Zombie Survival Guide Quotes

Use your head; cut off theirs.

Often, a school is your best bet-perhaps not for education but certainly for protection from an undead attack.

Remember; no matter how desperate the situation seems, time spent thinking clearly is never time wasted.

If you believe you can accomplish everything by "cramming" at the eleventh hour, by all means, don't lift a finger now. But you may think twice about beginning to build your ark once it has already started raining

1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don't need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Hooking on scuba gear and blindly diving into zombie-infested water is a wonderful way to mix the two childhood terrors of being eaten and drowning.

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life. * Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian.

Zombies will try to scale any surface no matter how unfeasable or even impossible. In all but the easiest situations, these attempts have met with failure. Even in the case of ladders, when simple hand-over-hand coordination is required, only one in four zombies will succeed.

But no matter what happens to the surviving humans, there will always be the walking dead.

Unlike the escapee, your team of hunters will be out during the brightest, hottest, most excruciating part of the day. Make sure each hunter is well supplied with water and antisunstroke accessories.

Survival is the key word to remember—not victory, not conquest, just survival.

History has proven that a well-trained individual, with nothing but a rock, has a better chance of survival than a novice with the latest technological marvel.

When fighting for your life, it may simply be too easy to flip the switch to “rock ’n’ roll,” no matter how wasteful and useless this might be.

Okay. You’re stranded in a deserted train station during the zombie apocalypse. Quick, which book do you have with you?” “Hopefully The Zombie Survival Guide.

Joy, sadness, confidence, anxiety, love, hatred, fear-all of these feelings and thousands more that make up the human "heart" are as useless to the living dead as the organ of the same name. Who knows if this is humanity's greatest weakness or strength? The debate continues, and probably will forever.

During the Qin Dynasty, all books not relating to practical concerns such as agriculture or construction were ordered burned by the emperor to guard against "dangerous thought." Whether accounts of zombie attacks perished in the flames will never be known. This obscure section of a medical manuscript, preserved in the wall of an executed Chinese scholar, might be proof of such attacks.

*At the behest of the filmmakers and/or their estates, the titles of those movies based on true-life stories have been omitted.

How could those in power, especially in such a modern, enlightened age as ours, ignore the spread of a deadly disease until it reached plague proportions?

As stated before, in Western—particularly American—culture, there is the myth of the individual superbeing. One man or woman, well-armed and highly skilled, with nerves of steel, can conquer the world. In truth, anyone believing this should simply strip naked, holler for the undead, then lay down on a silver platter.

Feelings of any kind are not known to the walking dead. Every form of psychological warfare, from attempts at enraging the undead to provoking pity have all met with disaster. Joy, sadness, confidence, anxiety, love, hatred, fear—all of these feelings and thousands more that make up the human “heart” are as useless to the living dead as the organ of the same name. Who knows if this is humanity’s greatest weakness or strength? The debate continues, and probably will forever.

Unlike its human counterparts, an army of zombies is completely independent of support. It will not require food,ammunition, or medical attention. It will not succumb to panic, desertion, or out-and-out mutiny. Like the virus that gave it life, this undead force will continue to grow, spreading across the body of this planet until there is nothing left to devour. Where would you go? What would you do?

Humans who believe they have outrun their undead pursuers might do well to remember the story of the tortoise and the hare, adding, of course, that in this instance the hare stands a good chance of being eaten alive.

He comes from the grave, his body a home of worms and filth. No life in his eyes, no warmth of his skin, no beating of his breast. His soul, as empty and dark as the night sky. He laughs at the blade, spits at the arrow, for they will not harm his flesh. For eternity, he will walk the earth, smelling the sweet blood of the living, feasting upon the bones of the damned. Beware, for he is the living dead. —OBSCURE HINDU TEXT, CIRCA 1000 B.C.E.

They may be the water, but you are the boulder that guides their path, and in return they too, shape you.

Since zombies are slower than humans, your family should be able to calmly turn around and walk away from danger. That’s the theory. In practice, executing even the simplest maneuver with kids is virtually impossible. They naturally do the opposite of what you tell them, unless they anticipated you’d use reverse psychology. Then they do the opposite of whatever you said. If you understood those sentences at all, you’ve already spent too much time with your children.

Marriage has a built-in system of checks and balances. The checks aren’t so much like Congress checking a president as they are like one hockey player checking another into a wall. It hurts, but it’s also a wakeup call—assuming you ever wake up.

​Do get a copy of this book you can keep. If you use it right, it’ll be covered in dirt and blood splatter by the end. The last thing you need in the apocalypse is a hefty library fine. ​Don’t tell your friends about this book. You need every advantage you can get over the competition. It’s a person-eat-person world out there.

In America, they have this thing called a story cycle. When they're at war, they start doing fantasy and war-style entertainment. When fantasy gets big, they go through a recession, and horror starts gaining popularity. When horror gets popular, mystery starts gaining popularity. Then when mystery reaches its peak, science fiction starts gaining popularity. Then things get rough again, and we go back to Fantasy". This quote was taken from an interview from The Myth of Cthulhu: Dark Navigation.

Don't wait for children's toys to fall into your garden Part of eliminating compassion is stopping other people from trying to pull it out of you. A guaranteed way to do this is to follow this exercise. Many children will undoubtedly be playing games near your home, and perhaps a Frisbee or a ball will land in your garden. The typical grumpy old man won't give it back. You must go one step further. On these same strolls where you locate charity workers, locate children playing. Playgrounds are a good place to start, but you want to be careful you don't look like a pedophile. Remember, you love nothing, children included. When you see children playing a game quickly run up and pop their ball or hurl their Frisbee into a nearby tree. Word will spread and no one will try to drag you down to their pathetically weak levels with feelings and caring. Caring is for the dead. If they had cared less they wouldn't be zombies now. So remember to pop balls, tear kites, hide Frisbees, kick sandcastles, and decapitate teddy bears. Spitting into open lunch boxes will take you over the top but isn't necessary.

representation

knowledge is only part of the fight for survival.

Many may not know this, but beer is a weapon of choice not only against werewolves, but also zombies, banshees, ghouls, and the chastity belts of wood nymphs.” --“The Well-Armed Vampire,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampries, 19th Edition

Kate realized all these girls were strange in their own way. Maybe everyone was.

They may be the water, but you are the boulder that guides their path, and in return they too, shape you. Life made smooth by decades of students flowing through. Finally,

Explosive Pandemic-type zombies mostly spread the contagion through wounding or biting humans, and in that way, the increase their numbers. Because they multiply so quickly and explosively, they can destroy all human civilization in a very short time. For this reason, will refer to them as Explosive Pandemic-type zombies. The person responsible for Explosive Pandemic-type zombies is none other than George A Romero, who created them in 1968 Night of the Living Dead.

(First tip: do not own or befriend cats, they only form unnecessary emotional bonds and, unlike dogs, will not come to your aid at a crucial moment. They may also join forces with the zombies at the first opportunity to take revenge on you for your giving them a name like Mittens).

Zombies, ghouls—no matter what their label—these somnambulists are the greatest threat to humanity, other than humanity itself.

Zombie Pigman

rank warehouses among your most attractive hideouts.

The TSA gets all upset about things like razor blades and pocket knives. They're narrow minded that way.

She acts all scary, but she's been unusually nice to us, so... I know! She's the Tsundere-type zombie, amiright?!

Listen and listen good Log Lady. This wood fetish might be cute in Twin Peaks, but it sure ain't gonna cut it here.

Parents have many weapons at their disposal, but only one has the power to destroy anyone or anything in its path. A solider has a rifle. A Jedi has a light saber. A parent has an umbrella stroller.

The chances of a zombie outbreak beginning in a daycare are alarmingly high. Toddlers are walking Petri dishes. Every major illness starts with them. They are so contagious that NATO’s current germ warfare policy is to parachute preschoolers into enemy countries. A single runny nose could wipe out North Korea. Little kids have undeveloped immune systems and love to eat food off the floor. To diseases, they’re Disneyland. Put twelve toddlers in a room together and you’ll have the deadliest germ laboratory in the world. Everyone knows the bubonic plague started in a daycare. I don’t see why the first case of zombieism will be any different.

After all, fans may come to your story for the zombies, but they stay for the people. That's the reason The Walking Dead TV series has lasted as many seasons as it has. The zombies are great, you can't do it without them, but it's the human characters―their relationships and drama―that make it successful

In The Walking Dead, Shane is a prime example of a traitor.

technically, any wearable or implanted electronic or prosthetic device is cybernetic; this includes pacemakers, hearing aids, and contact lenses.

You have to start with a bang, pull back, then hit them again with the last line of your first paragraph. BAM! No escape. They're hooked. They have to keep reading.

Your power brings us to birth, Your providence guides our lives, and by Your command we return to dust. Lord, those who die still live in Your presence, their lives change but do not end. I pray in hope for my family, relatives and friends, and for all the dead known to you alone. In company with Christ, Who died and now lives, may they rejoice in Your kingdom, where all our tears are wiped away. Unite us together again in one family, to sing Your praise forever and ever.

It's easy to predict human actions once you assume everyone is a jerk.

The undead are immune to all burns, both physical and emotional.

When I slipped on that wedding ring, I got more than a partner for life; I gained a standing veto to all my best schemes. Marriage has a built-in system of checks and balances. The checks aren’t so much like Congress checking a president as they are like one hockey player checking another into a wall. It hurts, but it’s also a wakeup call—assuming you ever wake up.

zombies could destroy everything and nobody would notice the difference. I’m looking at you, New Jersey.

There will be bills to pay right up to the second civilization collapses and money loses all value forever. Then millions of greenbacks won’t be worth as much as a single serving of beans. That’s why you should toss a few extra cans in your cart every time you go to the grocery store. Someday you’ll be the richest person in the world.

Whatever reason you have for why flesh-eating zombies exist, keep it to yourself. Your readers don’t care, and more than that, they don’t want to know. I’m

As best selling author Mickey Spillane put it, “Your first line sells the book. Your last line sells the next book.