Unmet Expectations Quotes

I only share when I have no unmet needs that I'm trying to fill. I firmly believe that being vulnerable with a larger audience is only a good idea if the healing is tied to the sharing, not to the expectations I might have for the response I get.

The problem of unmet expectations in marriage is primarily a problem of stereotyping. Each and every human being on this planet is a unique person. Since marriage is inevitably a relationship between two unique people, no one marriage is going to be exactly like any other. Yet we tend to wed with explicit visions of what a “good” marriage ought to be like. Then we suffer enormously from trying to force the relationship to fit the stereotype and from the neurotic guilt and anger we experience when we fail to pull it off.

Remember all frustration is based on unmet expectations. If we did not expect anything we would not be frustrated.

Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment

Really, all frustration is birthed out of unmet expectations, and so is nearly every conflict.

Being twentysomething can feel like Death by Unmet Expectations.

Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.

Evaluation eliminates frustration. We should also evaluate unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations become unmet expectations. And unmet expectations are like kindling wood-it only takes but a spark of frustration to set them ablaze and burn those involved.

Disappointment springs from unmet expectations.

We’ve all experienced the letdown of unmet expectations. An expected reward that fails to materialize is worse than a reward that was never anticipated in the first place.

Anger, resentment and disappointment, in most cases, can not exist in our lives without our expressed permission. An honest and sincere introspection will reveal that all three emotions are centered and rooted in self. They are self preserving reactions sprung to life by our inconveniently unmet expectations. Joy and contentment replaces these emotions when we genuinely put others before ourselves. ~Jason Versey

Our children pay a heavy price when we lack consciousness. Overindulged, over-medicated, and over-labeled, many of them are unhappy. This is because, coming from unconsciousness ourselves, we bequeath to them our own unresolved needs, unmet expectations, and frustrated dreams. Despite our best intentions, we enslave them to the emotional inheritance we received from our parents, binding them to the debilitating legacy of ancestors past. The nature of unconsciousness is such that, until it’s metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation. Only through awareness can the cycle of pain that swirls in families end. T

We expect our spouses to fill voids in our lives or hearts that only God can fill. Unmet expectations reduce a journey expected to be amazing to ordinary. Unmet expectations breed hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and unresolved conflict.

Rebecca del Rio offers a poem, “Prescription for the Disillusioned,” as an invitation to renewal and beginnings. Come new to this day. Remove the rigid overcoat of experience, the notion of knowing, the beliefs that cloud your vision. Leave behind the stories of your life. Spit out the sour taste of unmet expectation. Let the stale scent of what-ifs waft back into the swamp of your useless fears. Arrive curious, without the armor of certainty, the plans and planned results of the life you’ve imagined. Live the life that chooses you, new every breath, every blink of your astonished eyes.

Deep yearning isn’t deep love; it is all the unmet expectations rising to the surface of your soul.

Begin to nurture yourself…Some grew up expecting their romantic partners to give them the nurturing they hungered for, only to be disappointed. But our partners are not our parents, no matter how much we try to make them into parents. No one can make up for the deprivation you experienced, and no one should be expected to.

..fresh friends from completely different worlds faced with the hard shapings of truth and deceit, of right and wrong, and of the equivalent damage when high expectations and low expectations are devastatingly unmet.

The motto on the front door says “Happiness happens when you get.” The sign on the lesser-used back door counters “Happiness happens when you give.

Is your home just another place of unmet expectations, to-do lists, and exhaustion? Or is your home a haven, the safest place on earth, a place to come back to, a place to heal, a place to create, a place to risk and simply be? You get to decide.

Once we get the anticipated reward, brain dopamine firing increases well above tonic baseline, but if the reward we anticipated doesn't materialise, dopamine levels fall well below baseline. Which is to say, if we get the expected reward, we get an even bigger spike, if we don't get the expected reward, we experience an even bigger plunge. We've all experienced the letdown of unmet expectations. An expected reward that failed to materialise is worse than a reward that was never anticipated in the first place. How does cue-induced craving translate to our pleasure-pain balance? The balance tips to the side of pleasure, a dopamine mini spike, in anticipation of future reward. Immediately followed by a tip to the side of pain, a dopamine mini defecit, in the aftermath of the cue. The dopamine defecit is craving and drives drug seeking behaviour.

According to business and economics professor Paul Harvey, “a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations.”1 If you believe that you’re special, and all you have to do is find your singular passion and turn it into a perfect job, that’s a recipe for disaster. The reality is that the world owes you nothing. You only become “special” by developing skills that are in demand, which takes focus, grit, and long-term work.

Happiness is less an emotion and more a decision, a decision to bear with one another.

When I tried to meet some impossible standard for motherhood, tried to earn my way to a weird sort of Proverbs 31 Woman Club, I collapsed in exhaustion and simmering anger, sadness, and failure. This was not life in the Vine, this exhausting job description; this was not the Kingdom of God, let alone a redeemed woman living full. This was the shell of someone trying to measure up, trying to earn through her mothering what God had already freely given. This was someone feeling the weight of unmet expectations from the Church and her own self and the world all at once.

Healing is an ongoing process, and it’s never done. From a motivational or an attitudinal standpoint, you come at yourself a lot differently if you’re trying to heal than if you’re wanting to fix. To the extent that you are applying more grace and more empathy and more love to yourself as you are navigating behavioral patterns in your life, you are healing more than fixing. Healing is acceptance—radical acceptance. It’s being patient with yourself and not berating yourself up over unmet expectations, either yours or other people’s, and not basing your worth on external validation.

I found that I can pinpoint my unmet expectations by looking at my very real frustrations. Life's disappointments usually expose us to our hearts expectations. It's hard to be disappointed by something we weren't hoping for.

Paul Harvey, a University of New Hampshire professor and GYPSY expert, has researched this, finding that Gen Y has "unrealistic expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative feedback," and "an inflated view of oneself." He says that "a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations. They often feel entitled to a level of respect and rewards that aren't in line with their actual ability and effort levels, and so they might not get the level of respect and rewards they are expecting.

Was this what being a child with a parent was like? Such unhappinesses, such disappointments, such expectations that would go unexpressed and unmet!

Revolts tend to start not in places where conditions are worst, but in places where expectations are most unmet.

Happiness is found by giving it away.

Pray for people. Serve more. Practice patience. And, bring the best out in people.

What does clean relations mean? Think of the idea as having enjoyable relationships with those we love in which there are few resentments that are not being talked about. Clean relations are the ones you might describe as having a fair and equitable exchange of love and energy. Chances are, you can name several relationships you are currently participating in that are of a messier nature. Resentments are the natural result of not expressing unmet expectations. When held for too long, they cause internal conditions that I think of as ulcerations of the spirit.

Simplification is the smart path toward effectively managing expectations. In general terms, met expectations lead to temporary happiness and unmet ones lead to temporary sadness. The human mind is wired to avoid losses more than it is to achieve gains, so minimizing regret is more important in this process than is maximizing future upside.

1.​Encourage one another (1 Thess. 5:11). 2.​Bear with one another (Eph. 4:2). 3.​Regard one another as more important (Phil. 2:4). 4.​Greet one another (Rom. 16:16). 5.​Pray for one another (James 5:16). 6.​Serve one another (Gal. 5:13). 7.​Accept one another (Rom. 15:7). 8.​Admonish one another (Col. 3:16). 9.​Forgive one another (Eph. 4:32). 10.​Love one another (1 John 3:11).

I went back to de Tocqueville. After studying the French Revolution, he wrote that revolts tend to start not in places where conditions are worst, but in places where expectations are most unmet. So if you’ve been raised to believe your life will unfold a certain way—say, with a steady union job that doesn’t require a college degree but does provide a middle-class income, with traditional gender roles intact and everyone speaking English—and then things don’t work out the way you expected, that’s when you get angry. It’s about loss. It’s about the sense that the future is going to be harder than the past. Fundamentally, I believe that the despair we saw in so many parts of America in 2016 grew out of the same problems that Lee Atwater and I were worried about twenty-five years ago.

Until fairly recently, what parents wanted was utterly beside the point. But we now live in an age when the map of our desires has gotten considerably larger, and we've been told it's our right (obligation in fact) to try to fulfill them. In an end-of-the-millennium essay, the historian J.M. Roberts wrote: "The 20th century has spread as never before the idea that human happiness is realizable on Earth." That's a wonderful thing, of course, but not always a realistic goal, and when reality falls short of expectations, we often blame ourselves. "Our lives become an elegy to needs unmet and desires sacrificed, to possibilities refused, to roads not taken," writes the British psychoanalyst Adam Philips in his 2012 collection of essays, 'Missing Out'. "The myth of potential makes mourning and complaining feel like the realest things we ever do." Even if our dreams were never realizable, even if they were false from the start, we regret not pursuing them. "We can't imagine our lives," writes Phillips, "without the unlived lives they contain.

Don't let the unmet expectation to imprison your mind and ruin your life.

The unmet expectation is a root of resentment that damages many lives day in and day out.

coated with unmet expectations. So, what do I do? Well, I’ve found it tremendously helpful to list the expectations I have of a relationship in which I’m feeling slighted. Then I prayerfully discern whether or not my expectations are realistic or unrealistic. And if I can’t really discern one way or the other, I ask. I ask God. I ask that person. I ask someone wise who knows both of us well.

SHAME-BASED MARRIAGE AND PARENTAL MODELS It is obvious that a major source of toxic shame is the family system and its multigenerational patterns of unresolved secrets. More specifically, these families are created by the shame-based people who find and marry each other. Each expects the other to parent the child within him or her. Each is incomplete and insatiable. The insatiability is rooted in each person’s unmet childhood needs.

Since all life's stories begin at home, the characters and plot are written over a lifetime. Children are products of their parents and their early environments. They become adults who often life out early roles, scripts, relationship patterns, unmet needs, and expectations. Early relationships plant seeds for later ones. Therefore, it is natural (at appropriate times) for both parent and child to examine their roles as family members so they can learn, grow, heal, and thrive over time. Parenting for Life holds parents accountable, helps children forge their own paths, and strengthens the parent-child bond through love, respect, and empathy.

Research on brain development illustrates that babies are born with the biological expectation to be a part of a mutually beneficial relationship and that positive relationships are the single most important factor in healthy development.  According to Woodcock-Ross, Hooper, Stenhouse, & Sheaff (2009), “the interactional quality of early relationship experiences has a biological impact on the rapidly developing brain, alongside effects upon psychological health and social functioning” (p. 1009).  In fact, early relationships create the foundation upon which all other learning can occur.  “Each achievement – language and learning, social development, the emergence of self-regulation – occurs in the context of close relationships with others” (National Academy of Science, 2000).   Due to the importance of early relationships for optimal brain development, relational risk factors for infants in the form of unmet emotional needs or negative caregiving experiences places them at an increased risk for mental health problems (Fish & Chapman, 2004).  This risk is mitigated within the context of caring, nurturing relationships with adult caregivers.

..the greatest unhappiness a person can feel in life is unmet expectations.

Insecurities. We’ve all experienced career setbacks, but it’s not the setback itself that keeps us from moving forward in our career. It’s how you internalize the setback that can stop you from moving forward. Whether the setback was a result of company cutbacks, unmet goals, misaligned expectations, personality clashes or circumstances beyond your control there are always lingering feelings of shock, devastation, anger, frustration, rejection, embarrassment, anxiety and a loss of self-identity. If I have no job, then who am I?

More specifically, these families are created by the shame-based people who find and marry each other. Each expects the other to parent the child within him or her. Each is incomplete and insatiable. The insatiability is rooted in each person’s unmet childhood needs. When two adult children meet and fall in love, the child in each looks to the other to fill his or her needs. Since “in love” is a natural state of fusion, the incomplete children fuse together as they had done in the symbiotic stage of infancy. Each feels a sense of oneness and completeness. Since “in love” is always erotic, each feels “oceanic” in the sexual embrace. “Oceanic” love is without boundaries. Being in love is as powerful as any narcotic. One feels whole and ecstatic. Unfortunately this state cannot last. The ecstatic consciousness is highly selective. Lovers focus on sameness and are intrigued by the newness of each other. Soon, however, real differences in socialization begin to emerge. The two families of origin rear their shame-based heads. Now the battle begins! Who will take care of whom? Whose family rules will win out? The more shame-based each person is, the more each other’s differences will be intolerable. “If you loved me, you’d do it my way,” each cajoles the other. The Hatfields and the McCoys go at it again.

Usually, the most disappointing realities come from the most realistic expectations. An unmet longing from a realistic expectation is such a searing pain within a human heart.

Invention is about technology and the idea. Innovation is about satisfying the unmet needs of customers. Steve Jobs used others’ inventions and developed great innovations by improving them to exceed customers’ expectations and satisfy their unmet needs. Jobs was not the original creator of great inventions. But he was perhaps the world’s greatest imitator and innovator by combining other people’s inventions to develop products that people could not resist.

Happy are the unentitled! Expecting the applause of others is a fool’s enterprise! Do yourself a favor and assume nothing. If you go unnoticed, you won’t be surprised. If you are noticed, you can celebrate.

Now that we both understand the reasons behind our actions, we no longer have the resentment that comes from unmet expectations.

People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be—not what you nag them to be.”6 A little boy said these words to his father: “Dad, let’s play darts.

EGO-BASED MARRIAGE (Disappointment and pain) • Sees marriage as a place to get . . . • Looks for ways to get satisfaction from partner. • Tries to change partner. • Views passion as more important than love. • Discontent with disappointments over unmet expectations. • Sees partner as source of happiness or cause of unhappiness. • Sees self as one to whom things happen in the marriage (victim). • Creates conflict over wants and “needs.” • Operates out of fear. • Sees unloving behavior as an occasion to go into fight or flight. • Holds grudges and complaints; keeps fears and resentments alive. • Consciously or unconsciously creates negative, deprived, or other unhappy state of mind. • Judges differences and tries to change partner to be like oneself.

need to know about disappointment: Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment. The way to address this is to be up-front about our expectations by taking the time to reality-check what we’re expecting and why.

Maybe Jenny and Grace weren’t so different from the butterfly… maybe they both needed to simply be who they were, stop trying to wish themselves into something else, someone else… or their color would get rubbed off… by unmet expectations, friends, family… even themselves. Maybe it was time to learn to accept who they were… time to learn to protect their color.

Love is not a store you enter to fulfill your insecurities and unmet needs. Love is not a scenery or a picture perfect thing. Love is not taking. So many people see love as a destination or a servant to fulfill their desires. This is not love. Love is when you look into the mirror and you are at peace with yourself. Love is looking inward to heal all the broken part of yourself and forgive those slow to heal like you would forgive a child that is slow to learn. Love is remembering your inner child and appreciating your past no matter how much you regret it. Love the realization that everything in the past occured to teach you a lesson and improve you, to love you. Love is that moment before you drift off to sleep, that peace in trusting the process. Love is filling your cup first before you seek out another imperfect person , because people are imperfect, then giving from the overflow of your cup. Love is not expecting another human being to give you happiness. Love is knowing your are already overwhelmed with resources to give happiness to yourself and every life you touch. Love is giving. Because only when you give love from a place of fulfillment will you be able to receive the love that will fulfill you.

Here is what you need to know about disappointment: Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.

There are seven negative factors that contribute to the failure of relationships; namely, cost, time constraints, satisfaction abuse, stress, resource constraints, conflicts and unmet expectations.

And, believe it or not, anger often comes bearing gifts. Through anger, God may help us discover what we really want, get us to pay attention to even deeper emotions, help us identify unmet expectations, and sometimes, see the folly of our sin.

God uses our desires and unmet expectations, not to put a wedge in our relationship with Him but to deepen our communion and intimacy with Him.

People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be—not what you nag them to be.

Disappointment is unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.

Rebecca Solnit, in her book A Paradise Built in Hell, chronicles how groups of people respond to disasters, arguing that they are far kinder to one another than you would expect if you read Hobbes, who maintained that, stripped of external constraints, people would descend into savagery. Actually, Solnit says, you find that “the prevalent human nature in disaster is resilient, resourceful, generous, empathic, and brave.” For her, disaster provides an opportunity. People don’t just rise to the occasion; they do so with joy. This reveals “an ordinarily unmet yearning for community, purposefulness, and meaningful work that disaster often provides.

Squeezing him tight once more, she turned and walked away. He was right to do it this way. Whatever they had, the sweet, shining promise she could still see hovering on the horizon, it deserved to be left whole, instead of being crushed under the weight of unmet expectations.

When expectations are not met (as invariably happens), the search for the right solution begins; in turn, this search adds an unnecessary layer of suffering to what would otherwise be just the pain of motherhood. First we find that motherhood is far more difficult than we thought it would be, then we observe (incorrectly) that every other mother seems to be sailing along just fine, and finally we conclude (at great cost to our self-esteem) that we are doing something wrong. The sense that what we’re doing isn’t the right thing to do, or that what we’re feeling isn’t the right way to feel, leaves us feeling inadequate, or worse. Meanwhile, we’re expending precious energy attempting to pinpoint what it is we should be doing differently to make our babies fit the mold and adhere to expectations of development or internal visions of how things should be. Without the extra layers of suffering caused by unmet expectations, our misguided attempts to deny or suppress our feelings, and our self-critical interpretative frames, we would simply feel the pain. Of sleep deprivation. Of missing our old lives. Of not having enough time for ourselves. These things are all painful, but pain is far more tolerable than suffering.

Our expectations are a disguise for our fears and unmet inner needs.

Our children pay a heavy price when we lack consciousness. Overindulged, over-medicated, and over-labeled, many of them are unhappy. This is because, coming from unconsciousness ourselves, we bequeath to them our unresolved needs, unmet expectations, and frustrated dreams. Despite our best intentions, we enslave them to the emotional inheritance we received from our parents, binding them to the debilitating legacy of ancestors past. The nature of unconsciousness is such that, until it’s metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation. Only through awareness can the cycle of pain that swirls in families end.

So, if you’re not focused on behaviors—rewarding the ones you like and punishing the ones you don’t like—how will your child’s behavior improve? By focusing instead on the expectations your child is having difficulty meeting. I’ll be referring to those unmet expectations as unsolved problems and, in this book, you’re going to learn how to solve them. Solving problems is a task ill-suited to time-outs, stickers, berating, lecturing, ignoring, taking away privileges, sending a child to his room, spanking, and a lot of other things caregivers do with the best of intentions. Once a problem is solved, it doesn’t cause concerning behavior anymore.

...[E]ven in cases where art institutions are not being actively menaced by the state there has nevertheless been a collapse of more classically political institutions, like churches and unions. The result is that--as Hito Steyerl discusses in "is the Museum a Factory?"--thins that usually were shown or done in union halls and church basements are now housed inside art institutions. This explains the anxiety lurking behind a question like "How can an institution address the dichotomy between art as cultural entertainment and art as political inquiry?" This anxiety is the anxiety of a host confronted with refugees who might not be able to return home anytime soon. Like police departments, or public school teachers, art institutions now seem expected to do the work of three or four different kinds of civil society organizations. Can we provide moral education, collective solace, and class-based advocacy in addition to our other mission of producing, collecting, and displaying works of art? Are we even doing these other things? Or just noticing a need that is going unmet but that exceeds our capacity to meet it? {written by Stephen Squibb]

From what you have seen so far it should be obvious that a major source of toxic shame is the family system and its multigenerational patterns of unresolved secrets. More specifically these families are created by the shame-based people who find and marry each other. Each looks to and expects the other to take care of and parent the child within him or her. Each is incomplete and insatiable. The insatiability is rooted in each person's unmet childhood needs. When two adult children meet and fall in love, the child in each looks to the other to fill his or her needs. Since "in love" is a natural state of fusion, the incomplete children fuse together as they had done in the symbiotic stage of infancy. Each feels a sense of oneness and completeness. Since “in-love” is always erotic, each feels "oceanic" in the sexual embrace. “Oceanic” love is without boundaries. Being in love is as powerful as any narcotic. One feels whole and ecstatic. Unfortunately this state cannot last. The ecstatic consciousness is highly selective. Lovers focus on sameness and are intrigued by the newness of each other. Soon, however, real differences in socialization begin to emerge. The two families of origin rear their shame-based heads. Now the battle begins! Who will take care of whom? Whose family rules will win out? The more shame-based each person is, the more each other's differences will be intolerable. “If you loved me, you'd do it my way,” each cajoles the other. The Hatfields and the Mccoys go at it again.

Like rocks that are collected and stowed away in a backpack, every unresolved, unmet expectation can become another weight that is carried around and is burdensome.

give up relying on fear in any of its forms to manage your unmet expectations, you can start to rebuild yourself.

the greatest unhappiness a person can feel in life is unmet expectations.

Do this for someone. Ask someone to tell you his—or her—story. Resist the urge to interrupt or correct. Turn off the television. Log off from the internet. Close your laptop; silence your cell phone. Give the rarest of gifts: your full attention.

Happiness happens when you give.” Doing good does good for the doer.

It sometimes be a tough decision to decide which book we start reading next. It's usually not about the cost in terms of money but the cost in time spent with the new read. The question that hangs in the air is whether or not our expectations will be unmet, matched or exceeded. That same question can be applied to most aspects of our lives. Therefore, as with life, there are no promises but that's precisely what makes life so engaging and worthwhile.

Sometimes it can be a tough decision to decide which book we start reading next. It's usually not about the cost in terms of money but the cost in time spent with the new read. The question that hangs in the air is whether or not our expectations will be unmet, matched or exceeded. That same question can be applied to most aspects of our lives. Therefore, as with life, there are no promises but that's precisely what makes life so engaging and worthwhile.

Your spouse is not a mind reader! That is why communicating about your expectations and desires is essential throughout your marriage. Having unrealistic expectations will increase the chances of your ideals being unmet. Remember, you cannot change your spouse, only yourself.

Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone — a friend, spouse, boss, or family member — to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God.