“
There are other worlds and I have, because that is how I survive,
taught my daughter this. She is reading Little Women on the couch
and I am reading the poems of a compassionate, sad man.
In her book, four girls are waiting to become
women, as she herself is waiting, reading about them.
Some. like Jo, will go to market: they will buy
what they will buy, as I have bought this shelf of books,
as that man bought compassion with his own pain.
Some, like Beth. will stay at home, which is another name
for the place we come from and are afraid of and long for.
She is thinking she will be like Jo. She says. "Jo wants to do
things, like me. " I am thinking I am like the woman at the zoo
in the poem I am reading who says, "Change me, change me!" And
now
I am thinking how reading is like college that becomes for some an
endless
preparation for the lives they will not live.
...Look how my daughter looks
intently at the page. I am amazed
at all this act contains: how we clamor to become
while we drown in someone else's sea.
Not really drown. Staring at the page
all readers know, "Not me. not yet," and yet,
called to dinner or the telephone, "This, too, is not myself,
not quite. So we might, startled, say at any time:
"l am not here. This is not my life."
In this, our life, my daughter and I hover
where all longing lies. I watch her reach
one volume, then another, from the shelf
and lose and find, and find and lose herself -
her lips half-forming words while she sits here.
”
”