Stuart Gibbs Quotes

You’re only a first year!” Tina cried. “And you’re already getting death threats! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?

Apparently, it was common for children to participate in the Civil War, and thus, lots of fathers had brought their sons along for a fun family weekend of simulated violence and bloodshed.

that none of the locks on the toilet stalls in the common restroom worked.

I'm not playing! I really am stupid!

(There’s a rumor that World War III almost started when the computer in charge of the North American nuclear missile system misinterpreted a commander saying “I hate syrup” as “annihilate Europe.”)

This morning’s lecture was on how to avoid ninjas, which might have been interesting if step one hadn’t been “Stay out of Japan.” Furthermore, Crandall had quickly become sidetracked,

Mickey Mouse is just a rat in suspenders.

Reprehensible,” Erica suggested. “Repugnant. Odious. Loathsome. Abhorrent. Subhuman

You can’t keep me here against my will!” he told Nina. “I am one of the most influential men on earth!” “I hate to break it to you,” Chang taunted, “but you’re not on earth anymore.” At

I’m studying to be a spy, Ben. It’s my job to know things.

Our refrigerator ended up in the neighbor’s pool. They found the microwave three blocks away.

The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.

In the entire world, sharks kill fewer than ten people a year, while coconuts falling from trees take out 150.

I see it,” Alexander said. “It says: EXTERIOR MONKEY MONITORING ORGANISM.” “No,” Claire corrected. “It says SURFACE MISSILE CONTROL SYSTEM.” “Oh,” Alexander said, trying to save face. “I must have been using the wrong dialect.

I’ll find you sooner or later!” Later still seemed like the better option to me.

Just clip the red one," Cyrus told her. "They're all red," Erica informed him. "They are?" Cyrus asked. "Curse those Soviets! Everything always has to be red with them.

There were rumors that at age three Erica had thwarted a trio of bank robbers with only a juice box and a Slinky.

President Donald Trump informed the world that the United States would no longer be part of the Paris Accords, effectively abdicating

The kid might be smart, but he has the survival skills of a potato bug.

I could imagine her as a kindergartener, making a high-tech raid on the family cookie jar.

Erica approached a door marked RESTRICTED: DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION, then jimmied the lock and entered without authorization.

Crocodiles?” Murray gasped, then turned his eyes to the heavens. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” “Attempted murder, for one,” Zoe answered, then ticked more things off on her fingers. “Plus terrorism, assassination, destruction of public property, and being an all-around jerk. The question is really, what haven’t you done to deserve this?

Her father had once showed me a baby picture of her playing with nunchucks.

You' re Benjamin Ripley, aren't you?" "Uh... no." It was worth a shot. And for half a second it almost seemed to work. The assassin hesitated, slightly confused, then asked, "Then who are you?" "Jonathan Monkeywarts" I winced. It had been the first name to popped into my head. I made a mental note to be more prepared next time this happened.

That’s disgusting,” Summer said. “Why would anyone ever want to kill anything?” “You’re eating a steak!” Ethan exclaimed. “Where do you think that came from? You think the cow committed suicide?

Yes, we drink our own urine in space.

my dormitory had been waiting to have its septic system replaced since before the Berlin Wall fell.

Yes, we drink our own urine in space. They left that out of Star Trek too. The

Mom was big on commemorative dinners, throwing them for things as mundane as my getting elected captain of the school chess team, even though I was the only student on the school chess team.

This city of stone,” Dante said. “It’s probably Paititi.” “What’s Paititi?” Charlie asked. Dante reacted with surprise. “You mean there’s something you don’t know?” “I’m only twelve,” Charlie said. “I haven’t had time to learn everything yet. Like, I still haven’t figured out why you haven’t asked Milana out even though you’re obviously crushing on her.

Apparently, the folks at SPYDER really liked fro-yo sundaes: There were dozens of toppings, ranging from crumbled toffee to rainbow sprinkles.

It’s as though I went down to Disneyland and assassinated Mickey Mouse.

(There’s an old saying in zero-g space travel: If you ever see a piece of chocolate floating around the cabin, don’t eat it. It’s probably not chocolate.)

At least he got to have some excitement. I never get to almost die.

Murray was still on the floor, praying to any god he could come up with, covering all his bases. In short order, I heard him run through the religions of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Shintoism, Zoroastrianism, and a few I’d never even heard of before.

I don’t like shooting people,” Catherine replied. “Violence never solved anything.” “I’ve noticed the bad guys never have that philosophy,” Mike said.

MOOCH-ASS GRASSY-ASS, AMIGO!” Edna yelled.

The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it. —ALBERT EINSTEIN

And then, before either of us even realized what was happening, she kissed me. It

Things couldn’t possibly get worse.

1. The SACSA exam was probably designed to weed out people.

It wasn’t a dream. It couldn’t be. It felt too real.

death.

Computer, can you translate the signs he made?” “Yes. Here is what Dr. Holtz signed: ‘I am being murdered—’ 

wish you a happy anniversary of your emergence from your mother’s uterus.

The zebras have been very jealous of all the attention the giraffes are getting and decided to kill them all. But since they don’t have opposable thumbs, they had to hire a chimpanzee as the hit man.

Heat of passion?” Jawa suggested. “I might buy that for anyone else,” I said, “but not Erica.” “Ben has a point,” Zoe agreed. “This is the Ice Queen we’re talking about. I’ve seen rocks with more passion than her.

The principal turned as red as the bottom of a baboon. He stormed toward me, getting right in my face. “Am I to assume, Mr. Ripley, that you think you’re not already in enough trouble today? Are you asking for an even worse punishment?” “Whatever it is, it couldn’t be worse than your breath,” I said. “What’d you have for lunch, dog poo?

You threw a sloth at her,” I said. “It was self-defense,” Summer informed me.

Even though they are designed to be indestructible, they can still break.

Death is a really good negotiating tactic.

The Agency has agents posted all over campus, and now they’re certainly on their way to get FooFoo BinkyBum.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. —ALBERT EINSTEIN

I was regarded as sort of cool; preventing the destruction of your school and capturing the agent responsible does great things for your social life.

Hey Ben! Just wanted you to know we’ll be coming for you soon. Your pals at SPYDER I

Maybe we should change your code name to Hemorrhoid," Charlie shot back. "Because you're being a real pain in my rear end.

I don’t care if she can fly,” Carter snapped. “I own pairs of shoes that are older than this kid.

Because Erica Hale kissed me.

Dante grimaced. “I didn’t soil myself. They just startled me, is all. I had no idea a rat could get that big.

I hate that kid being right all the time.” “Wasn’t that why you wanted to recruit her in the first place?” Milana said.

No one can die like I can.

All we needed were guts, brains, and semiautomatic weapons.

It has forever been preferable to attribute a woman’s success to her beauty rather than to her brains. —STACY SCHIFF,

Charlie had discovered that most men tended to assume they were smarter than women anyhow.

My stomach was well past doing backflips. Now it did a triple axel roundoff with a twist.

UnicornsRule!!!

I think you’re right,” Dante agreed. “Of course I’m right,” Charlie told him. “I’m me.

On the other hand, I came from a long line of grocers.

We have gathered here today to honor Benjamin Ripley for being the first person to ever regurgitate a wombat through a flugelhorn.

Edna turned out to be the type of American who mistakenly believed the way to make herself understood to the hotel staff was to speak English very loud and slow, as if that would magically turn it into Spanish. “EXCUSE ME!” she shouted at the waiter. “CAN I HAVE A DRINK?

Think about the most famous geniuses in history: Einstein, Newton, Galileo, Darwin, da Vinci, Mozart. What do they have in common?” Charlie reflected on that for a moment. “They’re all men.

You really think George Washington’s spies would use something this easy? This is the kind of thing you find on restaurant kiddie menus!” “There weren’t a lot of restaurant kiddie menus in Washington’s day,

Murray nodded knowingly. “CRUSH and SKORPION have never liked SPYDER much, though I’d put my money on ITGA. They’re about as evil as people get.” “ITGA?” Alexander asked curiously. “Yes. The International Tulip Growers Association.

Welcome back, Ben,” Erica said. I started in surprise before realizing the voice was coming from inside my head. Alexander had slipped a two-way radio into my ear. There were lots of people out and about. The enemy had taken my cell phone, but I put my hand to my ear and pretended to be talking on one anyhow. No one gave me a second glance. Virtually everyone else was on a cell phone themselves. “Can you hear me?” I asked. “Loud and clear,” Erica replied. “Where are you?” “Still on campus, looking into things. But I need you to tail someone for me.” “Chip?” “No. I think he’s clean.” “What? But—” “I’ll explain later. Right now I need you to go after Tina. She’s the mole . . . and she’s on the move.

I didn’t steal Zoe from you!” I yelled back. “You never had her! She wasn’t interested in you!” “That’s…not…true! She was…falling…for my…charms.” “You’d need to have some charms for that to be the case. Face it, Warren, she never liked you.

But Einstein wasn’t merely a scientist. He was a lover of words as well, the rare intellectual who could write for the masses, a linguist who could toss off clever bon mots such as “Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity;

Jessica smiled, then gave me a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. “Good luck,” she said. I could feel the blood rush to my face. Not far away, Mike gave me a thumbs-up and a wink. And Erica, who had finally stopped hugging her own parents, was glaring at me.

Edna turned out to be the type of American who mistakenly believed the way to make herself understood to the hotel staff was to speak English very loud and slow, as if that would magically turn it into Spanish. “EXCUSE ME!” she shouted at the waiter. “CAN I HAVE A DRINK?” The waiter proffered the tray and replied in perfect English. “Of course, Mrs. Farkle.” “MOOCH-ASS GRASSY-ASS, AMIGO!” Edna yelled.

Usually when people hear my parents are scientists, they assume they're awkward, unathletic nerds whose idea of fun is doing long division. That drives me nuts. My parents are the least nerdy people you've ever met. Mom swam competitively in college and competed in triathlons up until we left earth. Dad is a rugged outdoorsman; he's summited dozens of mountains and once free-climbed El Capitan in Yosemite in a day. They met on a Class 5 rafting trip down the Snake River. But more importantly, my parents aren't unusual. I've met hundreds of scientists, and most are almost as athletic and adventurous as my parents. I'm not sure how the whole idea that scientists are nerds ever got started.

(“If Ernst Blofeld has a thirty-ton surface-to-surface missile and he wants to destroy a government installation thirty-five miles to the north with a twenty-mile-per-hour wind coming from the east, how many pounds of thrust will he need to launch the missile and demolish his target?”)

I forked some of my enchiladas in my mouth, only to discover they weren't enchiladas. They were liver and onions that had been mislabeled. I spat it back onto the plate. Dr. Marquez pointed triumphantly. “Ah! See what you just did? You told me a lie, and your own body reacted violently against it. In being dishonest with me, you almost made yourself throw up.” “No, I almost threw up because this food sucks,” I countered. “It's liver and onions. I didn't like liver and onions back on earth. No one does. So what NASA moron thought it would be a good idea to dehydrate it?

It’s going to be an hour’s drive back to our hotel,” the lead chaperone announced. “During that time there will be no shouting, no food, no public displays of affection, and no unsavory language. Also, we will not be returning your phones until the end of the ride.” This provoked a lot of unsavory language.

release me—an eye gouge or a knee to the testicles—though the best I managed was to drive my elbow into a chair. “Oh, for Pete’s sake!” Chip snarled. “Would you just fight like a man?” “I’ll pass,” I said. The Bashful Armadillo was working for me. “What is going on here?!” The principal’s voice was frightening enough to scare even Chip cold. Our fight stopped instantly. For the first time since emerging from the subterranean level, I had a chance to take in my surroundings.

DVD into the hard drive, then brought up the file. It was quite large—a few hours of footage from multiple cameras—so it took a while

There’s a bomb under the school.

the river spit me out.

Erica said, “When something only happens once every few years, it’s considered a special occasion.

I’ve encountered worse,” Catherine said. “There was an agent at MI6 whose name was honestly Winnifred Von Tootlepants.

You should come. It’ll be sooooo much fun. And afterward, maybe we can go smooch somewhere.

Plants,” Kevin replied, like maybe I was the dumb one. “That’s what giraffes eat. They’re harpsichords, you know.” “You mean herbivores?” I asked. “Right!

even Murray, who generally had the reflexes of a sloth in a coma.

Mountain lions don’t eat pandas,” I said. It probably wasn’t true, but I was trying to be reassuring. “Why not?” Pete asked. “They don’t like Chinese food,” I said.

Walter had gone on to add that it was “a stupid, moronic, and idiotic law.” (Ironically, he had managed to misspell all three insults—“sutpid, morronic, and iddiotic”—attesting to who the real stupid, moronic idiot was.)

Kill them quickly?” Murray asked, without bothering to raise his hand. “Really? Isn’t it more fun to draw their death out a little? To make them suffer?” Joshua sighed. “No. We’re not James Bond villains here, kids. The more you draw out your enemy’s deaths, the more chance they have to escape. So no lowering them into pools full of crocodiles or trying to slice them in half with lasers or anything like that. Just shoot them and be done with it.” Ashley

So I just sat there, looking into her eyes, wondering if she wanted me to kiss her or not. And then I gathered my nerve, thinking, to heck with it, I would kiss her anyhow. But before I could make a move, Erica ducked away from me, sat on my bed, and began speaking as though we were in the middle of a completely different conversation. “The thing about the Croatoan is that they’re extremely unpredictable… ,” she began. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Until Chip Schacter burst into my room a second later.

The day I finished the first draft of this book, President Donald Trump informed the world that the United States would no longer be part of the Paris Accords, effectively abdicating the role of this country in fighting climate change. Therefore, I had to rewrite the scene in which Joshua Hallal discusses SPYDER’s plans to hasten the melting of Antarctica. Originally, SPYDER’s plan was to try to undo all the work the governments of the world were doing to fight climate change. Now, as you have read, he simply claims that climate change isn’t happening fast enough. As rewriting goes, that didn’t cause me too much trouble, though. But sadly, Trump’s decision may end up causing far more trouble for me, and you, and pretty much every other human being alive. The truth is, climate

There was little room left on the bank alongside the stream, occasionally forcing us onto rocks that poked through the water. My heels were starting to blister in my ski boots. And to make matters worse, Warren insisted on singing “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

I pulled my Taser and ordered him to stop.” “And he listened?” I asked. “Oh no,” Kevin said. “Not at all. He shoved me out of his way and tried to make a run for it.” “So what’d you do, chase him down and tackle him?” Summer asked. “Er . . . no,” Kevin replied. “When he pushed me, I tripped over a little kid and, uh, sort of accidentally fired my Taser.” “So you tasered James Van Amburg by accident?” Mom gasped. “No.” Kevin said. “I tasered a different guest by accident. But then she fell down and Van Amburg tripped over her and knocked himself unconscious on the curb.” Hoenekker cringed, looking mortified by this story. “Wow,” J.J. muttered. “This is a real crack staff we have here.” “Thanks!” Kevin said, failing to grasp J.J.’s sarcasm. “Any idea what this accidental tasing’s gonna cost me?” J.J. asked. “Well, the woman was pretty upset,” Kevin admitted. “Especially because it happened in front of her grandkids.” “You tased a grandmother?!” J.J. exclaimed, horrified.

Zoe returned her attention to the map of southern Argentina on the computer. “What on earth could possibly be worth using that much nuclear power on? There’s nothing around there but mountains and sea.” “There’s guanacos,” Murray said helpfully. “What the heck’s a guanaco?” Zoe asked. “It’s a relative of the camel,” Murray explained. “It kind of looks like an anorexic llama. From what I understand, the pampas down there are full of them.” “And you think SPYDER wants to nuke them all?” Zoe said. “What good is a whole bunch of vaporized guanacos?” “Suppose they only nuked one,” Murray said ominously. “What if they focused all that nuclear energy on it? If a single irradiated iguana could turn into Godzilla, just imagine what a giant guanaco would look like. It’d be terrifying!” Zoe gave him a withering look. “The only terrifying thing about this plan is that you actually think it’s possible. Godzilla never existed!” “But maybe he could,” Murray countered. “Or worse . . . Guanacazilla!” He gave a roar that was probably supposed to be half llama, half monster, but it sounded more like an angry hamster. We all considered him for a moment. “Moving on,” Erica said. “Does anyone have a suggestion that isn’t completely idiotic?” “Ha ha,” Murray said petulantly. “You mock me now, but we’ll see who’s laughing when there’s a thirty-story guanaco running rampant through Buenos Aires.

There’s guanacos,” Murray said helpfully. “What the heck’s a guanaco?” Zoe asked. “It’s a relative of the camel,” Murray explained. “It kind of looks like an anorexic llama. From what I understand, the pampas down there are full of them.” “And you think SPYDER wants to nuke them all?” Zoe said. “What good is a whole bunch of vaporized guanacos?” “Suppose they only nuked one,” Murray said ominously. “What if they focused all that nuclear energy on it? If a single irradiated iguana could turn into Godzilla, just imagine what a giant guanaco would look like. It’d be terrifying!” Zoe gave him a withering look. “The only terrifying thing about this plan is that you actually think it’s possible. Godzilla never existed!