β
I don't want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds me to keep on trying.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Life is not a PG feel-good movie. Real life often ends badly. Literature tries to document this reality, while showing us it is still possible for us to endure nobly.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I am practicing being kind over being right.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
You need to make time for your family no matter what happens in your life
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. Thank you. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
You need to know it's your actions that will make you a good person, not desire.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I still love you in my own fucked-up way.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Life is random and fucked-up and arbitrary, until you find someone who can make sense of it all for youβ if only temporarily.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Let me tell ya. You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back... I'm telling you.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
She looks sad. She looks angry. She looks different from everyone else I knowβshe cannot put on that happy face others wear when they know they are being watched. She doesnβt put on a face for me, which makes me trust her somehow.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Life is hard, and children have to be told how hard life can beβ¦So they will be sympathetic to others. So they will understand that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through oneβs mind.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When she needed help most, she was abandonedβand only when she offered help to others was she beloved.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Most people lose the ability to see silver linings even though they are always there above us almost every day.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Looking into another person's eyes for an extended period of time proved to be a powerful thing. And if you don't believe me, try it yourself.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
And I still love you in my own fucked-up way. I miss you, I really do. Can we still be friends?
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I...have a woman in my arms who has suffered greatly and desperately needs to believe once again that she is beautiful.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When life reaches out with a moment like this, it's a sin if you don't reach back.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
...I am now watching the movie of my life as I live it.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Maybe you will never be able to forgive me, but I wanted you to know I had the best intentions-and I still love you in my own fucked-up way.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, thatβs guaranteed.
And I canβt begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybdy else,but guess what? Sunday is my fav day again
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I think all it really takes for different people to get along is a common rooting interest and a few beers.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on, and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer field with me - in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I need you so fucking bad.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
He doesnβt ever feel the war that goes on in my chest every single fucking dayβthe chemical explosions that light up my skull like the Fourth of July and the awful needs and impulses andβ¦
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I believe in happy endings," I tell him, "And it feels like this movie has gone on for the right amount of time.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I opened up to you and you judge me
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I will not be quoting Hemingway anytime soon, nor will I ever read another one of his books.
And if he were still alive, I would write him a letter right now and threaten to strangle him dead with my bare hands just for being so glum.
No wonder he put a gun to his head, like it says in the introductory essay.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When she needed help most, she was abandoned.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Do you like foreign films?β
βWith subtitles?β
βYes.β
βI hate those types of films.β
βMe too,β Cliff says. βMostly because - β
βNo happy endings.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I think it's strange to live in a house with someone you cannot talk toβespecially when that someone is your fatherβand the thought makes me a little sad.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
So Iβm thinking this is the part of my movie where things appear as if nothing is going to work
out. I have to remind myself that all movie characters go through this sort of dark period before
they find their happy ending.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When I run, I always pretend I am running toward Nikki, and it makes me feel like I am decreasing the amount of time I have to wait until I see her again.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I can be a very valuable friend to you, but you do not want me as an enemy.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Life is not a PG feel-good movie. Real life often ends badly...
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When I read the actual story-how Gatsby loves Daisy so much but can't ever be with her no matter how hard he tries-I feel like ripping the book in half and calling up Fitzgerald and telling him his book is all wrong, even though I know Fitzgerald is probably deceased. Especially when Gatsby is shot dead in his swimming pool the first time he goes for a swim all summer, Daisy doesn't even go to his funeral, Nick and Jordan part ways, and Daisy ends up sticking with racist Tom, whose need for sex basically murders an innocent woman, you can tell Fitzgerald never took the time to look up at clouds during sunset, because there's no silver lining at the end of that book, let me tell you.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Miracles happen on Christmas, Pat. Everybody knows that shit.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I am so happy. I am so impossibly happy.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
The world will break your heart ten times till Sunday,that's guaranteed
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
This is what I believe to be true. You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you do, if you stay positive, then you have a shot at a silver lining.
β
β
Bradley Cooper
β
My other friends are in music relaxation class, which I do not attend, because smooth jazz makes me angry sometimes.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds me to keep on trying, because I know that while things might seem dark now, my wife is coming back to me soon.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Iβm a screwed-up person who no longer
knows how to communicate with the people I love. But I meant everything I told you in
my letter. If I were your Nikki, I would have come back to you on Christmas Day, but
Iβm not Nikki. I know. And Iβm sorry.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
It hurts to look at the clouds, but it also helps, like most things that cause pain. So I need to run, and as my lungs burn and my back rebels with that stabbing knife feeling and my legs muscles harden and the half inch of loose skin around my waist jiggles, I feel as though my penance for the day is being done and that maybe God will be pleased enough to lend me some help, which I think is why He has been showing me interesting clouds for the past week.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Your mother is risking a lot, because she believes in you.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Look, sometimes itβs OK with girls like this, they wanna have fun, and sometimes itβs not because they've got a broken wing and theyβre hurt and theyβre an easy target. In this case, this particular case, I think that wing is being fixed, my friend, and you gotta make sure that itβs mended and youβre getting in the way of that right now, okay, because sheβs sensitive and sheβs smart, sheβs artistic. This is a great girl, you gotta be respectful to that. Come on, let me walk you to your car, youβre a better guy than this.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
But I'll tell you the same thing I tell my students when they complain about the depressing nature of American literature: life is not a PG feel-good movie. Real life often ends badly, like our marriage did, Pat. And literature tries to document this reality, while showing us it is still possible for people to endure nobly.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
You better watch out, or you're going to be defeated by pessimism!
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
After I returned to New Jersey, I thought I was safe, because I did not think Kenny G could leave the bad place, which I realize is silly now - because Kenny G is extremely talented and resourceful and a powerful force to be reckoned with.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Haven't you ever noticed that life is like a series of movies?
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Maybe my movie isn't over, I say, because sometimes moviemakers trick the audience with a false bad ending, and just when you think the movie is going to end badly, something dramatic happens, which leads to the happy ending. This seems like a good spot for something dramatic to happen, especially since it's my birthday.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
People can be cruel,' he says with a sympathetic look that makes me trust him even more. And right then I realize that he is not writing down all my words in a file, which I really appreciate, let me tell you.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
He did not deserve to die, and his death absolutely proves that life is random
and fucked-up and arbitrary, until you find someone who can make sense of it all for youβif only temporarily.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I am trying to be kind instead of right.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
[...] because he doesn't ever feel the war that goes on in my chest every single fucking day - the chemical explosions that light up my skull like the Fourth of July and the awful needs and impulses and...
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
So I pull Tifanny closer, kiss the hard spot between her perfectly plucked eyebrows, and after a deep breath, I say, "I think I need you too.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
My only hope is that someday-after you have stabilized your mental health-you will take comfort in the fact that I reached out to you after all that happened.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I just liked being around you, even if we didnβt say anything.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Why did You give us so many stories about miracles? Why did You
send Your Son down from heaven? Why did You give us movies if life doesnβt ever end well?
What kind of fucking God are You? Do You want me to be miserable for the rest of my life?
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
He never once tells me what Tiffany thinks or what is going on in her heart: the awful feelings, the conflicting impulses, the needs, the desperation, everything that makes her different from Ronnie and Veronica, who have each other and their daughter, Emily, and a good income and a house and everything else that keeps people from calling them "odd.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
You want to be a good person, don't you, Pat?'
I nod. I cry. I do want to be a good person, I really do.
'I'm going to up your meds,' Dr. Patel tells me. 'You might feel a little sluggish, but it should help to curb your violent outbursts. You need to know it's your actions that will make you a good person, not desire.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Tiffany and I are great friends, and I appreciate all that she is doing for me now. But she is
not you. I still love you, Nikki. And you canβt control or alter true love.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Somehow I know that Nikki will never love me as much-no matter how much I improve my character.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
...but Cliff keeps pushing for the truth like therapists do, because they all have some sort of psychic ability that allows them to see through your lies, and therefore they know you will eventually tire of the talking game and will offer up the truth.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That's guaranteed. I can't begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else. But guess what? Sunday's my favorite day again. I think of what everyone did for me, and I feel like a very lucky guy.
β
β
Matthew Quick
β
Also, I sort of let my appearance go, to the point where I was maybe ten to seventy pounds overweight...
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I still believe you fell into my life for a reason.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I need you, Pat Peoples; I need you so fucking bad.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
the only way you could meet my crazy was by doing something crazy for yourself
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Soon I am seeing the blue-and-yellow flags that line the campus streets, and it makes me feel happy and sad at the same time to be back at La Salle--almost like looking at old pictures of people who have either died or with whom you have lost contact.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Of course I began to see Nikki, which was strange because I was staring into Danny's eyes, and Danny is a six-foot-three black man who looks nothing like my ex-wife.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
This next song is familiarβsurprisingly gentle, like a kitten walking through high grassβand it seems so unlike Jake to create something this beautiful.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I've seen the way you've been looking at me. Don't bullshit me, Pat. I live in the addition around back, which is completely separate from the house, so there's no chance of my parents walking in on us. I hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner, but you can fuck me as long as we turn the lights out first. Okay?
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Sheβs just a weird woman,β I say in response.
βArenβt they all?β CliοΏ½ replies, and we laugh some because women truly are hard to
figure out sometimes.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Only black people can use controversial racial terms such as βNegro.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Debes saber que son tus acciones, y no tus deseos, los que te convertirΓ‘n en una buena persona
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
No deberΓas tratar de deshacerte de nadie, necesitas amigos, Pat. Todo el mundo los necesita.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Empiezo a comprender que tenemos una clase de amistad en la que no se necesitan muchas palabras.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
itβs your actions that will make you a good person, not desire.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
So I close my eyes, hum a single note, and silently count to ten, blanking my mind
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I remember just how bizarre my friendship with Tiffani has been - but then I remember that no one else but Tiffani could really even come close to understanding how I feel after losing Nikki forever. I remember that apart time is finally over, and while Nikki is gone for good, I still have a woman in my arms who has suffered greatly and desperately needs to believe once again that she is beautiful. In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all of this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer filed with me-in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus. Nikki would not have done this for me, not even on her best day.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I nod and I promise I will report any hallucinations to my mother, but I do not really believe I will hallucinate no matter what type of drugs he gives me, especially since I know he will not be giving me LSD or anything like that. I figure weaker people probably complain about their drugs, but I am not weak and I can control my mind pretty well.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
When I go downstairs, my mom tells me I need to tuck in my shirt and wear a belt, "Why?" I ask, because I do not really care if I look respectable or not. I only want to get rid of Tiffany once and for all.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
By now, ten trees must have been cut down just to document my mental health, which Nikki will hate hearing, as she is an avid environmentalist who gave me at least one tree in the rain forest every Christmas
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
people outside of mental institutions need to have good morals so that the world will continue to work without any major interruptionsβand happy endings will flourish.
β
β
Matthew Quick
β
Next, CliοΏ½ says he has a wife named Sonja, who painted the
room so beautifully, which leads to our discussion about how great women are and how
itβs important to treasure your woman while you have her because if you donβt, you can
lose her pretty quicklyβas God really wants us to appreciate our women.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Iβm pretty sure that this is the part of my movie when something surprising will happen, so I am trusting in God, who I know will not let me down. If I have faith, if I go to that special place, something beautiful will happen when the sun setsβI can feel it.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
But the next time Nikki eats too many crabby snacks, I am going to tell her she did not eat too much and that she looks too skinny anyway; I'll say she needs to gain a few pounds because I like my women looking like women and not like 'Ms. Six O'Clock-straight up, straight down,' which is another term I learned from Danny.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Instead he thinks up the worst ending imaginable: Hemingway has Catherine die from
hemorrhaging after their child is stillborn. It is the most torturous ending I have ever
experienced and probably will ever experience in literature, movies, or even television.
I am crying so hard at the end, partly for the characters, yes, but also because Nikki
actually teaches this book to children. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to
expose impressionable teenagers to such a horrible ending. Why not just tell high school
students that their struggle to improve themselves is all for nothing?
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Well, you have adventures. All start out with troubles, but then you admit your problems and become a better person by working really hard, which is what fertilizes the happy ending and allows it to bloomβjust like the end of all the Rocky films, Rudy, The Karate Kid, the Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies, and The Goonies, which are my favorite films, even though I have sworn off movies until Nikki returns, because now my own life is the movie I will watch, and well, itβs always on.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Real life often ends badly, like our marriage did, Pat. And literature tries to document this reality, while showing us it is still possible for people to endure nobly. It sounds like you have endured very nobly since you returned to New Jersey, and I want you to know I admire that. I hope you are able to reinvent yourself and live out the rest of your life with a quiet sense of satisfaction, which is what I have been trying to do since we parted.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I do see why Nikki likes the novel, as it's written so well, but her liking it makes me worry now that Nikki doesn't really believe in silver linings. Because she says The Great Gatsby is the greatest novel ever written by an American, and yet it ends so sadly. One thing's for sure. Nikki is going to be very proud of me when I tell her I finally read her favorite book. Here's another surprise: I'm going to read all the novels on her American Literature class syllabus, just to make her proud. To let her know that I am really interested in what she loves.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
I have to admit that Emily is a cute kid, and I instantly understand why Ronnie has written me so many letters about his daughter-why he loves her so much. I start to think about having children with Nikki someday and I become so happy that I give little Emily a kiss on the forehead, as if she were Nikki's baby and I was her father. And then I kiss Emily's forehead again and again, until she giggles.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
Cliff says Sylvia Plath's work is very depressing to read, and that his own daughter had recently suffered through The Bell Jar because she is taking an American literature course at Eastern High School.
"And you didn't complain to administration?" I asked.
"About what?"
"About your daughter being forced to read such depressing stories."
"No. Of course not. Why would I?"
"Because the novel teaches kids to be pessimistic. No hope at the end, no silver lining. Teenagers should be taught that--"
"Life is hard, Pat, and children have to be told how hard life can be."
"Why?"
"So they will be sympathetic to others. So they will understand that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through one's mind.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
My eyes burn. My face flushes. Suddenly I realize that for the past two months I have been completely delusional, that Nikki is never coming back and apart time is going to last forever.
Nikki.
Is.
Never.
Coming.
Back.
Never.
I want to hit Tiffany.
I want to pound her face with my knuckles until the bones in my hands crumble and Tiffany is completely unrecognizable, until she no longer has a face from which she can spew lies.
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)
β
...I am uncontrollable and dangerous. But of course I do not say this to Jake, mostly because he has never been locked up and doesn't understand what it feels like to lose control, and he only wants to watch the football game now, and none of this means anything to him, because he has never been married and he has never lost someone like Nikki and he is not trying to improve his life at all, because he doesn't ever feel the war that goes on in my chest every single fucking day--the chemical explosions that light up my skull like the Fourth of July and the awful needs and impulses and...
β
β
Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook)