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While I wait to heal, I often find solace in solitude. I don't fully understand why, but I know I must be alone. I withdraw from the world, and in that quiet space, I focus solely on my recovery. This solitude forces me to confront my raw emotions, with no distractions to dull their intensity. It is within these moments of despair that my most brilliant ideas emerge.
I allow myself to feel deeply, to the point where I can no longer feel. To overcome heartache, it's essential to exhaust every emotion—cry until the tears run dry, feel until you're tired of feeling, talk about the person until even your own voice bores you. When you are drained, empty, and devoid of emotion, you are almost across the bridge to healing. It is only then that true detachment begins.
Each time my heart has been broken, I've learned how to heal myself. Heartbreak no longer holds power over me. I've realized that the only way to get over it is to go through it. The longer I deny my feelings to protect myself, the more pain I endure. But if I accept the situation and fully experience my emotions, the pain fades more quickly. At most, they may occupy my thoughts for a few days; if I loved them deeply, maybe two or three weeks.
I simply withdraw from society and return when I am better, when I am healed. During my healing process, I commit to self-improvement. I channel my energy into refining the parts of myself that led to unnecessary pain. I acknowledge my mistakes, see where I went wrong, and take responsibility for my role in my suffering. And as long as he makes no effort, I am gone. The quickest way for any man to lose me is to stop trying and to make his intentions clear.
While he may think I am suffering, I am actually healing. I am recalibrating, renewing, and rehabilitating. I am resurrecting, realigning, adjusting, refocusing, and resetting. I am fine-tuning.
In the midst of this, I give him nothing—no attention, no thoughts, no feelings. Exes thrive on your negative emotions, so silence must be so profound that it echoes. No attention, no access. They may resort to stalking through fake profiles, but let them exert the effort. Block all other avenues of communication.
I am reshaping, reorienting, tweaking, reassessing, reconfiguring, restructuring.
In my absence, I am transforming.
Ducked.
I am for all ill purposes and intentions, my most productive and fruitful self when I am hurt or alone.
This leads my naysayers, detractors and enemies to learn that for the most part, excluding death, I am by most standards, indestructible.
I will build empires with the stones one throws at me.
I will create fertilizers with the trash and feaces hurled at me.
I will rise like pheonix from the ashes.
I am antifragile, I can withstand trials, tribulations, chaos and uncertainty and grow in the face of adversity.
I am the epitome of the resilience paradox, trial bloom, adversity alchemy, refiners fire and the pheonix effect.
I am fortitude - me.
Ducked.
What’s even more magical, is what comes out on the other side of this process.
It’s a peace, you do not want anyone to destroy.
A clarity, you won’t risk blurring.
A renewed you, a different version of you, stronger, fierce, centered and certain.
A rebirth, refinement.
You never saw it coming.
Neither will they.
Copyright ©️ 2024
Crystal Evans
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