Yo Mama Quotes

What happened next, I would never have been able to predict. But it happened. We both went “OOOOOOOOH” at the bullshit that came out of his mouth like we were in fifth grade and had made a really good “yo mama” joke. We went “OOOOOOOOH” so deep and into it, totally unexpected, that it lasted maybe three seconds before we both burst out laughing, my head crying no at the movement and my back aching, but I did it anyway.

Pheoby, yuh got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God and they got tuh find out about livin fuh theyselves.

Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball everyone thought she was pregnant again.   Yo

Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said good bye.

Yo mama so ugly when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.   Yo

Yo mama so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

Yo mama so stupid, she watches Fox News and voted for Trump.

It’s uh known fact...you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo’ papa and yo’ mama and nobody else can’t tell yuh and show yuh.

Yo mama is so stupid… she went to a dentist to fix her Bluetooth!

Yo mama so slutty, Trump still owes her hush money.

YO MAMA SO POOR... Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention. Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush. Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers. Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of garbage bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. Yo mama so poor she has the ducks throw bread at her.

Then he gave a sad little smile. "Yo Mama better watch his back," he said.

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama is so ugly… she made the Devil go to church!

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

It’s uh known fact, Pheoby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo’ papa and yo’ mama and nobody else can’t tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody’s got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin’ fuh theyselves.

... 'Course, talkin' don't amount tuh uh hill uh beans when yuh can't do nothin' else. And listenin' tuh dat kind uh talk is jus' lak openin' yo' mouth and lettin' de moon shine down yo' throat. It's uh known fact, Pheopby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin' fuh theyselves.

Yo mama is so fat… when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo mama so hairy people think she's an Ewok.

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.

Yo mama is so fat… when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride her!

Yo mama so poor she has the ducks throw bread at her.

YO MAMA SO STUPID... Yo mama so stupid she tried to put her M&Ms in alphabetical order. Yo mama so stupid she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." Yo mama so stupid she went to the dentist to get a blue tooth. Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor. Yo mama so stupid she failed a survey. Yo mama so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company. Yo mama so stupid she tried to climb Mountain Dew. Yo mama so stupid she went to the YMCA thinking it's Macy's. Yo mama is so stupid, she won't play Candy Crush cause she has diabetes.

De girl baby ain’t born and her mama is dead, dat can git me tuh spend our money on her. Ah told yo’ before dat you got de keys tuh de kingdom. You can depend on dat.

PARENTHOOD is journey of being driven to the BRINK of INSANITY and BACK...Like a YO YO!!

yo mama so fat when she walked by the t.v. I missed three episodes! sincerely, yo daddi

Yo momma's so short she has to use a ladder to get up on the curb.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad I don't know if I should give her a Tic Tac or a piece of toilet paper. Yo

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away. Yo

Yo mama is so short … she broke her legs jumping off the toilet!

Yo mama is so lazy… she's got a remote control just to operate her remote control!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there. Yo

Yo momma's so skinny I can blindfold her with dental floss.

Yo momma's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver she asked, "Cherry or grape?

Yo momma's so fat she sank the Titanic.

Yo momma's so fat, when we went to a kid's birthday party, everyone thought she was the bounce house.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad, it's considered a weapon of mass destruction.

Yo Momma So Fat……Even Dora Can’t Explore Her”                               1.

Yo momma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama better watch his back,” he said.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad her teeth didn't fall out, they ran away.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench.

9. Yo Momma’s so Cheap Yo

Yo momma's so old she used to hitch a ride to work with Fred Flintstone.

yo mama so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed. yo mama so fat i took a picture of her last year and its still printing

Yo mama is so skinny… she turned sideways and disappeared.

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving.

Yo mama is so old… that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama is so ugly… when she plays Mortal Kombat, Scorpion says, “Stay over there!

Yo mama is so old… she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma's so fat, she went to Red Lobster for endless shrimp last month and she's still there.

Yo mama is so fat that she left the house in high heels and came back wearing flip flops.

Yo mama is so fat that you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through!

Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she´s smuggling a Volkswagen.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror her reflection screamed in horror.

yo mama a hoe xoxo

Yo momma's so ugly, when we went to a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck. Yo momma's so ugly, when she was doing door-to-door sales, someone told her it wasn't Halloween yet.

YO MAMA SO OLD... Yo mama so old the back of her head looks like a raisin. Yo mama so old her social security number is 1. Yo mama so old when she was a child rainbows were still in black and white. Yo mama so old when she was in school there was no history class. Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo mama so old she was a crossing guard when Moses parted the red sea. Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo mama so old she has an autographed bible. Yo mama so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro. Yo mama so old she knew Gandalf before he had a beard.

Yo momma's so dirty homeless people throw change at her when she sits on a park bench. Yo momma’s so dirty, when she told your daddy to take out the trash, he put her out on the curb. Yo momma’s so dirty, when I called her on the

It's uh known fact, Pheoby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin' fuh theyselves.

YO MAMA SO FAT... Yo mama so fat she wears a sock on each toe. Yo mama so fat her belly button got an echo. Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her. Yo mama so fat when she takes a bath there's no room left for any water in the tub. Yo mama so fat when I pictured her in my head I almost broke my neck. Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella. Yo mama so fat she gave Dracula high cholesterol. Yo mama so fat her ass has its own zip code. Yo mama so fat she uses bacon as breath mints. Yo mama so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

YO MAMA SO SKINNY... Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio. Yo mama so skinny she can grate cheese on her ribs. Yo mama so skinny her nipples touch. Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops. Yo mama's so skinny when her pimp slapped her he got a paper cut. Yo mama so skinny she uses Chapstick for deodorant. Yo mama so skinny she uses a tea bag as her pillow. Yo mama so skinny she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad. Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball everyone thought she was pregnant again. Yo mama so skinny if she had a yeast infection she'd be a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

wasting water. Yo

momma's

If he don’t see, love, and respect that shit, he ain’t the one for you. I could give a fuck about history. Understanding is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. There is no love without understanding. With your mother, I understand that she has to sleep with her cold ass feet on me. And, I hate feet. They sweaty. They stank. They ugly. Yo mama got a fat ass corn on her right pinky toe too. Owee,” he went on, causing me to chuckle.

He leans over and snarls, “Yo’ mama.” I grin. “She’s yo’ mama too, and I’m telling her you said that.” He opens up his arms, taunting me, “Do it. I’ll tell her the real story about the dried basil leaves in your sock drawer.” The motherfucker. “It was yours! I was hiding it for you!” He shrugs. “She don’t know that.

Den we git hurtee again. Somebody call hisself a deputy sheriff kill de baby boy now. (Over)1 “He say he de law, but he doan come ’rest him. If my boy done something wrong, it his place come ’rest him lak a man. If he mad wid my Cudjo ’bout something den he oughter come fight him face to face lak a man. He doan come ’rest him lak no sheriff and he doan come fight him lak no man. He have words wid my boy, but he skeered face him. Derefo’, you unnerstand me, he hidee hisself in de butcher wagon and when it gittee to my boy’s store, Cudjo walk straight to talk business. Dis man, he hidin’ hisself in de back of de wagon, an’ shootee my boy. Oh, Lor’! He shootee my boy in de throat. He got no right shootee my boy. He make out he skeered my boy goin’ shoot him and shootee my boy down in de store. Oh, Lor’! De people run come tellee me my boy hurtee. We tookee him home and lay him in de bed. De big hole in de neck. He try so hard to ketchee breath. Oh, Lor’! It hurtee me see my baby boy lak dat. It hurtee his mama so her breast swell up so. It make me cry ’cause it hurt Seely so much. She keep standin’ at de foot of de bed, you unnerstand me, an’ lookee all de time in his face. She keep telling him all de time, ‘Cudjo, Cudjo, Cudjo, baby, put whip to yo’ horse!’ “He hurtee so hard, but he answer her de best he kin, you unnerstand me. He tellee her, ‘Mama, thass whut I been doin’!’ “Two days and two nights my boy lay in de bed wid de noise in de throat. His mama never leave him. She lookee at his face and tellee him, ‘Put whip to yo’ horse, baby.’ “He pray all he could. His mama pray. I pray so hard, but he die. I so sad I wish I could die in place of my Cudjo. Maybe, I doan pray right, you unnerstand me, ’cause he die while I was prayin’ dat de Lor’ spare my boy life. “De man dat killee my boy, he de paster of Hay Chapel in Plateau today. I try forgive him.

No hay hierbas que hagan crecer en nosotras la empatía y la justicia. No hay hierbas contra el capitalismo, el dolor y el cansancio. No hay hierbas para una mujer engañada y extraída de su tierra, violada e infectada para siempre. No las hay. Mientras tanto yo tengo esta botica, legado de La Mama Doma. Legado de Noris. Legado de Cecilia Ruano y Ceci. Legado de mi abuela. Esta botica que cargo como cura amarga de lo que soy.

Nunca la había visto así por la sencilla razón de que nunca había sido así. Mi madre me miraba con amor. Esa mirada suya -que yo había esperado y mendigado toda mi infancia y por la que me habría desprendido voluntariamente de todo mi capital de niño ahorrador- la recibía ahora gratis. [...] Habría querido tirarla de la silla de una patada, como había hecho ella conmigo a lo largo de aquellos siete meses. Me habría gustado meterle aquel amor por los ojos a puñetazos y decirle que se lo guardara para el otro mundo, en el que, si tenía suerte, conseguiría engatusar a alguien y convencerle de que era capaz de amar. Me habría gustado arrancarle en aquel segundo, con unas tenazas al rojo vivo, todos los cuentos no contados, todas las nanas no cantadas, todas las caricias en el pelo que me correspondían, pero que ella me había escamoteado como una roñosa.

Yo momma's so shinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.

Yo mama is so old… she farts dust!

Yo Mama is so...’ jokes started among African Americans before their emancipation from slavery. ‘Mama’ was used as a code word for ‘Master’.

Yo mama is so fat… she sank the Titanic!

Yo mama is so fat… when she wore a blue and green sweater, everyone thought she was planet Earth.

Yo mama is so fat… when she steps on a scale, it read, “One at a time, please”.

Yo mama is so old… she has an autographed Bible!   Yo

Yo mama is so ugly… she scared the crap out of a toilet!   Yo

Yo mama is so lazy… she starved instead of getting up to get some food.   Yo

Yo mama jokes…   Yo

Yo mama is so fat and greasy… she uses bacon strips as a bandaid!   Yo

Yo mama is so stupid… she thought she couldn’t buy a Gameboy because she is a girl!   Yo

Yo mama is so stupid… she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama is so poor… birds throw bread at her!

Yo momma's so skinny, when I locked myself out of my apartment, she slipped under the door and let me in.

Yo momma's so skinny she can hula hoop in a Fruit Loop. Yo momma's so skinny when she wore a yellow dress she looked like a No. 2 pencil.

Yo momma’s so dirty, when she told your daddy to take out the trash, he put her out on the curb.

Yo momma’s so dirty, when her momma threw her out on the street she got a fine for littering.

Yo mama is so hairy… you need a lawnmower to shave her back!

Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow… that when she smiles traffic slows down.

Yo mama is so fat… she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama is so fat… she jumped off the Grand Canyon and got stuck.

Yo mama is so fat… she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow… I can't believe it's not butter.