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But I am a knight of the Round Table," he protested, weakly. "I am a protector of the realm, a slayer of evil, I defeat all those who raise their swords in opposition to Arthur, King of all Britain."
"Trust me, kid, women prefer a man who can cook.
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Tanya Huff (Nights of the Round Table and Other Stories of Heroic Fantasy)
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The shovel is truly an implement born of civilisation.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra (light novel))
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We need to be certain that evil doesn't exist and one way to deny it didn't happen is to declare them accidents.
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Tanya Talaga (Seven Fallen Feathers: Racism, Death, and Hard Truths in a Northern City)
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Obey the rules. Search for the loopholes. Sneer at the guidelines despite being bound by them.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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When your body is clear there is control. When your body is clear you can choose whom to let in. There is love everywhere.
Please cradle my rabbit heart. Please navigate yourself around me well. I know too much. I can recognize darkness because he is my brother, my maker. I can drink lightness because it is the only way to survive. I can shut off my heart but that leads to evil, so I express her and revel in the nuance of blood currents, and the sacred demons. I fear and quake with my eyes darting fight or flight love or die. The lightning comes from below this time and rips out of my throat for the world to see. They all see my rabbit and I have trained her to hunt. In her perfect glory she is shy and extroverted, chaste and perverted, my sweet near-death more alive than ever. Take her. Take me while I am ripe and open, rub berries on my lips and bear fat in my hair. Tattoo me with a needle and impale me with your warmth. Heal me, fuck me, and work my heart till she beats strong and unafraid. Haunches bared, teeth sharpened, wide-eyed and aware. Hurry. I want to feel safe.
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Tanya Tagaq (Split Tooth)
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Blake studied the satisfied expression on Eliza’s face. Like a cat just finished the last bowl of cream. His hand rose involuntarily—how he’d like to strike her! Elisa barely flinched. But Blake wasn’t going to assault the woman. Instead he dropped his hand slightly and carefully traced his finger down her cheek until it rested above a strategically placed, heart-shaped beauty spot. He peeled off the tiny piece of black leather and held it between his index finger and thumb, studying it with apparent fascination.
“We have one thing in common, Aunt ‘Lizzie’. We have both lost our hearts. But our likeness stops there. Unlike you, I wish to find mine.” After flicking her beauty spot onto the floor, he stepped on it and strode out of her parlour.
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Tanya Kaley (Lady Highwayman)
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Don’t let HATE hijack your HEART.
Don’t let FEAR and TERRORISM brainwash your MIND.
Don’t let EVIL and WAR conquer your SOUL.
Don’t let NEGATIVITY and ANGER poison your SPIRIT.
Focus on the GOOD and the POSITIVE.
Be HAPPY and KIND.
LEARN from the negative.
Recognize your BLESSINGS.
Find the HUMOR when possible.
Do unto others as you’d have KARMA do unto you.
Instead of asking yourself, “what’s in it for me?”, ask yourself, “what’s in it for the GREATER GOOD?”.
Stay VIGILANT, but don’t let fear and worry consume you.
RESPECT and ACCEPT differences.
Continue to LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH and encourage and inspire others to be AWESOME.
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Tanya Masse
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Incidentally, people say there is a fine line between the brilliant and the insane, but I feel like it’s actually fairly easy to tell them apart. If by the end of a conversation you’re filled with the urge to empty an entire magazine into someone, they’re nuts. If you can hold another amicable conversation with them, they’re brilliant.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult)
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The plan is simple. We will go to our campsite, start a nice fire here, cook some meat there, splatter some bloody meat everywhere, then help ourselves to whatever canned goods we can find. Everything we need is already at the campsite, so it’ll be a great time.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 12)
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I feel like a circus monkey being forced to perform for other monkeys.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra)
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You weren't supposed to break treaties; you were supposed to force the other party to break them.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra)
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Rules are not meant to be broken—they’re meant to be exploited and wriggled out of.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 3: The Finest Hour (light novel))
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Children are taught that they are all equally unique and irreplaceable. But it isn't hard to find disparities that contradict these familiar maxims.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult)
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Of course, statistics lie. But they’re the best kind of lies.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 3: The Finest Hour (light novel))
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To put it another way, if they were dropping as fast as they were in All Quiet on the Western Front, things would be pretty much like the title of the movie - all quiet.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra (light novel))
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I’ll aim to make it black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, and sweet as love.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 6: Nil Admirari (light novel))
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Just look at that. That evil grin. She looks thrilled. She’s so happy to have a place to fight. Without a doubt, she’s going to end up being the most horrible person I know. And she’ll probably also be one of my most reliable friends on the battlefield.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 3: The Finest Hour (light novel))
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There are evil beings in the room near the ceiling waiting to take over the drunken bodies, Grudges and Frustrations slobbering at the chance to return to human form, to violate, to kill, to fornicate; Old Spirits conniving and contriving more strife.
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Tanya Tagaq (Split Tooth)
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paralyze the cities. It was a completely different environment from the age when a single storm could devastate farms, wash people away, and leave entire families destitute. Hence, the gods took care not to intervene more than the humans wanted, and because of that, they were being forgotten. It was essential to encourage mankind’s self-reliance so they could develop higher-order cognition. Yet for the longest time, no one foresaw this would lead to a lack of faith.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Having been thus “straightened out,” Corporals Kurst and Harald became rebellious, but they weren’t disciplined outright—key word outright. After the company commander and the second lieutenant mentioned that they simply couldn’t take care of them on the front lines, the pair was assigned to the rear.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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As Tanya gazes at the enemy unit through her binoculars, shells plow the earth right where they were meant to, turning people into fertilizer. In other words, this is the correct way of waging war—taking organic life and rendering it past tense through the use of ammunitions.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Attn: Service Corps, Imperial Army General Staff Office We guide him always, abandon him never, go where there is no path, never yielding, forever on the battlefield. Everything we do, we do for victory. We seek mages for the worst battlefields, the smallest rewards, days darkened by a forest of swords and hails of bullets, and constant danger with no guarantee of survival. To those who return go the glory and the honor. General Staff Office 601st Formation Committee
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Humans are creatures who make mistakes.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 5: Abyssus Abyssum Invocat (light novel))
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If you don’t admit your mistake, that mistake will crush you.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 5: Abyssus Abyssum Invocat (light novel))
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History, to a surprising extent, is a series of miscalculations.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra (light novel))
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Maybe that’s what a hero is—someone divergent from the average person in some way. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating a hero, but we will never teach “Follow the hero.” We cannot afford to foster that. The military academy is a human resources development organization, not a place for creating lunatics.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult)
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Freedom without laws means anarchy; laws without freedom means tyranny. So as much as they hate restrictions, they fear unlimited freedom.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult)
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After all, legal scholars agree that the massacre wasn’t in violation of any laws of war. To you viewers at home, that fact must come as a shock. It’s not as though citizens participating in the armed uprising were wearing military uniforms. They were irregular combatants. In other words, international law didn’t even guarantee them the rights of prisoner.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra (light novel))
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This is where a human’s life is worth the least. No, the lowest price is updated each day after hitting limit-down at this nearest station to hell. This is where the god of the dead and evil spirits make bank. A world where human lives plunge into dreadful deflation relative to lead bullets. This is a purgatory where the boundary between life and death is the haziest it ever gets.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 2: Plus Ultra (light novel))
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Tanya feels drained at the sudden release of loaded mana. She wants to scream as all the energy is sucked out of every one of her cells, but Elinium Type 95’s curse prevents it. Still, she can’t get over how weird it is for pain to be forcefully converted into religious ecstasy. The sensation of joy and agony blending to rattle your mind is a horror beyond description.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Thinking of the bottles they stood to lose, the MPs prayed fervently for the applicants’ success. They weren’t terribly religious, but they felt like leaning on God. No disciple is so pious as a gambler.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Captain Tanya von Degurechaff, who isn’t getting any taller even though she should be growing and has trouble with equipment sizes, can’t avoid feeling conscious of her height issue—especially when she is surrounded by battle-hardened women mages (rare as they were) with great bodies.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))
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Napoleon France’s great revolutionary soldier and politician. Just like Germany’s fellow with the toothbrush mustache, he’s an example of how an outsider manipulated the powers that be. This one lost, but he is well regarded, so you won’t get thrown in jail for talking about him in France.
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Carlo Zen (The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 1: Deus lo Vult (light novel))