park. It was Friday, so records were released, that people have been working on for years. Friends around me find success and level up, do fancy photo shoots and get featured on big, white, movie screens. There were parties and lovers, hand in hand, laughing perfectly loud, but I walked numbly through the park, round and round, 40 times for 4 hours just wanting to make it through the day. There's a weight that inhabits my chest some times. Like a lock in my throat, making it hard to breathe. A little less air got through and the sky was so blue I couldn’t look at it because it made me sad, swelling tears in my eyes and they dripped quietly on the floor as I got on with my day. I tried to keep my focus, ticked off the to-do list, did my chores. Packed orders, wrote emails, paid bills and rewrote stories, but the panic kept growing, exploding in my chest. Tears falling on the desk tick tick tick me not making a sound and some days I just don't know what to do. Where to go or who to see and I try to be gentle, soft and kind, but anxiety eats you up and I just want to be fine. This is not beautiful. This is not useful. You can not do anything with it and it tries to control you, throw you off your balance and lovely ways but you can not let it. I cleaned up. Took myself for a walk. Tried to keep my eyes on the sky. Stayed away from the alcohol, stayed away from the destructive tools we learn to use. the smoking and the starving, the running, the madness, thinking it will help but it only feeds the fire and I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I made it through and today I woke up, lighter and proud because I'm still here. There are flowers growing outside my window. The coffee is warm, the air is pure. In a few hours I'll be on a train on my way to sing for people who invited me to come, to sing, for them. My own songs, that I created. Me—little me. From nowhere at all. And I have people around that I like and can laugh with, and it's spring again. It will always be spring again. And there will always be a new day.

Think of your attacks as the ocean during a storm. Waves come and crash. They beat on the sand over and over. Slamming into anything on its way. But then, the storm retreats. The water is calm and the waves slowly come and go. Every attack rises and falls. You either have to hold on," he squeezes my shoulders, "or stop it before the storm comes.

A panic attack is interesting the way a broken leg or a kidney stone is interesting—a pain that you want to end.

You are not your anxiety. As abnormal as it makes you feel, this anxiety is not the real you. It is not who you are or who you have become.

Danger is only when we feel the insecurity of what pains us the most.

You are a living, breathing vision board and can change it daily with your thoughts to create the life you desire.

Don’t ignore the life that is happening now because you are too focused on getting to the finish line of some ambiguous societal destination.

Depression end somewhere… here… when anxiety and panic attacks start attacking.

In my practice I use neurofeedback primarily to help with the hyperarousal, confusion, and concentration problems of people who suffer from developmental trauma. However, it has also shown good results for numerous issues and conditions that go beyond the scope of this book, including relieving tension headaches, improving cognitive functioning following a traumatic brain injury, reducing anxiety and panic attacks, learning to deepen meditation states, treating autism, improving seizure control, self-regulation in mood disorders, and more.

panic disorder with agoraphobia (DSM-V code 300.22): the condition, as Hippocrates described it, “usually attacks abroad, if a person is travelling a lonely road somewhere, and fear seizes him.

And when I have anxiety attacks about the future—What if right now is the happiest I will ever be and I’m not appreciating it enough? Will I reach the end of my days having never lived in France or made enough people happy or learned everything there is to know about outer space or being able to do a split? Am I eating enough anti-oxidants? What will I be doing in ten years? In twenty?—I say I miss you when I blink to myself, and it means, Get a grip. Don’t panic. To figure out where to go next, look at where you came from. If you got here, you can get to the next thing.

There's a characteristically brilliant Peanuts strip which opens with Linus sitting on the living-room floor, anxiously clutching his mouth. Lucy enters and asks what's wrong. "I'm aware of my tongue," he explains. "It's an awful feeling! Every now and then I become aware that I have a tongue inside my mouth, and then it starts to feel lumped up... I cant's help it... I can't put it out of my mind... I keep thinking about where my tongue would be if I weren't thinking about it, and then I can feel it sort of pressing against my teeth." Loudly declaring this the dumbest thing she's ever heard, Lucy scowls away. But a few steps down the corridor, she stops dead in her tracks. She clutches her own mouth. Suddenly she's aware of her tongue too. She runs back and chases him round the room, shouting, "You blockhead!" with her gigantic booming gob. Occasionally, late at night, while I'm trying to sleep and failing, I experience someting similar - except instead of being aware of my tongue, I'm aware of my entire body, the entire world, and the whole of reality itself. It's like waking from a dream, or a light going on, or a giant "YOU ARE HERE" sign appearing in the sky. The mere fact that I'm actually real and actually breathing suddenly hits me in the head with a thwack. It leaves me giddy. It causes a brief surge of clammy, bubbling anxiety, like the opening stages of a panic attack. The moment soon passes, but while it lasts it's strangely terrifying.

I wish bad brain stuff was an actual guy I could punch in the face. PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety, flashbacks, hallucinations, anything that gives you hell, could just send'em to me, I'd fight them all. [...] Stuff's a lot harder to fight when they're stuck in your own head." "Yeah... didn't stop me from trying, though.

Bipolar disorder is the impact of the memory loss, ADHD, dread, anxiety, racing thoughts, depression, mania, panic attacks, and more. Bipolar disorder is suffering in silence and mourning the lost years. Bipolar disorder is misreading situations and people and constantly checking to see if things are as they seem to be.

Although panic attacks can be scary and overwhelming, they can also be a powerful teacher, showing us the depths of our inner strength and resilience. We may develop more self-awareness, self-compassion, and a stronger feeling of connection with others by addressing our anxieties and finding ways to control our anxiety.

When the farmer arises in the morning unreconciled to get out of bed, he feels no anxiety that he has wasted time through his sleep; au contraire, he is confident that the seed has continued to grow during the night. So, too, the spiritual woman does not fret and flap over opportunities missed, does not hammer herself for not working hard enough, and does not have a panic attack wondering whether she has received grace in vain. She lives in quiet confidence that God is working in her by day and by night. Like the farmer, she is not totally passive or presumptuous. The woman knows that she has her full measure of work to do, but she realizes that the outcome rests with God and that the decisive factor is unearned grace. Thus, she works as if everything depends on God and prays as if everything depends on her.

Somewhere, my thirst for distraction from the pains and poverties of life grew into a sweltering, parching thing. There are always feelings to be numbed, anxieties to tamp down, and panic attacks to avoid. The people of the Shire knew this, and so do I. I suppose I could have turned to things eternal—didn’t Jesus promise us rest?—but we seem to have a way of losing ourselves in our manmade salves—the bottle, the pill, the cheeseburger, self-inflicted starvation. I suppose we’re all drunk on something.

For people like us, looking towards the future can feel daunting. It can literally make us feel sick to the stomach and often induces panic attacks. Trust me, I’ve been there; I get it. That’s why the far-future should never be at the top of our “to-plan” list. It’s alright to have goals but to stress ourselves out with plans and options and worries of the future is a good way to drive us crazy. However, there is one time when I want you to consider the future. Always have something to look forward to.

I’d say that a panic attack is when psychological pain becomes so strong that it manifests itself physically. The anxiety becomes so acute that the brain can’t … well, in the absence of any better words, I’d say that the brain doesn’t have sufficient bandwidth to process all the information. The firewall collapses, so to speak. And anxiety overwhelms us.

Anxiety results from the perception of danger. You can’t feel anxious unless you tell yourself that something terrible is about to happen.

When you confront the monster you

When you confront the monster you fear the most, you'll defeat your fears.

Recovery lies in the midst of all the sensations you dread the most.” –Dr. Claire Weekes

pleasant

Hevige angst komt in golven opzetten; lang achtereen kan het lichaam dat niet verduren. In de zware kalmte tussen de golven kon Dolarhyde nadenken.

You are not a weak or cowardly person for having an anxiety problem.

If we can see anxiety-inducing situations as opportunities to improve, grow, and become better at challenges, we are less likely to avoid or distract ourselves from them.   A

Whatever! I accept and allow this anxious feeling. I’m excited by it as I engage with what’s in front of me.

Swimming was the opposite of panic attack. Fluid and calm and quiet.

If I try to flirt with her, I’ll probably get shot down. That would show what a loser I am.” This thought contains nearly all ten cognitive distortions, but it’s a classic example of Self-Blame,

The anxious thoughts you experience are just thoughts and nothing more. They don’t represent the real you. They’re simply the result of stress hormones interacting with your vigilant and creative mind.

The next symptoms that may appear are: •   Panic attacks, anxiety, and phobias •   Mental “blankness” or spaced-out feelings •   Avoidance behavior (avoiding places, activities, movements, memories, or people) •   Attraction to dangerous situations •   Addictive behaviors (overeating, drinking, smoking, etc.) •   Exaggerated or diminished sexual activity •   Amnesia and forgetfulness •   Inability to love, nurture, or bond with other individuals •   Fear of dying or having a shortened life •   Self-mutilation (severe abuse, self-inflicted cutting, etc.) •   Loss of sustaining beliefs (spiritual, religious, interpersonal)

Here is a short form list of what is happening to your life: 1. You are practicing hate. 2. You are practicing violent abuse toward your parents and to your own family. 3. The way you treat your parents causes them physical and emotional pain. 4. The way you treat your parents causes them to develop mental diseases such as PTSD, depression, obsessive thoughts, low self esteem, aggressive and self destructive behavior, distrust of entering relationships, isolation, anxiety, panic attacks and obsessive thought of suicide. 5. The way you treat your parents causes them to develop physical illnesses such as chronic toxic stress which leads to inflammation of body organs which leads to heart attacks, arthritis, and irritable bowel syndrome. 6. The way you treat your parents produces feelings of abandonment and ostracism which is experience as physical pain on a

How'd you know that would help, Grandma? Used to have a regular who had attacks like that all the time. Poor guy. He was an accountant, loveless marriage-most of em were back then-and vaginas scared the bejeezus outta him.

Describing a panic attack to someone who has never experienced one is impossible. However, to one who has, no explanation is needed. You just have to say the word “anxiety” and their eyes would light up with a knowing look.

If fear is like a storm wave striking you, then a panic attack is a tsunami that batters your soul. Drinking to overcome panic attacks is like smoking cigarettes to overcome asthma. You start with one problem, then you have two.

First, you’d discover that the monster was not real. You’d realize that it was just an illusion that you never had anything to fear in the first place. You’d see that the monster had no teeth. This would be an incredible triumph.

Solomon had good days and he had bad days, but the good had far outnumbered the bad since Lisa and Clark had started coming around. Sometimes, though, they'd show up and he's look completely exhausted, drained of all his charm and moving in slow motion. They could do that to him—the attacks. Something about the physical response to panic can drain all the energy out of a person, and it doesn't matter what causes it or how long it lasts. What Solomon had was unforgiving and sneaky and as smart as any other illness. It was like a virus or cancer that would hide just long enough to fool him into thinking it was gone. And because it showed up when it damn well pleased, he'd learned to be honest about it, knowing that embarrassment only made it worse.

The amygdala responds to imaginary information in the same way it responds to a real situation, so anxiety brought about by thoughts and images created in the cortex is just as strong as the anxiety you will experience from a real and live situation or threat.

Anxiety is a sly parasite. It creeps slowly into your mind, until one day, it takes over completely. Then you find yourself alone and scared to go anywhere because you may have another panic attack. You fear you may not be able to control it. You fear the unknown.

About half of patients with pure anxiety disorders develop major depression within five years. Insofar as depression and anxiety are genetically determined, they share a single set of genes (which are tied to the genes for alcoholism). Depression exacerbated by anxiety has a much higher suicide rate than depression alone, and it is much harder to recover from. “If you’re having several panic attacks every day,” says Ballenger, “it’s gonna bring Hannibal to his knees. People are beaten into a pulp, into a fetal position in bed.

Overcoming panic attacks has left me humbled. It’s taught me how to be brave. It’s left me compassionate to the fears and sufferings of other people. It’s given me the wisdom that my thoughts and feelings are simply subjective responses, and don’t need to be taken as true reflections of reality. But the most important thing I’ve learnt from coping with panic is this: No matter what happens in life, no matter how hard things seem, no matter how painful things are, moments always pass like fluffy clouds in a blue sky, and I will be fine.

For example, if you feel sad or depressed, you’re probably telling yourself that you’ve lost someone you love or something important to your sense of self-esteem. If you feel guilty or ashamed, you’re telling yourself that you’re bad or that you’ve violated your own personal values. If

Do you know what a honey mushroom is?" she blurted out, plucking at the hairs on his arm, which was wrapped around her. He was silent for a moment before letting out a husky laugh "No. Why?" "It's the largest living thing on earth. Larger than trees, elephants, whales-this one living thing takes up over three square miles in Oregon." She could almost feel him turning that random fact over in his brain. She was glad she wasn't facing him. This would be so much harder if she had to look into his eyes instead of at the wall. "Like the mushroom cap is over three miles across?" he asked. Harper shook her head. "No, no. That's the amazing part. When you look at it-the part you see aboveground-it's this tiny little mushroom head. It looks so insignificant. They just pop up here and there" she gestures with her fingertips as though she could draw them in the air. "But it creates this root-like system called hyphae. And the hyphae-it spreads and grows and, kind of... takes over underground. One living thing, every cell genetically identical, spreading below the surface to take up this enormous amount of space." Dan was quiet for a moment. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, placing a kiss into her neck. Harper swallowed and fiddled with the edge of the sheet. "Because thats' what my anxiety feels like-a honey mushroom." She felt Dan tense behind her, but she pushed on." A lot of times, someone on the outside, like you, maybe, sees these clues to it-my fidgeting, my mind seeming a million miles away, panic attacks. But inside" -she tapped her chest- "it's this intricate network of sharp pain and fear that's constantly growing and pulsing through me. It's always there, right beneath my skin, huge and controlling, but no one can see it. I just feel it. And it hurts. So badly. It makes me want to curl up into a ball or sprint out of my skeleton. This huge, inescapable thing inside me that controls me." she paused, picking aggressively at her nails; "It feels cruel to have your own body do that to you".

To change that thought process, state the obvious: “I was/am terribly depressed.” Now for the different thought. Say to yourself, “So how depressed am I?” Now go for the less obvious. “I am so depressed…” Now think of something not obvious. How about, “I’m so depressed I sleep under my mattress”?

a panic attack is when psychological pain becomes so strong that it manifests itself physically. The anxiety becomes so acute that the brain can’t … well, in the absence of any better words, I’d say that the brain doesn’t have sufficient bandwidth to process all the information. The firewall collapses, so to speak. And anxiety overwhelms us.

Let’s try discrimination. “I have been discriminated against.” State the obvious. “People treat me differently when they find out I have bipolar disorder.” Now state the not so obvious. “As someone with a mental illness, I see discrimination where others don’t. Take happy hour, for instance. I think that is being discriminatory. There should also be a crappy hour for depressed people. And people with bipolar disorder could go to both.” So where do you see discrimination? At work? At school? With family? Now think of the unexpected. How about the bathtub? Or the local restaurant? Let’s take the restaurant. What would be a menu item that is discriminatory? Scrambled eggs? Take your time. Let your mind

Anxiety and worrying can cause heart palpitations. Worrying about the palpitations causes anxiety. With increased anxiety come more frequent palpitations, which are perceived as being 'worse', or more intense due to the extreme focus that's placed on them. You can summarise it as a two-way process. Anxiety causes palpitations. Palpitations cause anxiety.

Yet an anxiety disorder is simply an experience that a person moves through, just like a period of grief or sadness. Would we give a person with a broken heart or someone suffering from grief a label for life? No, yet people who go through a period of anxiety sometimes end up believing that this diagnosis, this label, is now a part of who they are.   “HOW

Most of us have physical or mental conditions that have caused us distress in the past. And when we get a whiff of one coming—an incipient asthma attack, a symptom of chronic fatigue, a twinge of anxiety—we panic. Instead of relaxing with the feeling and letting it do its minute and a half while we’re fully open and receptive to it, we say, “Oh no, oh no, here it is again.” We refuse to feel fundamental ambiguity when it comes in this form, so we do the thing that will be most detrimental to us: we rev up our thoughts about it. What if this happens? What if that happens? We stir up a lot of mental activity. Body, speech, and mind become engaged in running away from the feeling, which only keeps it going and going and going. We

How would you explain panic attacks? . . . I'd say that a panic attack is when psuchological pain becomes so strong that it manifests itself physically. The anxiety becomes so acute that the brain can't. . . well, in the absence of any better words, I'd say that the brain doesn't have sufficient bandwidth to process all the information. The firewall collapses, so to speak. And anxiety overwhelms us.

It's during those times that we're weakest when God can show himself the most dramatically. And I'm not talking about just taking way your panic attacks, pumpkin, although if he wanted to do that, he certainly could. What I'm talking about is you having the freedom and courage to live out your life - stress, anxiety, and all - in front of others with a vulnerability and grace that can only come from above.

Some encouraging studies suggest that the answer may be yes. Dr. Isaac Marks, from the Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London, has shown that many individuals can overcome anxiety disorders using CBT techniques without face-to-face psychotherapy or medications. I’m hopeful that this book will prove just as effective for people with anxiety as Feeling Good has been for people struggling with depression. However, no

The only way to get to Antarctica is by cruise ship. Even the smallest one has 150 passengers, which translates into me being trapped with 149 other people who will uniquely annoy the hell out of me with their rudeness, waste, idiotic questions, incessant yammering, creepy food requests, boring small talk, etc. Or worse, they might turn their curiosity toward me, and expect pleasantry in return. I’m getting a panic attack just thinking about it. A little social anxiety never hurt anyone, am I right?

By consuming the news, you’re putting your body under stress. Chronic stress leads to anxiety and digestive and growth problems and leaves us prone to infection. Other potential side effects of news consumption include panic attacks, aggression, tunnel vision and emotional desensitisation. In short, consuming the news puts your psychological and physical health at risk. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, half of all adults suffer from the symptoms of stress caused by news consumption.

I envision my mind as a plot of grass full of sheep surrounded by a perimeter of electric fence. If I'm not constantly vigilant and aware of my thoughts, the electric fence shuts off, the sheep jump out, and my panic gets away from me. The chance for an attack is especially bad just before bed or when I'm distracted or lost in thought in the car, causing me to slap myself in the face as hard as I can or bite the inside of my upper arm. If I can feel the pain, then I am still alive and can begin to focus on rounding up the sheep again. See? This makes perfect sense in my head.

Now through her aching, Helen felt a flicker of peace as though Mum was there, placing a hand on Helen’s shoulder and saying, “Come now. The world is always a brighter place on a full stomach. Help me—it will go faster that way.” In the stillness of the kitchen they used to work, Helen’s light hair and Mum’s dark bent over the bowl. Mum would not prod or fill the silence with chatter, but used the recipe to call Helen back to herself. She would pop a currant into her daughter’s mouth, or gently instruct her to smell the cinnamon, and for Helen, the world would come into focus.

Screw all mental illness stigma. Having the courage to admit yourself for psychiatric care to heal is phenomenal. Shrugging off a panic attack is badass. Battling through intense spells of fatigue and demotivation is incredible. Going to the psychologist to attend to your mental health is a boss move. Achieving things despite having little to no interest or pleasure is impressive. Frequently practicing self-care is fantastic. Picking yourself up after hitting rock bottom is exceptional. Openly talking about your mental health struggles is courageous. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

shake my head. “These aren’t supposed to happen,” I say. “I’m on medication. I’m happy. It’s meant to go away now.” “Steffi,” Jane says, still gentle, still calm. “You know that’s not how it works.” “Why not?” “Because anxiety doesn’t care if you’re happy or not,” she says patiently. “Just like cancer doesn’t care if you’re happy. Or a broken leg. Or diabetes.” “That’s not the same.” “Blaming yourself for your illness will hinder your recovery process,” Jane says. “It won’t help. If you tell yourself you’re not allowed to have panic attacks because you’re ‘meant to be happy,’ it will make you feel worse. It will feed the negative emotions.

Was it as scary for you as it is for me? Falling for Sawyer?” “Not really, no.” She shakes her head. “I’m sure I had some of the same worries, everyone does. But I’m a leaper. You’re a thinker. We process things differently.” “You didn’t have a panic attack and run away?” I ask sarcastically. “No,” she muses. “Not even that time he refused to have sex with me.” “That was your first date, Everly. And you did have sex,” I remind her. I know, because I heard about it for a week. “Whew.” She blows out a breath. “It was a tough few hours though. How is Boyd’s POD by the way? Can we talk about that?” She leans forward on the couch, looking at me expectantly. “Um, no. I don’t think so.” She shrugs good-naturedly then changes the subject back to me. “Chloe, why didn’t you tell me you were struggling with your anxiety? You know I’m never too busy for you, no matter how many husbands or children I have.” “You have one husband, babe,” Sawyer says, walking into the room at that moment. “You’re still the one, baby.” “We’ve been married for three months, Everly. I sure as hell better still be the one.” “Sawyer,” she sighs. “I was trying to have a moment, okay? Work with me.” “Next time, try waiting more than a day after downloading Shania Twain’s greatest hits to your iPod. You do realize the receipts come to my email, don’t you?” “Um.” Everly looks away and scrunches her nose. “No?” “You’ve been on quite the 90’s love ballads kick this week. Which is weird, because you’re not old enough to have owned the CD’s those songs were originally released on.” He looks at her with amused interest. “What’s a CD?” She blinks at Sawyer dramatically. “Cute. Keep it up.” “Nineties music is all the rage with the millennials,” she tells him with a shrug. “I saw a blog post about it.” “Don’t worry, sweets. We’ll beat the odds together.” He winks and she scowls. “You’re still the only one I dream of,” he calls as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water. “See! I don’t even care that you lifted that from a song. It still gave me all the feels!

Something similar often happens to people who develop an anxiety disorder, such as agoraphobia. People with agoraphobia can become so overwhelmed with fear that they will no longer leave their homes. Agoraphobia is the consequence of a positive feedback loop. The first event that precipitates the disorder is often a panic attack. The sufferer is typically a middle-aged woman who has been too dependent on other people. Perhaps she went immediately from over-reliance on her father to a relationship with an older and comparatively dominant boyfriend or husband, with little or no break for independent existence. In the weeks leading up to the emergence of her agoraphobia, such a woman typically experiences something unexpected and anomalous.

Once you pay attention to those feelings, you can turn them around and begin to improve your overall outlook. Knowing what causes your negative feelings can work a great deal towards ending the cycle of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and panic attacks. What drove me to the ER were one of the two different kinds of anxiety symptoms I experienced throughout a day―there were the lingering kind such as a lump in the throat feeling, more commonly known as Globus Hystericus, or the dizzy feeling of literally feeling like you’re walking in a dream and no one can really see or hear you. Or there were the sudden symptoms in the form of a heart palpitation that seemed to rise from nowhere and scared the life out of me, or the numbness/tingling in my arms that led me to always think a stroke was right around the corner, but as always I was wrong again...thankfully.

Trying to Eliminate Anxiety Can Cause More Anxiety When anxiety becomes a major problem for someone, it’s usually because the person has become stuck in a self-perpetuating cycle where the things he or she does to reduce anxiety in the short term cause it to multiply in the long term. Let me explain how this works. Let’s take someone who gets panic attacks. Because these are so unpleasant, the person logically avoids situations that might trigger an attack. The person might start out avoiding a few situations, such as public speaking or going to the mall on weekends. Paradoxically, the more the person avoids particular situations, the more their anxiety about having another panic attack increases. An increasing number of situations start to trigger their anxiety. The person starts to avoid more and more. The problem snowballs. Avoiding things due to anxiety is termed avoidance coping. It’s one of the main mechanisms that causes anxiety to grow and persist.

Virtually every version of CBT for anxiety disorders involves working through what’s called an exposure hierarchy. The concept is simple. You make a list of all the situations and behaviors you avoid due to anxiety. You then assign a number to each item on your list based on how anxiety provoking you expect doing the avoided behavior would be. Use numbers from 0 (= not anxiety provoking at all) to 100 (= you would fear having an instant panic attack). For example, attempting to talk to a famous person in your field at a conference might be an 80 on the 0-100 scale. Sort your list in order, from least to most anxiety provoking. Aim to construct a list that has several avoided actions in each 10-point range. For example, several that fall between 20 and 30, between 30 and 40, and so on, on your anxiety scale. That way, you won’t have any jumps that are too big. Omit things that are anxiety-provoking but wouldn’t actually benefit you (such as eating a fried insect). Make a plan for how you can work through your hierarchy, starting at the bottom of the list. Where possible, repeat an avoided behavior several times before you move up to the next level. For example, if one of your items is talking to a colleague you find intimidating, do this several times (with the same or different colleagues) before moving on. When you start doing things you’d usually avoid that are low on your hierarchy, you’ll gain the confidence you need to do the things that are higher up on your list. It’s important you don’t use what are called safety behaviors. Safety behaviors are things people do as an anxiety crutch—for example, wearing their lucky undies when they approach that famous person or excessively rehearsing what they plan to say. There is a general consensus within psychology that exposure techniques like the one just described are among the most effective ways to reduce problems with anxiety. In clinical settings, people who do exposures get the most out of treatment. Some studies have even shown that just doing exposure can be as effective as therapies that also include extensive work on thoughts. If you want to turbocharge your results, try exposure. If you find it too difficult to do alone, consider working with a therapist.

A phobia is an excessive or unreasonable fear of an object, situation or place. Phobias are quite common and often take root in childhood for no apparent reason. Other times they spring from traumatic events or develop from an attempt to make sense of unexpected and intense feelings of anxiety or panic. Simple phobias are fears of specific things such as insects, infections, or even flying. Agoraphobia is a fear of being in places where one feels trapped or unable to get help, such as in crowds, on a bus or in a car, or standing in a line. It is basically an anxiety that ignites from being in places or situations from which escape might be difficult (or embarrassing). A social phobia is a marked fear of social or performance situations. When the phobic person actually encounters, or even anticipates, being in the presence of the feared object or situation, immediate anxiety can be triggered. The physical symptoms of anxiety may include shortness of breath, sweating, a racing heart, chest or abdominal discomfort, trembling, and similar reactions. The emotional component involves an intense fear and may include feelings of losing control, embarrassing oneself, or passing out. Most people who experience phobias try to escape or avoid the feared situation wherever possible. This may be fairly easy if the feared object is rarely encountered (such as snakes) and avoidance will not greatly restrict the person’s life. At other times, avoiding the feared situation (in the case of agoraphobia, social phobia) is not easily done. After all, we live in a world filled with people and places. Having a fear of such things can limit anyone’s life significantly, and trying to escape or avoid a feared object or situation because of feelings of fear about that object or situation can escalate and make the feelings of dread and terror even more pronounced. In some situations of phobias, the person may have specific thoughts that contribute some threat to the feared situation. This is particularly true for social phobia, in which there is often a fear of being negatively evaluated by others, and for agoraphobia, in which there may be a fear of passing out or dying with no one around to help, and of having a panic attack where one fears making a fool of oneself in the presence of other people. Upon recognizing their problem for what it is, men should take heart in knowing that eighty percent of people who seek help can experience improvement of symptoms or, in male-speak, the illness can be “fixed.

PATTERNS OF THE “SHY” What else is common among people who identify themselves as “shy?” Below are the results of a survey that was administered to 150 of my program’s participants. The results of this informal survey reveal certain facts and attitudes common among the socially anxious. Let me point out that these are the subjective answers of the clients themselves—not the professional opinions of the therapists. The average length of time in the program for all who responded was eight months. The average age was twenty-eight. (Some of the answers are based on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest.) -Most clients considered shyness to be a serious problem at some point in their lives. Almost everyone rated the seriousness of their problem at level 5, which makes sense, considering that all who responded were seeking help for their problem. -60 percent of the respondents said that “shyness” first became enough of a problem that it held them back from things they wanted during adolescence; 35 percent reported the problem began in childhood; and 5 percent said not until adulthood. This answer reveals when clients were first aware of social anxiety as an inhibiting force. -The respondents perceived the average degree of “sociability” of their parents was a 2.7, which translates to “fair”; 60 percent of the respondents reported that no other member of the family had a problem with “shyness”; and 40 percent said there was at least one other family member who had a problem with “shyness.” -50 percent were aware of rejection by their peers during childhood. -66 percent had physical symptoms of discomfort during social interaction that they believed were related to social anxiety. -55 percent reported that they had experienced panic attacks. -85 percent do not use any medication for anxiety; 15 percent do. -90 percent said they avoid opportunities to meet new people; 75 percent acknowledged that they often stay home because of social fears, rather than going out. -80 percent identified feelings of depression that they connected to social fears. -70 percent said they had difficulty with social skills. -75 percent felt that before they started the program it was impossible to control their social fears; 80 percent said they now believed it was possible to control their fears. -50 percent said they believed they might have a learning disability. -70 percent felt that they were “too dependent on their parents”; 75 percent felt their parents were overprotective; 50 percent reported that they would not have sought professional help if not for their parents’ urging. -10 percent of respondents were the only child in their families; 40 percent had one sibling; 30 percent had two siblings; 10 percent had three; and 10 percent had four or more. Experts can play many games with statistics. Of importance here are the general attitudes and patterns of a population of socially anxious individuals who were in a therapy program designed to combat their problem. Of primary significance is the high percentage of people who first thought that “shyness” was uncontrollable, but then later changed their minds, once they realized that anxiety is a habit that can be broken—without medication. Also significant is that 50 percent of the participants recognized that their parents were the catalyst for their seeking help. Consider these statistics and think about where you fit into them. Do you identify with this profile? Look back on it in the coming months and examine the ways in which your sociability changes. Give yourself credit for successful breakthroughs, and keep in mind that you are not alone!

Saying “I slept around with a bunch of random people in my 20s and now I’m happily married so it’s fine,” is the same as saying…. “I was addicted to drugs for a decade and now I’m clean, so it’s fine.” I’m glad it turned out well for you but these comments are destructive for the future generations to hear. They gloss over the consequences. I’m happy junkies can get help and become clean, but do we need to add that to conversations with our teens and young adults? “You can always get help later and get clean and turn out just fine!!” Hashtag: There is Life after cocaine! No, we don’t. Why? Because these statements don’t take into account the long term opportunity cost & consequences of your actions. The woman who gives away her body to random men without any legal, spiritual claiming and forever commitment from her partner- LOST a lot. Sure she can stop a decade later and hopefully rebuild her life. But we can’t discount her suffering. The hormonal effects of having multiple partners. The health issues resulting from hormonal birth control. The loss of self esteem and confidence. The questioning of her own worthiness. The changes to her physical and energetic body. The mental anguish of thinking “what’s wrong with me”. The repeated activation of the abandonment wound. Having to grieve “relationships” that never even existed! The loss of trust in masculine energy and MEN! The creation of stories and neural pathways that will take years of inner work! And the changes to her DNA.

In depression, no amount of cheerleading, self-help books, or inspirational sticky notes on our bathroom mirror can overcome the power of the illness.

Silence is another barometer of timidity. A timid silence in the face of novelty or a perceived threat is a sign of the activity of a neural circuit running between the forebrain, the amygdala, and nearby limbic structures that control the ability to vocalize. These same circuits make us "choke up" under stress. These sensitive children are at high risk for developing an anxiety disorder such as panic attacks, starting as early as sixth or seventh grade.

Exposure is one way to reverse the anxious programming. If you keep doing what scares you and nothing happens, your fear will start to decline. There is, however, an exception to this rule that I’ll deal with in a bit. If your mind has linked up the anxiety to a certain place, person, thing, or action, you will always have a raised anxiety level when you expose yourself to it again. This cannot be avoided. You’ll have to wean it out slowly and teach your body, step by step, that the anxiety fire alarm is not needed.

Exposure is strong against anxiety because it is your way of saying, “I don’t fear the fear. I will feel fear, but I’ll do it anyway.” That’s strong. Running away gives more power to the anxiety, to what you fear.

There are many ways you can benefit from exposure. One way is going all in from the get-go. This can be brutal, but it is often very effective since more than one fear can vanish at once. The second way is a step-by-step process, sometimes even three steps ahead, one backward. That’s fine, too. I’ve seen great results amongst my clients whatever way they chose. All in or slowly working their way up.

Suffering from anxiety, depression, and panic attacks isn’t weak, and it isn’t any different than suffering from heart disease or diabetes. These things just exist, and they have to be dealt with.

The number one thing that has helped me in the long run is doing the things that scare me. If my anxiety kept me from going to the stores, being physically active or socializing – then that is exactly what I kept on doing. If I needed to buy some groceries, I didn’t talk myself out of it and say “Well, I don’t actually need to buy those apples today, I can get them tomorrow”. No, I just got out there and bought them. I highly suggest you keep on doing the things that you are/were frightened of the most.

The next step is to encourage yourself. I recommend you stand in front of a mirror, relax your shoulders, take a couple of deep breaths, look deep into your eyes and smile. Say to yourself in the mirror: “I can do this. I will get better. I am not alone”. Say it a few times – and feel it.

Adrenaline causes high blood pressure, increased heart rate and rapid, shallow breathing. You will sweat more because of the adrenaline, your mouth will be dry, and you might feel tingling in different parts of your body. These are all normal elements of an anxiety or panic attack.

As I said before, you are not going to die of this panic attack – it will pass and you will be fine. You have come through them before and you will come through this one.

Firstly, you can make your journey through this much easier by approaching it with a positive mindset. Be kind to yourself and believe that your life will take a turn for the better.

Imagine yourself in a situation where you have recently been overly anxious. Now take a minute and imagine yourself back in that situation but this time in a calm frame of mind. See yourself calm and in control, feel yourself relaxed and at ease. Would you be happier? Would you do anything differently in that situation if you didn’t have anxiety? Take your time and use all of your senses to imagine this scenario. How much better will your life be when you can approach life in this calm way? 2. Imagine the things you would do if you didn’t have anxiety or panic attacks. Take a while to think about this, because this will be your motivation. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental. It could just be walking in the park or getting your groceries. Maybe going to the movies, hanging out with your friends, travelling to the city you’ve always dreamed of. My motivation was just to feel safe being alone and not having my phone with me – as simple as that. It can really help if you know why you are doing this and why you want to get better.

Although every person experiences GAD differently, some of the most common symptoms are: Palpitations, accelerated heart rate, shaking, sweating, dry mouth Difficulty breathing, feeling of choking, chest pain or discomfort, nausea Feeling dizzy or lightheaded, fear of losing control, fear of dying, feeling that objects are not real or that one’s self is distant Hot flushes, cold chills, numbness or tingling sensations Muscle tension, inability to relax, feeling on edge, difficulty swallowing Difficulty concentrating, irritability, difficulty falling asleep

Just think about it – if we truly believe in healing then we can heal. The power of our mind is astounding.

Panic attacks begin unexpectedly and they are an episode of intense fear. Usually during the attack the height of the fear reaches its maximum within a few minutes and lasts about 30 minutes – for some people even longer. Don’t be alarmed if your panic attacks last for hours, what you’re experiencing is one panic attack after another, there really is no time limit to them.

Exercise 2: A Crappy Moment  Close your eyes and instead of going back to the positive time from before, I want you to recall a moment you were feeling extremely anxious. Go back to a moment when your anxiety was at its absolute peak. I'm guessing it could have been a major panic attack you had in public, or a time when you were alone and bowled over with worry about your health. Think about what it was that worried you at that time. As with the previous exercise, I want you to think about this for five minutes. Remember – try to immerse yourself in the moment. It's okay if you feel upset, anxious or panicky. It won't be for long. When the five minutes are up, please turn over the page. So how did this visualisation feel? A bit different to the previous one I'm guessing! As before, answer the following question, either in words or pictures: If you could sum up your emotions during those five minutes, what three words would you use? (i.e. worried, panicky, numb.) So what we've done in these two exercises is to visualise the past. A happy memory and one filled with anxiety. The past is important; but it's just as important to remember that the past need not shape our destiny. Let's move on to the future.

Exercise 4: A Future Without Anxiety. Just as before, close your eyes and imagine yourself in front of a mirror in five years' time. Only this time, your life is no longer controlled by your anxiety: you are the one in control of your life. You can do all of the things you want to do in life without worrying about panic attacks and silly diseases. You've stopped checking for symptoms on the internet – you have realised that there is so much more to life than that. You are so content with life and proud of yourself at your own recovery, as are the people around you who love you. Feel free to talk out loud about how happy you are. Feel free to laugh. Feel free to sing out loud. Whatever is natural for you. Remain in this place for five minutes (or longer if you'd like, I'm not going to stop you!) and when you finish, turn the page. See, visualisation isn't all that hard, is it? I hope that it has given you a sense of inspiration on how you can change. Do you want to spend the next five years with the dull cloud of health anxiety lingering around your head? Or do you want to get your life back?

A lot was taken from her because of me. Months of her life. Her confidence. Her security. She was left with anxiety, dependency issues, night terrors, panic attacks, memory loss. The carefree and confident girl I fell in love with no longer sits next to me. Instead, I sit next to a girl who seems like she’s fighting not to crawl out of the skin she’s in.

The uncertainty is the reason you have been avoiding that what gives you anxiety. It’s exactly because you don’t know what will happen that you’re anxious. You wonder if your worst nightmare will come true or not. Might the negative voice be right? Will that bad thing really happen? Here too, we’ve all had to face this uncertainty and in a way say, “You know what? Whatever happens it’s OK. Show me what you’ve got!” This is the best way to accept and even embrace the uncertainty.

That phrase and mindset will also help with control. During the exposure, your mind will want you to be in control in an effort to take away the uncertainty (e.g., “Go for the aisle seat so you can get up whenever needed” or “Let’s do it when it won’t be crowded” or “Let’s call in sick.”). Let go of the notion of having everything under control, and go with the flow. If you want to take it step-by-step, limit the control you’ll have and only build in some contingencies or exit strategies like the people from the examples I previously gave you did.

The third challenge you’ll need to work on is the anxiety itself. Whenever you expose yourself to what you fear, it’s logical that you will feel anxiety. Nonetheless, the simple fact that you decide to face your fears is a step of major importance. It communicates to your subconscious mind that you’ve decided to no longer fear the fear itself. This is very important.

You will always need to expect that anxiety will show its head at some point. When you expect it, it won’t take you by surprise. Please remember that it’s impossible to live without anxiety. There will always be events that can scare you. We can’t turn the alarm system off. And it will still give a false alarm here and there. So it’s your intolerance to anxiety that needs to be overcome. Anxiety is a normal emotion. We can all feel it. “Normal” people, however, don’t dislike anxiety. They simply dismiss it when it’s not appropriate.

Letting go of control is crucial to living a life where anxiety doesn’t dominate you. It’s the solution to a social phobia, a fear of driving or flying, hypochondria, and many more forms of anxiety. If control is an issue for you, and I bet it is, your mind mistakenly believes that having everything under control will give you the freedom you desire. This is faulty. You cannot have everything under control. There are so many factors we cannot control: nature, the reactions and thoughts of other people, traffic, etc. There are a gazillion things we cannot control, and true freedom comes when you fully embrace that. Embracing the fact you cannot control everything can lift a huge weight off your shoulders and set you free. That sounds like it comes from one of those spiritually enlightening books, doesn’t it? But it isn’t. Trying to have everything under control severely limits your freedom and the quality of your life. Not to mention that it will burn out your nervous system swiftly. This is a true catch-22. The more you try to have everything under control, the less control you’ll have. Imagine what will happen when your mind comes up with a “what if?” question or any other anxiety inducer, and you automatically dismiss it. Can you imagine how free you would be? How easy would it be to say “yes” to all of the experiences life has to offer without worrying?

Let me repeat that. If you don’t run from your anxiety and just wait it out, it will get bad (with or without a panic attack) and then it will pass! On its own. There’s no need to run. To recap: exposure is a powerful and necessary weapon against anxiety, but only when you combine it with the other tools you are learning throughout this book.

Just imagine what it would feel like: you finally overcome those pesky symptoms and feelings, you start living your life again without that dreaded fear of the fear, and for the first time in ages, you get to enjoy doing that what you previously feared. But then, lightning strikes. You get an anxious moment and possibly a panic attack. Your negative thoughts kick in, and warn you, “There you have it! I’m back at square one. Everything is starting again!” Honestly, the fact that you will have uncomfortable moments in the future is as sure as the fact that ice melts in the desert. It’s unavoidable. The question is: how will you respond? The initial negative thoughts are very normal, you still have your danger radar, you still have your little cartoonish devil, you still have your negative voice. You remain human, after all.

If you thought your mind had a monopoly on screwing you over, you were sorely mistaken. Your body seems to be in cahoots with the boss upstairs and has its very own contributions to that lovely beast we call anxiety. Don't worry if you are one of those lucky people who seem to have anxiety that is primarily driven by physical symptoms. You're not S.O.L. We just need to approach things a little differently. Physical anxiety symptoms vary from person to person, but there are some that tend to be pretty consistent: ● Pounding heartbeat ● Shakiness ● Shortness of breath or hyperventilation ● Sour stomach ● Headache ● Dizziness ● Feeling of pressure on chest ● Sweating ● Feeling of choking ● Chills or hot flashes I bet you’ve felt a few of those suckers before. Maybe you’ve even had a panic attack, which is a sudden surge of fear that involves many of those symptoms and makes you feel out of control. Panic attacks and physical anxiety symptoms, in general, are scary as hell. I don't get to that point often, but I have been there before, and I've seen it occur in others countless times. When you have a panic attack, it feels like you are going to die. You might even WebMD yourself (never WebMD yourself) and find that your symptom profile is strikingly similar to a heart attack... I bet that realization did wonders for your anxiety. Here's the thing, though. I know it hurts, I know it sucks and it feels like you are going to die, but you will not. People don't die from panic attacks. It just doesn't happen. Your body is a dick, but it's not going to let you self-destruct like that. Even though the emotional pain and physical discomfort may be quite unbearable, anxiety will not physically hurt you.

Unless it’s wanted and real anxiety because of the real physical danger you’re in, you’re as safe wherever you are at the moment the anxiety strikes as you would be in your own home. Plus, as I’ve noticed during the years I had actual agoraphobia, the anxiety will simply find you wherever you try to hide anyway. You cannot outrun it.

Anxiety cannot be outrun, and we don’t even need to, as explained. You are your safe spot. The world is your backyard. All the rest is trivial and just a mind game.

This is indeed our last freedom, the one that nobody can ever take away. We do not decide what happens to us, but we always decide how we respond.

Please put that sentence on your bathroom mirror: “I’m fine wherever I am.” The fear is fake; it’s unwanted anxiety. You’re not about to get eaten here either. There is no need to run because if you do, you’re proving that this situation is indeed to be avoided, making it harder for the next time you’re in the same or even in similar circumstances. That’s the reason why my anxiety spread out like a wild flame in a batch of hay. From a family get-together where I had my first attack to restaurants, movie theaters, public transportation, and so on. There’s no need to run since the other location you’re running toward isn’t safer than where you were. Both are not dangerous. It’s a perceived danger, not a real one (if it were, it would be real, wanted anxiety and running would actually be advised).

You are not your thoughts. Having strange ideas doesn’t make you weird or a bad person. This is not your will; these are not instructions that you will blindly follow. You are still in control.

Some of the thoughts will make you believe you’re losing your mind; others will scare you because they will seemingly give you intentions you don’t want to have. It doesn’t matter. They are just thoughts. Please let this sink in. They are just thoughts! You don’t have to agree with those thoughts, but you’ll need to see them for what they are. Pieces of information.

You are the thoughts you act upon. And you will not act upon thoughts that are not in line with your core.

This is indeed mostly a trust issue. Anxiety will only rise when you don’t trust your heart to do the right thing. That’s what the “what if?” thoughts will try to tell you. If they don’t, your negative radio will most probably be adding, “Yeah but you know you’re probably having a heart attack.” To which my reply has become, “Whatever. Whatever happens it’s OK, even that.” This was just my way of making fun of it and of accepting the anxiety. I, of course, preferred not to die!

And as I said earlier, if the pain and symptoms are severe, you go to the emergency room or call for an ambulance, but you can still choose to do so without anxiety. As you’ve learned in part one, anxiety can give you all of the symptoms that may resemble heart problems, so the only way to know something may really be going on is when you choose to let go of the anxiety. If the symptoms and pain then persist, only then would I, personally, seek help. Anxiety has no place here, no role. It won’t help even if something is going on. So it’s totally safe to choose to let go of anxiety.

Nonetheless, here too, reassuring you that all will eventually be fine is not a solution, for your mind will try to convince you that your situation is different anyway. You know the rule by now: accept every possible outcome.

This is the number one response to adrenaline. It’s difficult to have anxiety and not have it affect your heart.

Since overcoming my panic attacks, my approach truly has always been to just let my heart do what it wanted. For fourteen years, I thought I was going to die right then and there at least once per week. I now decide I prefer to die once, for real, instead of in my own imagination multiple times a week. I want to truly live in the mean time.

Good ways to deal with heart symptoms are to just accept them, to say, “Whatever happens, it’s OK. If it’s something bad, I’ll deal with it then but now I’m still standing.” Use the friend method and comfort yourself. Or push harder and say, “Is that all you’ve got? Beat faster!” Reconfirm that you’re sick of being scared. You can also finally embrace it, letting the feeling of fear wash over you. Feel it, instead of frantically pushing it away like you probably used to.

If you are worried about your thoughts, this is proof that they are not who you are. Your crazy thoughts do not define you.

The same is going on with your thoughts. They are just channels of information; they are not you until you decide you like a certain channel and believe it sounds interesting. Only then do they become you. And crazy thoughts are not just about losing your mind, going crazy, or doing something that you really wouldn’t want to. They’re also the famous “what if?” thoughts we’ve been discussing all throughout the book.

If you suffer from bad panic attacks, your thoughts may try to make you believe that you will lose control. You will not. Your mind is simply overwhelmed because it is fighting against an imaginary army of ever increasing legions of tigers and other predators. You can’t blame it for thinking that is a daunting task.

We cannot really control our heart. Sure, our thoughts can help it calm down or speed up a bit, but if there ever would be a serious problem with our heart, our thoughts wouldn’t be able to fix it.

The heart has many reasons to beat faster other than you being physically active. If you drink alcohol, your heart will beat faster since alcohol is a poison to our bodies. If you’re sick and your immune system is fending off a virus, your heart will beat (a lot) faster. If you’ve eaten an ingredient you’re allergic to, your heart will beat faster too. Nothing bad is going on then, your body is simply doing its job. Irregular heartbeats are no source of concern either, provided your doctor confirmed you are healthy heart-wise.

Hyperventilation is very common with panic attacks and anxiety. Here it will be important to forgo of the common technique of breathing in a bag since that will mess up your blood oxygen/carbon dioxide levels even more. There are two ways to respond: 1. Do nothing and let your body breathe any way it wants. This is often the most effective approach. Our breathing happens automatically, and your body will soon find the best way of breathing. 2. Use abdominal breathing. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, making sure that only your abdomen moves. Furthermore, you can use any of the mental and other techniques described in part two of this book. My favorite is, “I allow you to breathe anyway you like, dear body. Whatever happens, I’m fine with it!

If the pain is caused by your stomach that dislikes what you ate, a beginning ulcer, or your liver that has a challenging task ahead, anxiety is not going to fix any of that. Since we eat/drink things that our body dislikes, since we catch viruses and more, pains are possible. I always go for full acceptance and when a symptom persists, I have it checked and try to figure out what’s causing it.

Life simply is dangerous. You are able to accept this perfectly well in most areas of your life, and it should be accepted while driving as well. Especially so because you are a good driver. Your alertness and danger radar make you a better driver!

The jolt of adrenaline and the weird sensations can be a bit harder to deal with while driving, because your body wants to run and move, and yet you’re sitting strapped in in your unmovable car seat. What works well here is to start singing loudly or yelling YIHA to use up some of the adrenaline. It’s just excitement because you’re doing something that your body considers exciting.

One of the shitty things about GAD is the associated physical symptoms. Panic attacks, which I will talk more about in a sec, are terrible, but they are also awesome in that they usually come and go in a matter of minutes. With GAD you aren’t so lucky. You have many of the same features of a panic attack, typically to a lesser degree, but for a really long period of time. Your body isn’t designed to be under that sort of stress reaction for those extended periods and so you may find that you constantly have an upset stomach, muscle soreness, difficulty sleeping, constant fatigue etc. It’s not fun.

The general idea has to do with those panic attacks that we talked about earlier in the “Your Body is an Asshole Too” chapter. Basically, when you have PD, you experience those panic attacks where you have strong physical symptoms combined with intense fear and discomfort. They tend to peak at around 10 minutes and then cool down. The party isn’t over after that, though. The defining feature of PD is that after you have a panic attack, you suffer from intense fear of having another one in the future. PD really sucks because you can start to have anxiety symptoms outside of legit panic attacks because you are so afraid of having another one and not being able to cope. It’s really a lose/lose situation because being so preoccupied about the potential of future attacks makes you more sensitized and vulnerable to them occurring. If you fear them, they shall come.

I say, “whatever happens, it’s OK. I choose to not feel anxiety. Having the symptom is bad enough. I don’t need to add oil to the fire. Been there done that.” If the symptom is really bad or weird or persists, I go see my doctor. I trust my doctor’s verdict, or, if the feeling stays, I may look for a solution elsewhere. But I do not freak out about it! I no longer feel anxiety for it.

Plus, even if bad stuff is about to happen, worrying won’t save us. So if you get a strange sensation, choose not to fear it. It’s a tough choice since the anxiety won’t fall away immediately upon making the choice, but at least you won’t pour oil on the fire.

If you have symptoms that worry you, it is your responsibility to have your health checked by a professional. It is not your responsibility to freak out, have anxiety, and continuously worry about it.

Nonetheless, if you’ve had your health checked by a medical doctor like I’ve asked you to, then know that you are not dying when you feel any or all of these symptoms. The panic attack that’s giving you these unwanted sensations is the very system that wants to keep you alive. Trust in the verdict your doctor gave you. When he or she said you are healthy and medically fine, you are.

Doctors have been trained for many years; they don’t overlook serious health problems. It’s simply because the fight-or-flight system has been activated that you are feeling some strange symptoms. Your negative voice might now say, “Doctors do miss things. They’re human beings! I’ve heard stories and seen stuff on TV and the Internet... ” If you had that thought, that’s again proof of your incredibly powerful radar that looks out for you. It’s trying to find BS in what I’m saying in order to protect you. It’s doing its job!

The symptom you are feeling probably doesn’t mean anything. Your doctor can help you find out. However, even though it could have a medical cause, that still doesn’t mean you should... ...add anxiety on top of it. This has nothing to do with the actual symptom. Anxiety is a choice. And this is where you have the mental power to make a different one.

Am I going to lose consciousness or will I faint?” Needless to say, the solution to this remains, “Whatever happens, even if I faint, so be it. It’s OK. I’ll deal with it when and if it happens.” Now before you get there and master this “whatever” way of thinking, take baby steps and explain to your negative voice that the panic attack system is exactly there so you would not faint.  It’s the fight-or-flight system, not the faint system. It’s rushing blood to your muscles (and thus takes it away from your brain, which explains the light-headedness) so you can punch that danger to the ground or outrun a leopard (or at least try to) if need be. Fainting would get you killed, so it’s not on the menu during an actual panic attack.

I need to get the *&%! out of here.” Look around. Are you surrounded by a real threat? If yes, please do get out of there quickly. If not—and this is obviously the most probable outcome—stay. Let it come. Decide to no longer let your life be dictated by the panic attacks. From now on, you no longer run from them. The anxiety and panic attacks don’t get to decide when you leave, what experiences you miss, how low or high the quality of your life is. You do! If the panic attack comes, you take it with you. You’ll smother it with so much acceptance and love, it will eventually grow tired of accompanying you! Besides the “whatever happens it’s OK,” it’s also beneficial to say, “Bring it on. I’m going to stay, and I want to see what happens. Let’s find out if it really is as bad as my negative voice wants me to believe.” This is powerful, and I’ve discussed it in detail before. What you’re feeling during a panic attack is already the pinnacle of what anxiety has in store. It cannot get worse; you’re already there. Furthermore, a full-blown panic attack can only last a couple of minutes. The adrenaline you’re feeling will be taken back up by organs like your liver; it will pass! Even if you stay. Do you know what the benefit of leaving is? Why does your anxiety often calm down when you do leave? Once you reach your safe place, you’ll probably think it’s over. You’re saved. As a result, your anxiety will drop. Can you see why? It’s because you told yourself so! You calmed yourself down by telling yourself you’re safe. The physical danger, in that safe place, is as small as it was in the place you were previously in. So why not stay there and calm your mind and body down there, on the spot? It works just as well. And the added benefit is that you won’t have to keep avoiding that location in the future. At first, it will take you five to twenty minutes to calm down, which is a bit more than if you sought out the exit and left. But the long-term consequences are so much better since you communicate to your mind and body that you no longer fear the fear. And that’s always the best choice to make.

At first, this will freak your body out. As you start to breathe slower, your heart rate will go up even more. Don’t stop then! Your body is simply screaming, “No, no! There’s no time for abdominal breathing now, what are you thinking? DANGER! I need blood in the muscles!” Hang in there. You need to have the final word. If you continue to practice the abdominal breathing at that time, even though your body gives you a whole range of nervous sensations, your body will soon start to listen and calm down. That said, you’ll need to apply other techniques as well. Abdominal breathing alone is not sufficient.

There’s nothing you could possibly do to transform these people into positive versions that will like and love you. It’s a waste of time. It’s not our job to educate or change other people.

If I continue to do what I always do, I’m going to talk down to myself, be disappointed, think I’m a loser and a failure. I would have a bad opinion of myself. And that’s the only opinion that ever matters. My own opinion. And I like me. I love me. These other people are just extras filling up the room. So be it.

Moving your body, on the other hand, has been shown to lower inflammation, produce feel-good endorphins, and give your mind a physical outlet for any anxiety or stress you may be suffering. Studies also show that physical activity can cause the brain to grow new neurons and, over time, rewire neural pathways that help stabilize mood and emotions. There’s something else about exercise that often gets overlooked when we talk about physical activity and mental health. When you mix low activity levels with a high-sugar diet—a common combo for most people—the union is like kryptonite for our minds and mood, leading to poor sleep, low-grade panic attacks, and depression

Do you remember asking me, one of the first times we met, if I could explain what panic attacks were? I don’t think I ever gave you a good answer.” “Have you got a better one now?” Zara asks. The psychologist shakes her head. Zara can’t help smiling. Then Nadia says, as herself, in her own words rather than those of her psychology training or anyone else: “But you know what, Zara? I’ve learned that it helps to talk about it. Unfortunately I think most people would still get more sympathy from their colleagues and bosses at work if they show up looking rough one morning and say ‘I’m hungover’ than if they say ‘I’m suffering from anxiety.’ But I think we pass people in the street every day who feel the same as you and I, many of them just don’t know what it is. Men and women going around for months having trouble breathing and seeing doctor after doctor because they think there’s something wrong with their lungs. All because it’s so damn difficult to admit that something else is… broken. That it’s an ache in our soul, invisible lead weights in our blood, an indescribable pressure in our chest. Our brains are lying to us, telling us we’re going to die. But there’s nothing wrong with our lungs, Zara. We’re not going to die, you and I.

A few days after I left UConn my mom took me to a psychiatrist in Stamford. After talking with me for an hour, smiling kindly and calmly asking me questions, he diagnosed me. “You have an anxiety disorder,” he said. “It’s a rare and very unpleasant type called ‘plateau panic disorder.’ Basically you’re having panic attacks that don’t ever end.

It was strange. The words “panic attack” were thrown around so often that I used to think nothing of it, applying the expression to the most trivial things. But now whenever I heard it, my stomach turned itself into knots. I used to be bulletproof, and I didn't even know it. Describing a panic attack to someone who has never experienced one is impossible. However, to one who has, no explanation is needed. You just have to say the word “anxiety,” and their eyes would light up with a knowing look. A mixture of “Welcome to the club” and “I know it sucks, but at least you're not alone.

When your amygdala makes a call, your reaction to it proves it right or wrong.

When your mind comes up with what ifs, congratulate it. Say, “Wow, what else you’ve got?” and admire it.

Learn to love the fact that your mind is so inventive. That it has the power to come up with so many scenarios and compliment your unlimited creativity for scaring you in new ways. The best horror and thriller writers in Hollywood could learn a lesson or two from your mind’s creativity.

The true cause of fear of failure and the inability to proceed is the weight you put on the outcome.

As you are relaxing and meditating a bit, there is another way you can use your imagination. In your imagination, you’re the director of what happens. So you can imagine doing what scares you and not experiencing any problems. The worst outcome doesn’t happen, on the contrary, the best possible outcome appears

Every time you thought “what if?” and imagined everything going wrong, you were using your imagination to make it worse. We’re using the same system here but in the opposite way. You’ve seen the negative powers of using your imagination. Now let’s use the positive side.

Feeling at ease wherever you are can drastically reduce your overall stress level and especially the load you put on your central nervous system. It also creates a life that’s more enjoyable. Just imagine when “wherever you are” becomes your safe place.

I decided to install a new belief: “I always have me, with me. And that’s all I need. Me. My mind. I myself am the safe person. I don’t need anyone else, nor do I need another place I can run to.

It turns out there will always be three groups of people: those who dislike you, those who are indifferent or undecided, and those who like you. It’s impossible to become a version of you that would eradicate the group that dislikes you. That group will always be there.

What we imagine has a profound effect on our entire body and the emotions we feel.

An interesting study found that meditation and other forms of relaxation have the power to shrink the amygdala, thus allowing you to become much more calm, cool, collected and more importantly, confident.[9]

As you may remember, your amygdala is the anxiety-radar you have built into your head. If the amygdala is large and active, a lot of dangers will be seen.

The only fears that stick around are the ones you choose to fear. The ones where you didn’t use the “let’s do this!” technique.

The moment you courageously say, “Bring it on. Let’s do this!” is the moment you’ve just won the first of a couple of battles. Your intentions have changed!

Your internal dialogue and what you keep telling yourself plays a major role as we’ve seen. It is what makes the difference between feeling anxious for less than a minute, developing generalized anxiety disorder, having panic attacks, or suffering from phobias.

Something amazing happens when we learn a new skill. Our brain starts to form new neural pathways so that something you first had to consciously focus on can become automated. That’s pretty powerful stuff. Now let’s use this principle on your anxiety. If you’ve suffered from any anxiety-related issue for some time, that anxious or at least negative way of thinking has now become an automatism. That’s why you probably seem to get way more negative thoughts than positive ones. For the moment, it’s still just a habit of your brain, one that we can change.

Everything we repeat or think often becomes an automatism. Both the good and the bad repetitions. Your mind makes no distinction!

Because you repeated being anxious, freaking out, or worrying about everything so often, your mind believes it must be very important to you. Why else would you practice it so frequently? It’s probably not for fun.

This is the usual way we conquer normal anxiety. By exposing ourselves to it over and over again, we learn that it’s OK. The anxiety vanishes, and that scary thing becomes embedded into our comfort circle. We can then partake in it without fear.

Step one is to question those negative thoughts.

Our internal dialogue during moments of intense anxiety would often be classified as verbal abuse should we use the same language outwardly toward others.

We don’t always choose our initial reaction, but we do choose the reaction to that first layer of anxiety. This is called emotional intelligence.

The fact that Marco was not afraid of his future... of being ill... well, it made me even more frightened. Because he was so positive he could make it.

When you're sick, you cannot listen to other people's illnesses. You just want to be heard.

We should always strive to understand what makes us feel bad... before we feel bad, if possible. As well as what makes us feel good... although that could be the hardest thing of all.

The more you try to make the anxiety go away, the more you try to stay calm, the more you try to make your symptoms disappear, the worse it will get!

Trying to avoid anxiety or attempting to make it vanish is a form of resistance, and the anxiety you’re feeling already represents resistance to something that’s happening or that you were thinking about. That’s what launched the anxiety in the first place. Hence, the more resistance you add, the more you forcefully try to be calm, the more nervous you will get.

The more you fight anxiety, the worse it will get. The more you let go, the faster it will pass.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

It is never the symptoms or the location and situation you’re in that cause anxiety and panic attacks. It is your response to them that matters.

You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

I wish I could speak about all my experiences freely, without my voice cracking, feeling visibly uncomfortable, crying, or experiencing a panic attack. Writing has been easier for me than speaking. In a way, writing has given me a voice I did not know I had.

Reassurance gives more power to the emotion of anxiety.

After the security of fundamentalism, you may have attacks of fear that are quite irrational. You were taught to fear the world and to fear hell. Now you feel like you are without the “armor of God” or the “blood of Christ” to protect you, and this can leave you feeling naked and vulnerable. Like a little child without a guardian angel, you may have intense feelings of abandonment. Apart from the church family, you may feel as if you face life alone, and this can test your coping abilities. You may even have moments of panic or nightmares. You might also experience a persistent free-floating anxiety or paranoia. These fears are all based on restimulation of old conditioning, not analysis of real threat.

Rude comments come from people filled with hate and negativity.

Remarkably, people pleasers who try to avoid getting hurt end up getting hurt a lot more often, because other people start taking them for granted and treat them like a doormat. If you want to live your life, have experiences that matter, and have fun every now and then, you’ll always cross the path of people who won’t agree with you or who will be rude in some way. Apply the “whatever happens, it’s OK” attitude. It’s a part of life; it cannot be avoided.