Trapped In A Video Game Quotes

Any problem you face in a video game or in life is one of four things: an enemy, obstacle, puzzle, or trap. That’s it. Everyone you meet in life is one of those four things.

But I feel like I've spent most of my life wishing for someone else's approval, or relying on their reassurance that I'm living my life the right way. And somewhere along the way, I forgot to care what I thought about myself. I feel trapped beneath all the things that make me think less of myself. If my life were a video game, I would have hit the reset button a long time ago.

I was obsessed. I couldn't stop myself. It was not healthy, but I couldn't stop. I didn't feel like there was anything else in my life to stop for. We all have periods of our life when we're trapped doing something we hate and we develop habits that have nothing to do with our long-term goals to fill the downtime, right? I hope you identify with that idea. It's the only way I can explain becoming so emotionally invested in a video game that I would get in my car and drive around town sobbing if my internet went out.

save a video game world from fake aliens. He bravely led the resistance, which lasted for all of 10 seconds.” I looked around me. Snow and boulders everywhere,

and

me

obeyed.

I’ll take care of anything that lands on here!

she pointed across the room at the suits hanging a few feet off the ground, “and there are the guards,” she pointed to a squadron of ninja-looking, knife-wielding robots standing in front of the suits.

here!

Finally, after what felt like an hour of flopping and glugging, we jumped our last ramp and tumbled to a stop in another tunnel. I stumbled around on my skis for a couple of seconds until Roger cut them off. “Can we not do the fast way anymore?” I asked before puking all over the ground. Sam and Mark patiently waited for me to empty my stomach of sewer water before pressing forward into the next room. “Whoa,” Mark said as we walked to the middle of the chamber. The walls created a perfect circle around us, and the ceiling was at least 100 feet high. It felt like we were standing inside the world’s biggest Pringles can. Right in front of us was a power-up cube. “Why don’t you take this one, Jesse?” Mark asked. I smiled

Why, because I’m Australian?

chapter 12

on that!” Sam

I find this is also true in life. Any problem you face in a video game or in life is one of four things: an enemy, obstacle, puzzle, or trap. That’s it. Everyone you meet in life is one of those four things.

hand and pulled the door right into his suit. Eric’s suit stumbled for just a moment, which gave Eric enough time to squirm free, roll into the blue light,

ERIC!

Doom

portal

reached

The TV showed the beginning of the Hawaii level again, but this time, it zoomed in on a mosquito.

ROGER.

RMG

OK.

firing

Well as long as you’re in the game, you should figure out your special ability.” “I don’t think I have a special ability.” “Sure you do! Every Wild Thing has a special ability. Like there’s one that can call down lightning, there’s one that has poison burps, one that does tornadoes.” “I don’t think I can do any of those things.” “Well, you can probably do something. You should try figuring it out. While you’re at it, maybe you could sneak into the cafeteria and let me know what’s for dessert today.” “I’m not doing that.” “Fine, but if you happen to see a Golden Hawkwadoodle…” “Just go to class.” Eric gave me a thumbs up and put his phone in his pocket. Then he looked back in my direction and waved his hand where he remembered my face being. “Man, this is cool!” Eric exclaimed as he turned to walk to class. Alone at last, I took a breath and looked around. Mr. Gregory had seen me get on the bus, so he’d probably be at the school soon. All I had to do was stay away from anyone playing Go Wild until then. In the meantime… I looked at my hands. Did I really have special powers? I squinted really hard and tried to shoot fire from my eyes like the snake. Nothing happened. I burped. Smelly but not poisonous. I pressed my finger against my palm like Spider-Man, got mad like the Hulk and clenched my fists like Wolverine. Zip, zero, nada. This was stupid. After being up for half the night, I needed a nap, not a superpower. I yawned and stretched my arms. SWOOOOOOOOOSH!

Eric immediately turned around and tried to run back out the door. BONK! He bounced off the door. He tried the wall. Same result. “I’m sorry, but we’ve locked everything down,” Jevvrey said. Eric spun around. Jevvrey was looking at him through the futuristic glasses. He waved to Eric. “Bluetooth Go Wild goggles. $99.99. Available soon for pre-order.” I looked around the room. Jevvrey had added a few things since I’d last seen it. For one, he was sitting on a swivel chair in front of a six-foot-tall black rectangle in the middle of the room. It looked like one of those supercomputers from the movies with switches and buttons and blinking lights all over it. The other thing was Mr. Gregory, sitting at his desk in front of a laptop, looking miserable. “I was hoping you’d make it in time,” Jevvrey said. “In time for what?” “We’re about to find out what happens at the end of the game!” Jevvrey took out his phone and tapped on the screen. “Mark?” Eric asked. Jevvrey nodded. “He’s fading fast now.” He turned the phone around so we could see it. Mark was fading. Not like his health or anything — he was actually disappearing

Anybody with a phone can battle and imprison you forever.” “Well I would like very much for that not to happen to me.” “Right, so you need to avoid people who are playing the game.” “How do I know if someone’s playing the game?” “Well, for example, if they’re walking while staring at their

When we consider how overtargeted and overstimulated our dopamine neurons really are, it’s no surprise that the average person is an overweight procrastinator hooked on ice cream, video games, television shows, and social media and that it takes a rather dramatic shift in behavior to escape from these traps. If

With no weapons to defeat the alien and no way around him, I tried the only other video game move I knew. I jumped on his head like Mario. BOING!

AHHHHHHHH!” “NAP TIME’S OVER, MAGGOT!” The two eyes were attached to a snarling drill sergeant who seemed just like the most furious person ever. I tried backing away. “Look, I don’t… This is a big… OK, listen, if you just call my mom…” The drill sergeant did not seem interested in clearing things up with Mrs. Rigsby. Instead, he picked me up by the neck just like a bully on TV would. “Listen maggot, I don’t know how you got that blaster attached to your arm, but it’s there now, and we’re going to use it to…” The what attached to my what? I looked down. A blaster. Attached to my arm. Where my left hand should be. “AHHHHHHHHHH!” My screaming did nothing to stop the drill sergeant from continuing his little speech. “…Blast the alien scum back to whatever rock they came from. You are humanity’s only hope for…” “AHHHHHHHHHH!” “…This planet. Your mission will be long, your mission

I flew around Hawaii by jetpack.

Boss Battle

OK, so I was basically Elsa from Frozen! Maybe I could build an ice castle next to the school. I pointed my hand to the sky and iced again.

Just in the last month, he’s told me that I wouldn’t believe a piece of toast that looked “exactly like Darth Vader” (it looked exactly like a burnt piece of toast),

Hey! Thanks for taking the time to read Trapped in a Video Game: Book Three. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it. I’m currently working on Book Three, and I plan on releasing it December, 2016.

milk while skydiving and your skydiving buddy tells a funny joke, so you laugh the milk out of your nose, and then you throw up at the same time? No? That’s not an experience that everyone has? Well, anyways, that’s exactly how I felt after clicking “YES.” Like

Charlie, the coolest kid in our class. To clarify—Charlie isn’t the coolest kid in sixth grade because he’s actually a cool kid. He’s the coolest because his dad works for a video game company and sometimes gives Charlie’s friends early copies of games to test.

An exhaustive analysis recently studied Google data on searches initiated in both the most and least prosperous counties in the country (ranked according to an index that includes income and education). The study revealed that the searches most correlated with prosperity include digital cameras, baby joggers, Skype, and foreign travel. By contrast, the searches most correlated with deprivation included health problems; weight loss; guns; video games; and the Antichrist, hell, and the Rapture.

Here lies Jesse Rigsby of Middlefield, Ohio. He was tragically taken from us by a giant praying mantis while trying to save a video game world from fake aliens. He bravely led the resistance, which lasted for all of 10 seconds.

I usually struggle to answer many questions people ask because my mind is always in the future, while the questions they ask are always in the past, or at best, in the present. That is a very factual way of observing the spiritual level of someone. The "what job you have?" and "how much money do you make?" that people stuck in a present time loop obsessively ask is based on what they see, while the "where are you from?" and "what did you study?" comes from people stuck in the past, and with the idea that the past conditions the present, not your decisions. The first thinks matter controls life and the second that life is the result of randomity and chaos. Both represent the vast majority of the population and both are absolutely stupid. As they are too stupid to perceive the future, they call it dreaming, insanity or, at best, motivation and inspiration. They don't know what consciousness is, even when using this word. Thus, every change is for them like a spontaneous miracle, or a mistake in the system that shouldn't have occurred. They look at those who break their mental laws as criminals because when someone is too stupid, he perceives knowledge as a threat to his values. Jealousy and competition come precisely from this state of mind. These subhumans think like a character of a video game that is trapped in a world that never changes and in which they have no capacity to make effective decisions. When they are faced with a library or a religion that promotes wisdom, they close their eyes to escape or read about fantasies, because they are not mentally capable of processing reality.

Reubenverse

Welcome to the World of Wolf Spiders!” I screamed when I looked outside. It was so much worse than I’d imagined. Naturally, everything was covered in wolf spiders. But there were also these creatures that seemed to be a combination of the most terrifying parts of both wolves and spiders. When the door opened, a gang of them started charging. “CLOSE DOOR!” Eric screamed at Siri Lady. “CLOSE IT NOW!

surveillance. And I could only get privileges if I completed my hard labor. And if I didn’t listen, I got thrown in the hole. . .solitary confinement with no video games, no friends and no cake. I don’t know if I’m gonna make it. It’s either gonna do me in or I need to. . .I need to. . . That’s it! I need to escape! No one that has tried to escape this parental death trap has ever been seen again. But I need to succeed where my brothers in arms have failed. I had to make a Prison Break!

through

while since you’ve read the first three books, you can catch up by reading the following words scrolling through space:

Spider-Man?

We’re in Ohio,

Nope! Bad theory. Bad, bad, bad theory. The creature that had heard me was now standing on its back legs and making a creepy squawking noise while the other one charged. I ran as fast as my little legs would take me. While climbing over boulders and dodging trees, I kept reaching back and wildly blasting at my attackers. Blast-blast-blast-SQUAWK! Blast-blast-blast-SQUAWK! It may not surprise you to learn that the creatures with six nimble insect legs were quickly gaining on the off-balance person who did not post a mile time to be proud of in gym class the previous week. Blast-blast-blast-SQUAWK! Blast-blast-blast-SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEK! Got one! Unfortunately, I had no time to celebrate because the mantis I had vaporized was replaced with another one who’d heard his battle cry. And then another. I found the path and continued running and blasting wildly behind me, really wishing I’d brought my inhaler. But who brings an inhaler to a video game? I blamed Eric. He should have texted, “Come over. You’re not going to believe this. Maybe bring your

You have gifts that people can only dream of having. They make you special and utterly unique in a way that is as far from weird as you can get. You blew my mind when you were a girl. I loved coming here to see what you could do, whether it was solving difficult math puzzles, destroying your dad at chess, memorizing the entire Human section of The Guinness Book of World Records, or trying to beat me at video games." She jolted up, her mouth curving in a grin. "Trying? Seriously? Was there a video game I didn't win?" Cheer-up mission accomplished, but his ego was taking a beating. "Guitar Hero was never your strong suit." "Don't even think about challenging me," Daisy warned. "I was a free-shredding machine." He gave a dismissive shrug, baiting his trap. "You were young, so Sanjay and I let you win..." She gave him a calculating stare and jumped to her feet. "The guitar is mine." "The guitar is lame. Drums are where it's at." He picked up the mugs and plates. "Two songs and I'll call an Uber." "What if we tie? It will have to be the best of three songs and I'll call an Uber." "Are you sure you're up for it?" He watched the gentle sway of her hips as she climbed the stairs. "I don't want you to feel bad when I destroy you." Daisy looked back over her shoulder and gave him a grin. "You are so going down in flames.

particularly small kid.

carved out nooks and crannies.

A jet pack. Great, so now instead of an out-of-control torpedo, I was about to become an out-of-control flying torpedo.

oof

Anyway, I pushed past Dirk the Jerk, and rushed toward the library. I needed to find an ultimate Minecraft guide with tips and tricks, shortcuts and secrets. My plan was simple. I’d buy the game, study the book, and start playing. It couldn’t be that hard, right? I was determined to beat Dirk the Jerk at something, even if it killed me!   I headed to the library’s computer books section.  I quickly scanned for game guides. They had books on popular games such as Candy Crusher, Angry Birdbrains, and Minion Marathon. But none about Minecraft?   Then, I spotted a thin book crammed way at the back of the shelf. It was covered with a thick layer of dust and spiderwebs. (Yuck! I hate spiders!) I yanked it out: Minecraft: Surviving the First Night: An Insider’s Guide.   It was more like a journal. Not exactly what I was looking for but it was better than nothing. I looked closer at the book and noticed that there wasn’t a library sticker on it. The best I could figure was that it must be someone’s personal copy. Maybe he was hiding it from his mom who didn’t approve of computer games. (I knew all about that.)   At that point, I was really desperate. And since there wasn’t any way for me to check it out, I decided to take it. I was sure the owner wouldn’t miss it because it hadn’t been touched in forever. Maybe he’d forgotten all about it. And anyway, I’d return it after I crushed Dirk the Jerk in the survival challenge.   When I got home, I was faced with the hardest part of my whole plan, convincing Mom to buy Minecraft. She thinks computer and video games are a waste of time, except for educational ones. (She grew up back when Pac Man was hi-tech.)   I knew I’d need help coming up with reasons to convince Mom. So I checked with my good friend, Google, and I found a ton of information on why Minecraft was considered educational.     Once I explained to Mom that Minecraft taught everything from spatial relationships to electrical circuitry to complex machines, she caved in, and bought it. Now that the hard part was over, all I needed to do was learn the game.   I sat down in front of the computer in my room, and launched the game. I opened the Minecraft journal, and there was a bright flash of light!   That’s the last thing I remember.   The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the middle of a strange library. It took me a minute to figure out what the heck was going on. I looked around. Everything was made of blocks.   I looked down at my arms... rectangles. I looked down at my legs... Rectangles! I looked down at my body... a RECTANGLE!   Then it hit me... I was literally a blockhead IN Minecraft! *gulp*     That’s when I flipped out a little bit. For about ten minutes straight. I probably would have freaked out for longer, but it’s exhausting screaming, flapping my arms, and running in circles on stumpy little legs.   After I calmed down a bit and caught my breath, I thought of

Hyperactive

For months, I’d been trapped in a feedback loop trying to figure out how to set up the help she needed; it felt like a video game I was trying to master:

Press ‘A’ to jump.” “No! I don’t want to jump!” “Press ‘A’ to jump.

OOF!

asked. “You worked on Full Blast, right?” Eric asked. “Sure did! How are you enjoying it?” “Well,” Eric paused and looked at me before continuing. “It tried to kill us, but other than that it was cool.” Mr. Gregory squinted at us and cocked

hologram

Pee Butter Poopies

this math homework. I closed my book, put on my jacket, and walked across the street to Eric’s house. The door was open, so I let myself in and walked down to the basement. “All right, let’s see it,” I said as I reached the bottom of the stairs. No booger. Also no Eric. “Come on,” I called out. I wandered into the laundry room (where the dirty clothes should be). I walked upstairs into Eric’s room (where the dirty clothes actually were). I checked behind all the doors, inside all the closets, and under all the beds. No booger. No Eric. I couldn’t believe

every inch of our fake Hawaiian island. Eric was right—it was a lot smaller than I first thought. In a single afternoon, we had jet-packed over every acre of rain forest, trekked across every beach, and even hiked up the volcano. No hidden portals. At Pearl Harbor, while we were looking for an unlocked spaceship we could use to escape, Eric spoke up. “Do you think they’ll have a Mark Day for

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I’d yelled at the time.

chapter 3

Now, listen. I know there are those of you out there who are screaming, “That’s not a fire pterodactyl, you dummy! That’s a dragon!” If that’s you, I have two things to tell you: 1. You are a nerd. 2. It was definitely a pterodactyl that breathed fire. I know those never existed, but that’s what it was. I saw it. I was there. You were not. Zip it.

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Don’t you hate it when your mom wakes you up for school by poking you? Yelling is fine because you can always “Mmmmf coming” your way to a few extra minutes,

lay

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get sprayed in the face with a fire hose full blast than watch someone else play video games.