Tech Humor Quotes

After the group vet appointment--during which Lyle scratched the vet, the vet tech, and some poor woman minding her own business in the waiting room--we went back to Sabrina's and re-released the cats to their natural habitat.

Leigh did what any sane female faced with such an e-mail would do: deleted it to resist the temptation of replying, cleared her trash to resist the temptation of recalling it, and then called tech support to restore all her recently deleted e-mails. (Chasing Harry Winston)

Just because you have baggage doesn't mean you have to lug it around.

Please?” asked the girl. “I AM BUSY. I AM TRYING TO FIX CONTINENTAL DRIFT.” “I…didn’t know it was broken.” Uriel’s face became more animated, his speech faster. “IT HAS BEEN BROKEN FOR FIVE WEEKS AND FIVE DAYS. I THINK IT BROKE WHEN I RELOADED NEW ZEALAND FROM A BACKUP COPY, BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHY. MY SYNCHRONIZATION WAS IMPECCABLE AND THE CHANGE PROPAGATED SIMULTANEOUSLY ACROSS ALL SEPHIROT. I THINK SOMEBODY BOILED A GOAT IN ITS MOTHER’S MILK. IT IS ALWAYS THAT. I KEEP TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO DO IT, BUT NOBODY LISTENS.

A full-out rebellion would take a major amount of luck and coordination. The Tech Nos and Domotor looked at me, waiting. No one else would be able to organize both sides. I drew in a deep breath. We had the technology, the intelligence and the people—put enough sheep together and you have a herd, a force to be reckoned with. We needed a leader.

I am really into the type of girl you can impress with a prototype.

Don't bore the universe.

Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly a nerd.

I should have said no, but if the tech half of the business got himself killed, who would update the website?

Yeah.” “It’s a deal then,” I say, angling my head to look up at him. “You’ll become the head of the number one tech start-up in all of China, and I’ll be a renowned, award-winning journalist or English professor. Together, we’ll—” “Be the nation’s greatest power couple?” he offers. “I was going to say conquer the world,” I admit. “But sure. I guess we can start small.

You’re lucky you didn’t know him back in his tech phase. There was this time in our second year when we were living in the same house. Kitchen table kept wobbling so Landis shoved this metal saucer under one of the legs. Wasn’t until two weeks later we found out it was a land mine.

The internet is nothing but a jumble of nonsense, an atrocious mixed metaphor. It’s not meant to be understood. First and foremost, it’s a web that you surf. What the hell does that even mean? It not only defies sense but the very laws of physics! And now, apparently, it also contains a cloud. And this is something that’s supposed to be secure? That which looks solid but in fact is not, something literally as thin as air? Perfect!

REINHOLD JOBS. Wisconsin-born Coast Guard seaman who, with his wife, Clara, adopted Steve in 1955. REED JOBS. Oldest child of Steve Jobs and Laurene Powell. RON JOHNSON. Hired by Jobs in 2000 to develop Apple’s stores. JEFFREY KATZENBERG. Head of Disney Studios, clashed with Eisner and resigned in 1994 to cofound DreamWorks SKG. ALAN KAY. Creative and colorful computer pioneer who envisioned early personal computers, helped arrange Jobs’s Xerox PARC visit and his purchase of Pixar. DANIEL KOTTKE. Jobs’s closest friend at Reed, fellow pilgrim to India, early Apple employee. JOHN LASSETER. Cofounder and creative force at Pixar. DAN’L LEWIN. Marketing exec with Jobs at Apple and then NeXT. MIKE MARKKULA. First big Apple investor and chairman, a father figure to Jobs. REGIS MCKENNA. Publicity whiz who guided Jobs early on and remained a trusted advisor. MIKE MURRAY. Early Macintosh marketing director. PAUL OTELLINI. CEO of Intel who helped switch the Macintosh to Intel chips but did not get the iPhone business. LAURENE POWELL. Savvy and good-humored Penn graduate, went to Goldman Sachs and then Stanford Business School, married Steve Jobs in 1991. GEORGE RILEY. Jobs’s Memphis-born friend and lawyer. ARTHUR ROCK. Legendary tech investor, early Apple board member, Jobs’s father figure. JONATHAN “RUBY” RUBINSTEIN. Worked with Jobs at NeXT, became chief hardware engineer at Apple in 1997. MIKE SCOTT. Brought in by Markkula to be Apple’s president in 1977 to try to manage Jobs.

Helpful Help-desk Incorporated took millions of calls a day, from all over the world, 24-7, 365. One angry, befuddled cretin after another. There was no down time between the calls because there were always several hundred morons in the call queue, all of them willing to wait on hold for hours to have a tech-rep hold their hand and fix their problems. Why bother looking up the solution online, why try to figure the problem out on your own when you could have someone else do your thinking for you.

We know they've got food here," Loran said ever practical. "What more do we need?" "Well, as much as I heartily approve of food," Jason replied, glancing over at Loran. "I wouldn't say no to the odd cellium mine or cache of alien tech." "You're picking up some alien tech?" Tennant asked excitedly, practically bouncing at the prospect. "Are there any weapons?" "No, of course not," Jason snapped in exasperation. "I'm not picking up anything. But, ahh... I'll be sure to keep running that particular scan - the alien weapon scan," he added hurriedly in appeasement as Tennant's face dropped.

Jack Good's contract at Virginia Tech stipulated that he would always be paid $1 more than the football coach.

To err is human; to really screw up, you need a computer

Tech made all things possible, and therefore mandatory. Not to mention the fact that carrying around all this smartphone in your purse or pocket had become such a fantastic drag. Cranial implant was so much easier. Now they could be in touch with the hive 24/7 and have their hands free for whatever. Their cars drove them everywhere, too. Also left them free to, you know, do whatever.

Thought Leadership “The Keys To Success” Book by Jim Rohn “The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.” - Jim Rohn (Entrepreneur) #smitanairjain #leadership #womenintech #thoughtleaders #tedxspeaker #technology #tech #success #strategy #startuplife #startupbusiness #startup #mentor #leaders #itmanagement #itleaders #innovation #informationtechnology #influencers #Influencer #hightech #fintechinfluencer #fintech #entrepreneurship #entrepreneurs #economy #economics #development #businessintelligence #business

Could we can have developer acceptance criteria?

A recent report on 248 tech company employee performance reviews found that women are much more likely to receive critical feedback than men, and women who are leaders are more likely to be described as abrasive, aggressive and emotional. McSweeney's captured this double standard in a humor piece titled “Reasons You Were Not Promoted That Are Totally Unrelated to Gender.

The dance took place on a viewpoint level of Tower Four. Each hour, the whole floor would make a single revolution, so couples at tables could see both the city and the ocean. This was by far its lowest-tech feature. The Synth-Bio Club had engineered all manner of plants and animals just for the occasion: grabby little tentacular vines that climbed up the walls, twirling maple keys that danced and spun in the air like pixies and spiralled up from whatever surface they touched, butterflies that dampened signal by flapping their Faraday wings. None of the students really noticed. They were too busy miming anal on the dance floor.

No matter where you are in your career, you need to continually develop your network of people because it’s likely that one of these three people will assist in future employment or opportunity. I’ve been in high tech for coming up on two decades, and every single job I’ve had has either been a direct or indirect result of knowing someone from a prior job. You’ll hear the phrase, “It’s a small valley.” It’s a small world.

In the case of half of the schools on my list, the username is 'admin' and the password is 'password', which says to me that a lot of high-school IT people really hate their job.

Chad was a twenty-six-year-old former developer of software used to develop more advanced software. He was now unemployed.

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You don't truly own anything until you've voided it's warranty

Ci sono altre ragioni per cui mi sono innamorato di Karla; ragioni non così poetiche, ma ugualmente reali. È un'amica per me, e abbiamo tutti questi interessi comuni... "incontri della mente"... qualunque cosa essa sia. Posso parlare di computer e della Microsoft e di quella parte della nostra vita, ma facciamo anche conversazioni esoteriche che non hanno niente a che fare con la vita tech. Non ho mai avuto davvero un'amica così intima prima. E poi c'è quella faccenda non lineare: Karla è intuitiva e io non lo sono, eppure lei continua a essere sulla mia frequenza. Capisce perché gli spaghetti yaki soba in un contenitore di plastica importati dal Giappone sono intrinsecamente fantastici. Si spreme il cervello fino a strizzarlo quando sa di non aver spiegato un'idea chiaramente come è sicura di poter fare, e si sente frustrata. Comunque, voglio ricordare che ci si può innamorare. Perché puoi avere una vita tua dopo non aver mai avuto una vita tua. Non mi sono mai aspettato di innamorarmi. E allora cosa mi aspettavo dalla vita?