Swamp People Funny Quotes

Mr. Haverstrom closes the door, leaving Patrick and me alone in the hallway. Pat smiles slickly, leaning in toward me. I step back until I press against the wall. It’s uncomfortable—but not threatening. Mostly because in addition to racquetball I’ve practiced aikido for years. So if Patrick tries anything funny, he’s in for a very painful surprise. “Let’s be honest, Sarah: you know and I know the last thing you want to do is give a presentation in front of hundreds of people—your colleagues.” My heart tries to crawl into my throat. “So, how about this? You do the research portion, slides and such that I don’t really have time for, and I’ll take care of the presentation, giving you half the credit of course.” Of course. I’ve heard this song before—in school “group projects” where I, the quiet girl, did all the work, but the smoothest, loudest talker took all the glory. “I’ll get Haverstrom to agree on Saturday—I’m like a son to him,” Pat explains before leaning close enough that I can smell the garlic on his breath. “Let Big Pat take care of it. What do you say?” I say there’s a special place in hell for people who refer to themselves in the third person. But before I can respond, Willard’s firm, sure voice travels down the hall. “I think you should back off, Nolan. Sarah’s not just ‘up for it,’ she’ll be fantastic at it.” Pat waves his hand. “Quiet, midge—the adults are talking.” And the adrenaline comes rushing back, but this time it’s not anxiety-induced—it’s anger. Indignation. I push off the wall. “Don’t call him that.” “He doesn’t mind.” “I mind.” He stares at me with something akin to surprise. Then scoffs and turns to Willard. “You always let a woman fight your battles?” I take another step forward, forcing him to move back. “You think I can’t fight a battle because I’m a woman?” “No, I think you can’t fight a battle because you’re a woman who can barely string three words together if more than two people are in the room.” I’m not hurt by the observation. For the most part, it’s true. But not this time. I smile slowly, devilishly. Suddenly, I’m Cathy Linton come to life—headstrong and proud. “There are more than two people standing here right now. And I’ve got more than three words for you: fuck off, you arrogant, self-righteous swamp donkey.” His expression is almost funny. Like he can’t decide if he’s more shocked that I know the word fuck or that I said it out loud to him—and not in the good way. Then his face hardens and he points at me. “That’s what I get for trying to help your mute arse? Have fun making a fool of yourself.” I don’t blink until he’s down the stairs and gone. Willard slow-claps as he walks down the hall to me. “Swamp donkey?” I shrug. “It just came to me.” “Impressive.” Then he bows and kisses the back of my hand. “You were magnificent.” “Not half bad, right? It felt good.” “And you didn’t blush once.” I push my dark hair out of my face, laughing self-consciously. “Seems like I forget all about being nervous when I’m defending someone else.” Willard nods. “Good. And though I hate to be the twat who points it out, there’s something else you should probably start thinking about straight away.” “What’s that?” “The presentation in front of hundreds of people.” And just like that, the tight, sickly feeling washes back over me. So this is what doomed feels like. I lean against the wall. “Oh, broccoli balls.

The people that look after the elephants were completely smashed. They drink this stuff called arrack. For “Save a Prayer,” John and I were on an elephant, Simon was on one with Andy, and Roger was on one of his own. And they brought a female elephant who let out this enormous noise, which one of the guys in the crew was taping. He thought, Oh, this will be funny, and he played it back through the speakers. Nobody knew that it was her mating call. So the elephant with Roger on its back charges down the swamp and mounts this other elephant. Roger’s hanging on for dear life, and all of the mahouts are rolling around, thinking it’s hilarious. If he’d fallen off, he could have been trampled to death.

She groaned again as a knock sounded at the door, and she stumbled over to answer it. “Roo said you’d forget,” Etienne greeted her. “I didn’t forget.” Conscious of her thin nightgown, Miranda stepped behind the door. “And Roo said even if you didn’t forget, you still wouldn’t be there on time.” His hair was damp, as though he’d just washed it. His black jeans fit casually over his narrow hips, and his black T-shirt had BOUCHER SWAMP TOURS stamped across the front in faded red letters. “You should be feeling proud of yourself,” he added offhandedly. “So far she hasn’t told me one word about boiling you in oil. Not many people can pass the Roo test.” “Is that supposed to thrill me?” “It thrills me. You sure don’t want Roo putting a gris-gris on you. Very bad luck, cher.” “I have to get dressed,” Miranda grumbled. “I’ll wait.” “I don’t need you to wait for me.” “You might get lost.” “It’s only a fifteen-minute walk to the inn, right? How lost could I get?” She felt his eyes rake over her. She doubted if those eyes ever missed much. “Bad night?” he asked her. Miranda hesitated. Was he trying to be funny? Self-righteous? But the expression on his face wasn’t joking or smug, and she didn’t feel like answering any questions right now. “I’ll be out in a minute.” “Your grand-père? Miss Teeta says he’s better,” Etienne said. “Just in case you were wondering.” “Great. Maybe today he’ll do something else for the whole town to talk about.” “The town, it won’t talk if it doesn’t know.” Etienne’s voice hardened. “I don’t think you give your friends enough credit.” “What friends?” But she shut the door before he had a chance to respond.

I don’t know how much of St. Yvette you’ve seen so far, but I really think you’ll like the Falls. It’s a ways out of town though, so people sort of forget about it.” “I don’t.” Roo frowned. “I go there a lot.” “And that way we sort of forget about you, too.” Parker spoke up. “So it works out great.” Determined, Ashley kept on. “There’s hardly ever anybody out there. That’s why we like it so much.” “Well, that and the poisonous swamp. And the man-eating diamondback water snakes. Don’t forget those.” In the rearview mirror, Parker’s eyes widened dramatically. “And then one day…the new girl in town went off to the Falls with her friends.” His voice deepened, horror-movie style. “And she was never seen again.” “Parker, will you stop? That’s not funny.