Thor Asgard Quotes

Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue.

Stop that, I told my brain. Also, the wedding is tomorrow, said my brain. Get out of my head. My brain refused to get out of my head. Inconsiderate brain.

Otis," I said. "Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis." "I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay." Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.

At this point, most people would have thrown themselves down on the ground and given up hope. And by most people, I mean me.

Because Anno Domini, in the Year of Our Lord, is fine for Christians, but Thor gets a little upset. He still holds a grudge that Jesus never showed up for that duel he challenged him to.” “Say what now?

Annabeth smiled. “I don’t know the ocean very well, but my boyfriend does. I think it’s time you met Percy.

It's a good thing Jack was no longer in my hands, because I would've pulled a full-on Kylo Ren temper tantrum.

Should I get you a shovel, so you can dig that hole deeper?

Just like the good old days: marching together into the unknown, searching for missing magical weapons and risking painful death. I’d missed my buddies!

I turned to Alex. 'Hey, are you female today?' 'Hold on... There! Now I'm female.' My expression must have been priceless. Alex burst out laughing. 'I'm kidding. Yes, I'm female today. She and her.

You Keep Using the Word Help. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Let’s see, today is Thor’s Day the sixteenth.” “You mean Thursday?” “That’s what I said. The island will rise on the full moon six days from now, on the twenty-second, which is Woden’s Day.” “Wednesday?” I asked. “That’s what I said.

Well, good news, " Blitzen said. "I found the bag. Bad news...I found the bag.

You know, Magnus…sometimes it’s best not to look as far as you’re able to look, or to listen to everything you’re able to hear.

How did you decide when someone was irretrievably lost—when they were so evil or toxic or just plain set in their ways that you had to face the fact they were never going to change? How long could you keep trying to save them, and when did you give up and grieve for them as though they were dead?

I think it's time you met Percy. - Annabeth

You're sure?' I asked. 'I mean, the Lord of the Sword is great. But you could also be, I don't know, the Slammer of the Hammer'.

She snorted. “Sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn’t it? An atheist and a Muslim walk into a pagan afterlife.

One of these days, I would love to exit a world without being pursued by an angry mob.

Sam’s body language looked pretty stiff. I was too far away to hear, but I imagined her conversation with Alex was something like: Sam: Awkward. Alex: Awkward, awkward. Sam (nodding): Awkward, awkward, awkward.

Nevermore shall men make slaves of others! Not in Asgard--not on Earth--not any place where the hammer of Thor can be swung--or where men of good faith hold freedom dear!

I didn’t learn a thing,” I promised Alex. “You are still a mystery wrapped in a question mark wrapped in flannel.

Look, some people prefer they,” Alex said. “They’re non-binary or mid-spectrum or whatever. If they want you to use they, then that’s what you should do. But for me, personally, I don’t want to use the same pronouns all the time, because that’s not me. I change a lot. That’s sort of the point. When I’m she, I’m she. When I’m he, I’m he. I’m not they. Get it?” “If I say no, will you hurt me?” “No.” “Then no, not really.” She shrugged. “You don’t have to get it. Just, you know, a little respect.” “For the girl with the very sharp wire? No problem.” She must have liked that answer. There was nothing confusing about the smile she gave me. It warmed the office about five degrees.

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go." "You just got here." "Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress." "You're making that up." "I'm not." "So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?

shouldn't he pick on more interesting heroes, like the children of Thor? At least their dad had a movie franchise. Frey didn't even have his own cats. He had to borrow his sister's.

You understand there's no such thing as a little death prophecy, right? - Sam

Magnus, could you glow a little closer, please? - Sam

I will never understand these bethroted teenagers nowadays.

I think we can all agree that this deaf elf sure plays a mean pinball.

Sam again demonstrated her affection for me by not clubbing my brains out. We were having a friendship fest here at the Thinking Cup.

I'd been chased by Valkyries. I'd been chased by elves with firearms. I'd been chased by dwarves with a tank. Now, lucky me, I got to be chased by giants with giant bowling balls.

like the children of Thor? At least their dad had a movie franchise.

Did he just call his hammer Mee-Mee? - Magnus

I Need to Learn Many, Many More Cusswords in Sign Language

The place went on forever-like Costco or a chemistry lecture.

We need our goats!” I yelled. I waded through the crowd until I reached our chariot. I grabbed Otis’s face and pressed my forehead against his. “Testing,” I whispered. “Is this goat on? Thor, can you hear me?” “You have beautiful eyes,” Otis told me.

It's a Thing thing. You wouldn't understand.

Back up,” I said. “What did Sam mean by again? You’ve lost your hammer before?” “Once,” Thor said. “Okay, twice. Three times if you count this time, which you shouldn’t, because I am not admitting that the hammer is missing.” “Right…” I said. “So how did you lose it?” “I don’t know!” Thor started to pace again, his long red hair sparking and popping. “It was just like…Poof! I tried retracing my steps. I tried the Find My Hammer app, but it doesn’t work!

I LOVE IT when gods offer to pay for a dinner that’s already free. Almost as much as I love assault squads that show up after the assault.

Amir took a deep breath. To his credit, he didn't collapse, curl into a ball, or cry, all of which would have been perfectly acceptable responses to finding out there were squeaky-voiced beings in the sky that would invite you up their rainbow.

So can I ask…?” I waved my hands vaguely. I didn’t have the words. “How it does work?” She smirked. “As long as you don’t ask me to represent every gender-fluid person for you, okay? I’m not an ambassador. I’m not a teacher or a poster child. I’m just”—she mimicked my hand-waving—“me. Trying to be me as best I can.

I’ll admit that I was staring. Suddenly my whole perspective had flipped inside out, like when you look at an inkblot picture and see just the black part. Then your brain inverts the image and you realize the white part makes an entirely different picture, even though nothing has changed. That was Alex Fierro, except in pink and green. A second ago, he had been very obviously a boy to me. Now she was very obviously a girl.

Should I get you a shovel so you can dig that hole a little deeper?

No offense, kid, but I have a strong desire to murder your uncle with extreme prejudice.” “No offense taken,” I said. “I’m tempted to help you.

Otis and his brother, Marvin, pulled the god’s chariot. They also provided Thor with a never-ending supply of goat meat. Each night, Thor killed and ate them for dinner. Each morning, Thor resurrected them. This is why you should go to college, kids—so when you grow up you do not have to take a job as a magical goat.

The thing about gods is, you can’t really slap them when they’re acting stupid. They’ll just slap you back and kill you.

Lord Th– I mean, Thor,’ said Sam, ‘Won’t you come with us? This is an important battle – the fire lord Surt, Fenris Wolf. Surely that’s worthy of your attention.’ Thor’s right eye twitched. ‘That’s a fine offer. Really. I’d love to, but I have another pressing appointment –’ ‘Game of Thrones,’ Marvin explained.

Hello, Paranoia, My Old Friend

In Case of Demonic Possession, Please Follow Illuminated Signs to the Nearest Exit

Otis clopped forward and sighed. "Well, if you need a volunteer to die, I suppose I can do it. I've always loved weddings-" Shut up, dummy!" Marvin said. "You're a goat!

Where were we?” he said. “Ah, yes, cake and sarcasm.

The older you are, the harder it is to accept that the world might not be the way you thought it was.

one thing I’d learned from being a son of Frey—I couldn’t always fight my friends’ battles. The best I could do was be there to heal their injuries.

Three questions," I said. "First: Thor has a giantess friend?" "Yes," Blitz said. "Not all giants are bad." "Second: do all giantess names begin with G?" "No." "Last question: "Thor is a martial artist? Does he have, like, backup nunchucks, too?

Since Thor wasn't there to creatively cuss, Sam did the honors, muttering a few comments that I doubted her grandparents would've approved of. "Those are just expressions," I added hastily. "In no way was my friend giving you permission to do...any of those rude and colorful things.

Thor." The goddess scoffed. "If you want someone who can navigate one hundred and seventy channels of HD content, go to Thor. If you want someone who can accurately send people through the Nine Worlds, he's not your guy.

Alex promised to keep watch. At least I think that’s what she said. She could have announced I’ll invite Loki into camp and kill you all in your sleep! HAHAHAHA! and I still would’ve passed out.

My Friends Protect Me by Telling Me Absolutely Nothing. Thanks, Friends

I hate this god. ‘Exactly, Mr Elf!’ Thor said.

Thor gets a little upset. He still holds a grudge that Jesus never showed up for that duel he challenged him to.

You told me Taylor Swift’s songs were dwarf music…does this mean that Prince was a giant?

Nothing beats camping out in a dreary Jotunheim forest while your friend stitches runes on a giant bowling bag!

THIS IS WHY I HATE FAMILY REUNIONS. You always have to face that one uncle you don’t want to see—you know, the one who pops out of a nutshell and demands a sword.

Thor frowned as if he’d just had a thought, which must have been a painful experience.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, There’s Some Messed-Up Stuff Going On

My family had a lot of things, just not the things that mattered…

The next millisecond demonstrated how much faster I can think than react. First I thought Blitzen had spotted an actual duck. Blitzen likes ducks. Then I realized he was telling me to get down, which is hard to do when you're the last in a line of three people on horseback.

Even when I was a regular mortal student, I hated going first. The teacher always promised to go easier on the first volunteer or give extra credit. No thanks. It wasn’t worth the extra anxiety.

The manager turned up his palms. "I don't have those answers, Samirah, but Huginn and Muninn will brief you privately. Go with them to the high places of Valhalla. Let them show you thoughts and memories." To me, that sounded like some trippy vision quest with Darth Vader appearing in a foggy cave.

My brain refused to get out of my head. Inconsiderate brain.

Even with my sunglasses on, my eyeballs were screaming in pain. Stupid beautiful sunrise in stupid Elf World.

It’s okay, man,” I said, though I realized my definition of okay had become flexible over the last few months.

I was hoping Tiny might scoop us up and give us a ride. That seemed like the proper thing to do for travelers who'd just had a hit-and-run with your shoestring.

The thanes nodded and patted each other on the back as if to say, Yes, wow! We really are wise and open-minded! We deserve cookies!

Those movies... ridiculously inaccurate. The real gods of Asgard — Thor, Loki, Odin, and the rest — are much more powerful, much more terrifying than anything Hollywood could concoct.

Clay can be shaped and reshaped, over and over, but if it gets too dry, if it sets…then there’s only so much you can do with it. When it gets to that point, you’d better be sure it’s in the shape you want it to have forever.

Well, I could never lie to you, Thor. I'm actually the All-Mother's undercover operative in the cause of niceness and puppies, and I'm here on a top-secret spy-type thingie. Shh! Don't tell anyone.

The girl is right, Vidar signed. Time is wasting. “Listen to brave Vidar, girl,” said Thor. “Loki’s capture can wait for another day. Right now we should be celebrating the return of my hammer!” That’s not what I said, Vidar signed.

I remembered how guest rights worked from our last time in Jotunheim. If you made it inside the house and claimed you were a guest, supposedly the host couldn't kill you. Of course, when we'd tried that before, we ended slaughtering an entire giant family after they attempted to squash us like bugs, but it had all been done with the utmost courtesy.

It’s Hammer Time! (Someone Had to Say It)

You killed Thor!" Otis bleated. "You dropped a giantess on him!

A lot of folks in the Norse cosmos had warned me that names had power. You weren't supposed to utter them unless you had to. Me, I preferred to wear names out like hand-me-down clothes. That seemed the best way to drain the power out of them.

It was the nicest cop car I’d ever been in, and I’d been in quite a few. The black leather interior smelled of vanilla. The Plexiglas divider was squeaky clean. The bench seat had a massage feature so I could relax after a hard day of loitering. Obviously, they served only the finest criminals here in Alfheim.

Let Me Go Immediately, or I Will Make You a Billionaire

*to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard

Here Comes the Bride and/or the Assassin ALEX

He tossed his goblet on the floor, as if he couldn’t allow Hearthstone to have the most impressive spill.

The giant scratched his beard, and a single white whisker twirled down like an Apache helicopter and crashed nearby, sending up a mushroom cloud of snow.

the ham is in a different dangerous location. It’s in Provincetown.

Sif seemed so refined, so graceful, so unlikely to fart or belch in public.

Hearthstone bowed his head in gratitude. He stepped away from the dais, cradling his new pouch o’ power like it was a swaddled baby.

I’d killed and eaten this particular goat on another world, which is the sort of bonding experience you don’t forget.

How did you decide when someone was irretrievably lost – when they were so evil or toxic or just plain set in their ways that you had to face the fact they were never going to change? How long could you keep trying to save them, and when did you give up and grieve for them as though they were dead?

I’d been stuck in one gender my whole life. It never bothered me. Now I wondered how that would feel for Alex. The only analogy I could come up with wasn’t a very good one. My second grade teacher, Miss Mengler (aka Miss Mangler), had forced me to write with my right hand even though I was left-handed. She’d actually taped my left hand to the desk. My mom had exploded when she found out, but I still remembered the panicky feeling of being restrained, forced to write in such an unnatural way because Miss Mengler had insisted, 'This is the normal way, Magnus. Stop complaining. You’ll get used to it.

Let me guess, Lord Thor: you've lost your hammer again." "Now, I did not say that." Thor wagged his finger at her. "You did not hear that from me..." "Back up," I said. "What did Sam mean by 'again'? You've lost your hammer before?" "Once," Thor said. "Okay, twice. Three times if you count this time, which you shouldn't, because I'm not admitting that the hammer is missing.

Stitched into the bag’s side were several new lines of glowing red runic script. “What does it say?” Alex asked. “Oh, a few technical runes.” Blitz’s eyes crinkled with satisfaction. “Magic nuts and bolts, terms and conditions, the end-user agreement. But there at the bottom, it says: ‘EMPTYLEATHER, a bag completed by Blitzen, son of Freya. Jack helped.’” “I wrote that!” Jack said proudly. “I helped!

There must be something in here that can drill through eight miles of solid rock.” He considered a hand drill, a tape measure, a corkscrew, and the iron staff we’d almost died retrieving from Geirrod’s fortress. He threw them all to the floor. “Nothing!” he said in disgust. “Useless junk!” Perhaps you could use your head, Hearthstone signed. That is very hard. “Oh, don’t try to console me, Mr. Elf,” said Thor.

I borrowed a copy of Myths of the Norsemen by Roger Lancelyn Green and read and reread it with delight and puzzlement: Asgard, in this telling, was no longer a Kirbyesque Future City but was a Viking hall and collection of buildings out on the frozen wastes; Odin the all-father was no longer gentle, wise, and irascible, but instead he was brilliant, unknowable, and dangerous; Thor was just as strong as the Mighty Thor in the comics, his hammer as powerful, but he was . . . well, honestly, not the brightest of the gods; and Loki was not evil, although he was certainly not a force for good. Loki was . . . complicated.

Look, some people prefer they,’ Alex said. ‘They’re non-binary or mid-spectrum or whatever. If they want you to use they, then that’s what you should do. But for me, personally, I don’t want to use the same pronouns all the time, because that’s not me. I change a lot. That’s sort of the point. When I’m she, I’m she. When I’m he, I’m he. I’m not they. Get it?’ ‘If I say no, will you hurt me?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then no, not really.’ She shrugged. ‘You don’t have to get it. Just, you know, a little respect.’ ‘For the girl with the very sharp wire? No problem.’ She must have liked that answer. There was nothing confusing about the smile she gave me. It warmed the office about five degrees. I cleared my throat. ‘Anyway, we’re look

Diner Customer 1 (Kyle): …I’ll give you one piece of advice, on account of I like you and I don’t want to see you get hurt. First time I went to Vegas, I thought It was the most beautiful place in the world. All lights and neon. And the women --- well, the WOMEN… Anyway, didn’t take me long to figure out the whole place was on the hustle, that none of it was what it looked like, and if you’re not real careful, a place like that can kill you. Bill: Asgard ain’t Vegas, Kyle. Diner Customer 1 (Kyle): No, sir. You’re absolutely right. It isn’t Vegas. ‘Cause in Vegas, even guys like you and me can win once in a while. (Kyle leaves the diner) Diner Customer 2: Pay no attention to him, Bill. A man loses two hundred-fifty dollars on the slots, and he thinks it gives him wisdom. Biggest mistakes I ever made were in listening to guys like that, instead of listening to my own heart… what my granddad used to call “The Tyranny of Reasonable Voices.” Mistakes you make can always be worked out. The mistakes you don’t make because you do nothing, because you don’t try, you don’t risk, those are the ones that haunt you when you get old. Regret, that’s the real killer. Go where your heart leads you, Bill. Life’ll take care of the rest. It always does. - Thor #10 (2007)