The Siren Kiera Cass Quotes

Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour. I wasn't alone.

There’s always room for love. Even if it’s as small as a crack in the door.

Whatever happened, I'd met my person, the one my soul connected to.

It was like staring at a piece of art or the stars in the sky. I just had to watch him. -Kahlen, The Siren

She told me to live. . . . I didn’t know how to tell Her that simply being alive was not enough to be called living.

Wanting to cry doesn't mean you can.

She would want me to forget all about him. But how could eyes not notice the light? How could lungs not acknowledge the air? There are just some things you can't ignore.

Love is a risk worth taking. I'd waited an eternity for this. I'd have waited all over again if I had to. I was meant to be kiss this boy, designed to be held by him. All the careful postures I held melted away, and I pulled him closer. We were stars. We were music. We were time.

Sometimes you have to give the hurt a noise and let it out. If you don’t, it fills you up with its emptiness.

We were stars, we were music, we were time.

Life was just a collection of small decisions

Life is pointless. Love is pointless. And still, wouldn’t I do every second of it all over again?” “I’m guessing yes.“ “Undoubtedly. Yes.

And you, you make me feel like I could do the stupidest thing in the world, and you’d still like me how I am.

Instead of worrying about taking, we should worry about giving. We can’t stop the take. But we can do a hell of a lot about the give.

I’d waited an eternity for this. I’d have waited all over again if I had to. I was meant to kiss this boy, designed to be held by him.

It was the color of ice and honey and sky and rain mixed together into a sheet of flawless glass with broken frothy edges that tickled my feet

We'll figure this out, I promise. I won't let you sink.

Am I talking too much?” He paused, staring into my eyes, genuine worry coloring his face. I shook my head. No, I thought, I’d listen to you talk about nearly anything. You make phone calls sound like an adventure.

It’s weird, all the things that go into that feeling of being home.

I held the water to my chest, and I loved.

It seems to me that we value individuality, but only to a point. When what sets one person apart from another is beyond our understanding or becomes too much to handle, we dismiss the quirk and the soul that accompanies it to give ourselves the greatest comfort. What does that accomplish?

I instantly dragged my fingers across a shelf of book spines, in love with each one already. Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour. I wasn't alone.

I picked up another book, and we sat there in the happiest silence I’d ever known.

I could tell in his face that I could burn the house down, and he’d just get out marshmallows and thank me for the lovely flame. I’m not sure I could make a mistake big enough for him not to forgive.

I'm not sure what it is, but you look like you've made and broken a lot of things and then made them all over again.

Akinli: You never told me your favorite color before you left Kahlen: So many, but mostly I like the color of autumn Akinli: The color of autumn...yea how everything looks like it's on fire Kahlen: But it's dying! Death never looked so lovely

Come throw your heart into the waves Your soul is lost, and still it saves Drink me in and come undone Trade a thousand lives for one Come away, drink it in Drink and sink and let it end Drink and sink and let it end You are no more, you are no less For all must die, all must rest Bring your body unto me Let your graveyard be the sea Come away and drink it in Drink and sink and let it end Drink and sink and let it end

For a small period of time, she was the only one who understood what I was feeling. She made me feel less isolated in my sadness.

Wanting to cry doesn’t mean you can. Or at least not in any way that can give you some sort of satisfaction. It’s a luxury really. The same goes for songs and laughter, or the words whispered in the ear of a friend.

I kept waiting for something to happen, which isn't how life works. In closed environments, everything just repeats.

Be grand, be fearless. Make something people can't look away from.

It's funny what you hold on to, the things you remember when everything ends.

She's the kind of girl that songs should be written about, poems should be composed for, and books should be dedicated to.

Why does she even bother sleeping?” I heard Elizabeth ask quietly. “You’d think by now she’d stop trying. We don’t need it.” I paused, waiting to hear Miaka’s response. “She must have a really wonderful dream often enough to make the bad ones worth it.

I don't want you to think that your life has been wasted while you have been so precious to me.

...simply being alive was not enough to be called living" -Kahlen

I felt a warm hand touch my forehead. And then my cheek. I held my act steady though Akinli’s touch made me feel more than awake. “Where in the world did you come from, you beautiful, silent girl?” he whispered.

And who was I? No one, really. Just a girl. But seeing myself through his eyes... I felt like so much more.

At heart, I was still just a girl on the edge of life.

How could I explain that no one was looking for me because my only family was a bunch of slightly mythological girls and they knew I couldn’t get myself into much more trouble than I was already in?

I instantly dragged my fingers across a shelf of book spines, in love with each one already. Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour. I wasn’t alone.

So why, here and now, in this frozen, useless time, did someone have to make me feel this way?

She must have a really wonderful dream often enough to make the bad ones worth it.

A note caught my ear, and I dropped my hands, my fear and worries fading away as the song took hold. It

It's weird, all the things that go into that feeling of being home. And then it's strange to have to change it.

Forsaking the rules meant forsaking your life.

It was a fact that many people ignored: Children's books held truths" -Kahlen

Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own.

Obedience was imperative.

Nothing compared to being lost in the sea.

Admiring was one thing, but it was a bad idea to let my mind be affected so strongly by a stranger.

He grinned back at me, and I remembered how normal he’d made me feel the first time we’d met. Here, once again, he wasn’t bothered by my silence. And I suddenly realized what made me feel so uncomfortable about Elizabeth’s exploits. The people she attracted were drawn to the same thing everyone else was: our glowing skin, dreamy eyes, and air of secrecy. But this boy? He seemed to see more than that. He saw me not just as a mysterious beauty, but as a girl he wanted to know. He didn’t stare at me. He spoke to me.

If the Ocean had a face to glare into, I would have shot Her a vicious look.

Maybe the key for me to move forward wasn't to eliminate everything I was feeling; maybe all I needed to do was focus on the feeling that made all others seem small.

Whatever happened, I’d met my person, the one my soul connected to, despite age and distance and impossibility.

It was strange because all of the stories were exactly the same and yet completely different.

I was lost in a hundred different worlds.

And no matter how crazy it seemed, I indulged in every adventure.

I could wish for that on every candle, star, clover, and eyelash in the world and never ever get it.

Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour. I wasn’t alone. It

I can text in complete sentences. Oh, yeah, it’s a skill.” He smiled, proud of his accomplishments. “And, thanks to my mom being a competitive dancer as a teen, I know how to do the Lindy hop and the jitterbug.” I sat bolt upright, and Akinli rolled his eyes. “I swear, if you tell me you can jitterbug, I’m going to . . . I don’t even know. Set something on fire. No one can dance like that.” I pursed my lips and dusted off my shoulder, a thing I’d seen Elizabeth do when she was bragging. As if he was accepting a challenge, he shrugged off his backpack and stood, holding out a hand for me. I took it and positioned myself in front of him as he shook his head, grinning. “All right, we’ll take this slow. Five, six, seven, eight.” In unison, we rock stepped and triple stepped, falling into the rhythm in our head. After a minute, he got brave and swung me around, lining me up for those peppy kicks I loved so much. People walked by, pointing and laughing, but it was one of those moments when I knew we weren’t being mocked; we were being envied. We stepped on each other’s toes more than once, and after he accidentally knocked his head into my shoulder, he threw his hands up. “Unbelievable,” he said, almost as if he was complaining. “I can’t wait to tell my mom this. She’s gonna think I’m lying. All those years dancing in the kitchen thinking I was special, and then I run across a master.

In the back, there was a maze of used books. The shelves wound around and were full of other bargain hunters. I searched for the children’s section. Not only were these books generally less expensive, but most of the time, the words that adults need to hear the most are hidden in children’s books. The beauty of that is that most children need to have the words read to them. It works out for everyone.

Why did he have to be such a good kisser? It was all his fault. Stupid fisherman. Stupid, sexy fisherman. Stupid, sexy, wonderful fisherman. Who was I kidding? Who do you blame when there is no sin? Wait… Was I a good kisser, too? I mean, he seemed just as drawn in as I was. Maybe I was! Imagine that.

I sniffed as a few tears escaped, lifting my hands to wipe them away. It was then that I caught the only clues I’d been given by whoever had left me here. On one wrist someone had written You are Kahlen. The other said He is Akinli. I flipped my hands over and searched up and down my arms, hoping there was more. “Look,” I begged, holding out my arms. “Pretty handwriting,” Ben commented. Julie hit him, but in a way that seemed playful. “Seriously?” “That’s all you have?” Akinli asked. “Apparently. So, all I know is who I am and who you are.” I looked into his eyes, the glowing blue, and sensed that was all that mattered.

All i wanted to do was heal. I wanted to find a way to wrap myself up thingtly enough so that the pain and sadness couldn't cut through. After talking to the Ocean, i wasn't sure that was possible. Maybe i had to exist in constant sadness

Having a boy see you, acknowledge you in such a way that you felt sure no one had ever experienced that feeling before, all the while knowing you'd joined a long line of people who did the same dance to find the person they spend their lives with.

I printed out the best-looking photo of him, a joke he’d posted, and some information about his siblings. The scrapbooks weren’t things I liked to carry in public, so I placed my papers neatly in my bag to take home. Sorry, Warner. I swear, it wasn’t me you died for.

Maybe one day another life might catch up with me. Or there could be no other life at all. I guess I couldn’t say for sure. Either way, I choose Akinli. There are some things you just know. And I know I want Akinli. I hope that will always be a good enough answer: that he’s what I would take over anything else

I don’t want to make a big deal about this or anything, but I think it’s kind of cool how you do everything you do.” I squinted at him. “I mean, you use sign language, and it’s hard to communicate. But you’re into art and you can seriously cook and, for goodness’ sakes, you can even jitterbug. By the way, I told my mom, and she wants a video. Totally doesn’t believe me. But, yeah, I think it’s nice that you don’t let a little hitch in life slow you down. I admire that.” I smiled. For a minute, I admired myself, too. He didn’t know how deep my problems ran, but he was right all the same. It was no small thing to try, to find out what you cared about in life. Even this moment, with this wonderful, temporary boy beside me, was a tiny miracle. I ought to give myself some credit.

I cannot explain how two souls join. No man or element or god ever could. But you are tied to each other. Because of that—because of your true, consuming, pure love—you will thrive together . . . or you will perish together. “I don’t understand.” I swallowed, trying to make sense of it all. If he hadn’t heard your voice, he’d be fine. But once he aged, however many years from now that might come, you would have found yourself deteriorating then. Or if you had disobeyed Me so fully that I had to kill you, he’d have died in the same breath. You are tied through your souls. Now, what happens to one body happens to the other. And since your voice has taken hold of him, killing him slowly, you fall down with him. Slower, of course, as you are still Mine. But it will consume you eventually, all the same.

Now that I'd been in a place like this, where lives connected and crossed, it was easy to see why all those cities had been wrong for me. Anonymity helped, sure. But if you found the right place, with the right kind of people, it was much better going somewhere you might at least get a nod or a wave as you walked home." -Kahlen

Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour.

And who was I? No one, really. Just a girl. But seeing myself through his eyes... I felt like so much more.

If it was nineteen years until my new life began, that meant that I was now a hundred years old. He was the singularly most beautiful thing I had seen in a hundred years.

It’s nice out tonight. You couldn’t pick a better evening to go and get yourself lost. I mean, look at that moon. Perfect night for going missing, don’t you think?

Simply being alive was not enough to be called living.

Don't be silly. Find the right billionaire, he'll buy a streak of green paint on an otherwise blank page for enough to cover three months' rent.

There's always room for love, even if it's as small as a crack in a door.

The girl I met two years ago and the girl I knew now were different.

His face was marked with sadness but still very handsome.

To him, it would be the saddest ending. But I thought about my family and Jillian. I thought about the lives they led and how special they were. Isn’t it the last chapter of a book that really makes it worth reading? Every story has to end. And everyone thinks death is a sad way to end a story. But that’s just not true. If it is, we are all just walking tragedies.

Books were a safe place, a world apart from my own. No matter what had happened that day, that year, there was always a story in which someone overcame their darkest hour. I wasn’t alone.

So they were going to put me in a jail cell. I wondered if this body was strong enough to bend bars. If they were only going to keep me in there a night, that shouldn’t be a big deal. I could wait a night. Then, whenever they took me away, I’d just run. I wouldn’t have to stop. I’d be halfway across the country before they got out of the state. But in the middle of my scheming, I heard Akinli’s voice. “What if she stayed here with us?” he asked. I couldn’t see it, but the silence let me know they were all staring at him. “Dude, the cop just told you the girl could be nuts. Yeah, why don’t we just let a psycho move in? Great idea.” Ben had the same strange sarcasm as Akinli. “Ben, are you seriously telling me you’re scared of a girl in a prom dress who can barely walk and can’t speak. Ohhhh, she’s sooo dangerous.” Yes, they were definitely related. I smiled to myself. I was dangerous, but I was glad Akinli didn’t see me that way. He paused for a moment. “Besides, I carried her here, and she was trembling. She’s scared. I think something bad happened to her, and I don’t think she should be put in a jail cell after whatever she went through.” Had I really trembled? I didn’t know I could do that.

Earlier tonight, when we you were telling me that story with your hands…” I grinned, and my cheek spread into his chin. Using the paper was easy enough and got us through most of the evening. But at one point he had insisted I try to tell him something using only hand gestures to see if he could keep up. I told him about discovering Miaka without him having any clue what the big motions of my hands meant. Every once in a while he would interject with a silly comment like “I love jelly, too.” I finished with a flourish, to which he said “jazz hands.” I didn’t know what it meant, but it made me smile all the same. “I just want you to know, that’s the best conversation I’ve ever had,” he whispered. “You probably feel like you don’t communicate much, but I think you say a lot. Your eyes, your posture. There’s a world of words around you, Kahlen. And you may not be able to express it all as easily as you’d like, but I can tell that you understand things. And not just the surface of things… if that makes sense.

And I couldn’t even deal with that feeling because I had to put on my brave face for my sisters. What had I said it was like? Pulling on a familiar coat? Well, set the coat on fire and fill the pockets with lead. That was what I wore in the face of my sisters.

I finally made eye contact with the boy in the bed. He lay on his side, a tube in his nose and another in his vein. His cheeks were sunken, and his skin was ghostly pale. His hair might have been blond, but it was fading into a gray, making it hard to tell. The only part of this boy that held any life at all were his eyes, which brimmed with tears when he saw me. “Kahlen?” I sat still. These three people all called me by the same name, which sounded sort of like Katlyn and Ellen and made me believe that maybe they actually knew me. “Where did you go? Where have you been? I thought you were dead.” His chest worked overtime, trying to keep up with his mouth, spilling over with words. “Can you get her a pen? Please?” He lifted an arm weakly. It was all bone. “I just need to know.” “A pen?” I asked. Once again his eyes lit up. “You can talk?” I stared at this boy, at how he was overjoyed at one of the most basic things a person could do. “So it would seem.” I smiled. He flopped onto his back, laughing from his gut, and based on Julie’s tears, I was guessing she’d been waiting a long time for that to come back.

I know the consequences of what I’ve done. Kill me if You must. There was a long silence, and I could sense Her softening, that strange affection She shared with me above the others. Do you think I rejoice in death? I raised my head. What? There is no joy for Me in punishing you or in taking lives. I do what I must to survive. And not only would I not delight in your death, I would mourn it. You must know by now how dear you are to Me. I swallowed. Why me? Why do I have Your favor more so than the others? She was so tender with me, lifting me up from the sand as if She were cradling a baby. Considering her timelessness and my temporariness, I practically was a newborn in Her eyes. Throughout My many, many years and all the sirens I’ve carried in My hands, none of them has considered Me as you do. There’s been a detachment, a deliberate isolation between them and Me. But you? You come to Me with a sweetness, an attempt to understand. You come to Me even when you are not called. I feel for you what a mother feels for her daughter. To end your life would be to end Mine. I cried again. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt You.

Akinli, this strange boy whose life at the moment seemed to be hanging on this, pushed himself from the bed. Julie gasped, watching as his arms trembled under his weight, even as thin as he was. He crushed his eyes together in concentration, willing himself up. I heard Ben whisper to himself, “Come on, come on, come on.” When Akinli, breathing as if he truly had just run a marathon, was fairly close to upright, he held out an arm for me. I fell into it fearlessly. We leaned into each other, neither of us strong enough to stay up on our own. “I thought I’d never see you sit up again,” Julie cried. We both turned to her, smiling at the happy tears on her face.

I promised you that your voice would never be his undoing, that his death would never come at My hand. This wasn’t how I thought it would unfold, but the only way to show you how much I love you would be to keep this promise. It’s all I have left. Her thoughts swirled, aligning into action. You all will have to do the planning. I assume we’ll need to do the change near Maine. I will bring you there when you’re ready. “I’ll take care of everything,” Miaka vowed. “I’ll leave as little to chance as possible.” Go now. I need to prepare. “Will You be all right?” I asked. I must be. Go, dear girl. This is all I can give you. Now you can finally know how I love you.

I hit my chest with my fist, accusing my body of failing. I’ve had eighty years to adjust and never have. Am I broken? We’ll start there. No. You’re not broken. You are possibly the most loyal and faithful siren I’ve ever had. So, one of the best? Is it bad to tell You that I don’t really want to be good at this job? She swirled around my face and hair, trying to console me. No one with a beating heart could enjoy killing their own. I’m not human, I argued. I’m less than that. Kahlen, my sweet girl, you are still human. Your body may be unchanging, but your soul still bends and sways. I assure you, in the deepest part of yourself, you are still connected to humanity. I kept crying, my tears joining Her waves. Then why can’t I cope with any human contact? Elizabeth has had her lovers. As have many a siren before her. It’s not surprising, considering how beautiful you are. If it’s so typical, then why can’t I do that? She laughed, a motherly sound in my head, as if She knew me better than I knew myself. Because you and Elizabeth are very different people. She’s looking for passion and excitement. In her dark world, those interludes are like fireworks. You long for relationships, for love. It’s why you protect your sisters so fiercely, why you always return to Me even when I don’t call, and why you mourn so heavily at taking lives.

I got the groceries and lugged them all the way to Akinli’s dorm, running slightly behind because I couldn’t get into the building on my own. The university required ID cards to get into the dorms after six, and since I wasn’t an actual student, I had to wait for someone else to come along and scan his so I could piggyback in. “You need some help?” the boy asked, his eyes lingering on my mouth. I shook my head no. “Aww, come on. That’s way too heavy for you.” He came closer, and again I cursed our natural appeal. I wasn’t in danger exactly, and I knew that, but it didn’t make these encounters any less uncomfortable. I shook my head again. “No, really, which floor are you on? I can—” “Hey, Kahlen!” I looked up to see Akinli walking down the hall. His button-up was open over the gray shirt beneath it, but I was thrilled to see that he’d at least put one on. “I was starting to worry. Hey, Sam.” “Hey.” The boy gave Akinli a look and headed toward the stairwell, his displeasure at Akinli’s arrival clear. In the meantime, I felt my mood lift significantly. I was now officially on my first date.

There is a God,” I said absentmindedly as my sisters spoke of spirituality. “Oh yeah?” Elizabeth snapped, not rudely, but in disbelief. “How do you know?” “She told me.” “Huh?” Miaka chimed in. “The Ocean told me. He’s there. He makes the waves and the storms, She just has to be strong enough to hold them. She wouldn’t need us if She could bring the storm to the ship. She is the most powerful thing we know of, and yet, She has to yield. Trust me, there is a God.” They stared at me for a while. Probably because that was the most I had said in weeks. Those words comforted me because I was tired of answering to Her, obeying Her, bending to Her. It gave me the deepest comfort I had felt in a while to remember that there was Someone, Something out there who could squash Her.

Elizabeth nodded, looking too dejected to do much more. “Can she just go back to him?” she pleaded. “He’s dying. She’s dying. They can’t have a life together, but at least they could have this.” No, Kahlen is Mine. We’ll fix her. “With what?” Elizabeth demanded through tears. “There’s nothing left.” “Please,” I said, letting all the dams burst, exposing every last drop of love I had for Akinli. “You’ve seen how I feel now. I’ve shared everything . . .

When we’d all settled down from that first night, Julie found a bag on the porch, which we thought must have been left by the same three girls who had brought me to them. Just like the clues on my skin, I’d only been left with two worldly possessions. The first was a wad of cash that I immediately handed to Ben and Julie as compensation for giving me a home. Most of it went to pay for Akinli’s medical bills, which was fine with me. I didn’t know if there was a word bigger than soul mates, something that meant the feeling of being so connected that it was hard to tell where one person ended and the other began. If there was, that word belonged to Akinli and me. The second thing was a bottle of water. It was so peculiar, this water, a blue that was both dark and brilliant, too thick to see through but still carrying light. No matter the season, it was always cold, and there were tiny shells in it that never settled. Sometimes I slept with it, even though it was cold enough to wake me up if I rolled on it the wrong way. It was the only clue I had to tell me who I had been before the night I was left on the porch, and I loved it second only to Akinli. Somehow, I knew that this love was important, as if treasuring the water meant I treasured myself. And I did. I loved my recovering body, I loved my blue-eyed soul mate, I loved my adopted family. I held the water to my chest, and I loved.

I looked at him and the other two people whose names I’d just learned. “So . . . so this is home then?” Akinli looked at me, perplexed, then turned to Ben and Julie. “She said some girls left her here and told her it was home. That’s all she knows. She doesn’t even know you.” Julie wiped at her tears, trying to calm herself. He moved his eyes back to me as quickly as he could manage. “Kahlen? You remember me, right?” I stared into this face, searching for something familiar. I didn’t recognize the angle of his chin, the length of his fingers. I didn’t know the slope of his shoulder or the shape of his lips. “Akinli, right?” I asked. This poor boy. I pitied him in the depths of my heart. Clearly, he’d already been going through something, and I could see the last scrap of fight he had in him dying with those words. “Yes.” “I don’t remember ever seeing you before in my life. I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips together as if he was swallowing the urge to cry. “But,” I said, “I know your voice. I know it as if it were my own.

Kahlen. Oh Kahlen, just don’t give up. I know it’s been hard on you, but you have to hold on. You’re capable of so much; I’ve felt it from the beginning. You can’t stop trying to live. You can either sit here and mope, or you can let this be an adventure for you. It’s an amazing ride if you just hold on. Think of Miaka. You’ll mean so much to her. You’ve meant the world to me. I think once it all disappears, I’ll still manage to miss you. Try to make the most of this time. Breathe in all the wonders around you. Take a deep breath, Kahlen. Hold on tight.

I’m so happy to be back here. You’re nice and quiet. Her waters stirred in something close to laughter. We don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to. I’m happy just to hold you. I sank down, resting on the sandy Ocean floor, legs crossed and arms behind my head. I watched the trails of boats crisscrossing and fading along the surface above me. Fish swam by in schools, not spooked by the girl on the ground. So, about six months? I asked, my stomach twisting. Yes, barring some natural disaster or man-made sinking. I can’t predict those things. I know. Don’t start worrying about that yet. I can tell you’re still hurting from the last time. She wrapped me in sympathy. I lifted my arms as if I was stroking Her, though of course my tiny body was unable to truly embrace Hers. I feel like I never have enough time to get over a singing before the next one comes. I have nightmares, and I’m a nervous wreck during the weeks leading up to it. My chest felt hollow with misery. I’m afraid I’ll always remember how it feels. You won’t. In all My years, I’ve never had a freed siren come back to Me demanding that I fix her memories. Do You hear from them at all? Not intentionally. I feel people when they’re in Me. It’s how I find new girls. It’s how I listen for anyone who might suspect the true nature of My needs. Sometimes a former siren will go for a swim or stick her legs off a dock. I can get a peek at their lives, and no one has remembered Me yet. I’ll remember You, I promised. I could feel Her embracing me. For all eternity, I’ll never forget you. I love you. And I love You. You can rest here tonight, if you like. I’ll make sure no one finds you. Can I just stay down here forever? I don’t want to worry about hurting people unintentionally. Or disappointing my sisters. Aisling has her cottage, so maybe I could build a little house down here out of driftwood. She ran a current down my back gently. Sleep. You’ll feel differently in the morning. Your sisters would be lost without you. Trust Me, they think it all the time. Really? Really. Thank You. Rest. You’re safe.

With the little energy I had, I tried to swim to the surface. But without words, the Ocean was aware of my struggle and pushed me to air. Miaka! Elizabeth! Padma! I lay on top of the water, throwing up water and the small bits of food they’d been trying to get me to eat. No more of that. I was close enough to the house that I could see them running. When they hit the Ocean, She solidified for them so they could run across Her back to me. “Kahlen?” Padma cried. “She’s breathing!” Elizabeth’s words were echoing in my ears. Carry her back. She cannot go in My waters. She can’t breathe. Padma sucked in a breath. “Oh, no.” “It’s worse than I thought,” Miaka whispered. I’d have told her I could still hear her, but it took too much work to speak. They lifted me effortlessly, carrying me across the edge of the Pacific, taking me into the house. I recognized the heat of the shower, the comfort of clean clothes, and the tender way Padma tucked me in, but I was so exhausted, so frightened, I couldn’t even say thank-you.

They got under each of my shoulders and pulled me up, Padma walking in front of me and holding her arms out for good measure. I walked on my own, but I knew that if they hadn’t been there, I might have fallen more than once. Side by side, we marched into the Ocean, all of us crying for help. What? I felt the swirling waves of Her worry as we floated just beneath the surface. Something’s wrong with Kahlen, Miaka said. In the water, they could let me go, and I floated there, the Ocean holding me like a child. I’m so tired. Look at her skin, Elizabeth said. She’s so pale. And she keeps sleeping. Like she needs it. She has a fever, too, Miaka added. I was acutely aware that my temperature was off; I could feel the water around me warming from my touch....She fretted. This has never happened before. I don’t know what to do. Maybe if she stays in You for a while, it would help, Elizabeth suggested. What, Miaka? the Ocean asked suddenly. Nothing. But she did look like she was hiding something. What were you thinking? Nothing, Miaka insisted. Flipping through ideas, it’s all nothing. I think Elizabeth is onto something. She swam up to me. We’ll come and check on you every hour until you feel like coming back to bed. I didn’t want to say how much it bothered me that she said “back to bed” instead of “back to the house.” It was like she knew I wasn’t going to be standing again. Okay. They fled, off to make arrangements for their broken sister. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening. How long have you been feeling like this? She sounded uneasy, as if She suspected something She didn’t want to say. I squinted, trying to remember. It’s been coming on so slowly, it’s hard to say. She snuggled me into Herself. Just rest. I’m here. And I was so tired, I did exactly that. It was so unreal, how loved I felt. Right there, balanced with Her rigidity, Her absolute need to maintain order, I heard Her thinking of what She might sacrifice so long as She could keep me. It was such an encompassing feeling, and that alone was enough to make me sleep.

When we were in New York, you cried for two days and passed out. You said a word in your sleep, over and over. Akinli.” Elizabeth stared down at the drawing. “At first I thought it was gibberish. And then I thought it was the name of a town or a building. . . . I didn’t figure out it belonged to a person until you made that.” Elizabeth pointed down to the paper, worn from being folded and unfolded who knew how many times. “When Elizabeth came to me, I had to tell her the truth, and we decided to find him. You gave us the name of the town. We went there looking for someone answering to that name, fitting this image.” Miaka smiled ruefully. “Very small town. It wasn’t hard.” Tears pooled in my eyes. “You’ve really seen him?” They both nodded. I thought about all those trips they had taken, making up ridiculous stories so they could get to him without me knowing. “How is he?” I asked, unable to contain my curiosity. “Is he okay? Has he gone back to school? Is he still with Ben and Julie? Is he happy? Could you tell? Is he happy?” The questions tumbled out without me being able to hold them in. I was desperate to know. I felt a single word would put my soul at ease. Elizabeth swallowed hard. “That’s the thing, Kahlen. We’re afraid he’s dying.