Walking On Eggshells Quotes

I could never work out whether we were to view religion as a life-insurance policy or a life sentence. I can understand a wrathful God who'd just as soon dangle us all from a hook. And I can understand a tender, unprejudiced Jesus. But I could never quite feature the two of them living in the same house. You wind up walking on eggshells, never knowing which... is at home at the moment.

...These politically correct language initiatives are misguided and harmful. They create highly entitled professional “victims” who expect to be free from any offense, and they engender a stifling atmosphere where all individuals walk on eggshells lest they might commit a linguistic capital crime.

Eggshells become hard to break after walking on them for so long.

He's pulling the load of an ox and walking on eggshells.

I think everyone’s caught up in these narrow-minded worlds and they think their world exists in the center of the universe. Relationships only happen when it’s convenient. You have to walk on eggshells for people because that’s about how strong they are these days. And you can’t confront people, because if you do, that brittle shell of confidence will crack. So we all become passive cowards that carry a fake smile wherever we go because God forbid you let your guard down long enough for people to see your life isn’t perfect. That you have a few flaws. Because who wants to see that? My theory is everybody sucks. So, my conclusion is I don’t need anybody.

It has to be admitted that, in a sneaking way, although he hated the discomfort of seasickness, once he was over it, he enjoyed the attention and sympathy that it created among attractive young women like Evanlyn and Alyss. And he liked the fact that Will tended to walk on eggshells around him when the problem was mentioned. Keeping Will off balance was always desirable. ~Halt

Abuse is also when your personality is attacked, not just your body. Abuse is feeling like you constantly have to walk on eggshells around the person you're supposed to love. Abuse is being cut off from your friends, even if you could never prove it was their idea you did it. Abuse is being made to feel you're going crazy. Abuse is being lured in with grand promises and wild declarations of love that can never be sustained. Abuse is being pushed into doing sexual things you're not comfortable with. That is also called rape, another word that has taken me some time to feel belongs to me. Abuse is intentionally humiliating you. Abuse is constantly blaming you for everything, and never them.

People pleasing does make it easier to ignore the red flags of abusive relationships at the very early stages especially with covert manipulators. We can also become conditioned to continually “please” if we’re used to walking on eggshells around our abuser.

The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to consistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well.

The moment you allow yourself to walk on eggshells, there will be eggs at every turn.

It's important that you don't continue to ignore or accept rages. Realize that extreme rage directed at you or your children is verbal and emotional abuse. Even if you think you can handle it, over time it can erode your self-esteem and poison the relationship. Seek support immediately.

That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a pussy generation. Everybody's walking on eggshells.

Consider a lighthouse. It stands on the shore with its beckoning light, guiding ships safely into the harbor. The lighthouse can't uproot itself, wade out into the water, grab the ship by the stern and say, "Listen, you fool! If you stay on this path you may break up on the rocks!" No. The ship has some responsibility for its own destiny. It can choose to be guided by the lighthouse. Or, it can go its own way. The lighthouse is not responsible for the ship's decisions. All it can do is be the best lighthouse it knows how to be.

Talking to Daisy is like walking on eggshells. I’m curious what might have broken her. She doesn’t seem mean, she seems...hurt.

If you ever find yourself walking on eggshells and contorting yourself into ill-fitting ensembles just to prove yourself in a relationship, run.

In the beginning of our time together I was walking on eggshells. Then it became a bed of nails, and then a minefield. I never knew when or what would make him blow, and the anxiety was relentless.

Children who experience abuse also learn to deny pain and chaos or accept them as normal and proper. They learn that their feelings were wrong or didn't matter. They learn to focus on immediate survival - on not getting abused, and miss out on important developmental stages. As a result, they have problems developing their own identities.

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on

But everybody still walked in eggshells around the two of them, trying not pick sides, though loyalties were inevitably divided.

Verbal abuse often leaves a person feeling like they are walking on eggshells, can’t do anything right, anxious, insecure, invalidated, uncertain, and less than. Example:

He’d been walking on eggshells for this man, and meanwhile Charlie, behind Yale’s back, had just been throwing the eggs straight at the wall.

While others might feel manipulative, I feel powerless. Sometimes I just hurt so bad from the mean things that people do to me, real or perceived, or I’m so desperately feeling abandoned, that I withdraw and pout and go silent. At some point people get pissed off and fed up with that crap and they go away and then I’m left with nothing all over again.

A relationship based on trust means not walking on eggshells, but talking openly, honestly, with no hint of passive-aggressiveness or any of the other dysfunctional manipulative tactics we tend to impose on family and friends.

There is nothing wrong with leaving if you feel attacked. In fact, there are times when it’s a good thing to do (see chapter 8). The damage comes from remaining passive and silent, absorbing the other person’s criticism while your sense of personal power and self-esteem deteriorate.

Whenever I feel like this, I am gentle with myself, pretend like I'm someone else, someone good. I walk on eggshells around myself, like I'm some fragile piece of porcelain you have to place quietly, deliberately back on the shelf.

targets of emotional blackmail may become guarded about certain subjects and stop sharing major parts of their lives,

But everybody still walked on eggshells around the two of them, trying not pick sides, though loyalties were inevitably divided.

People annoy the crap out of me," he says. "I think people are nervous and loud and rude and selfish and stupid pretty much all the time." [...] "If they're beautiful they know it, so they don't bother having a personality or associating with people that don't fit into their league or can't afford their company. And, somehow these people are the most popular, which makes absolutely no sense. People try so hard to be accepted, they turn into a walking stereotype. They're pathetically easy to predict. They're insecure and try to mask it with whatever product corporate America is currently making and they always let you down. Just give them enough time, and they will." [...] "I think everyone's caught up in these narrow-minded worlds and they think their world exists in the center of the universe. Relationship only happen when it's convenient. You have to walk on eggshells for people because that's how strong they are these days. And you can't confront people, because if you do, that brittle shell of confidence will crack. So we all become passive cowards that carry a fake smile wherever we go because God forbid you let your guard down long enough for people to see your life isn't perfect. That you have a few flaws. Because who wants to see that?

Little things I do start to annoy him. He gets a bit irritable. I try to placate him. I start walking on eggshells, but at the same time I’m angry that I have to walk on eggshells, so sometimes I stop tiptoeing. I stomp on the eggshells. I deliberately aggravate him because I’m so angry with him, and with myself, for having to be careful. And then it happens again.

Was still a shit thing of me to say." He raps his knuckles on the ground. "I'm always saying shit things." "I'm glad you said it." "Why?" "Because we've both forgotten we didn't get here on our own. You and I should be able to say anything to each other. That's how this works. It's how we work. We don't walk on eggshells. We talk to each other. Even if we say shit that's hard to hear.

You're not very deep." You say these cutting words thoughtfully, to yourself, almost as though you're surprised. They hit me somewhere below my ribs. I think of the dictionary app on my phone that I have to use all the time when I'm reading stuff like The Master and Margarita or The Awakening. Or that one time when I missed sophomoric on a vocab quiz. And how I totally don't get why girls love Jane Austen. You're right: I'm not deep. I find myself watching every word I say to you, wondering what they say about me. I look for disappointment in your eyes... I've been walking on eggshells for a week.

Imagine feeling empty, virtually without a self. Now think about admitting that what little self you can recognize has something wrong with it. To many people with BPD, this is like ceasing to exist—a terrifying feeling for anyone.

I would like this to end now, no more mornings, goodbyes or fighting determined sunsets. I would like this to end now, no more tear drops, suffocated breathing or life's cruelest memories. I would like this to end now, no more thinking beyond thought, eggshell walking or awkward hyper-self awareness. I would like this to end now, no more masking, imitating, or mindless mirroring. I would like this to end now, no more, me.

bargaining This stage is characterized by the non-BP making concessions in order to bring back the “normal” behavior of the person they love. The thinking goes, “If I do what this person wants, I will get what I need in this relationship.” We all make compromises in relationships. But the sacrifices that people make to satisfy the borderlines they care about can be very costly. And the concessions may never be enough. Before long, more proof of love is needed and another bargain must be struck. depression Depression sets in when non-BPs realize the true cost of the bargains they’ve made: loss of friends, family, self-respect, and hobbies. The person with BPD hasn’t changed. But the non-BP has.

You must understand that you do have the power to change your relationships and your life, but it is likely going to be frightening at first. The alternative is to live a fairly unhappy and unsatisfying life in which fear dictates your choices and their relationships.

The moment you allow yourself to walk on eggshells there will be eggs at every turn.

Then again, he never felt at home at home, only a vague sense of dread, the eggshell-laden walk of someone constantly in danger of disappointing.

Be a mirror, not a sponge.

The thing about a man with a foot fetish..... Is he grows bored of feet that is constantly walking on eggshells! Be yourself!

I got tired of feeling like I was walking on eggshells. I finally learned that if you have to tiptoe around them, they aren't your people.

When their feelings don’t fit the facts, they may unconsciously revise the facts to fit their feelings. This may be one reason why their perception of events is different from yours.

The lady bears a crust of rage as the ground bears hardened frost in the morning. Some days, 't melts with warm persuasion, but on others, 't lingers, and all is hollow ere its cold fury.

When you travel to another country, it’s important to know the local customs. When you’re interacting with someone with BPD, it’s crucial to understand that their unconscious assumptions may be very different from yours. They may include: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless. I must be completely competent in all ways to be a worthwhile person. Some people are good and everything about them is perfect. Other people are thoroughly bad and should be blamed and punished for it. My feelings are caused by external events. I have no control over my emotions or the things I do in reaction to them. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I do to stop them from leaving me. If someone treats me badly, then I become bad.

Before I got better, if people didn’t have any protection in place for themselves I would aim right at them. Who doesn’t want a target that they can sink? But what I was doing, and what a lot of borderlines do, is not a game or a way to get kicks. It’s about survival. People who had healthy boundaries in place left me feeling too defective, too out of control, and too vulnerable.

I think everyone's caught up in these narrow-minded worlds and they think their world exists in the center of the universe. Relationships only happen when it's convenient. You have to walk on eggshells for people because that's about how strong they are these days. And you can't confront people, because if you do, that brittle shell of confidence will crack. So we all become passive cowards that carry a fake smile wherever we go because God forbid you let your guard down long enough for people to see your life isn't perfect. That you have a few flaws. Because who wants to see that?

The biggest hurdle most scapegoats face is the fear of doing something wrong by going grey rock, no contact, or upsetting the narcissist if you distance yourself. You walk on eggshells. You don’t feel safe. You don’t know from one minute to the next how the narcissist will react to you. At any moment, they can explode!

People who show anger by withdrawing love are particularly pernicious. The outcome of such behavior is that nothing gets solved and the other person just feels punished. In contrast, emotionally mature people will usually tell you what's wrong and ask you to do things differently. They don't sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. Ultimately, they're willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close, rather than giving you the silent treatment.

His unpredictable responses lead her to 'walk on eggshells', endlessly hypervigilant, alert to the need to adapt her behaviour to prevent further abuse. Needless to say, the victim is left exhausted by constantly having to monitor her abuser's emotional state.

At the very least, there should be a semblance of respect and predictability. You should know that you will be treated well, that you will get the same person every day with regard to personality, and for the most part mood, and you should never agree to walking on eggshells.

For nearly four weeks, his family had been walking on eggshells around him, expecting him to fall apart at any moment and he was damn tired of it. He wished he could apart. Maybe it would hurt less if he could just say to hell with everything and find a corner to hide away in.

If you want to make a true picture in your mind of a battle between great modern ironclad ships you must not think of it as if it were two men in armour striking at each other with heavy swords,’ he said. ‘It is more like a battle between two egg-shells striking each other with hammers.

Whites walk on eggshells for fear of being called racists, while many blacks are preoccupied with protecting the image of black students, rather than protecting their future by telling the blunt truth. It is understandable that some people are concerned about image, about what in private life might be expressed as: “What will the neighbors think?” But, when your children are dying, you don’t worry about what the neighbors think.

According to Stop Walking on Eggshells, a BP experiencing this symptom will feel the following: --There is “nothing to me” --They are different people depending on who they are with --Being alone leaves them without a sense of self --They are dependent on others for cues about how to behave, what to think, and how to be

Do you want to know what finally changed things for me?” “What?” My voice is barely above a whisper. Dappled sunlight falls across his face, highlighting his flushed cheeks. “I met someone. She’s about five-six, golden brown hair, devastating smile. The kind that warms you from the inside out. And she made me so mad. Not two weeks after I started the job, she called to grill me about a story I posted on Facebook. She insisted I edit it because I didn’t get the wording right.” He adopts a mock falsetto voice. “ ‘It isn’t the “Panama Canal” cruise. It’s “Panama Canal and the Wonders of Azuero.” Fix it, please.’ ” My muscles go limp and my knees nearly buckle. Because he’s talking about me. “Finally, someone who wasn’t walking on eggshells. She actually snapped at me, and it was like she snapped me out of my fog. I may have been unnecessarily combative after that, just to get a rise out of her, but I started to feel again. Irritation, at first, but then more. After a while, I began getting out of the house. Seeing a therapist. Playing hockey. I adopted Winnie—best decision ever. I actually started looking forward to waking up in the morning.” Graeme steps closer, but I’m glued to the spot. Heat sizzles through my veins when he reaches up to run his knuckles along my cheek. “And staff meeting Thursdays? They became my favorite day of the week. Because I got to see her face.” My heart is hammering and my lungs seize. The sound of guests approaching rumbles closer, but I don’t look away. I swallow past the lump that’s lodged in my throat. “After this cruise, they’re my favorite day of the week too.” Reaching up, I run my fingers lightly along the hand that’s cupping my cheek. Graeme’s eyes widen and his lips part. Gathering every ounce of resolve I can muster, I step away just as Nikolai and Dwight crest a nearby hill. We continue through the highlands, fastening our platonic coworker facades into place. But an unspoken understanding hangs in the space between us, heavy and undeniable… This just went way past any bet.

She was three years ago, Eliza. I loved her. That fact doesn’t change. I loved her and she wrecked me when she left because that was how much I loved her. I’m not going to apologise for that or deny it or walk on eggshells with you about it while we figure out what we got and why it’s so fuckin’ good and so fuckin’ intense and so fuckin’ everything.

You must understand that you do have the power to change your relationships and your life, but it is likely going to be frightening at first.

Walk of Grace [10w] + [10w] The compassionate man walks in grace with the earth's pace, floating over eggshells, one step in front of the other.

didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it. get off the BP’s back. get out of the BP’s way. get on with your own life.

The only thing that helps me get less angry is when my husband says to me, “I know you are scared, not angry” and gives me a

Almost universally, non-BPs say they feel manipulated by the BPs in their lives. If the non-BP doesn’t do what the BP wants them to do, the BP may threaten

Memorize the three Cs and the three Gs: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it. get off their back. get out of the way. get on with your own life.

I hate that you’ve allowed them to silence you. You walk on eggshells just to appease someone who has never actually considered how you may feel in this particular relationship.

There’s another key aspect to this splitting: people with BPD also split themselves, often into victim or hero—or into someone capable or someone incompetent.

Friends will always matter to you, but the ones who’ll really stay the course, and still be your besties in your 50s, are the two or three who make you laugh and love you as you are. Please don’t waste time befriending people who play games or with whom you need to walk on eggshells. And don’t bother with those you feel you need to impress. Life isn’t that long.

loss of self-esteem Beverly Engel, in The Emotionally Abused Woman (1990), describes the effect of emotional abuse on self-esteem: Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Borderlines may need to feel in control of other people because they feel so out of control with themselves. In addition, they may be trying to make their own world more predictable and manageable.

She worked three jobs to support us. Eventually, she got strong again. And there was never another argument in the house. We didn’t have to walk round on eggshells all the time. There was no more trying to anticipate his moods that controlled the whole family. I think my childhood really began the day we moved out.’ ‘She sounds brave.’ ‘She is. It’s just such a shame it took her so long to realize it.

Feeders (A Narc in Love): They'll feed off your energy, Soak up your adoration, Seem perfect in your eyes, As the love-bombing ignites the manipulation They will never truly love you, They do not love themselves, But they'll break you down from the inside-out And demolish your sense of self And then when they see they cannot control you, They'll shout, and shut the door, As you elevate from the ashes, Gone, is the backing down you had displayed before Then, they'll drop you, And from a shaky, fantastical ivory tower you'll fall, Because they've realised, They cannot keep you on their puppet-strings anymore

They may vacillate between over-involvement and neglect, depending upon their moods and emotional needs at the moment. They may only pay attention to the children when the kids are doing something to meet the borderline parents’ needs. Some parents with BPD try to cope with their own feelings of inadequacy by demanding that their children be perfect. Children may then feel worthless when something goes wrong.

Haha. I can hear you smiling.” I could hear his amusement. The laughter always present in his voice. “You can hear me smiling, huh?” He was the only one—the only one—who didn’t walk on eggshells around me, and I damn near killed him for it a few times, but now I barely did anything without him. “I told you,” he pointed out. “We’re connected. It’s spiritual and shit.” I let out a little grin he couldn’t see. “I fucking hate you.” Idiot.

when we spend time with toxic people, difficult people, narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, and/or assholes. it is not good for us. It erodes our self-esteem, infects us with self-doubt, increases the likelihood of stress-related illnesses, and makes us less efficient, because we spend our time walking on eggshells and trying to protect ourselves against their careless, mindless, and sometimes downright cruel words, actions, and manipulations.

Borderline rage is usually intense, unpredictable, and unaffected by logical argument. It is like a torrential flash flood, a sudden earthquake, or a bolt of lightning on a sunny day. And it can disappear as quickly as it appears.

Good attitudes are contagious; they inspire and encourage others. Bad attitudes are also contagious; they create a negative and hostile work environment and make others feel uncomfortable - like they have to walk on eggshells all the time.

But an athlete’s job is not just to win—it’s also to be someone we can cheer for. Soto puts no effort into courting public opinion at all. I guess I want to know why we all have to walk on eggshells to pretend Carrie Soto isn’t the exact thing she clearly enjoys being?

And… all at once I see the truth. She never wanted to listen to me. Never was really there for me. She just wanted to control me. This isn’t love. The fighting. The lack of trust. Feeling like I’m walking on eggshells or always trying to get out of trouble. Being manipulated over and over again, never really knowing what she wants from me. If anything, it reminds me of, well… my parents. What I thought was normal. I guess I thought if I just put my head down and scraped by, it would be fine. We could make it work. But love isn’t something you scrape by for.

Self-injury is a coping mechanism that BPs use to release or manage overwhelming emotional pain—usually feelings of shame, anger, sadness, and abandonment. Self-mutilation may release the body’s own opiates, known as beta-endorphins. These chemicals lead to a general feeling of well-being.

Conversely, some people with BPD may cope with feeling out of control by giving up their own power; for example, they may choose a lifestyle where all choices are made for them, such as the military or a cult, or they may align themselves with abusive people who try to control them through fear.

People with BPD look to others to provide things they find difficult to supply for themselves, such as self-esteem, approval, and a sense of identity. Most of all, they are searching for a nurturing caregiver whose never-ending love and compassion will fill the black hole of emptiness and despair inside them.

Fighting and arguing are ways of maintaining contact (albeit of a negative kind). Even throughout the fighting these same individuals harbor reconciliation fantasies. People who have suffered a dramatic loss in the past (e.g., parental death or divorce) may be also reacting to these earlier, unresolved traumas.

Bea always says returning to campus is like coming home. But it doesn’t feel that way to Henry. Then again, he never felt at home at home, only a vague sense of dread, the eggshell-laden walk of someone constantly in danger of disappointing. And that’s pretty much what he feels now, so maybe she’s right, after all.

read a story about a Zen seeker who goes to the master and sits across the table at tea time. The Zen master holds a stick in his hand, and he says, “If you drink your tea, I will hit you with this stick. If you don’t drink your tea, I will hit you with this stick.” So what do you do? Well, I think I figured it out. Take away the stick.

According to the highly emotional logic of BPD, if they do something terrible to you, and you accept it without complaining or becoming upset, that shows that you care about them. But if you respond in the way that most people would, by expressing your anger or displeasure, that means that you don’t really have positive feelings for them.

The exhaustion apparent in his slumped shoulders made her heart twist. He looked so tired she wanted to rub his back and stroke his hair, as a mother would for a child. This was natural compassion, she decided, and walked toward him to give him what comfort she could. He finally heard her and lifted his head from his arms. Locks of sandy hair fell over his forehead and he looked up at her with deep indigo eyes. Even in the dim light, she could see pain etched across his features. What horrors stalked his dreams? What could she do to help him sleep peacefully? For a long moment they gazed at one another and then Huiann rested her hand on his shoulder. At the same time, Alan leaned into her body. They came together like two halves of an eggshell carefully broken. He slid a hand around her waist and pulled her closer. His face pressed against her breast. His arms wrapped around her. She held him, cradling his head, rubbing his back. His body was so warm in her embrace. Her heart beat steadily and her stomach flipped in slow, lazy somersaults. The moment she’d sensed coming for so long was here. What would happen next? For a long time, they remained locked in perfect union, contented, safe, no longer alone. As she caressed his hair, soft as she’d imagined, he tilted his face to look up at her. His eyes glittered in the lamplight. He wanted more and Huiann realized she did too.

Borderlines may need to feel in control of other people because they feel so out of control with themselves. In addition, they may be trying to make their own world more predictable and manageable. People with BPD may unconsciously try to control others by putting them in no-win situations, creating chaos that no one else can figure out, or accusing others of trying to control them.

Some narcissistic leaders are models of icy reserve while others have the emotional self-control of a two-year-old. … the essential narcissistic defect is not something people generally outgrow. In fact, narcissism may become more entrenched with age and expanding power. To the extent that power becomes more secure, the moody Narcissist may have more insulation from the shame that is the principal regulator of bad behavior. The more powerful you are, the more you can get away with. . . . Such people never developed the ability to calm themselves, and their unrealistic expectations and need to control what is often uncontrollable can keep them in a constant state of agitation. If you and others feel you must walk on eggshells to avoid setting off a landmine, suspect underlying narcissism and tailor your responses accordingly.

All in all, everything seems to be back to the way it was before, but with one important exception. You've changed. You're wary now. You walk into work as if entering a minefield. In every conversation, in every meeting, you're careful to watch your every word. Every casual encounter in the hallway becomes a potential confrontation. Every time you meet a co-worker's eyes, you wonder if they are well-disposed or a secret enemy seeking to destroy your job, your career, and your life. You walk on eggshells, and you learn to stop sharing your opinion with anyone about anything, unless it is about something safely innocuous, like sports. What you don't realize is that you've just survived your first SJW attack. And you're luckier than most. You still have your job, you still have your reputation, and you still have your friends and family. Tens of thousands of people are not so lucky. In the universities, in the churches, in the corporations, in the professional associations, in the editorial offices, in the game studios, and just about everywhere else you can imagine, free speech and free thought are under siege by a group of fanatics as self-righteous as Savonarola, as ruthless as Stalin, as ambitious as Napoleon, and as crazy as Caligula. They are the Social Justice Warriors, the SJWs, the self-appointed thought police who have been running amok throughout the West since the dawn of the politically correct era in the 1990s.

Essentially, people with BPD look to others to manage their feelings for them. Someone with BPD wants others to provide them with things they find difficult to supply for themselves, such as self-love, stable moods, and a sense of identity. Most of all, they are searching for a nurturing caregiver whose never-ending love and compassion will fill the black hole of emptiness and despair inside them. Rachel Reiland, author of Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder, had BPD for many years, but has fully recovered. In an email, she describes the conflicting feelings

A woman who dates as if she deserves a man’s love: ·      Pays more attention to what a man does than what a man says. ·      Does not make excuses for a man’s poor behavior, no matter how dreamy he is. ·      Does not need to walk on eggshells with a man for fear of being let go. ·      Does not lose sleep over a man that clearly does not want her. ·      Does not confuse the emotional drama of being treated poorly with “being in love.” ·      Does not have to settle for an unloving man because of her age, status, etc. ·      Does not waste emotional energy trying to understand “how could he be this way?” or trying to decipher “why does he keep treating me this way?” ·      Does not risk her dignity trying to chase a man who has dumped her. ·      Does not waste her time dating men with whom she never knows where she stands. ·      Is honest and forthright with both herself and the men she dates when it comes to what she wants and needs in a relationship. ·      Presents herself as high-quality girlfriend material and desires both love AND respect from a man. ·      Works hard on herself to develop the irresistible qualities that men desire in the woman they want to cultivate a long-term, committed relationship with…

I walk the shelves, but no book makes me want to stop and pick it up. They're too new and alphabetically ordered and they smell too clean. I need a chaos of books. So I leave the shop, cross the river, and walk along the south keys. I turn onto Parliament Street and go into the second-hand charity bookshop. The books here are different shapes and sizes and feels. They smell of their previous owners in the same way dogs look like their owners or undertakers look like corpses. I buy a large hardback book with watercolor drawings of birds and a softback book about how to get things done. I would like to get things done and ticked off of lists. Some of my projects are endlessly roaming like lemmings without a leader.

Not now, Em." I hopped over a paver, my pace just shy of making me pant. "If not now, when?" "How about never?" "Yeah, that's not going to work." He snorted with feeling. "You're operating under the misconception that I owe you anything. I don't." Definitely touchy. "And I didn't owe you anything when you asked about Dark Castle. But I told you how I felt anyway." "That's on you." We rounded a corner, heading toward the tennis court. I had no idea where he was going; maybe he simply thought he could wear me out and pull away. "You're right." I stopped on the trail, my arms falling to my sides as I caught my breath. To hell with it. I didn't need to be chasing a man who didn't want to be bothered. Weirdly, as if compelled, Lucian came to a halt and half turned my way to glare at me from over his wide shoulder. His body remained tense and poised to take flight once more. "We owe each other nothing," I said, raising my voice enough to be clear over the ten feet that separated us. "But no one lives in a complete void. Your grandmother and Sal walk on eggshells around you." Oh, but that got him. Red suffused his neck, and he stalked back my way, coming within touching distance. "You know nothing about them. Or me." Yeah, that hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. "I know enough. They worry about you. They love you." Lucian's nostrils flared. "I mean it, Emma. I do not do well with guilt trips." "If you feel guilty, that's on you.

Sorry about our . . . altercation in the buggy. I was only playing. I’m Raphael.” “The one who likes the hurting.” I moved to shake his hand and he reversed it and kissed my fingers instead, singeing me with a look that was pure smolder. I took my hand back. “That woke me up.” He smiled a picture-perfect smile. “Been a while?” For some reason, I felt like answering. “Two years. And if you could tone down that smile, I’d appreciate it. Getting weak in the knees.” Raphael took a step back. His face took on the same concerned look I saw on Doolittle when I assured him I was fine. “Two years? That’s entirely too long. If you want, we can take care of that. After two years, it’s pure therapy.” “No thank you. Curran already offered to help me with that problem, and since I turned him down, I wouldn’t want to cause any friction between you two.” The last thing I needed was to set Curran and the hyenas on a collision course. Raphael backed away with his hands in the air, strategically positioning himself behind Andrea. “No offense.” “None taken.” “Is Curran serious?” Aunt B asked. She wanted to know if she now had to walk on eggshells around me. For once, I was happy to disappoint. “No, he’s just being an asshole. Apparently every time he calls me ‘baby,’ I look like a red-hot poker is stuck up my butt. Causes him no end of fun.” Aunt B gave me an odd look. “You know,” she said, stirring her tea, “the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed.” I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. “He’d run like he was on fire.” Raphael rested his hands on Andrea’s shoulders. “Still a bit tense?” His fingers began to gently knead her muscles. “Will you do it?” Aunt B gazed at me over the rim of her cup. “Not while I’m alive, no. Wait, I take it back. That should be ‘hell no.

You can't live your life walking on eggshells so you won't offend other peoples' sensibilities, or in this case, insensibilities. Don't pretend your hapiness isn't important. It is. And at the end of the day, that's all you got.

She’s like that, always shifting the goalposts. What was right one minute was wrong the next. You had to walk on eggshells, you really did.

Is it worth it, Sue? Is it worth being criticized, degraded and judged just for a few happy moments? Is it worth walking on eggshells, constantly wondering when he’s going to have a go at you next?

Briggs: This is how you walk on eggshells? Riley: Well, you know. Eggshells. If they're on the ground, they're probably already broken anyway.

Everyone in a walking-on-eggshells family loses some degree of dignity and autonomy. You become unable to decide your own thoughts, feelings, and behavior, because you are living in a defensive-reactive pattern that runs largely on automatic pilot.

So fragile. Our lives are so ridiculously fragile. We move about in this world feeling as though we’re invincible, hard as nails, not knowing just how vulnerable we really are. Like walking, breathing eggshells.

Because there were parts of the author's childhood that felt too familiar to ignore. How they would walk on eggshells around her dad whenever he was in a "mood." How everyone knew not to touch his stuff or ask any questions. How there were these moments of real affection and happiness, but they would always feel distant and doubted later, under the weight of other memories.

People with BPD continually feel a dark hole of emptiness inside them. This symptom is hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it. So try this. Close your eyes. Imagine you’re about to move to an unfamiliar city where you don’t know anyone, and where everyone speaks a different language. You’re going by yourself because you have no family. Now, take away all of your spiritual or religious beliefs. Then ponder what makes your life meaningful. Now pretend you can’t do or have any of those meaningful things anymore. From now on, you’ll be living without meaning. That’s how people with BPD feel, more or less all the time. This is why they may grab onto you like you’re a life raft on the Titanic. Being alone leaves them without a sense of who they are—or causes them to feel like they do not exist. They have faith that you will fill that deep, empty hole for them. But, of course, you can’t. No one can do that. One man with BPD said it was like trying to fill the Grand Canyon using an eyedropper. This emptiness is behind the chaos that people with BPD routinely cause. Your loved one gets so angry because you cannot fill that hole. And they believe that the reason you can’t is because you aren’t trying hard enough. You didn’t spend every moment with them. You didn’t fulfill their every need. You tried to have a life of your own.

Note that when we are very young and can’t flee physically, we flee in our minds, and that’s called the “freeze response.” So if your monster controls more on the inside, and makes you run away or shut down, that can happen when you had a parent who could explode and get real mad without warning. Or maybe they were dominant, inflexible, or narcissistic, and they always got heated or wanted to get their way and be right. This parent was out of control with control. And when you’re real small, fighting back in these situations usually isn’t a smart idea. That might just make the problem worse. So, to avoid getting blowback and the consequences that come with it, the best control strategy was to start walking on eggshells. You kept them and any situation from getting out of hand by shutting up and going with the flow.