Survivor Funny Quotes

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When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand. I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.
Jenny Lawson (Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things)
Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop.
Susan Beth Pfeffer (Life As We Knew It (Last Survivors, #1))
That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing. Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard. I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?' Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.' Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.' I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor.
Haven Kimmel (A Girl Named Zippy: Growing Up Small In Mooreland, Indiana)
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
Bauvard (Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic)
Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana (The Use and Misuse of Children)
I can see clearly now, my brain is gone. Lucy
Cathy Hopkins (Mates, Dates, and Sole Survivors (Mates, Dates, #5))
What they saw was a hero baby. That's what you are. A survivor. A strong woman. Beautiful... Funny as hell... Sexy... Sweet...
Lucian Bane (Dom Wars: Round One (Dom Wars, #1))
A funny thing, love. It was not always, or even mostly, a sexual thing.
Mary Balogh (Only Enchanting (The Survivors' Club, #4))
We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it.
Jenny Lawson (Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things)
We're authors, too," Donegan said, "and we've been trying to get into the picture-book market. We have this idea for a Where's Wally type thing, except in ours, you'd have to find the one living person hiding in among all the dismembered corpses while the chainsaw-wielding killer hunts him down. You know, for kids." "We're going to call is Save the Survivor," Gracious said.
Derek Landy (Last Stand of Dead Men (Skulduggery Pleasant, #8))
The Shrink always warned me that carriers stay wracked with lifelong guilt. It's not an uplifting thing having turned lovers into monsters. We feel bad that we haven't turned into monsters ourselves--survivor's guilt, that's called. And we feel a bit stupid that we didn't notice our own symptoms earlier. I mean, I'd been sort of wondering why the Atkins diet was giving me night vision. But that hadn't seemed like something to worry about...
Scott Westerfeld (Peeps (Peeps, #1))
Every time a dog humps your leg, you're being raped. #metoo
Oliver Markus Malloy (Inside The Mind of an Introvert)
When sleep came, I would dream bad dreams. Not the baby and the big man with a cigarette-lighter dream. Another dream. The castle dream. A little girl of about six who looks -like me, but isn’t me, is happy as she steps out of the car with her daddy. They enter the castle and go down the steps to the dungeon where people move like shadows in the glow of burning candles. There are carpets and funny pictures on the walls. Some of the people wear hoods and robes. Sometimes they chant in droning voices that make the little girl afraid. There are other children, some of them without any clothes on. There is an altar like the altar in nearby St Mildred’s Church. The children take turns lying on that altar so the people, mostly men, but a few women, can kiss and lick their private parts. The daddy holds the hand of the little girl tightly. She looks up at him and he smiles. The little girl likes going out with her daddy. I did want to tell Dr Purvis these dreams but I didn’t want her to think I was crazy, and so kept them to myself. The psychiatrist was wiser than I appreciated at the time; sixteen-year-olds imagine they are cleverer than they really are. Dr Purvis knew I had suffered psychological damage as a child, that’s why she kept making a fresh appointment week after week. But I was unable to give her the tools and clues to find out exactly what had happened.
Alice Jamieson (Today I'm Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind)
All of us need just one good accomplishment in order to get by. Obviously he can't spend the rest of his life climbing trees, but it's the agility and enterprise involved in the act that will make him a survivor. Enough
Ruskin Bond (Funny Side Up)
Don’t be careless,” Mr. Dawkes said, which was what he always said when he’d hand back a test and I’d made a lot of careless mistakes. Which was really pretty funny, since he died when he ran through a red light on Washington Avenue. I
Susan Beth Pfeffer (Life as We Knew It (Last Survivors, #1))
Secretary of State for International Trade Liam Fox said in 2016, in the run-up to the EU referendum, that ‘the United Kingdom is one of the few countries in the European Union that does not need to bury its twentieth-century history.’ Funny, because Britain is in fact one of the few countries in the world that literally did bury a good portion of its twentieth-century history. During the period of decolonisation, the British state embarked upon a systematic process of destroying the evidence of its crimes. Codenamed ‘Operation Legacy’, the state intelligence agencies and the Foreign Office conspired to literally burn, bury at sea or hide vast amounts of documents containing potentially sensitive details of things done in the colonies under British rule.25 Anything that might embarrass the government, that would show religious or racial intolerance or be used ‘unethically’ by a post-independence government was ordered destroyed or hidden. The Foreign Office were forced to admit in court about having hidden documents, then were unforthcoming about the scale of what was hidden, to the point that you’d be a fool to trust anything that is now said. But from what we know, hundreds of thousands of pages of documents were destroyed and over a million hidden, not just starting in the colonial period but dating all the way back to 1662. This operation was only exposed to the public in 2011 as part of a court case between the survivors of British concentration camps in Kenya and the government.
Akala (Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of Empire)
That was the whole trouble with police work. You come plunging in. a jagged Stone Age knife, to probe the delicate tissues of people's relationships, and of course you destroy far more than you discover. And even what you discover will never be the same as it was before you came; the nubbly scars of your passage will remain. At the very least. you have asked questions that expose to the destroying air fibers that can only exist and fulfill their function in coddling darkness. Cousin Amy, now, mousing about in back passages or trilling with feverish shyness at sherry parties—was she really made all the way through of dust and fluff and unused ends of cotton and rusty needles and unmatching buttons and all the detritus at the bottom of God's sewing basket? Or did He put a machine in there to tick away and keep her will stern and her back straight as she picks out of a vase of brown-at-the-edges dahlias the few blooms that have another day's life in them? Or another machine, one of His chemistry sets, that slowly mixes itself into an apparently uncaused explosion, poof!, and there the survivors are sitting covered with plaster dust among the rubble of their lives. It's always been the explosion by the time the police come stamping in with ignorant heels on the last unbroken bit of Bristol glass; with luck they can trace the explosion back to harmless little Amy, but as to what set her off—what were the ingredients of the chemistry set and what joggled them together—it was like trying to reconstruct a civilization from three broken pots and a seven-inch lump of baked clay which might, if you looked at its swellings and hollows the right way, have been the Great Earth Mother. What's more. people who've always lived together think that they are still the same—oh, older of course and a bit more snappish, but underneath still the same laughing lad of thirty years gone by. "My Jim couldn't have done that." they say. "I know him. Course he's been a bit depressed lately, funny like. but he sometimes goes that way for a bit and then it passes off. But setting fire to the lingerie department at the Army and Navy, Inspector—such a thought wouldn't enter into my Jim's head. I know him." Tears diminishing into hiccuping snivels as doubt spreads like a coffee stain across the threadbare warp of decades. A different Jim? Different as a Martian, growing inside the ever-shedding skin? A whole lot of different Jims. a new one every seven years? "Course not. I'm the same. aren't I, same as I always was—that holiday we took hiking in the Peak District in August thirty-eight—the same inside?" Pibble sighed and shook himself. You couldn't build a court case out of delicate tissues. Facts were the one foundation.
Peter Dickinson (The Glass Sided Ant's Nest (Jimmy Pibble #1))
MY LORD, when you ask me to tell the court in my own words, this is what I shall say. I am kept locked up here like some exotic animal, last survivor of a species they had thought extinct. They should let in people to view me, the girl-eater, svelte and dangerous, padding to and fro in my cage, my terrible green glance flickering past the bars, give them something to dream about, tucked up cosy in their beds of a night. After my capture they clawed at each other to get a look at me. They would have paid money for the privilege, I believe. They shouted abuse, and shook their fists at me, showing their teeth. It was unreal, somehow, frightening yet comic, the sight of them there, milling on the pavement like film extras, young men in cheap raincoats, and women with shopping bags, and one or two silent, grizzled characters who just stood, fixed on me hungrily, haggard with envy. Then a guard threw a blanket over my head and bundled me into a squad car. I laughed. There was something irresistibly funny in the way reality, banal as ever, was fulfilling my worst fantasies.
John Banville (The Book of Evidence (Vintage International))
I’ve been around long enough to understand some things, kid. You hugged me like I was a long-lost father you hadn’t seen in a long time, and that’s funny, because I’ve never met you. So if you’re really from another dimension, it’s obvious I died where you come from.
Nathan Hystad (The Deities (The Survivors, #14))
Funny, how you can have a million happy moments staring you in the face, and still you haven’t budged from the original problem that had plagued you since you were five.
Maddie Dawson (The Survivor's Guide to Family Happiness)
She suggested writing about the 1969 moon landing, so I Googled it, and I found out lots of people didn’t really care that there were men walking on the moon. They all watched Star Trek (the original, old lousy-special-effects Beam Me Up Scotty Star Trek) and they were used to seeing Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock hopping around the universe so real people walking on the real moon wasn’t as exciting. I think that’s funny. Men were walking on the moon for the very first time in history and people preferred watching Dr. McCoy say, “He’s dead, Jim,” for the thousandth time.
Susan Beth Pfeffer (Life as We Knew It (Last Survivors, #1))
I came here a great deal in those weeks after Under the Mountain.' My throat tightened as I leaned in to brush a kiss to his cheek. 'Thank you for sharing this place with me.' 'It belongs to you, too, now.' And I knew he meant not just in terms of us being mates, but... in the ways it belonged to the other females here. Who had endured and survived. I gave him a half smile. 'I suppose it's a miracle that I can even stand to be underground.' But his features remained solemn, contemplative. 'It is.' He added softly. 'I'm very proud of you.' My eyes burned, and I blinked as I faced the books. 'And I suppose,' I said with an effort at lightness, 'that it's a miracle I can actually read these things.' Rhys's answering smile was lovely- and just a bit wicked. 'I believe my little lessons helped.' 'Yes, "Rhys is the greatest lover a female can hope for" is undoubtedly how I learned to read.' 'I was only trying to tell you what you now know.
Sarah J. Maas (A Court of Wings and Ruin (A Court of Thorns and Roses, #3))
I'm not afraid of them.' 'I know you're not.' 'I just- being near them, together...' She shoved her hands into her pockets. 'It's probably what it feels like for you to be around Tamlin.' 'If it's any consolation, cousin, I behaved rather poorly the other day.' 'Is he dead?' 'No.' 'Then I'd say you controlled yourself admirably.' I laughed. 'Bloodthirsty of you, Mor.' She shrugged, again watching the river. 'He deserves it.
Sarah J. Maas (A Court of Frost and Starlight (A Court of Thorns and Roses, #3.5))
Reading a SoHo restaurant review in the New York Times for me is like reading Fifty Shades of Gravy. By the end of it, you're drooling and fully turned on for more." Kim Lee The Big Apple Took a Bite Of Me Available on Amazon Books and Kindle
Kim Lee
There’s a great joke about a Holocaust survivor who gets to heaven and tells God a Holocaust joke. ‘That’s not funny,’ God chastises him, to which the survivor shrugs. ‘Yeah, I guess you had to be there.’ The implication being, He wasn’t.
Matt Greene (Jew[ish])
What they saw was a hero baby. That's what you are. A survivor. A strong woman. Beautiful... Funny as hell…. Sexy…. Sweet….
Lucian Bane (Dom Wars: Round One (Dom Wars, #1))
Sam writes in her funny, fascinating memoir, Not By Accident.
Ben Sherwood (The Survivors Club: The Secrets and Science that Could Save Your Life)
For the first time in recent memory, Caleb wanted something other than revenge. He wanted the girl. He wanted Livvie. He knew her name now, but it was the least of what he now knew. He knew all kinds of things about her--too much maybe. She wore shapeless clothing to school because she wanted her mother to love her. Her eyes were sad because she knew her mother didn't. She had brothers and sisters. She felt responsible for them and jealous of them. She was funny, and shy, but also fierce and brave. Her first kiss had been a disaster. She'd grown up without anyone to protect her. And no one but Caleb had brought her physical pleasure. Livvie was a survivor. That much he'd known, but what he hadn't known was what she'd had to survive. She deserved better. Better than them and certainly better than him. He'd seen it in her eyes and her manner, but he had tried not to know why. He had wanted her nameless. He wanted to forget she had ever had a past, a history, dreams and hopes and all of those other things that made her ... Livvie.
C.J. Roberts (Captive in the Dark (The Dark Duet, #1))
When depression sufferers fight, recover, and go into remission we seldom even know, simply because so many suffer in the dark … ashamed to admit something they see as a personal weakness … afraid that people will worry, and more afraid that they won’t. We find ourselves unable to do anything but cling to the couch and force ourselves to breathe. When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.
Jenny Lawson (Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things)