Albert Einstein Humorous Quotes

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Never memorize something that you can look up.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking

Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren't these the same questions as last year's [physics] final exam? Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.

Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots

It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.

An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.

When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock. So I stopped wearing socks.

A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy' Albert Einstein

Il est plus facile de désintégrer un atome qu'un préjugé

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?

You make experiments and I make theories. Do you know the difference? A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it. {Remark to scientist Herman Francis Mark}

If you can't do respect for yours, you can't do for others".

four-fifths of the words attributed to me are things I never said, and would not agree with. If your words cannot stand on their own, adding my name won't make them less flimsy

Humor, motivations, moral,gods,energy,secrecy

It's not gay if you didn't know it was a boy.

An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour.

La théorie, c’est quand on sait tout et que rien ne fonctionne. La pratique, c’est quand tout fonctionne et que personne ne sait pourquoi. Ici, nous avons réuni théorie et pratique : Rien ne fonctionne… et personne ne sait pourquoi

Tout est en un (Abraham) Tout est amour (Jésus-Christ) Tout est économique (Karl Marx) Tout est sexuel (Sigmund Freud) Tout est relatif (Albert Einstein) Et ensuite ?

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe

In words attributed to Albert Einstein, “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Let your intelligence live a little.

Lederman is also a charismatic personality, famous among his colleagues for his humor and storytelling ability. One of his favorite anecdotes relates the time when, as a graduate student, he arranged to bump into Albert Einstein while walking the grounds at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton. The great man listened patiently as the eager youngster explained the particle-physics research he was doing at Columbia, and then said with a smile, “That is not interesting.

She gives off an aura of enormous sadness, though her powers of humor and forgiveness seem to run equally as deep.

God does not play dice,” said Albert Einstein. It’s true. He prefers puzzles.

Ooh! Oo-wooh!' groaned Henry, looking up to see that even Albert Einstein was willing him on. Amber grasped at lumps of his flesh and felt as if she were steering a rickety bus on a bumpy goat track.

IMPORTANT: One must NEVER EVER use tampons and Ben & Jerry's as each other's decoy purchases, as this suggests you are some sort of Bridget Jones situation who needs ice cream to soothe her menses a-bloo-bloos, which defeats the entire purpose of decoy purchases, Albert Einstein.