Sin Funny Quotes

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.

it's funny how much a person's true colors shine after they've gotten what they wanted from you

It's funny," she said, with a strange hitch in her voice, "but I never wanted to be tied to anyone. Never wanted to be owned or to belong to another person. But now I realize that belonging with someone is completely different. I belong with you, Con." "And I with you." He kissed her, sealing them together with a bond she didn't mind, and one that would never be broken.

He smiled and scrawled something at the bottom of the answer sheet. The solution now read: Find X if (X)=2sin3X, over the domain -2πX= Beth Stop goofing around! I said. I'm not I'm stating a truth your my solution to everything. Xavier replied. The end result is always you. X always equals Beth.

And she didn't once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you live in a sin-free family with sin-free parents and a sin-free sister, well, you can't help but sin a little extra on their behalf.

You have no morals.' 'True. But yours are as grey in tone as mine, my dear.' 'That's hardly true.' 'What a cunning little liar you are.' She was indeed.

Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.

Oh, my God.' Another growl. 'I assure you He had nothing to do with this.

I had no idea that marriage was only supposed to be between two people who wanted to get between the sheets and make more people. What ever happened to marrying for love— or to get on your partner’s health insurance policy, or for presents? No one was going to buy two people in their thirties a four-slice toaster if we just continued to live in sin.

His was a great sin who first invented consciousness. Let us lose it for a few hours.

A thief is one who insists on sharing his victimhood.

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment.

Have you never outright sinned, then?” “I disobeyed Patti when she told me to stay away from you.” “Right. I remember that one. So just once, then?” “There was this other time...” I thought about the two girls in the bathroom and stopped myself, blanching. “Yes? Go on,” he urged. He watched the road, but excitement underscored his tone. I rubbed my dampening palms down my shorts. “The night we met, I sort of...well, I flat-out told a lie. On purpose.” I thought he was trying not to smile. “To me?” he asked. “No. About you.” Now he unleashed that devastating smile of his, crinkling the corners of his eyes. My face was aflame. “Continue. Please.” “There were these girls in the bathroom talking about you, and for some reason, I don't know why, it upset me, and I told them...thatyouhadanSTD.” I covered my face in shame and he burst into laughter. I thought he might drive off the road. Well, it was kind of funny in an ironic way, because he couldn't keep a disease anyhow, even if he had gotten one. I found myself beginning to giggle, too, mostly out of relief that he wasn't offended. “I wondered if you were ever going to tell me!” he said through spurts of hilarity. Duh! Of course he'd been listening! My giggles increased, and it felt so nice that we kept going until we were cracking up. It was the good kind of laughter: the soul-cleansing, ab-crunching, lose-control-of-yourself kind. We started catching our breath again a few minutes later, only to break into another round of merriment. “Do you forgive me, then?” I asked when we finally settled down and I wiped my eyes. “Yes, yes. I've had worse said about me.

It's morning.' His attention flicked to hers, amusement lacing his tone. 'I do comprehend what the sun indicates, pet.

Funny how a nice ass, firm pecs, and a great smile could thwart a woman’s best plans.

Sin more! Otherwise Jesus died for nothing.

Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.

—Estúpido Jared —lee él por mí—. Sigo sin saber si debería sentirme ofendido. —Es mi mantra —murmuro. —¿Tu... qué?

...but I'm intrigued by you now, Miss Antonius. Is that how you welcome all patrons or just the ones you find incredibly handsome?

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

I've been on my knees for you. If you want me there again, just ask. But if you expect an apology while I'm down there, you'll be disappointed. At least in that regard.

I went around saying for a long time that I am not one of those Christians who is heavily into forgiveness -- that I am one of the other kind. But even though it was funny, and actually true, it started to be too painful to stay this way. They say we are not punished for the sin but by the sin, and I began to feel punished by my unwillingness to forgive.

Funny people, the Swiss,” he said. “While the rest of us hide our sins, they stuff theirs with liqueur, wrap them in silver paper, add a ribbon, and sell them at the price of gold. The prefect has just sent me a huge box of chocolates from Zurich,

Well, you can’t spell ridiculous without dic—

If there’s one sin that I’d like Hollywood to atone for, it isn’t bolstering the belief in love at first sight or having one true soulmate. It’s in convincing me that the kinds of friendships I saw on the screen were possible in real life. You know the types of friendships I’m talking about. The secret-handshake kind of friendship. The watching-movies-snuggled-under-a-blanket, shared-pint-of-ice-cream kind of friendship. The talk-on-the-phone-for-hours-after-already-spending-the-day-together kind of friendship. The unconditional-love, endless-well-of-support, mutual-kinship kind of friendship. I’m pretty sure those types of friendships are completely manufactured by Hollywood. Because if those friendships really exist, I’ve never been part of one.

Mere children, ha!" said Jane. "I say we tie up the knave and then discuss his fate." Since everyone thought this a good idea, Batty and Hound donated Jeffrey's neckties, and soon Bug Man, aka Sock or Spock, aka Norman Birnbaum, was bound hand and foot. Jane, Batty, and Hound then took a few minutes to be Aztec priests calling for blood, until Rosalind quieted them down. Norman was slime, but that was no reason to terrify him. Then came a long discussion about what they should do next... Jane's suggestion of throwing Norman into their basement so that he could dwell on his sins was rejected outright.

Do you want to explain to me why you...are running around New York City with my little sister when you could have any woman you want?” Because she’s beautiful, smart and funny. Because seeing her smile is like watching the sun rise, and being with her is the only time I feel alive. No other woman compares.

He shook his head in exasperation. “Are you sure you’re not a Succubus? You seem really obsessed with the sin of lust.” “It’s a good sin. I like gluttony an awful lot, too. Sloth has its moments, but I just don’t understand acedia at all. I mean, what the f**k is that anyway? Oh, and greed is good, to quote Gordon Gekko. Anger, envy and pride,” I ticked them off on my fingers. “I don’t often have much use for them. It’s a shortcoming that I’m hoping to correct in the next millennium or two. I’m not very old; I can’t be expected to have mastered them all yet.” “I think you’ve worked too hard on some of those,” he said dryly. “Maybe you should switch over to virtues instead. Give yourself a much needed break.” Virtues? Yeah, right. “Virtues are too difficult,” I told him, shaking my head. “Look how old you are and you’ve hardly made a dent in them. I’ll admit, you seem to have zeal nailed, as well as faith and temperance. Self control? I’ve got my doubts based on your recent actions. I’m not seeing the kindness, love or generosity, either. That humility thing seems to be pretty far beyond your reach, too. Really, really far. I’m sorry to tell you this, but from what I can see, the sin of pride is a major component of your character. Dude, you’re f**king old. You should have these things pretty well ticked off your shopping list by now. I’m seriously disappointed. Seriously.

When you started this engagement farce I thought I was going to hate every minute of it. Instead I loved every minute of it. I loved every minute of being with you. You’re bright, sexy, funny, confident, sexy, strong, warm—did I say sexy?

He believed that a burger joint ought to look like a join, not like a surgery, not like a nursery with pictures of clowns and funny animals on walls, not like a bamboo pavilion on a tropical island, not like a glossy plastic replica of a 1950s diner that never actually existed. If you were going to eat charred cow smothered in cheese, with a side order of potato strips made as crisp as ancient papyrus by immersion in boiling oil, and if you were going to wash it all down with either satisfying quantities of icy beer or a milkshake containing the caloric equivalent of an entire roasted pig, then this fabulous consumption ought to occur in an ambience that virtually screamed guilty pleasure, if not sin.

I’m utterly, madly, unacceptably obsessed with Angelo Visconti. My fiance's nephew, near-stranger, and keeper of my darkest secrets. And suddenly, my sin isn’t so funny anymore.

Summon your wings,' Sloth said, finally, lifting his icy gaze to Envy's face. 'Shall I roll over or fetch next?

It hardly can be called a sin, If something’s funny and you grin! …

We’ll be lost together.” A smile edged my lips. “Lucky for you, I have an excellent sense of direction.” “Funny, because I don’t have any direction.

Do you want to explain to me why you – the Young heir – are running around New York City with my little sister when you could have any woman you want?” ‘Because she’s beautiful, smart and funny. Because seeing her smile is like watching the sun rise, and being with her is the only time I feel alive. No other woman compares.’ “The fact you have to ask proves how much you undervalue her.

O Lord that bear rule, even we all are full of impiety. And for our sakes peradventure it is that the floors of the righteous are not filled, because of the sins of them that dwell upon the earth.

You cannot murder him,' Camilla said, sounding- of all things- partly aghast and mildly frustrated. He didn't slow his pace. 'I assure you, I can.' 'Allow me to rephrase. You will not murder him?

Dude, you got me cartoon underwear?!” I knew she would like them, they matched her socks. She pulled the pastel fabric from the bag, their kitty faces smiling back at me along with her bemused smirk.

When was it that they who dwell upon the earth have not sinned in thy sight? or what people have so kept thy commandments? Thou shall find that you all by name had kept thy precepts; but not the heathen.

You see, religion is really a kind of second womb. It’s designed to bring this extremely complicated thing, which is a human being, to maturity, which means to be self-motivating, self-acting. But the idea of sin puts you in a servile condition throughout your life. MOYERS: But that’s not the Christian idea of creation and the Fall. CAMPBELL: I once heard a lecture by a wonderful old Zen philosopher, Dr. D. T. Suzuki. He stood up with his hands slowly rubbing his sides and said, “God against man. Man against God. Man against nature. Nature against man. Nature against God. God against nature—very funny religion!

How rewarding it would be" to “write the whole of one’s life thus bit by bit as a novel. . . . The pleasant parts would be doubly pleasant, the funny parts funnier, and sin and grief would be softened by a light of philosophic consolation.

You’re pretty dramatic for a Sunday.” I grinned. “I’d be bored out of my fucking mind if not for the drama here, my little Voodoo doll.” “Drama I can live without. Gossip, I could be persuaded.” “FUCK IT! GARRICK, YOU GREEDY BASTARD, I’M KEEPING HERRRR!

Something is funny, most of all, because it’s true, and because the velocity of insight into this truth exceeds our normal standards. Something is funny because it’s outside our accepted boundary of decorum. Something is funny because it defies our expectations. Something is funny because it offers a temporary reprieve from the hardship of seeing the world as it actually is. Something is funny because it is able to suggest gently that even the worst of our circumstances and sins is subject to eventual mercy.

Wait a goddam minute. I haven’t put any of my delicates in your dryer.” “Maybe the cat nicked them.” I shrugged. “You don’t have a damn cat!” she poked me, and I snapped my teeth at her. “Maybe it’s a big ‘ole British butthead that’s running off with my panties!” Busted.

Part of her wanted to comfort him, to tell him everything was going to be okay. But the rest of her just wanted to throw him to the ground and rip those jeans off him. Funny how she could be so jealous of a pair of pants. They covered the sinfully male body she longed to explore.

We hadn’t discussed our living arrangements now that we were husband and wife. Funny, but that conversation never even crossed our minds. I suppose we had been in such a hurry to tie the damn knot and jump into bed, the where and when of living together never ventured into our thoughts.

I should have bolted out of that hotel like a bat out of hell the second I laid eyes on him, standing there in all his muscled, male beauty. He was the devil. A sometimes sweet, funny devil, true. But wasn't that just like Lucifer himself? That's how he lured you in, ready to give up your very soul for one taste of those sinful lips, flashing that damn dimple for extra measure.

You saw me but didn't say hello? I'm wounded, Miss Antonius.' Synton's voice was like a deep rumble of thunder in her ear as he finally dropped his hands but didn't step back. 'Perhaps I was getting the lay of the land. A lady must know where it's safe to step,' she quipped. 'Yet you're stepping all over my ego.' 'Forgive me, my lord. I had no idea you'd be so easily damaged.

I finished the Bible last night. Spoiler alert: Jesus doesn’t make it. Or maybe he does, now that I think about it. I may have stopped reading too soon. In my defense though it was getting really depressing. Honestly, that book is my Waterloo. But I guess technically Jesus didn’t die. He just faked it. Or maybe it was a dream sequence. Or possibly he’s a zombie or something? But it’s confusing because Jesus died for our sins but God didn’t accept his death, so does that mean that our sins are still all outstanding? And when I say ‘outstanding’ I mean that they’re like … still on the books. Not like ‘AWESOME! THOSE SINS ARE OUTSTANDING!’ Some people think stuff like that is sacrilegious but I’m pretty sure Jesus would think this shit was hilarious. Plus we could bond over how shitty it is to have your birthday so close to Christmas.

Apologies for any insult this causes,' she said without peering out from around her easel, 'but I am not in the market for a husband, my lord. Please just go.' A beat of silence passed. With any luck, Vexley would be insulted by the bite in her tone and would turn right back around and leave for some faraway city at the edge of the world. 'Well, that's quite a relief considering I'm in want of a painting, not a wife.

Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man... a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! A woman... so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example.

FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 1943 Dearest Kitty, Oh my, another item has been added to my list of sins. Last night I was lying in bed, waiting for Father to tuck me in and say my prayers with me, when Mother came into the room, sat on my bed and asked very gently, “Anne, Daddy isn’t ready. How about if I listen to your prayers tonight?” “No, Momsy,” I replied. Mother got up, stood beside my bed for a moment and then slowly walked toward the door. Suddenly she turned, her face contorted with pain, and said, “I don’t want to be angry with you. I can’t make you love me!” A few tears slid down her cheeks as she went out the door. I lay still, thinking how mean it was of me to reject her so cruelly, but I also knew that I was incapable of answering her any other way. I can’t be a hypocrite and pray with her when I don’t feel like it. It just doesn’t work that way. I felt sorry for Mother—very, very sorry—because for the first time in my life I noticed she wasn’t indifferent to my coldness. I saw the sorrow in her face when she talked about not being able to make me love her. It’s hard to tell the truth, and yet the truth is that she’s the one who’s rejected me. She’s the one whose tactless comments and cruel jokes about matters I don’t think are funny have made me insensitive to any sign of love on her part. Just as my heart sinks every time I hear her harsh words, that’s how her heart sank when she realized there was no more love between us. She cried half the night and didn’t get any sleep. Father has avoided looking at me, and if his eyes do happen to cross mine, I can read his unspoken words: “How can you be so unkind? How dare you make your mother so sad!” Everyone expects me to apologize, but this is not something I can apologize for, because I told the truth, and sooner or later Mother was bound to find out anyway. I seem to be indifferent to Mother’s tears and Father’s glances, and I am, because both of them are now feeling what I’ve always felt. I can only feel sorry for Mother, who will have to figure out what her attitude should be all by herself. For my part, I will continue to remain silent and aloof, and I don’t intend to shrink from the truth, because the longer it’s postponed, the harder it will be for them to accept it when they do hear it! Yours, Anne

I hear the chipper voice of the Church magazines chirping in my brain: You're in a relationship with a boy who treats you as his emotional and spiritual equal. You feel a desire to express your affection through physical acts that will bring mutual pleasure. Do you (a) go for it! Sex is a natural gift from God, and a lot of fun so long as you do it safely!; (b) get him to propose! Sex is only fun if you do it in a Church of America-approved union! Plus, babies are so cute!; or (c) seek guidance from your local pastor for your sinful thoughts and ask for tips on expressing your love in a holy, nonphysical way? TRICK QUESTION! The answer is (d) the fact that you even momentarily considered having sex out of wedlock proves that you have no place in God's eternal kingdom, you reprehensible slut.

She murmured, “Keeping me alive…intact…just so I can work their damned stele and get Cohort blood…all over my hands. Gun to your neck…blood on my hands…saints against God.” “Don’t talk,” said Crown roughly. “You’re spouting nonsense.” “You haven’t talked sense in months.” She burbled with coughing again. “You’re the one facing the dark night of the soul, Princess.” “Love that melodrama. Is there Eighth somewhere in your family tree?” “Gave yourself up… gave all of us up…for what? Propaganda and a leash…promise of salvation without understanding the sin. Hect and the hideous Sixth House mechanism…and now they are taken too. For what? Our lives? Is this living, Corona?” “You’ve never lived a single day in your life,” said Corona bitterly. “It’d be against regulations.” The Captain said, “Name and rank: Captain Judith Deuteros. House…Second,” and Crown scrubbed at her face with her hand, little licks of hair escaping from their elastic and curling over her forehead like light. The Captain broke off and said, “You think you’re walking the tightrope with fast talking and your face…steeled myself to the talking long ago. But you’re slipping, Princess…can’t save you from that…Hect, my hands are too filthy to save you…” It was funny to think of anyone wanting to save Camilla. The Captain’s eyes passed restlessly to Nona. Sweat was beading on her temples. The Captain focused, and said hoarsely, “Ninth, where is the mercy of the Tomb? Where is your sword in the coffin? Who are your masters now, and who do you master? Where is my cavalier, Reverend Daughter? Where is yours?” Her voice rose. “Because I saw her—in the waves—she was there in the grey water—I saw them all—they hurt me—where is my hunger? I eat and eat and eat without surcease, my green thing, my green-and-breathing thing…

Baby, are you okay?” No. Not at all. But please feel free to call me ‘baby’ again. Anytime you want. “Josh?” He crept back up and lay beside me. “Didn’t you like it?” I peeked at him from under my hand. He was still the same, calm Caleb that I’d always known. “I never liked anything more,” I admitted. “But we shouldn’t have done it.” Maybe another man would have gotten mad. But Caleb just reached up a hand and pushed the damp hair off my forehead. “I wanted to wait until we were somewhere more… secure,” he said. “But I’m not going to feel guilty about this. And I hope you won’t, either.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s a sin.” “No,” he whispered, still stroking my face. “Hurting someone is a sin. Did I hurt you?” “No.” “Does this hurt someone else? Are you going to marry a woman, Josh? Am I keeping you from that?” “No,” I sighed. It was funny, but I’d always known I wouldn’t marry a woman. A wife would never be found for me at Paradise. And not once had I felt bad about it.

Dex unlocked the front door and bent over to pick up the mail on the floor, Sloane found himself distracted. It was the first time he’d thought about anything sexual. Now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. About Dex lying under him gasping and moaning, begging for Sloane to fuck him. God, he missed that. “Fuck!” Dex spun around, his eyes wide. “What is it? What’s wrong?” “We can’t have sex,” Sloane whined. Dex stared at him before bursting into laughter. “Is that what you’re worried about? Not having sex?” Sloane glared at Dex as his partner helped him inside and closed the door behind them. “I don’t see what’s so funny. This is a serious situation.” The sinful look on Dex’s face was enough to have Sloane swallowing hard. It was followed by Dex slipping his arms around Sloane, his hand migrating south to Sloane’s ass where he gave it a squeeze. When Dex spoke, his voice was low and husky. “Do you really think not being able to have sex is going to stop me from finding ways to make you purr? To drive you absolutely fucking crazy? You think I don’t know how to get creative?” Sloane licked his bottom lip. “Well, when you put it like that….

You could speak on my behalf. Try to persuade him.” His black eyes glittered. “I’m afraid I’m only a messenger.” “Please,” I said. “I do not want them here, truly. I am not being funny.” “No,” he said, “you are not. You are being very dull. Use your imagination, they must be good for something. Take them to your bed.” “That is absurd,” I said. “They would run screaming.” “Nymphs always do,” he said. “But I’ll tell you a secret: they are terrible at getting away.” At a feast on Olympus such a jest would have been followed by a roar of laughter. Hermes waited now, grinning like a goat. But all I felt was a white, cold rage. “I am finished with you,” I said. “I have been finished a long time. Let me not see you again.” If anything, his grin deepened. He vanished and did not return. It was no obedience. He was finished with me too, for I had committed the unpardonable sin of being dull. I could imagine the stories he was telling of me, humorless, prickly, and smelling of pigs. From time to time, I could sense him just out of sight, finding my nymphs in the hills, sending them back flushed and laughing, giddy from the great Olympian who had shown them favor. He seemed to think I would go mad with jealousy and loneliness, and turn them into rats indeed. A hundred years he had been coming to my island, and in all that time he had never cared for more than his own entertainment.

God, Jane, you’re exactly as I imagined. Only better.” “You’re exactly…as I imagined,” she said in a strained tone. “Only bigger.” That got his attention. He drew back to stare at her. “Are you all right?” She forced a smile. “Now I’m rethinking the seduction.” He brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Let’s see what I can do about that.” He grabbed her beneath her thighs. “Hook your legs around mine if you can.” When she did, the pressure eased some, and she let out a breath. “Better?” he rasped. She nodded. Covering her breast with his hand, he kneaded it gently as he pushed farther into her below. “It will feel even better if you can relax.” Relax? Might as well ask a tree to ignore the ax biting into it. “I’ll try,” she murmured. She forced herself to concentrate on other things than his very thick thing--like how he was touching her, how he was fondling her…how amazing it felt to be joined so intimately to the man she’d been waiting nearly half her life for. Then it got easier. She actually seemed to adjust to his size. And when he slid his hand down from her breast to stroke that special spot between her legs that sent her flying, it was most effective. She wasn’t quite flying, exactly, but she was definitely leaping a bit. A giggle escaped her at that thought, and he bit out, “Something strike you as funny, sweeting?” “I never guessed that…this would feel…so odd.” “You’ll get used to it.” The hint of a future for them melted her even more than his hand down there. And that’s when he began to move, sliding out and then back in. Heavens. That was intriguing. Rather nice, actually. The more he did it, the better it felt. Then he removed his hand so he could better grip her hips, and he plunged harder into her. Oh, now that was quite…oh my. Very, very nice. His gaze burned into her as he drove deep. “Less odd now?” he managed. “Definitely…less odd.” She kissed the taut line of his jaw. “Quite…enjoyable, in fact.” He grunted and buried his face in her hair the way he was burying his…thing inside her, and it was deliciously sinful. Now she really was flying, up toward the sun. As if he realized it, he dug his hands into her hips and thrust fiercely, repeatedly, and she met his rhythm with a pushing of her own that sent her soaring. “Dom…oh, Dom…oh my…” “Jane,” he rasped as his strokes grew frenzied. “It’s always…been you. Only you.” “Only you,” she echoed. She’d been fooling herself about Edwin. There had only ever been one man in her heart. And as he drove himself deep inside her, he sent her vaulting into the sun. When he followed her into the bliss, she clutched him close to her chest and prayed that he would let her inside his heart as deeply as she’d let him into hers. That she wasn’t making a mistake by taking up with him again. Because it was too late to go back now. This time, he had her for better or worse.

To be honest? I'd thought myself above them. What a nasty little counter-culture snob I was. There they were, doing their fucking best, trying to have a life, trying to bring up their children decently, struggling to make the payments on the little house, wondering where their youth had gone, where love had gone, what was to become of them and all I could do was be a snotty, judgmental cow. But it was no good. I couldn't be like them. I'd seen too much, done too much that was outside anything they knew. I wasn't better than them, but I was different. We had no point of contact other than work. Even then, they disapproved of my attitude, my ways of dealing with the clients. Many's the time I'd ground my teeth as Andrea or Fran had taken the piss out of some hapless, useless, illiterate get they were assigned to; being funny at the expense of their stupidity, their complete inability to deal with straight society. Sure, I knew it was partly a defence mechanism; they did it because it was laugh or scream, and we were always told it wasn't good to let the clients get too close. But all too often - not always, but enough times to make me seethe with irritation - there was an ingrained, self-serving elitism in there too. Who'd see it better than me? They sealed themselves up in their white-collar world like chrysalides and waited for some kind of reward for being good girls and boys, for playing the game, being a bit of a cut above the messy rest - a reward that didn't exist, would never come and that they would only realise was a lie when it was far too late. Now I would be one of the Others, the clients, the ones who stood outside in the cold and, shivering, looked in at the lighted windows of reason and middle-class respectability. I would be another colossal fuck-up, another dinner party story. But my sin was all the greater because I'd wilfully defected from the right side to the hopelessly, eternally wrong side. I was not only a screw-up, I was a traitor.

Well, I know that he thought you were about as useful as a fork in a sugar bowl.

So what’s the story your grandpa told you?” I leaned back against the blanket, propping my head in one hand and looking up at him. “It wasn’t about the pond, I guess. It’s more about the town. I didn’t ever come to Mona when I lived here. I never had reason to - so when I asked my grandpa if there were any good fishing spots around here, and he mentioned this pond, I asked him about the town. He said Burl Ives, the singer, was once thrown in jail here in Mona. It was before his time, but he thought it was a funny story.” “I’ve never heard about that!” “It was the 1940’s, and Burl Ives traveled around singing. I guess the authorities didn’t like one of his songs - they thought it was bawdy, so they put him in jail.” “What was the song?” I snickered. “It was called Foggy, Foggy Dew. My grandpa sang it for me.” “Let’s hear it!” I challenged. “It’s far too lewd.” Samuel pulled his mouth into a serious frown, but his eyes twinkled sardonically. “All right you’ve convinced me,” he said without me begging at all, and we laughed together. He cleared his throat and began to sing, with a touch of an Irish lilt, about a bachelor living all alone whose only sin had been to try to protect a fair young maiden from the foggy, foggy dew. One night she came to my bedside When I was fast asleep. She laid her head upon my bed And she began to weep She sighed, she cried, she damn near died She said what shall I do? So I hauled her into bed and covered up her head Just to keep her from the foggy, foggy dew. “Oh my!” I laughed, covering my mouth. “I don’t think I would have stuck Burl Ives in jail for that, but it is pretty funny,” “Marine’s are the lewdest, crudest, foulest talking bunch you’ll ever find. I’ve heard much, much worse. I’ve sung much, much worse. I tried to remain chaste and virtuous, and I still have the nickname Preacher after all these years - but I have been somewhat corrupted.” He waggled his eyebrows at his ribaldry. “I kind of liked that song…” I mused, half kidding. “Sing something else but without the Irish.” “Without the Irish? That’s the best part.” Samuel smiled crookedly. “I had a member of my platoon whose mom was born and raised in Ireland. This guy could do an authentic Irish accent, and man, could he sing. When he sang Danny Boy everybody cried. All these tough, lethal Marines, bawling like babies

And the way he follows you around all the time. It's like he's been taking pointers from your dog.

DeVontay touched his left eye and wiggled the glass prosthetic. “You got that right. My depth perception is for the birds.” “That wasn’t funny even before Doomsday. Now it’s just sad.” “You didn’t marry me for my wit.” “We’re not married yet, remember. All the priests seem to be either dead or Zap.” DeVontay shouldered his M16 and caught up with her so they could walk side by side. He took her slim right hand with his left and gave it a squeeze. “Living in sin is okay with me.” Rachel squinted up at the hidden sun and whatever force, if any, lay

You're considerate and funny and you're a lover out of my dreams. Should I develop a taste for luxuries- which I may well do after this week- you're so plump in the pocket, you wouldn't notice if I started buying gold-plated underthings." His smile was uncertain, nonetheless it was a smile. Her churning misery eased a fraction. "I'd notice anything you did with your undergarments, amore mio.

She could see a police car zooming into the parking lot and she ushered with her hands like a bullfighter on a runway that had lost his cape, but needed to get out of Spain to atone for his sins

The funny thing about apologies is that they’re really just empty words that change nothing and undo even less,

I’ll praise you because you’ve spent too many years believing you weren’t worthy, and yet you still had the guts to come in here and you never gave up. I’ll praise you because every inch of you calls to me. Because you deserve it. Because you’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re funny, and because the way your body responds to those two words is so fucking intoxicating that I’ll never get enough.

Word got out about a mutiny, just stuff overheard in one of our bars, so we took safety measures.” Dante really saved my ass. “Sorry I didn’t tell you, but it wasn’t a sure thing. I didn’t want to rock the boat unnecessarily. Hey, why’re you crying? Why’s she crying?!” “She does that.” Adrian pulled me into a big protective hug. “Thanks, man. But don’t be offended if your guys are watched. I don’t want any sabotage. Are we clear?

Az took advantage of Madi’s position, curling against him, his arm snaking around the man’s waist and pulling him back into him. “What the fuck are you doing?” Madigan whispered, sounding vaguely horrified. Az frowned. “An ancient Pakistani death ritual,” he snarked before answering Madi’s question with the most obvious answer. “Sleeping, what does it look like I’m doing?” Madigan snorted. “Snuggling me. You think I’m going to let you turn me into the little spoon? I am not a little spoon.” Az smiled in the dark. Most often, when one of them spent the night, they kept to their own side of the bed, making it far easier for one of them to slink off, leaving the other none the wiser. But not this time. This time, Madigan would not be slinking off in the dead of night, Az would make certain of it. “You would prefer big spoon? I am not one to get hung up on things such as this. Big spoon, little spoon, teaspoon, soup spoon. It’s all the same to me. I didn’t think you’d be so toxically masculine, but I suppose it does not surprise me coming from a man who nearly let me fuck him with a knife handle.

Did you say you loved me, or was that just a fever dream?” “We have plenty of time to talk about this later.” “How long?” Az’s chest hitched at the thought of Madi not being there in the morning. Madi was quiet for a long moment before replying. “Forever if you want it… If you want me for that long.” “Longer,” Az swore. “Forever and long after.” Madigan rubbed his thumb over Az’s lower lip gently. “Mujhy ap say mohabat hai,” he said, kissing a trail along Az’s face to his bandaged shoulder. Az’s chest tightened and warmth radiated all the way to the smile that curved his lips. “I love you too, jaanum.” “You are ridiculously romantic for a stone-cold killer.” “It’s true,” Az said somberly, then tilted Madigan’s chin to brush another kiss over his lips. “Can this ridiculous man ask you for one small favor?” “Anything.” “Can I at least have a handjob? I’m so fucking turned on right now.” Madi snorted in surprise. “Yes, I suppose it’s the least I can do after shooting you.” “The very least. But maybe you could whisper a sonnet in my ear so it’s a romantic handjob.

Tell me where you’re heading, at least?” “Boston.” Madigan curled his lip. “Enjoy. I have no desire to revisit any time soon. Their sewers are filthy.” “That’s why most people stay out of them, I imagine.

Since it appears that you'll have your hands full thinking, I really must get to work.

I thought the Vedas were a load of humbug and it didn’t matter which way you recited them. Some jobless Brahmin like my father, created them thousands of years ago. Instead of making themselves useful, the Brahmins prayed to the Gods they themselves invented for the rain, the sun, horses, cows and money and many other things. It must have been very cold, from whichever cursed places they came. Otherwise, why would they croak like frogs and appeal to the Gods after putting hundreds of assorted twigs into the fire? Perhaps I was prejudiced. I shouldn’t think that the work they were doing, as Yajnas, was useless. In fact, it served as a perfect tool to mint money and gain material favours. They were no fools-these Brahmins. They knew how to project even the mundane tasks of burning twigs as earth-shaking, scientific discoveries and claimed to tame the forces that controlled the world. And it was funny that the majority of people like the carpenters, masons and farmers who were doing something meaningful, had become supplicant to these jokers croaking under the warm sun, sweat pouring from their faces in front of a raging fire and chanting God knows what. They had a Yajna or a Puja for everything under the sun. If you had leprosy or a common cold, there was a God to whom you had to offer a special puja to appease him. You wanted your pestering wife to elope with your bothersome neighbour, there was a puja for that too. You wanted your cow to have a calf or your wife to have son, the Brahmin would help you. He would just conduct a Puja and a divine calf or son would be born. You curried favour with the Brahmins and your son would become the biggest pundit in the world by the age of sixteen. If not, he would perhaps become rowdy like me, who did not respect Brahmins or rituals. He would become a Rakshasa. I think there are many more Rakshasas among us now. Perhaps, it was because the ‘why?’ virus spread. Couldn’t the Brahmins conduct a puja so that our heads were cleared of sinful thoughts? This is something I have to ponder over when I have time.

I doubted anything he said was that funny.

I spent my life dealing with lengthy contracts and complex calculations, but it was funny how two simple words could devastate me with the brutal efficacy of a nuclear bomb.

Why should I mind?” She drummed her fingertips against his knee. “Because you got asked to play baseball, while I got a lecture on circumspection, Jezebels, and leading men into sin?” “Did you really?” He managed to sound annoyed, fascinated, and amused all at once. “It’s not funny.” “Of course it’s not.” He was quick to try and placate her. “But we can do something about those lectures real quick. All you have to do is marry me.” Coyote Bluff had too many secrets that weren’t hers to share. She couldn’t put him in that position. He was a federal marshal. And she’d seen what all the lies her father told had done to her mother. She’d died hating him. The last remnants of her earlier contentment vanished. “I like my independence.” “Then I guess you’ll have to get used to the lectures, Sheriff Jezebel,” he replied.

My name is Sheryl Ilene Newcomb. And yes, my initials are S.I.N. A funny little piece of whimsical humor my parents found amusing when I arrived. Mom

I couldn't identify exactly what I was so angry about other than the fact that Carson had managed to tilt my world on its axis–again. I should have bolted out of that hotel like a bat out of hell the second I laid eyes on him, standing there in all his muscled, male beauty. He was the devil. A sometimes sweet, funny devil, true. But wasn't that just like Lucifer himself? That's how he lured you in, ready to give up your very soul for one taste of those sinful lips, flashing that damn dimple for extra measure.

I have the word of God and my bible is very interesting, this book was conceived in battle, Jesus Christ our Saviour was conceived in brokenness, out of barenness to redeem a people who were in bondage to their sin. I know exactly where to go when the people start getting confused, trading lies for truth, buying injustice for justice and even when the media starts to show me the prospectives of the world that I am living in, I have my prospective from the word of God.

Here’s what I know for sure: I know that if you follow Jesus, then you are perfect, right now, for eternity.   Wild, right? Can you even fathom that? Perfect? That’s what Jesus did for you, and it’s a crazy mystery, especially seeing as we still sin. But yes, according to Hebrews 10:14, if you are being sanctified (meaning you know and follow God), you have been perfected for eternity.   This means that you don’t have to get there. You are there (in Heaven’s eyes).   It means that you are not your sin. You are not the bad decision you made yesterday. You are not the stupid thing you said today.   You don’t have to be beautiful or smart or funny or good enough; you just have to let God mold you as He sees fit to make you more like Jesus. Accept the molding. Don’t strive or try harder; just offer yourself to Him daily. When you do this, when you let your identity be found in Him, you can live your life in freedom. You don’t have to pretend or get affirmation from how you look or what kind of clothes you have. You know that you are loved and perfect for eternity, so just live!

Do you want to feel better or do you want to get well are two different things. Some people go to church to feel better but never get well. Some come to church for comfort and leave unchanged. And that is what sin represents. ..it is a place to be comfortable thereby feeling normal in your own disfunction.

Because she’s beautiful, smart and funny. Because seeing her smile is like watching the sun rise, and being with her is the only time I feel alive. No other woman compares.

It was funny how one sentence could send me into an anxiety spiral.

Do you want to explain to me why you—the Young heir—are running around New York City with my little sister when you could have any woman you want?” Because she’s beautiful, smart and funny. Because seeing her smile is like watching the sun rise, and being with her is the only time I feel alive. No other woman compares.

I didn’t find our situation particularly funny, but it was impossible to see her smile and not want to smile too.

As funny as it sounds, I have a "personal" relationship with Jesus. He remains one of my fathers, though as with my own fa-ther, I no longer believe in his godly power. I believe deeply in his love, his ability to save ... but not to damn... enough of that. The way I see it, we ate the apple and Adam, Eve, the rebel Jesus in all his glory and Satan are all part of God's plan to make men and women out of us, to give us the precious gifts of earth, dirt, sweat, blood, sex, sin, goodness, freedom, captivity, love, fear, life and death... our humanity and a world of our own.

Thank you. Kai is quite handsome, but… Between you and me, he’s a bit boring.” “He’s not boring. He’s introverted. There’s a difference.” “Maybe. He only talks about books and work. It gets tiring.” “There’s nothing wrong with talking about books. Reading is his hobby, and he’s busy. He helps run a multibillion-dollar company. Of course he’s going to—” I broke off at Clarissa’s laugh. “What’s so funny?” “You should see how red you’re turning.” Her eyes twinkled. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny, but Kai has been so miserable over you that it’s nice to see you haven’t dismissed him completely.

Christians funny people, if your Lord die for all our sins why you have prisons?

Don't you need to check on your mum, though? he asks Ali. "Nah, my brother or Holly are checking in on her tonight." Presumably she's on her own too, since Ali's father upped and offed to continental Europe. It's odd to think that we have something in common, Ali and I: we both grew up without a paternal presence. I reach for the photo of that immortalized dinner party that hasn't yet left the kitchen. "Is this your mum?" I'm pointing to a small but woman with a smile on her face who's standing next to Ali's dad. Even though I'm looking for similarities, I can't see how she turned into the shriveled old woman, with her spiteful pinched mouth, that I encoun tered in the hotel. curvy Ali takes it and squints slightly. "Aye. And my dad. Was that taken here, aye? God, she looks young then." There's a sadness around his eyes, and concern in Ben's as he looks at Ali. "Funny to think our parents all knew one another, and here we are, having a drink together," I muse. "That might be odd in London Town, but it's pretty much par for the course round here," says Ali, putting the photo down. "Very hard to escape the sins of our fathers when everybody around knows exactly what they were." He glances at me. "Shite. Sorry. Let's talk about some thing much less controversial. Like, erm, Scottish independence or something," he says, tongue in cheek.

I've learned to play my part all too well. At the dinner table, I laugh gracefully at jokes I don't find funny, my eyes meeting theirs with a well-rehearsed glint of happiness. Nobody at the table would guess that behind my smile lies a storm of disdain

It's been two hours since she got in my face and practically told me that the other guy she's been fucking was better than me. Me? Funny, considering the other guy is me. I can't wait to see the look in her eyes when I tell her the good news. She's been coming for me all along.

Call me while you’re home. We can catch up.” He gave me a card and grinned at Charlie. “You can call—” “Any time, yes, I got that part.” Charlie, don’t you tease my friend! “We should get going.” “See you later, Officer Trent!” I waved as we left.

that said knight in shining armor is incredibly funny, smells like heaven and sin combined, and has a smile that could make you forget your own name? I've never crushed so hard, so fast

IF THERE’S ONE SIN THAT I’D LIKE HOLLYWOOD TO ATONE for, it isn’t bolstering the belief in love at first sight or having one true soulmate. It’s in convincing me that the kinds of friendships I saw on the screen were possible in real life. You know the types of friendships I’m talking about. The secret-handshake kind of friendship. The watching-movies-snuggled-under-a-blanket, shared-pint-of-ice-cream kind of friendship. The talk-on-the-phone-for-hours-afteralready-spending-the-day-together kind of friendship. The unconditional-love, endless-well-of-support, mutual-kinship kind of friendship. I’m pretty sure those types of friendships are completely manufactured by Hollywood. Because if those friendships really exist, I’ve never been part of one.

Philosophy Fat men run With cake and bun. I run thin, Delights of sin.

He stepped in front of my car and told me, ‘Amy, I love you. We need to get married and have the cutest kids!’” she said with the sweetest smile. “Then I ran him over and went to stay with friends for the summer.

Make me, ya big moody bitch.” I dropped everything I held in my arms and narrowed my eyes. “Want to try that again?” “You hard of hearing, old man?” she growled. “Make. Me. You. Big. Moody. Bitch!

No need to YELL, meanie!” Her wallet hit me in the back of the head, scattering coins on impact, and she charged off.

I DON’T LIKE THIISSS GAAAAAAMMMMMEEEE.” I got that out a second before he tackled me to the floor. Everything hurt, and I had no time to whine about it.