Yo Mama Quotes

What happened next, I would never have been able to predict. But it happened. We both went “OOOOOOOOH” at the bullshit that came out of his mouth like we were in fifth grade and had made a really good “yo mama” joke. We went “OOOOOOOOH” so deep and into it, totally unexpected, that it lasted maybe three seconds before we both burst out laughing, my head crying no at the movement and my back aching, but I did it anyway.

Pheoby, yuh got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God and they got tuh find out about livin fuh theyselves.

Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball everyone thought she was pregnant again.   Yo

Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said good bye.

Yo mama so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

Yo mama so ugly when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.   Yo

It’s uh known fact...you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo’ papa and yo’ mama and nobody else can’t tell yuh and show yuh.

Yo mama so stupid, she watches Fox News and voted for Trump.

Yo mama so slutty, Trump still owes her hush money.

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama is so stupid… she went to a dentist to fix her Bluetooth!

YO MAMA SO POOR... Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention. Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush. Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers. Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of garbage bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. Yo mama so poor she has the ducks throw bread at her.

Then he gave a sad little smile. "Yo Mama better watch his back," he said.

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.

Yo mama so hairy people think she's an Ewok.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Yo mama is so ugly… she made the Devil go to church!

Yo mama so poor she has the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

It’s uh known fact, Pheoby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo’ papa and yo’ mama and nobody else can’t tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody’s got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin’ fuh theyselves.

... 'Course, talkin' don't amount tuh uh hill uh beans when yuh can't do nothin' else. And listenin' tuh dat kind uh talk is jus' lak openin' yo' mouth and lettin' de moon shine down yo' throat. It's uh known fact, Pheopby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin' fuh theyselves.

Yo mama is so fat… when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride her!

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving.

Yo mama is so fat… when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

YO MAMA SO STUPID... Yo mama so stupid she tried to put her M&Ms in alphabetical order. Yo mama so stupid she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." Yo mama so stupid she went to the dentist to get a blue tooth. Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor. Yo mama so stupid she failed a survey. Yo mama so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company. Yo mama so stupid she tried to climb Mountain Dew. Yo mama so stupid she went to the YMCA thinking it's Macy's. Yo mama is so stupid, she won't play Candy Crush cause she has diabetes.

YO MAMA SO FAT... Yo mama so fat she wears a sock on each toe. Yo mama so fat her belly button got an echo. Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her. Yo mama so fat when she takes a bath there's no room left for any water in the tub. Yo mama so fat when I pictured her in my head I almost broke my neck. Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella. Yo mama so fat she gave Dracula high cholesterol. Yo mama so fat her ass has its own zip code. Yo mama so fat she uses bacon as breath mints. Yo mama so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

YO MAMA SO OLD... Yo mama so old the back of her head looks like a raisin. Yo mama so old her social security number is 1. Yo mama so old when she was a child rainbows were still in black and white. Yo mama so old when she was in school there was no history class. Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo mama so old she was a crossing guard when Moses parted the red sea. Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo mama so old she has an autographed bible. Yo mama so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro. Yo mama so old she knew Gandalf before he had a beard.

PARENTHOOD is journey of being driven to the BRINK of INSANITY and BACK...Like a YO YO!!

De girl baby ain’t born and her mama is dead, dat can git me tuh spend our money on her. Ah told yo’ before dat you got de keys tuh de kingdom. You can depend on dat.

Yo mama is so fat that she left the house in high heels and came back wearing flip flops.

Yo mama is so fat that you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through!

Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she´s smuggling a Volkswagen.

yo mama so fat when she walked by the t.v. I missed three episodes! sincerely, yo daddi

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

yo mama so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed. yo mama so fat i took a picture of her last year and its still printing

Yo mama is so lazy… she's got a remote control just to operate her remote control!

Yo mama is so short … she broke her legs jumping off the toilet!

Yo mama is so skinny… she turned sideways and disappeared.

Yo Mama better watch his back,” he said.

Yo mama is so ugly… when she plays Mortal Kombat, Scorpion says, “Stay over there!

Yo mama is so old… she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama is so old… that when she was in school there was no history class.

yo mama a hoe xoxo

YO MAMA SO SKINNY... Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio. Yo mama so skinny she can grate cheese on her ribs. Yo mama so skinny her nipples touch. Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops. Yo mama's so skinny when her pimp slapped her he got a paper cut. Yo mama so skinny she uses Chapstick for deodorant. Yo mama so skinny she uses a tea bag as her pillow. Yo mama so skinny she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad. Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball everyone thought she was pregnant again. Yo mama so skinny if she had a yeast infection she'd be a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

It's uh known fact, Pheoby, you got tuh go there tuh know there. Yo' papa and yo' mama and nobody else can't tell yuh and show yuh. Two things everybody's got tuh do fuh theyselves. They got tuh go tuh God, and they got tuh find out about livin' fuh theyselves.

If he don’t see, love, and respect that shit, he ain’t the one for you. I could give a fuck about history. Understanding is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. There is no love without understanding. With your mother, I understand that she has to sleep with her cold ass feet on me. And, I hate feet. They sweaty. They stank. They ugly. Yo mama got a fat ass corn on her right pinky toe too. Owee,” he went on, causing me to chuckle.

He leans over and snarls, “Yo’ mama.” I grin. “She’s yo’ mama too, and I’m telling her you said that.” He opens up his arms, taunting me, “Do it. I’ll tell her the real story about the dried basil leaves in your sock drawer.” The motherfucker. “It was yours! I was hiding it for you!” He shrugs. “She don’t know that.

Den we git hurtee again. Somebody call hisself a deputy sheriff kill de baby boy now. (Over)1 “He say he de law, but he doan come ’rest him. If my boy done something wrong, it his place come ’rest him lak a man. If he mad wid my Cudjo ’bout something den he oughter come fight him face to face lak a man. He doan come ’rest him lak no sheriff and he doan come fight him lak no man. He have words wid my boy, but he skeered face him. Derefo’, you unnerstand me, he hidee hisself in de butcher wagon and when it gittee to my boy’s store, Cudjo walk straight to talk business. Dis man, he hidin’ hisself in de back of de wagon, an’ shootee my boy. Oh, Lor’! He shootee my boy in de throat. He got no right shootee my boy. He make out he skeered my boy goin’ shoot him and shootee my boy down in de store. Oh, Lor’! De people run come tellee me my boy hurtee. We tookee him home and lay him in de bed. De big hole in de neck. He try so hard to ketchee breath. Oh, Lor’! It hurtee me see my baby boy lak dat. It hurtee his mama so her breast swell up so. It make me cry ’cause it hurt Seely so much. She keep standin’ at de foot of de bed, you unnerstand me, an’ lookee all de time in his face. She keep telling him all de time, ‘Cudjo, Cudjo, Cudjo, baby, put whip to yo’ horse!’ “He hurtee so hard, but he answer her de best he kin, you unnerstand me. He tellee her, ‘Mama, thass whut I been doin’!’ “Two days and two nights my boy lay in de bed wid de noise in de throat. His mama never leave him. She lookee at his face and tellee him, ‘Put whip to yo’ horse, baby.’ “He pray all he could. His mama pray. I pray so hard, but he die. I so sad I wish I could die in place of my Cudjo. Maybe, I doan pray right, you unnerstand me, ’cause he die while I was prayin’ dat de Lor’ spare my boy life. “De man dat killee my boy, he de paster of Hay Chapel in Plateau today. I try forgive him.

just had to, no matter how scared I was.” Mama went on. “An’ those people, the ones we never met and ain’t ever gonna meet, who were called by God to make somethin’ that ain’ ever been before—a college for everyone that let a Negro woman learn. That’ a miracle, baby. A miracle that blessed yo’ life!” A huge chill swept through Jordan at the truth of her mother’s words. “The Sower

No hay hierbas que hagan crecer en nosotras la empatía y la justicia. No hay hierbas contra el capitalismo, el dolor y el cansancio. No hay hierbas para una mujer engañada y extraída de su tierra, violada e infectada para siempre. No las hay. Mientras tanto yo tengo esta botica, legado de La Mama Doma. Legado de Noris. Legado de Cecilia Ruano y Ceci. Legado de mi abuela. Esta botica que cargo como cura amarga de lo que soy.

Nunca la había visto así por la sencilla razón de que nunca había sido así. Mi madre me miraba con amor. Esa mirada suya -que yo había esperado y mendigado toda mi infancia y por la que me habría desprendido voluntariamente de todo mi capital de niño ahorrador- la recibía ahora gratis. [...] Habría querido tirarla de la silla de una patada, como había hecho ella conmigo a lo largo de aquellos siete meses. Me habría gustado meterle aquel amor por los ojos a puñetazos y decirle que se lo guardara para el otro mundo, en el que, si tenía suerte, conseguiría engatusar a alguien y convencerle de que era capaz de amar. Me habría gustado arrancarle en aquel segundo, con unas tenazas al rojo vivo, todos los cuentos no contados, todas las nanas no cantadas, todas las caricias en el pelo que me correspondían, pero que ella me había escamoteado como una roñosa.

there? The police.

On the weekend I thought about how cool it would be if I changed my name to “Yo-Mama”. I made a list of all the different ways it would sound awesome. When Ma calls the dentist: “Hello? Yes, this is Mrs McDonald. I’d like to make an appointment for Yo-Mama.” Being called for our turn at the Doctor: “Yo-Mama?” Then not answering so they have to call again. “Yo-Mama? Is Yo-Mama here? At the park: “Yo-Mama! Come down from the climbing frame, it’s time to eat your snacks.” At home: “Who ate all the chocolate chip cookies?” “Yo-Mama!” Or “Hurry up in the bathroom!

Yo mama is so fat… when God said, “Let there be light,” he had to ask her to move out of the way.

Yo mama is so fat… when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!

Yo mama so ugly, when she looked out the window, she got arrested for mooning

Mama’s so naughty she packed dog poop in a sack and went to deliver it as Christmas gifts to poor kids in the neighbourhood.

Yo mama is so ugly… I told her to take out the trash and we never saw her again!

Yo mama so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! I put

Yo mama is so fat… she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama is so bald… Mr. Clean was jealous.

Try me. I’ll leave yo mama with nothing to bury except dreams of you.

Baby, yo mama a big lady and I think she’ll mangle your ass,” Czar chuckled. “And then I’d have to pop her ass in the foot for fucking with my baby.” “You’d shoot my mama for me?” “Calm down, Gypsy Rose.

You better be lucky you ate my ass and pussy so good last night ‘cause we would be arguing again.” “Don’t act like this dick didn’t have yo’ ass in here seizing. I thought I was gon’ have to call the paramedics,” Prince cracked, causing her to groan.

diffidently

You better show him yo’ mama made a ho, girl.

I’m not doing no illegal shit with you, Big mama.” Nas smiled at her. "Nigga, yo’ whole existence is illegal." I swear this lady was too damn much for me sometimes.

Nigga, are you getting ready to marry her?” She asked. "Hell no! You almost made me slide yo’ ass for saying that shit." This dude was frowned up like Big Mama had put a curse on his ass.

Ummmm, Big Mama, who is WE? Tell him to come take yo’ ass, I don't know about that WE shit! When yo’ ass praying and asking God to come take you now, you can ask for yo’ damn self. Don't include me in that shit. The word should be Me, not We because the lawd ain't ready to see Nas in that way, and Nas ain't ready to see the lawd in that way. I mean, he my dude and all, but we good with the relationship we got!" I was serious as hell, but Cas and Pop were laughing their asses off.

Despite her admonition not to start fights, our unspoken honor code made it easy to convince someone else to start a fight for you. If you really wanted to get into it with someone, all you needed to do was insult his mom. No amount of self-control could withstand a well-played maternal criticism. “Your mom’s so fat that her ass has its own zip code”; “Your mom’s such a hillbilly that her false teeth have cavities”; or a simple “Yo’ mama!” These were fighting words, whether you wanted them to be or not. To shirk from avenging a string of insults was to lose your honor, your dignity, or even your friends. It was to go home and be afraid to tell your family that you had disgraced them.

Justice's ass was moving so damn fast. His ass almost knocked the grill over, trying to get over to me with Cree following behind him. “Hell to the nawl! Nigga, nigga, nigggggaa, did you slip and bust yo’ muthafuckin’ head! Did you forget who house yo’ ass was coming to, and the crazy... I mean, the family member named after a country in Asia! Lawd, you about to die and get this innocent deceased girl murdered for no damn reason. Sis, didn't yo’ mama teach yo ass lessons about hanging with common criminals, and gang bangers that have girlfriends that's gang banger affiliated?!" Justice ass looked at her. This poor girl was so confused, but I wasn't worried about shit. This nigga looked like he was sweating bullets.

up. You about to scare all this Christmas pussy away! Do you see how much pussy walking around in here for the fuckin’ holidays? If I play my cards right, I could have pussy all the way through to New Year’s Day. Keep that shit up and I swear I’m telling mommy yo’ evil scrooge lookin’ ass is out here blocking my pussy blessings. You know how she feels about us giving her some grandkids, and I think I found me some baby mama material right there. My New Year’s resolution is gonna be to get me a new brother that don’t scare these damn bitches off! The fuck! I’m sure when God made one scrooge, he made a bunch of you crazy ass niggas! So, it won’t be hard for you to find some friends,” Damion said to me with his face frowned up. “You

Nahhh, sis! We need to get our shit and get the fuck out of here. We don’t know these muthafuckin’ people. What if they try to kill us in our sleep and take Hailey? Just by looking at her, that nigga know you had his baby. Ion think we made the best decisions in life, but this by far is the most fucked-up decision we made by coming here. We let a lil’ fun in the sun be our one and muthafuckin’ done! Mmmm mmmm, this ain’t it. I didn’t picture myself dying in Belize! He’s so pissed right now, and ion got time to be fighting Lucifer’s son! Write that nigga a check for his money, and ummmmm, ion know what the fuck you gone give him for Hailey Bear ‘cause technically you stole half of his seed too. I just don’t think this is the time for you to walk up in these people shit and be like, heyyyy I’m the muthafuckin’ girl that robbed you five years ago, had yo’ baby, but I’m here to do yo’ sister and mama makeup.

Big mama, I swear if Mr. Joe been over there putting his lil’ wrinkled ass dick in you, I’mma shoot that nigga in his nuts. I’m ‘bout to call Pop and tell him Joe is digging in yo’ cookie jar.” I was mad as hell; I’m fucking Joe old ass up.

Nigga, you ain’t gotta know her like that to love her! You been boiling over and mad at the world for five years! And it always shows during the Christmas holiday. It’s called soul ties! Love at first sight type shit. You a cold nigga for asking for that money back, though. That girl might need that for child support, and groceries cause yo’ daughter can eat. Her lil’ greedy ass is still in the kitchen. She done stole my mama and won’t share any of the cookies. We even got into a lil argument; you know when I get high, I like to snack. Ion like that shit. She better hope I feel like going out and getting her lil’ ass a Christmas gift.” He shook his head and I had to laugh at his ass

Mind the fuckin’ business that pays you, and if you don’t, I got a bullet that’ll help yo’ bitch ass mind it.’ Big Mama gave a lot of respect, but you had to earn that shit.